Articles

28/07/2014

On the Drawing of Books...

Hai.

Hadn't forgotten about this as I so often have done in the past when it comes go blogs, just updating it on my phone gets on my nerves due to lack of keyboard and lack of wifi.

At the moment I want for things to do though as Im still staying in a hostel and, what with the ad hoc weekly booking, I am unable to stay in the same room week to week.

This was fine for the last couple of weeks as I had accidentally booked the same room a few weeks running, but all that was available online was a 10 bed dorm instead of an 8 so today I have to move.

I took out all my stuff and put it into storage an hour or two ago, and am now waiting, after a big breakfast, for the cleaner to change the sheets and things, before I can put my stuff into the new room.

Spent some time playing...a game which apparently was accurately if unimaginatively named 'Tower Defence', on my iPhone and then decided to write this to pass the time.

The last couple of weeks have more or less been the same shit day after day.

Wake up. Get dressed. Go to library. Do quizzes. Leave. Go running. Read The Iron Druid Chronicles in a local Waterstones on the other side of Hyde Park without paying for the book. Come back to hostel. Eat. Shower. Sleep.

Repeat.

This would be fine seeing as 8 more weeks of this and Im hired by the coppers and earning wages for once.

But Ive listened to the first three Iron Druid audiobooks several times now and am becoming bored with them, I dislike the quizzes but know I need to do them, and running is fun but Ive overdone it and feel exhausted.

My monotony breaker - reading Iron Druid in a Waterstones store mid run - was working, but I'm 2/3rds of the way through Shattered, book 7, now and the other two of the series have yet to be written and published.

The series is...well, saying its awesome and better than The Dresden Files (its genre mate) is accurate, but if the series was a bit longer I would say book 4 strikes me the same way as 'Changes' or 'Raising Steam' did of The Dresden Files or The Discworld respectively.

This is to say that the author decided to mix things up a bit, shake the heroes out of their 'Normal' lives and set them on the path of adventure.

And this changing of the tide resulted in a loss of what made the series better than most others...alright, so Raising Steam was a train wreck (pun intended) rather than a tide changer, but my point stands.

Atticus abandoned his world for the first three series and then became locked on conditional events which span entire books for the next three volumes.

First he assists Coyote, second he tattoos his apprentice, and third he goes on a run across Europe. It's not until book 7, the start of the last three of three sets of three volumes, that it feels like The Iron Druid Chronicles again, with a myriad of characters and varying events.

I'm not saying books 4-6 were bad. They were well written, but in the change of setting a lot of the iconic structure of the series had to be put aside to serve the plot, and that's what made it less than the first three volumes. In my view anyway.

Worth reading it all, but you'll find a change in tone between 3 and 4 which isn't resolved until around book 7 where there is yet another change in tone.

And whatever you do, try to get ahold of the short stories if you read the series because if you don't you'll miss out on some very key plot points which the author assumes the reader has the wherewithal to find out about.

Anyway, fact is that its an epic series and I've nearly finished reading it, and to brake up the boredom of forking knowledge into my abused skull I need something else to do in the evenings without a PC to my name.

And that I've decided will be drawing.

Ever since I first heard the Discworld audiobooks I've always wondered why no one ever made them into a TV series or even graphic novels.

And I don't mean adapted them for visual media - a book which takes 10 hours to read aloud converted into a 2 hour movie - I mean simply taken the written text and converted what is described into a visual rather than an audio representation.

I know they're doing a splendid job with A Game of Thrones, actually making a TV series which is better in structure and presentation than are the books, but the only attempts made on my three and now four favourite series are godawful shite.

First you've got those Discworld TV movies, which can best be summed up by someone's idiotic decision to cast an ageing Del Boy, a walking Cheeky Charlie trope, as I know the actor, as a Wizard known for his cross country running who was actually in his early 20's during A Colour of Magic.

Add to this graphic novels which fail to capture anything like the spirit of the books. The best artwork of The Discworld is by Paul Kidby, but I'm fairly sure, for various personal reasons, that you'd never get him to visually translate The Discworld or allow anyone to borrow his art style to do so.

Then you've got that astoundingly bad The Dresden Files TV show whose only relation to the book series is in its name. I mean, the protagonist doesn't live in a basement, doesn't drive a blue Beatle, and isn't even tall for crying out loud.

And again add to that yet more graphic novels which are either unique and non-canonical with the main series or of the main series but adapted stories, and in both instances lack proper translation in art style where the artist has ignored clearly explained visual aspects of settings and characters by the author, not out of a desire to replace them with something better, but because you get the sense he or she never actually read the books before putting pencils to paper.

Its not a difficult concept to my genius brain; read da books, write down notes on what is in the scenes, plot out where the photographic camera takes its shot to capture the essence of the action, and then draw and storyboard turning said action of, e.g. Hounded, Storm Front, The Colour of Magic, or Harry Potter and the Philosophers  Stone (1, 2, 3, 4 of my favourite series of audiobooks), into a visual translation of described text.

My uber brain has also suggested on auto-pilot a number of techniques to make the visual materials an inspired work.

Included are, for example, in book 3 of The Iron Druid Chronicles where a series of foreign national magi, including a Wizard, an Alchemist, a God, a Vampire and a Werewolf all share stories of injustices committed by the Nose god Thor to the Druid Atticus, the protagonist, where the artist could use art styles to draw their stories native to, for example, Iceland (where the Vampire and Werewolf are from), Finland, where the Wizard was from, Asia, where the Alchemist was from, etc.

That's on the serious side.

On the lighter side, one could also convert verbalisation into visual puns, as is the want of the author at various light hearted moments.

I'm currently listening to Hounded of The Iron Druid Chronicles for example and where it is mentioned that The Morrigan ignores Atticus' mortality for the pleasure of goading Angus Og and my caffeine drenched cerebellum shot me an image of The Morrigan prodding a grumpy looking Angus with the words 'Atticus O'Sullivan' (though spelt in the original Old Irish which is too complicated or me to remember off hand) with a grin on her face.

Silly, funny, and just what Atticus would think as I've come to learn from the later books in the series that despite being two centuries old, the bastard had a childlike sense of humour which you only really notice when in contrast with his Arch Druid in book 7.

Audiobooks, correctly voice acted, are some of the best kinds of entertainment media. Long, inexpensive in production and sale, enjoyable, complex, and with a visual component provided by ones own imagination, which I personally have in spades.

And the visual translation of the same could only serve to compliment such an experience of someone else's work of genius, if, and this is the important part, we could find someone to translate it properly.

The point there is that lesser minds, ones who can draw but lack intellectual facility (I've long since found that those with said facility for art usually have a tenuous grip on reality, and basic logic as well) are unable to formulate the proper structure for artistic display of textual media.

I on the other hand can see it perfectly in my third eye but lack of the facility to create it in reality.

As yet anyway.

Which is why I want to take up drawing. As usual, my ethos towards such events, most events, is that if you want it done right, do it yourself.

The creators of such works, as is the way of humans, don't give a flying fuck if the adaptations of their work are made with the same skill and expertise as their own.

