On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

---

Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

• Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
• Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
• The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

• Today I do college work, and then sleep.
• Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
• Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
• Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
• Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
• Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

On Trying...

Evening.

---

Writing this inside Google's Chrome browser instead of FireFox cus I was curious to see which ran better [security isn't really an issue for me, it's getting people to NOTICE me that's the bloody trick] and it did, especially TOME: Immortal Arena, the current MOBA game I'm playing, so I decided to swap to this for now.

Easy enough seeing as Google were smart enough to import all my bookmarks and things from FireFox and included the bookmark tab bar which I use all the time. Missing the drag to scroll extension I have in FireFox sometimes, but this thing works better so, suits me.

---

• http://www.reallifecomics.com/

I'm a goat and just blew up a gas station with an axe...stuck...to...my...tongue... ._. ...*commits suicide*

That's it, he says from beyond the grave, there is no hope left for humanity.

Some people aspire to make whole virtual worlds as computer games where people can almost live inside mystical lands of pure joy and imagination...and then some people make buggy trippy goat simulators and find out that what people really want in a game is to be a goat who wrecks human society with an dexterous mouth appendage.

This is why we can't have nice things. >.<

• http://tapiture.com/tap/335573164/santa-problemz

You know you've seen waaay too much Californication when you find this funny. xD

• http://www.owlboy.com/wowwiki/mMurlocAggroB.mp3 - :O

Found today that I have matching holes in my trainers, and you could say that it's solidarity between those under the heel of the oppressor. :P #suchanerd

---

In darker news; I'm in another fucked up situation [these things are weekly events in my universe].

Got £140 in job seeker benefits this morning and I'm getting another £160 on Monday, leaving me a little less than £300 to cover my new acom costs. I owe my landlady, as of Monday next, £200. I need between £210 and £240 to pay for the deposit and a weeks rent on new accommodation. So either I can pay all the rent I owe here and have nothing to pay for my new living conditions. Or I can pay nothing here and rip my landlady off and have somewhere to sleep next Monday.

Gotta love life eh?

I could probably pay most of what I owe and stay in a hostel, but that's a living death and I'd rather piss her off than go doing that again.

So she's buggered as I need to pay for somewhere to sleep, but asides from not wanting to do it to her, I also might not get away with it because she might at least try to kick me out in the next seven days. It would still be a dam stupid thing to do as she'd miss out on any chance of getting £200 in rent, but she could do it and leave me up shit creek.

I wonder if coppers need to be good liars because I've had more than a little practise. Fortunately it's not hard to sell the lie really as I've waited a week or two before paying my rent in full before so saying that and 'I'll settle up when I go' isn't that odd for me.

I just don't have a better option right now, so this is the way it's going to be. Regret and sorrow are for those who don't get shit on by humans on a weekly basis, however. I don't feel much of anything about the situation [thank the fucking hell for that], I'm just doing whatever I can to keep afloat until I finish my college course and get hired by the police [assuming that fitness instructor didn't blow that shit up with her complaint, but I should be able to appeal it if she does...for crying out fucking loud humanity].

---

Sent the seventh or eighth letter to the student loans company about section 4 of my 24+ Student Loan application, giving them the same information those assholes have already been given by me AND confirmed on their own system.

I'm allowed the fucking loan, but they needed a copy of the form with the boxes checked, and sent me a letter with the request and my details on it and everything. So I went to the library, printed off the relevant page, three fucking times mark you, filled out each and sent it back to em with a message saying 'Process it in 2 weeks or it's time for the lawyers'.

I don't see why this shit was so fucking hard to get done, I really don't.

---

Dropped about half a dozen pairs of jeans off at a heart health charity shop as I couldn't sell them and am in no mood to try. Got thanked much for the donation [it was just jeans people, wow] and ran away. I just didn't know what the fuck else to do with em. *shrug*

Never buying wholesale shit again and trying to sell it. I'm a magus, not a merchant. I couldn't sell a glass of water to a desert dweller, though I could probably tell him where he is and what type of sand he's standing on after a while.