Its that or they are ignorant enough to not be aware that someone else is butchering their writing anyway, which is as bad for their lack of attention.

If this weren't true I hardly believe they would allow it. I wouldn't, and I'm smarter than they are by default based on the available evidence that they did allow it to happen.

The point is this; there's no way I'm going to a) find someone who would do a visual like audio translation of these books, and b) get the authorisation of those who own the IP.

This is because a) no one gives a flying fuck about doing some creative genius unless they had the idea, and b) IP owners won't talk to me and aren't interested in investigating creative works of genius.

I mean, let's go find Kevin Hearne's email address, outline what I'd like to do, and include a rundown on how to convert the first three chapters.

1) he won't read it. 2) he probably won't even know I sent it as it'll end up in a screener's inbox and ignored. 3) he won't seriously consider it cus he receives lot of crap like this all the time. 4) and even if he likes the idea, he'll never buy that I could arrange it without creditable credentials and prior work for endorsement that it wouldn't be a waste of his time.

The biggest issues with the well known of any stripe is that the better known they become the less easy it is accomplish anything with them in any regard.

In short, if I want this done, a visual representation of textual media, I need to make it myself, publish it myself, and then ask for forgiveness instead of permission when lawyers come calling and demanding why I stole the authors IP.

Because? Humans are dicks.

Still, gives me something to do in my downtime, its cheap to get started, and I've found a book to teach me the basics. And I've always enjoyed a good clean challenge.

Learn to draw, and draw Hounded, book 1 of The Iron Druid Chronicles, then once Ive passed my police exams scan, arrange, write, etc. and produce a reasonable first issue comic.

Then see what effect mailing a few copies of same to the publishers of The Iron Druid Chronicles has.

Better to do that and then say 'I did tell you what I was doing' later on than have them outraged that I never told them at all.

Its something to do that isn't those fucking quizzes.

Its 1pm now so Im off to move into my new room, have a shower, and head off to the library to do some horrible, horrible quizzes...or possibly revise for two exams I have on Saturday.

Tomorrow I will, if I remembers, try to detail the idiot saga with my college who doesn't understand that if you sell courses that are entirely online, then you need to provide some way of doing the work, which is to say fucking PC access...mother fucking assholes...

Bai.

On Doing it Right...

HAAAI. :O

Had a good day so far.

---

It's about 14:00, I'm sitting in class listening to Mr. Vacuum drone on about traffic offences, and writing this because my phone's net won't connect so I can't get on with the quizzes so Im taking care of this now rather than later.

Woke up around 5am after 8 hours snooze. More or less anyway cus around 10 last night after I'd been asleep for an hour or so, a load of drunken putzes moved into my dorm room and make a fuck ton of noise. This morning the place was a freaking pile too, but I got some of my own back getting ready for college.

Then got musli for breakfast, 5:45, showered by 6:15, out by 6:30, and then got to college an hour too early at 8am after getting caffeine.

Slept, fed, clean, and caffeinated, on time and even prepped for my exam today too. Not bad that.

Think I might have fucked up the end of it but Ive already gotten a couple of questions wrong anyway last exam so anything I get wrong now will just be added to those two and I'll redo it on the 20th of September.

They charge £35 for the resit, but they compile all resit questions into one paper. 

So on the one hand, given that all students need to score 100% on all exams, one failed question costs you £35.00, on the other hand, if you have 10 failed questions by the end you just sit those 10 in the resit for £35.00 so.

Including one free resit in the fucking course costs would be the most advisable thing, but this is what I've got here and now.

We'll see what happens.

I'm well behind on my coursework quizzes, mostly because I lost my PC and can't work through them efficiently but I did have a word with the admin tutor for my course and we might have worked out a way which will let me work on the college's PCs.

Basically he's emailed reception, so next Wednesday when I pass by the college on route to check in with the job centre Ill pop into the campus and try to log on to the PCs.

If no one says anything, no worries, and if they do I'll tell them that my tutor has given me authorisation and see what they say.

Pass it off to he himself like and act like its a non-issue, which it is.

---

Mr. Vacuum just said that I can't pay attention to him and my phone.

I laughed slightly and said 'yes, I can', and I did so cus the guy just drones on about the course slides. I don't need to listen to pay my entire attention to that.

He hasn't pressed the point, and that's fine with me.

---

I wrote something amusing on 'Art' on Twitter but I can't access Twitter at the moment due to lack of wifi.

Basically I was walking to college this morning and passed a building which had to my eyes a pile of rubbish on a balcony.

I puzzled slightly over this for a moment until I looked up slightly and saw the sign which stated 'The Royal College of Art'.

So the large pile of rubbish on the balcony wasn't a large pile of rubbish on a balcony, it was art.

I'm of the opinion though that a large pile of rubbish on a balcony is still a large pile of rubbish even if the balcony is part of the Royal College of Art.

Upon tweeting this someone tried to rib me over it but I can't post that cus I can't access das Tweeter.

---

Next up is snooze cus Im feeling the 5am right now, and then running and/or reading if I can find a Waterstones that has a copy of Trapped in stock.

Yup.

BAAAI. :O

18/07/2014

On Being Busy...

Sup.

Been a bit busy over the last few days trying to get my college work done around extreme (extreme for London anyway) temperatures.

Plus I think I over did the running some cus I slept from around 8pm last night till gone 9am this morning, more than 13 hours.

Things are going OK at the moment.

The lack of my own PC is a constant thorn in my side (never have I understood what its like to be wandless in Rowling's Wizarding World long term as I do now) but I'm so busy with college work I hardly  notice it.

I think the bug bites (which actually number in the low 30's, I only said 20 because firstly I didn't notice a tight patch around the backside of my wrist to my face and secondly miscounted because of the swelling) are finally healing (AFTER NEARLY A WEEK).

I'm getting my college work done, slowly. Finally answered every question in 63 fucking question quiz today after writing up my revision materials yesterday.

I'm more or less preped for the exam tomorrow and should be able to get a good nights rest for the first time in three lecturers (the last time I went sleepless due to being evicted, the time before that I had a bloody chest infection), so that's OK.

And Ive got plenty of nom left, at least enough to last until Monday when I get more monies.

Was going to spend Sunday reading Trapped, book 5 of The Iron Druid Chronicles, but the online store I ordered from only dispatched it today I think so I doubt it'll get here in time.

Going to go running instead. I should be recharged by my inactivity today and walking to college tomorrow.

And that's about it really. I've made some tweets I would elaborate on but its a pain in the ass to keep switching between Twitter and Blogger on my phone.

Yup; eating well, sleeping well, bites are clearing up, Iron Druid is awesome, getting my college work done, if slowly, exam tomorrow, running Sunday.

And its too fucking hot to breath. I'm a hot blooded animal and feel like Im cooking from the inside out in this heat.

Nothing to be done about that though, so I bid thee adue and good morrow.

May harmony find you, as my new favourite Druid would say.

PS: I think I need to be nurtured. There's just way too much nubile sexy lady flesh being paraded around this hot hostel and Im about two steps away from humping legs. xD


15/07/2014

On Bugs...

Mother fucking bugs. I hate bugs. All bugs. I got 20 odd bites, yes, TWO ZERO, on my left wrist, another handful on my right, and two super itchy bastards on my lower back.

Of all the side effects of sleeping outdoors under a fucking tree (isnt my life just a fairy tale for the ages) high on my list wasn't being partially eaten by wildlife.

Bought some anti-histamines but they don't work very well and the shower I just took has made me itch again.

Mother fucking bugs.

---

Got in sometime early Monday morning.

I didn't sleep well outside, especially in the wee hours because it was freezing, so I took a five hour nap on a sofa in the TV lounge.

By then I could claim the key to my room, cleaned up, ate something and passed out.

Slept for a good 12 hours or so, took inventory, liked my bank balance (worth two nights in the cold, even with the bites, which is even more fucking annoying), and went to college to do some work on their PCs.

---

This is where I ran into another slice of stupid.

I went to the college last Thursday to use their PCs to get my college work done.

This is perfectly reasonable given that a) the only way to do the work is online and b) the college is full of PCs for students to use which are not being used at present as the place is 'closed' for the summer.

I say 'closed' because for a building that's shut down there's an awful lot of fucking noise going on there.

Anyway, they said I need authorisation from my tutor, I tell my tutor this and he says to tell him when Im at the college, I tell him when I arrive, and (eventually) I learn that he was off today but came in to let me in around 9am when I arrived at the campus around 12pm.

He was there at 9 because I said I'd be there too, but he took my vague intention of might be there as a warrant to come in on his day off at 9am and wait around for two hours to let me in.

This would've been fine, his cock up, should've confirmed with me that I definitely would be there, etc. Instead however I end up being told off by the receptionist for not being punctual to an appointment I didn't even know I had, and apologising to him for his for his mistaken assumption that I definitely would be there.

I hate fucking dealing with humans.

ANYWAY, so I ask for a complaint form thinking to file a complaint about not simply being able to use a computer (see above regarding no PC, no work).

Eventually after much explaining (as though this is some complex fucking request) we establish that outside of term time only classes with tutors can make use of the PCs.

No tutor, no use, and I need access 5 days a week, so I can't ask Jimmy to come in every day even if I had met him this morning.

So, I'm taking a course at a college. My course is all online. I don't have long term access to a PC (the library provides 120 minuets per day per account). And the college has a fuckton of unused PCs because its outside term time. And between the receptionist, security on the other side of reception, AND my damn course tutor we can't seem to come to an arrangement whereby one student has free access to a workstation.

NOTE: its not an issue of logging on or anything, just being able to sit down a d use one because I have an account already.

As I implied; welcome to the stupid bullshit show.

After I apologised to my course tutor for his cock up with the meeting time this morning he did email the college reception and asked them to let me use one of the PCs in a large glass panelled room just off of reception that you don't even need to pass through security to use (so long as reception and security is present, its open, so 9-5 every day).

I'm not making the four hour round trip to find out if that worked tomorrow though, Im just going to go work (very, very slowly on my phone) in the library near the hostel.

On Friday or Saturday when I have a class I may see if I can't organise it the but Im emailing a complaint to someone tomorrow.

That bitchy receptionist will be the highlight, followed by the college's amazing ability to offer digital courses and its equally amazing inability to allow students to do their online course work at the bloody college.

I can't be the first student ever to run into a broken home PC whilst taking a part time course in Summer. 

---

Going to sleep shortly and then making a pilgrimage to a 24 hour ASDA to buy some foods in bulk on the cheap.

Then when I get back Im going to the library to get at least 8 hours work, mainly revision for this weekends exams.

Ordered book 5 of the Iron Druid Chronicles from an online book store for 4 quid as well. Cheaper than the eBook (how stupid is that: hard copy is slower but cheaper than soft) and I don't have time for reading until Sunday when the library is shut so I can wait a couple of days.

For now, I bid thee good night.

13/07/2014

On Shit...

Well, I've had better nights.

Found a place in Hyde Park under a tree which is, as Im still standing here, sheltered from the wind and rain by leafy branches. The only real issue is the dirt floor which is as comfortable as...well...a dirt floor. Brushes off easily and is dry though so its not like laying in a mud puddle despite the rain.

I miscalculated slightly when it came to temperature though. It was boiling during the day but when it got dark it also got chill. Put my coat and jumper, both of which I was using as a blanket, back on and my flesh was still chill.

Tempted to buy some matches sometime today and make a fire tomorrow. Better than being cold.

I mean, I dealt with it mentally as its the same as pain which I long ago got used to switching off at will, but it was hard to sleep and not pleasant.

I don't feel as bad as I would've if I had simply stayed awake all night and wandered about listening to The Iron Druid Chronicles on my music player, but I'll be glad when I'm back in the hostel tomorrow.

Needless to say I'm hating my life quite a bit right now and wondering if it'll ever improve. If this attempt to join the police will pan out and to what end. Not surprising really given that sleeping under the tree doesn't precisely inspire feelings of self-confidence.

I did something like this before, about 4-5 years ago, except it was a bitter cold winter, I had luggage with me, and I opted to staying awake instead of camping out somewhere.

And there was me thinking after I dug myself out of it that I'd never do it again if it could be avoided. And low, what does the universe give me?

I'm resigned to just trying to make the best of it these days though. Sometimes I have what I want - good TV, good food, and comfortable if not lavish surroundings - and sometimes I get this.

Life is fucking shit for some people, I just wish I wasn't one of them.

Going to get some food of some sort, something hot maybe, and then spend the day reading in a local book store.

I would like to stay somewhere warmer tonight but I can't think where such a place may be.

Maybe just getting some extra towels and things from my luggage in the hostel might be an idea. I've got plenty and cocooning myself in them might be OK.

On Dealing...

Despite the fact that I slept under the tree last night, and in fact Im currently looking at the same dam tree in my peripheral vision right now with another night ahead under it, and I threw a wee tantrum around six AM when I was freezing my tonka off and couldn't sleep, Im barring up as well as could be expected to this new hell.

I've had better weekends, lets put it that way, but I'm not (quite) dead yet.

Was fairly pissed this morning when I ran out of food money, went to trade in my Oyster travel card for the deposit, and found that the bastards are putting the refund on my card and it won't be on there for days, but such is reality.

When you're down to your last straw, the world takes said straw away from you, and then you realise you've got two choices: make a new straw or lay down and die.

I, for example, found a new straw and went and read Tricked, book 4 of The Iron Druid Chronicles, in Waterstones all day, with surprisingly frequent toilet brakes and marvelling at how stupid it is to not open shops till mid morning and the close them mid afternoon, when there's customers trying to get it several hours before and after the retarded Sunday trading law hours.

10 more hours. 10 hours and the park I'm sleeping in tonight reopens at dawn,, I'll have my benefits and can pay my rent for this entire week whilst having a good 50 left over for solid nutritious meals to get my college work done on.

7 weeks and counting down until I finish my certification course, plus a couple more for retakes and getting into paid police training. My confidence is growing on that score now I'm starting to memorise stuff like the meaning and year of PACE 1984 for example.