---

Downloaded The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne, which is meant to be in the same genre as one of my favourite audiobook series called The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher.

I get the impression that it's a bit mediocre as these things go, but I saw it years ago when the first one came out and, as I apparently don't ever forget things I don't forget on purpose which will later come back to bite me in the ass, I'm curious about it now.

Going to finish off the last few of The Watch novels, a sub-series in The Discworld Chronicles by Terry Pratchett, to round up my umpteenth listen of all 40 odd Discworld novels, and then give it a go.

---

I've got this picture of this A-List celebrity called Maggie Grace on my desktop, who's this goddess blond chick who played the love interest in S06 of Californication, and the teenage sister in Lost.

Beautiful women, but usually I ignore celebrities because they tend to be the modern equivalent of aristocrats; elite social society who're totally out of touch with the common troll in the street due to their wealth, fame, and socialist life style.

Occasionally though I get interested in the buggers because sometimes they turn out to be real human beings who're just incidentally uber famous and have actually have some genuine talent.

James Spader for example. I've seen a shit ton of media in my time and the way he acts and the parts he plays makes him something special in the field. Don't know about him in her personal life, bar what's on Wikipedia, but the guy can fucking act man. Peter Dinklage too. That guys a fucking legend for his work in Game of Thrones.

Anyway, my point here was that Maggie Grace's Twitter stream is filled with quotes and things...fuck, actually here and now they seem like pretentious nonsense, like most quotes really.

People take the statements of the professionally witty, remove them from their context and use them to make some abstract point no one except for them really understand. Or they end up sounding like a motivational poster, and I hate that shit. Those are the modern equivalent of 'Hang In There Baby' cat posts, and just as empty and meaningless.

SHE'S FUCKING HOT, that's my point. She's hot and for a moment I thought she might be intelligent but it's more likely that she's just a pretender, like the rest of her actor ilk.

---

I keep checking out Craigslist Los Angeles missed connections for these posts being made by this closet-transsexual girl called Dodger who is a vlogger from YouTube [most of them are being posted by her, and you'll see it after a while of reading them that they all share a similar theme and structure] who I'm beyond in love with [the type of love that the sight of them makes your melt into a puddle, where they can do no wrong, and you'd eat your own arms to touch them with a toe] and is, in case you haven't gathered, a mad as a spoon.

She posts on there due to crippling social-anxiety which prevents her from having normal relationships, or maybe she's just trying to fuck with me, I've never quite clarified that really.

Point is that I'm never going to email her ever again, but I do check it from time to time. Not entirely sure why really. Probably out of 'love', but that shit is toxic and so's she so I'm staying far away from her for my own benefit. It's not a healthy situation, and she's not mentally healthy. Doesn't stop me feeling how I do, but just because the poison tastes nice doesn't mean you should drink it.

I want someone to love and be with, but I'm too damaged, too much of a freak, too intelligent in the wrong way to ever achieve that. It's just nice to think that someone out there desires my company and is on my side sometimes, even if they should be institutionalized for being terminally batshit.

[This is one of those things that you shouldn't try to contact me about...if I put contact details anywhere on this site anyway...because I know what the truth is, and that's all that matters. I have nothing to prove here.]

---

SOHYEH: swapped to Chrome over FireFox, teehee, ripping off my landlady so I have somewhere to sleep, student loan companies are fucking annoying [if I owed them money they'd be on my ass like fireants], selling shit is hard, listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles after The Discworld, Maggie Grace is hawt, and I'm still playing TOME. Also gotten used to the new Linkin Park album, The Hunting Party, and quite enjoying it now.

Going to get some sammitches and eat some fruit and then do college work for five hours.

I've sent out a bunch of emails to various leasers but they probably won't reply to them. Gotta put some credit on my phone tomorrow and start calling people.

When I went out today I didn't cough as much as I thought I would, but I do think it's a bad case of strep because when I exerted myself [which is pretty dam easy because I've not gotten any exercise in weeks] I started coughing my guts up, so I expect anti-bios will be able to take care of it.