Nothing to worry about after tonight excepting getting my college work done, and getting a lot of exercise.

If I make it till dawn, I can deal, no worries.

Just got to stay away from people. It never goes well when I try to interact with people.

Yeah. 

12/07/2014

On Humanity...

Mornink.
 
Woke up early this morning and got on with packing my stuff up to check out of the hostel for the weekend.

Cost me eight fucking quid (4 bags, 1 pound per day, 8 pounds) to store my shit in the hostel storage for two days. I can afford that, thank fuck, but it was a total rip off all the same.

Got some food and caffeine, then came into the library where I am now to do college work until 5pm.

After Im going to Waterstones, a book store, to read for a few hours and then go find somewhere in the park to kip until morning. More reading tomorrow and then more sleep.

Monday morning check back into the hostel (assuming my benefit money is there), clean up and then head off to college to do more work.

Monday through Friday do the same stuff, and then take the lecture and exam on Saturday.

Take Sunday off and then back to work on Monday. Just get through the work ASAP.

So long as I don't spend more than 30 a week on food, book acom two weeks in advance, do some job searching to qualify for my benefits, and get my college work done it should be smooth sailing until the end of the course in two months.

Hopefully that's how it works out anyway because there are risks that everything might go tits up. Small risks, but problematic ones if they happen.

---

Spent last night chatting to the American student again. Shouldn't have for two reasons though.

Firstly it was a waste of time I should've spent doing college work.

And secondly its caused something of a feedback loop between my lower and higher brain. The former is howling to bed her and the latter is at odds with her world view.

I covered this on Twitter already and I hate writing the same thing twice, but essentially it comes down to my inhuman personality when I am biologically a human being.

She explained what she finds valuable in existence and I explained how I don't understand the value in these things.

She liked the Coliseum in Rome for example for it's history and age.

I find it to be a pile of rock that serves no functional purpose.

She and her friends went to a club that night which involves drinking, dancing and socialisation.

I on the other hand abhor drinking for it damages the mind, consider dancing to be frivolous (dexterity and agility through gymnastics is anything but frivolous, but gyrating to music is not survivalist in functionality), and believe that social interaction is best done in a documented form for efficient information exchange.

I understand that these things she enjoys have their uses, but there are far more efficient ways to go about achieving those goals.

There is much to be learned from history, but documentation is better than visiting a pile of mouldering rock for example.

...A chap on Twitter is trying to fathom my world view and seems to have missed an essential point of mine which runs along the lines of the difference between the rational and irrational.

I don't see the value in these social systems the American lady does because said social systems are based on irrational emotive human needs.

My world view is based on logical thought and not emotion, so I fail to see the value of social bonding rituals, such as is the function of clubs and bars.

To be frank, I know what I mean and I know what I like and how the world should work. It's trying to explain the difference in my world view to normal people that gives me trouble.

The issue is when I try to interact with humans because its like members of two different species trying to come to an accord.

They get angry or leave because I haven't acted how they need me to, whilst I stand there confused because they're joyous over something which I either see as an inefficiency or just information which is neither good nor bad.

---

I suppose the conclusion of this little episode, asides from lingering considerations of how to adequately explain my world view to an outsider and if I should perhaps reconsider some of it, is that I still want what I wanted last night.

I want my ascetically clean office with powerful computers, high doses of caffeine, and time to process information with the occasional bout of exercise.

Humanity be damned as I have always damned it, I can live without a mate even if my humanity keeps demanding it.

The lady goes home on Sunday, I return to the hostel Monday, and I dropped her my email on paper on her bed. She probably won't use and I hope she doesn't. I don't want or need this bother.

---

Getting on with my college work.

The library is closed tomorrow so I won't be posting, but I will on Monday either from my phone or using the college's PCs depending on how things land.

I'm dealing with things as they come, apart from where minor foresight is required to make them go more smoothly, like booking the hostel two weeks in advance.

At the moment I have college work to do. Tomorrow I have reading to do. And Monday I have Monday's problems, one way or the other.

Good afternoon.

11/07/2014

On Bad Nights for Self-Reflection...

My entire post vanished...I'm not writing it again. Bugga...

...alright, I have something else to say now.

Currently laying on my bed in the hostel and waiting for the Americans to bugger off so I can get an early night.

Whilst waiting I'm pondering their choice of evening entertainment, vis going to a club in nice clothes to listen to bad music, talk inconsequentially and get drunk.

The clothes and associated makeup is superfluous. I just spent 10 minuets watching a girl use her hair iron on a mans shirt because they believe its the height of impropriety to go out wrinkled despite that wrinkles have no effect, other than visual, on the effect of the clothing.

The music they listen to will be loud and be to real music what gravel is to clockwork.

Their conversation will be erratic and inconsequential without reference to any documented information structure.

And drinking kills brain cells and disrupts the biological systems.

And my primal biological functionality is currently howling to tell one of their party that she looks drop dead hot but my higher brain is standing fast with solid reason.

She's a writer. I love the sound of her voice. And she's got a nice body.

But she's not one of mine.

I'm a solider who ignores pain and moves until my muscles stop responding.

I'm a geek who doesn't see the point in clubs and sees vast information structures which are oblivious to her.

She said that I should travel and expand my mind. I argued that what I see and experience at the right end of a keyboard is as rich as those places she's travelled to.

We might as well, as I have suggested in the past, be different species.

I wonder if I'll ever meet one of mine, but of the opposite gender. A predator. A mate. A dragon kin. A women who thinks, acts and fights like me. Gracefully silent, mournfully thoughtful, precisely snappish, firry passionate about pure information rather than so pathetically frivolous.

Probably not. I'm just too strange. 

Probably why the world hates me like it does too.

Going to sleep next. I need to be up early to pack my shit up for the weekend.

So long as certain people don't find out what Im doing at present I should be OK for money, despite the stupid cost of the beds here.

These assholes must be making money hand over fist by charging 118 for a bed in an 8 bed dorm room when private accommodation goes for as little as 65 all bills included, if you can pay the deposit.

When I get a little way in the police hierarchy I'm going to look into this.

If you need accommodation in London and can't pay for a deposit for private acom then you're fucked. Especially so because you can't save for a deposit by staying in a hostel which charges 40 pounds over a reasonable rate of 80.

Tomorrow: wake up, pack luggage, check out at 9, go to library to work until 5, grab dinner, and then go find somewhere to sleep outdoors which is out of the rain and wind.

It's not as bad as it could be really. Only really a day out in it. From 5pm Saturday till 10am Monday, and I can spend the day reading Twisted, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles in Waterstones on Sunday. Its summer so it wont be that cold. And I'll have food because Ive still got some and some money. It'll just get a bit boring Sunday night without power to my music player.

Nothing to worry about...unless my benefits money isn't there Monday morning anyway when I need to clean up and get to college to get on with my work...

We'll see what happens...

PS: I don't like self-realisation; the realisation that what I want is to enjoy everything I described above and be spending the night chatting to that women and fucking her.

Especially when its not what 'I' want, that's just the human parasite talking.

What I want is to be in a pitch black glass office high in a building with two Alienware PCs, a pint of Red Bull, C++ code on one screen, 24 Live Another Day on the other, and feeling like I could work out God's own design of creation shawn of mortal flesh.

The latter is me. Humanity is the poison.

10/07/2014

On Murphy's Law...

There are plenty of people who like to say something along the lines that they are the living avatar of Murphy's Law.

Said law runs along the lines of 'Whatever can go wrong, with go wrong'.

However, they usually don't have the experience of the universe fucking them over continually in fantastically obnoxious ways to back up their claim.

I do.

Added to my personal 'This Universe Abhors my Existence' list is Thursday 10th of July's epic rift on the key of:

When I travelled for 2 hours to get from my hostel to the college campus where I take my classes every two weeks, I arrived to find that the staff, all the staff, including the IT staff, had been given the day off.

The above meant that the IT suites were all closed, and the reception staff said I couldn't use the computers at the campus without my tutor arranging it.

My tutor arranging it. My tutor who I spoke to yesterday to ask what I needed to do to be able to use a PC today, and who told me that I just needed to arrive with my username and password.

So yesterday I was checking in with the benefits office so I could survive for two more weeks.

And tomorrow I was planning on working at the hostel (although I since looked into the local library for use of a table out of sense of the floor).

So the one single day I need the college to permit me access to their computers IS ALSO the same damn day they decide  on unison to not be there.

Tomorrow they are, and I can see them if I want to spend 4 hours travelling to them but if I did this it would be on legs that I shouldn't have used to go there today because all this rushing about is starting to wear me down.

It's like someone checked my thoughts, checked reality, and organised it this morning, for that's when they were told they had the day off, to not be there.

Under normal circumstances any reasoning being would think 'ah, this is an unfortunate coincidence'. 

Personally I reflect on my last couple of weeks. That I got a chest infection one week before a fitness test and an exam. Then evicted a few days before two exams. Then need to renter an underground station that only permits exit to make my moving easier. Then Barclays trying to charge me £150 for one of their bikes that I returned to a docking station (the 6 quid that turned into 30 was half their and half my fault so I discount that one). And so on.

That's more or less how my life has worked since birth.

Born to anti-intellectual troglodytes with a prodigious intelligence and curiosity.

Educated in the presence of spiteful nasty bullies which disabled my memory through stress.

Then attending a university which failed dramatically to teach me jack shit about the subject I signed up for.

Mostly I just consider my life to be permanently shit and go around hating humanity as a misanthrope (its only sense).

But lately Ive started to wonder if there isn't some utter asshole doing his best to fuck my shit up whenever he finds an opportunity to do so.

Humans historically ascribe this kind of bullshit asshattery to deities great and small out of the permanent need to explain the unexplainable.

I've never been inclined to believe in what I can't see and interact with, but given what I have seen and had to deal the ass end of over the last few weeks, I'm trying to think of a name for the incorporeal ass spirit that is making my life hell.

I'm sure I'll come up with something eventually that's a little more poetic but currently Im settling for Mr. Cockblaster.

---

I have arranged to do my college work at the hostel and library (like I said above) so Ill get on with that tomorrow.

This weekend though Im opting for sleeping in the park. Literally.

The room I booked is 10 miles away, will cost 35 quid for 2 nights, and involve me shipping all my shit across London again.

Putting me shit into hostel storage for 2 days, taking a nap outdoors in the sun (or muggy heat anyway) whilst reading my college text book outside or inside the library saves me the money and exertion.

Then on Monday I clean up, have bonus food budget, and can sleep in a real bed whilst doing my college work at the library.

It's a dam stupid solution but its effect can't be questioned and its only two days and then Ill never need to do it again during my 8 week penance for sins I never committed.

I'm not batting an eye lid at sleeping rough for 2 days at this point. In my book Ive done fucking well to get as far as I have. If I make it the full term Im going to call the Vatican and inform them of the miracle...or maybe Merlin given that Im more Magus than Priest.

---

And that bit of stupidity about wraps it up really.

Getting some food and then spending more than an hour in a shower somewhere to shave my head.

A part of me wants to bone this American chick who's staying in the same room as me. Not bright so its a non-starter but she's got this amazing husky voice and tanned skin. Some American girls are really freaking hot to me like that for some reason.

Anyway. Food, shower, sleep, college work, then check out, college work, rough sleep, college work, rough sleep, check in, clean up, college work, etc.

Till tomorrow, get fucked and die.

PS: I LOVE THE IRON DRUID CHRONICLES. :O

On Kakky...

...*long sigh*...

Currently Im up to my nostrils in deep, thick, brown kak.

Can't remember what I posted last about 3 days ago, and Im not going to go check cus its annoying to do so on an iPhone, but this is where I am now:

I've arranged accommodation in a hostel. And except for a slight issue with this weekend I've been able to book it so I can stay here for the whole week concurrently so long as I book a week in advance. I would've booked this with the management, but the assholes who run this reasonably priced place said that they're always fully booked and only do bookings online. Hail the age of automation, where no one can think for themselves and no one cares so long as the money keeps coming in. Trading your humanity for efficiency and the precious, precious coin.

The price of acom changes from week to week, next week being 97 and the following week being 101 for example, and its more than I was paying, and my diet is suffering accordingly, but Ive got enough money to not be hungry.

That's a bed to sleep in and food to eat, the basics anyone needs from day to day.

Now for the shit storm...

My PC broke after I updated my media on my mobile devices on Monday, so I've got only the first 3 Iron Druid Chronicles audiobooks and first 3 Dresden Files until...well some point in the future when I can get a new PC.

I've seen cheap laptops running Windows XP on Gumtree and that would do to let me download my audiobooks and that from places like Audible, I just need to find 50-75 quid from somewhere to make everything a lot more bearable. 

Asides from this, I obviously can't do any college work in the hostel, only at the college itself. I should be there right now but I exhausted myself running across central London yesterday to check in with the job centre and don't feel like moving, much less running for an hour south to the college campus.

(My music player ran out of battery shortly before I went out the door, so Im writing this and charging it.)

And due to one of those stupid protocol before sense situations, again, again, I could find that the money I'm using to sleep indoors and eat with could vanish, and the first I would hear about it would be the same day I need to spend it. It just depends on how much attention people are paying to me.

This is fucking hilarious because the only time people ever pay me any attention is to fuck my shit up. When I really need help they ignore me, but when I need them to ignore me to help me they might as well be The Demon with 10,000 eyes.

If I'm ignored for 8-10 weeks, and I do my college work, then at best I'll be hired by the police, job done. And the training pay, which is greater than full time, will allow me to get proper accommodation and a life.

If not then I may, at worst, end up homeless and unable to finish my certification and therefore unemployed and on the street.

The phrase 'Dangerous Game' comes to mind. The one bright spot is that there's only a slim chance that the shit will hit the fan, but given that this is my life I'm expecting it to go to shit in about 3 and a half days.

I'm doing nothing illegal you understand, its just the nature of the government aid that at one and the same time is propping up my pathetic excuse for an existence and may snuff it out in passing if I'm not careful.

My aim currently is to get my college work done and maintain my acom, and that's it.

8-10 weeks of learning policing, being bored out of my skull, and worrying about my position collapsing and then Ill be employed with the money to take care of everything.

Just have to make it that far. The finish line. The boss battle. The last mile. It's a bitch. But at least it'll be the end, one way or the other.

Because if this shit falls apart I'm walking into fucking traffic the day after.

07/07/2014

On the Things We Go Through...


It's Monday, just after lunch.

I'm sitting in the basement of a hostel in an upperclass area of London, though this place was the cheapest I could find.

There's a small of urine about the room. The seats are little more than cheep metal tables. Everything creeks or grones as the strange and oddly misshapen inhabitants of the place, none of whom are English native, naturally, move about on errands of their own.

Everything I own is sitting on a bed upstairs. The bed is one of ten, half of which are on top of the other five, squeezed into a small narrow room so there's just enough space to move between them.

Well, not everything.

My full set of free weights and some merchandise I've been unable to sell for more than a year, some garden forks, had to be left behind. And my speakers and a couple of other well used items were unceremoniously thrown into the rubbish, mostly on the basis that they were effective but inexpensive and can be repurchased easily (speakers were only 30 quid total from Argos which I can afford right now, but they got the job done nicely and were ageing).

Victims of necessity.

The casualties of my hurried exit and new accommodation conditions, which even strike me now as being unable to support the handful of items I brought with me.

I don't know what will become of that which I left behind. Not that it matters. My erstwhile flatmates can do whatever they like with them.

I still owe them two weeks rent, although that's not entirely accurate. She tried to overcharge me in the last few weeks, and Ive been paying 10-20 more per week than the property was worth for a year and a half. If anything she owes me a few hundred, though she'd never see it that way.

Either way however the point is moot. I can't pay it today without becoming homeless...more homeless than I am, so even if it was owed by my standards she wouldn't be getting it.

Presently Im trying to insert food into the gaping chasm that my stomach became after I forced myself to move and stay awake for near 24 hours, packing and shipping what passes for my life across central London.

Everything hurts. If I push myself at all I feel dizzy. And my future prospects simply involve more of the same exertion.

Overall it wasn't as bad as last time, which occasioned me to carry a very heavy weight a long distance, and in the cold no less.

Yesterday was just a long distance thanks to the underground and busses, and I was able to stop for a couple of hours mid way through.

However perspective is important in these matters, and here and now, everything hurts.

I said it previously and here it is again: the timing of my life lately has been hellish.

Chest infection before fitness test.

Eviction before two exams.

Ongoing homelessness whilst I'm a stones throw from being hired full time by the police. If I had my certificate in basic policing I could've joined up this month, and that's a fact.

When I tried to do nothing with my life it wasn't too bad. Now Im trying to improve it, learning policing and applying, and its just been one nightmare after another.

In two and a bit months, if I can make it that far, I should have my certificate and my place on the force, but that seems like the 2nd Tuesday of 4589 right now.

My sanity is holding up OK. Had lots of little fuck you issues, such as the nearest underground station only permitting exit and not entry, forcing me to cycle to the next station, though mostly I cycled a lot further to save on travel costs at the cost of my fitness. Little parcels of evil the universe decided to hit me with, with sapping solutions to make the whole job harder. Nothing to worry about.

Fitness though, yeah, once Ive recovered a bit I should be as hard and lithe as a teak chair given all the exercise Ive had.

Silver lining hunter, that's me.

 Gone all stiff now...the foods burning in the acid pit, had 4 hours in my old room and 4 more in the hostel, sleep that is, and feel too wired to sleep right now.

Sort possessions, shower now Im fed, and recharge my music player, which died whilst I was asleep here, and then try to find new accommodation.

Not entirely sure how because I could've sworn I spent more than I apparently have, but it seems Ive got enough to pay for the remainder of this weeks acom and one week one down as a key deposit, so if I can find a new room for 80 or preferably 70 per week with one or for preference two weeks deposit I should be able to move into it this week.

It's just a matter of finding.

Food, hygiene, find new accommodation, and college work. 

That's my entire todo list right now. 

And check in with the job centre on Wednesday, plus seeing if there's 20 quid somewhere to get my GP signature form for the police recruitment department.

Not an extensive list and somehow I actually have the coin to do it for once, which I can't stress is really unusual.

It's just that everything hurts right now...

06/07/2014

On Ouchie...

...Good grief...

Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.

I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.

After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.

Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.

...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...

---

One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...

Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.

I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.

Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.

I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.

That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.

I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.

My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.

I really don't like other people.

---

Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.

Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.

What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.

HEH, good joke.

Whatever.

03/07/2014

On Resolution...

Evening.

Good news bad news day today [heh, I can write].

Woke up and ate scrambled eggs on toast with the odd mod that the egg was simply whisked before being microwaved and more like an egg stake than scrambled.

Played three matches of TOME: Immortal Arena to wake up and scored well with the new champions on free rotation [I've only been able to buy 2 so far]. Their Wizard, their Angel and their Pyromage. I love the champion functionality in the game, even if they are individually mostly just variations on a theme. The themes are good, so their variations are fun. Taking bloody ages to level up though and I want access to their version of runes and masteries.

---

Then got an email from the medical department of the MPS.

On the one hand it sounds like I've passed the Day 2 and will be getting into training, which is good. I'm choosing to take it that the fucking fitness instructor didn't detonate my fucking application.

On the other hand they told me I need to hand in a form from my GP before they can offer me a place, which I've got signed and passed but can't get from them because the thing costs £20, which isn't much but I've just been evicted and need new accommodation which I'll be lucky to get with the money I've got.

I pass the Day 2 despite a chest infection, I pass my exam despite flu, I get through the weekend from hell only to be evicted the following weekend, whereupon I need £20 for a doctors form and need to find somewhere new to live despite having two more exams on the weekend.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THE WORLD HATES ME PEOPLE. :O

Last summer this wouldn't have been an issue for me. I could've paid everything and I was healthy and had no money troubles. This summer it's just one thing after another, making any given task I need to complete a fucking bitch.

And the worst part is that I still have to do it.

I have to move and hope I can find somewhere new to live. I have to do my college work and pass my exams. I have to find £20 for a fucking signature on a form and hope it's not too late to get into their recruitment round.

And it'll all be for nothing [pain without gain] because in two weeks time it'll be some other nightmare, depend upon it.

The one bright spot here is that, as I said before, I'm learning how to deal with some really stupid shit and bad timing, especially in terms of people management.

At the moment I'm working on finding new acom and passing this weekend's exams. After I've gotten a roof over my head again then I'll deal with the MPS recruitment process.

---

One bright spot is that I woke up this morning and didn't try to cough up my lungs, so the meds that I've been taking every five hours seem to be working. I can even wheeze now without then spending a couple of minuets coughing, which I've not been able to do in three months, so that's nice.

As I said; give me shit to deal with and I'll grab my shovel, but I need my health to do it.

It's amazing though that you spend three months with this persistent health issue and a few pills later and it's almost entirely gone. A drip, a drop of really odd tasting chemicals later [the roid I'm taking is the oddest thing I've ever had in my mouth, Salbutamol Sulphate] and your biology sorts itself out. Amazing.

---

Found a new place to live. It's off on the other side of London in Heathrow, near the airport, but it's close to the MPS offices where I'm doing my testing and the same distance from the college campus where I'm doing my certification course, so that's alright.

Only costs £70.00 per week with two weeks deposit too. A bit of an issue with that I'm not currently employed, but I've got a viewing tomorrow and I think he'll understand about me being on benefits for two more months before working for the police service.

It's this place or moving into a hostel on Sunday anyway as I've got to be out on Monday.

£70 a week should be fine, it'll give me extra money to sort myself out for now, and I rarely go out so with the Barclay's cycle hire service I should be able to make the distance a few times a week to my regular check in with the benefits office and to get to college so I'm sure it'll be OK.

I could use the exercise besides given that I had to stop running for the last several months due to this chest infection. Need to get my fitness back up before training.

---


This hot mess is out on the 17th of July. :D

The first Planet of the Apes movie was really well written and entertaining, so I'm expecting great things of this. I'm going to go see it at Peckhamplex in Packham London. £7 for fucking 3D viewing. Never go to those overpriced fucking Odeons.


I'm erudite. I'm intelligent. I'm learned. It's one of my key aspects. If you ask me to describe myself, somewhere in the list of characterizing locution is going to be the word 'Genius'.

And I like Michael Bay's fucking movies.

I watch them because sometimes I enjoy two or three hours of TICK, TICK, BEWM. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, I'm expecting bullets and fireballs and would be angry if I didn't get it.

Like the man said in response to critique: "I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime." And I might be bordering on 30 but as is well known, the first step to wisdom is to perceive as a small child. And I passed that a long time ago, and a part of me, the part that is fed every time I sprint when running, loves the Transformer movies for giant robots kicking the oily crap out of each other.

Stop pooping on the guy for making bad movies people, he gives ya what you pay for. D:

---

That's about it I think. Going to go play a couple of TOME matches and then write up the revision materials for Saturday so I can study them today and tomorrow and probably on the way to my lecture on Saturday.

*rubs palm across head* Ah, maybe I will go shave, THEN deal with college mats, AFTER gaming. Stupid freaking hair.

Today: shave and college work [revision mats first].
Tomorrow: 4pm viewing of property which requires about 3 hours to get to.
Saturday: college lecture and exams.
Sunday: Remove possessions from flat, either into new room or hostel.
Monday: Depends on new room or hostel. If new room, buy foods and do college work. If hostel, find new room and college work.

That's the next few days. Fun, fun, fun...oy vey...

On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

---

Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

  • Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
  • Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
  • The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

  • Today I do college work, and then sleep.
  • Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
  • Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
  • Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
  • Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
  • Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

01/07/2014

On Operations...

Hai! :O

Just realized what time it is, 10pm, and that I've not made a blog post yet. Also got a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon which I can't forget about too [hint, hint to self], especially seeing as I'm wiping spit off my bloody monitor from explosive coughing right now.

Let's make this quick cus I'm vadeing college work at the moment to write this and I need to get the hell on with that...

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SHEL - When The Sky Fell (Official Music Video)

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Watched 24 S09E10 this morning, which is all kinds of epic. Really enjoying that at the moment and wish there was 12 more episodes [24 with only 12 episodes is just weird] but what they've done is quite cool.

It was weird seeing her from The Red Wedding playing the bad guy, but it's so very, very epic seeing Jack in 'That was me being polite, I'll do whatever the hell I want when I want and we both know you can't stop me doing it' mode. In all the other seasons he was working under authority, and now he's still doing good but authority of any kind can kiss his ass, it's awesome.

That's the kind of freedom I want out of the world; I know best and will do what I think is right and not only should you not stop me doing it but trying to stop me once I set my mind to it is impossible.

Some day.

In other TV news: been trying to remember for several days now where I've seen the actor who plays the protagonist in Perception before, and then remembered it was Will and Grace, a US sitcom where he played this gay guy as a lawyer I think.

Gay guy lawyer in sitcom to FBI consultant paranoid schizophrenic brain specialist. GG. And he's hot too [no homo...well, half homo cus I'm bi, but I'd hit that].

It annoys me though that this thing is on it's third season now and Lie to Me got cancelled after two. Granted it went off the rails at the start of season two, but I'd rather have a continuation of season one than this. But Perception isn't a bad watch, though it does seem like every other show is a...what do they call them? Police procedural isn't it? But I've not seen a show about a paranoid schizophrenic before, and the self-reflective episodes appeal to me because half the time I think I'm several ants short of a picnic.

There was a show in 2013 called Dracula. It was a supernatural period piece featuring a rework of the traditional Dracula story. And I thought it was fucking excellent. The story was good, the action was awesome, his struggle to hide his nature was epic, the whole wireless electricity idea was very steam punk, and the black Igor was inspire. And then it got shit canned by ABC after one season. I fucking hate it when that happens. And it didn't deserve it.

Revolution got cancelled after two seasons, which was understandable because it went right off the rails after the first season, but there was nothing wrong with Dracula. Someone should pick that shit up as a novel concept and go to town, they'd make millions for the rework of the classic.

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I mean, it's a comparative analysis. You walk around not thinking like other people, you see what they don't, they tell you that you should feel this with this stimulus and you start to wonder what's broken inside your head when disassociated people tell you the same thing.

If sanity is measured by the consensus, and I don't think like everyone else, who is the madman here; me or the rest of the world? Personally I believe I'm functionally dysfunctional; I might not be like everyone else, but I'm not unhappy about that and I do get my work done [when I have any to do anyway], so what's the harm?

Well the harm is that sometimes I run into annoying lil troublemakers who decide that the big freak is too freakish to be allowed and his entire existence must be questioned and ostracised. There's a price you pay for originality, and that is rejection by your peers. Doesn't matter if it's in terms of social behaviour or professional conceptualization, if you don't measure up to someone else's standard of normal sometimes people give you a lot of grief over it in the belief that unless you're like the rest of the apples you must be poisonous rot, rather than a banana.

That's humans, and people wonder why I'm misanthropic and oh so cynical.

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With my adoption of Google 'Chrome' as my browser of choice at the moment after years of using Firefox I decided to go check out the rest of Google's product range.

This was after I restored the drag scroll functionality I have in Firefox to Chrome anyway with the 'Scrollbar Anywhere' extension. This should be included by default in all browsers as it's the best way to precisely control scrolling when you're reading for example and want a slow slide down the page.


I've adopted 'Docs', 'Sites' and 'Drive' from this list.

Docs is basically MS Word online and saves the files to Drive, online cloud storage. Sites can be set up to be like an editable PDF document, so you write a chapter introduction, and then write each sequential part under it. Automatic headings you could say and a great way to categorize content of a book or something. I think it might be useful for writing my computer games development thesis rather than Codex Mundus maybe.

I can see why the meme about Google becoming our new overlords was made after looking at this list cus let's face it, if you go around making a lot of high quality free online software which works neigh perfectly you're going to go a long, long way.

If they made Google 'Games', a computer games studio with their own console I'm sure they could corner the fucking games market easily.

Strangely though you never really hear about their products. Everyone knows about the search engine, the translator, and maybe even the blogger, and Google+ pops up every now and again, but a lot of this stuff isn't well known I don't think. I've not seen it in the places where I hear about associated online services like them anyway.

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After thinking about this for a while I did realize how virtual computing could work though.

I mean, if you had a device with great graphical processing capacity and display plus a powerful on-board router which could access over the internet something like Google 'Docs' and 'Drive', then you wouldn't need a PC with it's own hard disk drive and processor, you'd just access Google 'PC' for example and they'd do the operations and send the results to your screen.

Alright, so that comes with a whole bag of complications ranging from a spectrum of privacy issues, both in regards to your host searching your files for information combined with inception of files on route between the host server and your work station, and operational issues, including what programs you run, what files you access, and your personal activity history.

A centralized mass database of not just user details but user PC's would be the holy grail of hacks, and nothing online could ever be considered unhackable.

Then you need to consider acts-of-god. One accident and 10,000 PC's and people's virtual lives are destroyed at worst in made in accessible at best for an indefinite amount of time.

You could do it and it'd probably be awesome to be able to access from anywhere and run super high powered programs that would take a £10,000 PC to run yourself for a low monthly fee or something, like internet access. But you would lose quite a lot freedom and run quite a lot of risk in so doing.

Centralization makes things much more efficient, but decentralization makes them much safer.

As with most things, a lil of a both are probably a good idea; keep the PC but some things, like games for example, could be turned into virtual services where the processing is done somewhere else and you just get the gameplay. If you can make the wifi efficient enough anyway, but that's improving all the time.

It's an interesting concept anyway.

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Opened Gumtree sometime this afternoon and put some credit onto my phone. Sent out about six texts to various ads asking for viewings. Got two replies and a bunch of places I need to visit to consult with them about available properties to rent in London. Going to look into it and make phone calls tomorrow and doing college work today.


And by doing college work I mean looking like this a lot of the time whilst reading and making a copy of the course materials into a 600 page [so far] word document.

It's so stupid. They have this online website called Moodle. All the college course materials for my certificate in basic policing course are on there, plus several dozen online quizzes which I need to complete in order to pass the course. The rest of the marking criteria consists of exams done from week 5 through to week 10. I aced, by my own surprise due to sleeplessness and flu, the week 5 exam. Got two on Saturday for the week 6 exam.

And basically what I've been doing is opening each annotated presentation, handout, and eWorkbook, as they call them, on Moodle and copying them into a giant word document, which means copy, paste into notepad to shred the website formatting, paste into word and adjust for double returns and bullet points, etc..

After that the online quizzes are simply a matter of reading the question list and using the search function to find the answer in the word document, writing it down and then selecting the right answer from the multiple choice quiz. Easy.

The issue is that copy, paste, adjust for formatting task takes fucking ages and is dull shit.

Granted to get through week 1-4 I basically watched all of 24 whilst copying and pasting, except for those bits where I needed to do the quizzes and revise for the exams, which was fun, but it stills boring as hell.

This course should be taught as activities. Or given to each person in a giant lump that they can search through and read as required to answer questions. This 'do a lot of reading' approach is laborious nonsense.

And the tutor just tells us information that's in the presentations during the 8 hour fucking tutorials as well. Badly presented nonsense I could do without. Exams, OK, but I'd rather spend 8 hours reading the course materials, which I hate doing, than sit there being told what's in the course materials verbally.

Le sigh. Gotta do it if I want to pass the course and get hired though, so only 10 more weeks to go and then I'll be free to review the material as needed for whatever the actual police training will require me to know. Doing it in practise will be a hell've a lot easier for my practical minded brain to absorb than reading it I can tell you that.

I just wish whomsoever wrote my course materials understood the concept of the paragraph because no case study should be a half A4 page of solid text, ye gods.

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I am having a slight issue with the concept of dispute management.

It doesn't seem like you're allowed to express anger even when it's a justifiable emotion. Someone does you wrong and any normal human being should be angry and express it as a signal of behaviour on the part of someone else which isn't acceptable.

But as a policeman it seems the most you can do is state deadpan your point of view to maintain calm in the situation. Logically I can see why, and I'm rarely angry about anything, even in the face of blatant rudeness. I treat events as information and not as emotional generators by default, it's just who I am.

On the other hand, anger serves a purpose in conversation the same way words do; to imply meaning through emotion is as essential as stating information.

I have full right to be angry at the fitness instructor who totally lacked empathy for my situation during my Day 2. But I doubt I would get away with expressing that with my reasoned point of view, especially given that she reprimanded me on the basis that my attitude was off. Her behaviour was unacceptable, and that point should be made, but deadpan delivery doesn't express my point of view, it simply states the facts. She offended me deeply for what she did given the circumstances and anger is the appropriate response. I'm not seeking resolution to the circumstances, I just want to convey that she acted like a right stone cold bitch without actually saying it. I don't care about apologies either. I just need to make sure she hasn't disabled my application, and appeal if she has.

All in all, it's not my methodology I'm questioning here you understand, it's the perspective of those who will be evaluating and training me in law enforcement. I have methods and those methods will probably work, but will they match the marking criteria written by a lesser mind who believes protocol supersedes context?

Will I be failed based on someone's perception, regardless of the effectiveness of my actions? It's happened before, but given the amount of work I'm putting in here I don't want it to happen again.

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In a lighter note: when I become a copper I'll be a constable, or police constable, or PC. I'll be PC Miles. I'll evolve into a computer, lol. They said I could become anything, so I because a personal computer.

And yes, I am such a freaking nerd. xD

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And that's about it.

Got a customer survey from the guys behind TOME: Immortal Arena, and replied with my professional opinion about some aspects of the game. Already wrote about them here and been writing this for an hour and half now so I don't wanna rehash.

I did realize though that the male voice [which is unusual for games which normally go in for female voice actresses] they use during play to announce towers being attacked and things is actually Bruce Campbell, the fucking bas ass mother fucker who played Ash in the Evil Dead franchise.

It's quite possible I'll never forget the line 'Your top tower thingy fell down'. xD

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OH: and I also looked into maybe doing some freelance writing and things.

A helpful human, @JoeThreepwood on Twitter, gave me some tips in that area, like don't work for free, cover games editors don't already know about, like indie titles, and write pitches to send to editors, not whole articles.

Might be an interesting writing sideline to working for the police seeing as I write a hell've a lot anyway [I mean, look at these blog posts], but I don't have time right now seeing as I need somewhere new to live on Monday and have not one but two exams on Saturday.

Right now though I'm starving hungry and want to get a couple more hours of college work done before snooze and going to the doctors tomorrow where they'll hopefully tell me what the blood hell this throat issue is and how to cure it. I need some fucking exercise for crying out loud.

Have a good one.