Doctors. Wednesday. GG.

And that's it; college work, searching for acom. Day 1

Post again tomorrow.

Good evening.

On Tuesday...

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On Crazy/Stupid...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy or stupid or crazy stupid or stupid crazy...probably best to go with all three, really.

23:20, I've got to be up and moving in 4 hours 40 minuets for a FITNESS TEST, and I'm blowing yellow goo out of my snout and listening to the popping noises from my nose.

At this point, I just said FUCK IT, SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK and decided to write up answers to the Week 5 Victims and Witnesses Certificate in Policing exam on Saturday.

Had to pause around Question 4 because I just realized that, beyond the nonsense about legislation and you can arrest a chap for this but only if this and if he crosses the room and stands on one leg whilst blowing his nose you cant arrest him for that but you can arrest him for this but if he drops the tissue on the ground this gets added to it BLAAAH, I actually kinda love the information analysis and management as much as games design.

They're equally as fascinating for their depth and complexity.

During the Day 1 mental interview I took at the same place I'm off to later on today they had us do scenario interviews with people and I enjoyed that too. Reading what had gone on, formulating questions, finding out information, it was very engaging.

It was odd just how much I enjoyed it really seeing as most of my life I've avoided people on principle, but I guess it's the difference between social engagement and social work.

I'm not here to be their mate, I'm here to find out what they know and make everyone's lives better and safer. It's system management, not interpersonal socialism, and I can do the former with a concussion.

Point is that I think I'm going to enjoy being a copper, which is awesome news because things I don't enjoy I tend to subconsciously fail.

Anyway, all I need do is roll up at MPS offices tomorrow, ask a few questions, do a few laps, explain about the raging flu and mucus [god dam you universe] and then come home and memorize this victims and witnesses lark for the follo...for to-mor-row...[god dam you universe].

Landlady might be pissed that I'm not paying a couple of hundred in rent I owe until Monday, but life can be hard sometimes, like being evicted mid first-job-in-five-years-six-month-employment-process [bitch].

My ability to see the other person's point of view, normally something that makes your average star look a lil tiny by comparison, has been severely diminished as of late.

Sometime around flu the week of a fitness test/exam was when it happened, I think.

Still got the utmost consideration for other people, that's built in, but those assholes who made my personal situation worse still have a target on their foreheads.

Breaks over, I think, back to it.

Day 2, sleep, revision, Wk5 Exam, SLEEP, then probably running around on Monday seeing to getting Day 2 form info I'm currently missing and doing week 5 of my college course, plus moving out.

Won't be so bad. Place I'm going to is about half as cheap as it is here so I'll have spare money from my benefits, I'm putting most of my stuff into storage before hand, and to be frank, having to go to the library or not having wifi in my room [last I checked it was either wifi on the first floor or a goods nights sleep on the second floor as the ground floor has live music at night] to do college work will probably do quite a bit for focusing my ability to concentrate.

My main goal and occupation in life is to pass the certificate in basic policing course, and thus far I'm blagging it. Doing tests because I've created a database of course content and searching it for the answers. I've not memorized most of the information from the first four weeks or done the optional reading or activities. I've not looked like an idiot thus far because my tutor is a pillock who reads presentation notes from the online database and most of the work is common sense, and I'm morale and smart so.

• https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/police-and-criminal-evidence-act-1984-pace-current-versions

Gotta memorize that nonsense too. PACE, very important. Describes my future powers and code of conduct and things.

Must get on with this...

On Timing...

Went out today to get the last of the photocopies for the Day 2.

Color photocopies which for some strange reason cost freaking a pound each. BnW? .10p. Color? £1.00. 10x the cost for color whose printer cartridges cost maybe twice as much. Total rip.

Missing a lil of the info because I couldn't get hold of people or simply don't have it, like references because I've been unemployed for several years and don't have anyone in the last five years who matches the criteria.

Went to GP to get a signature. Staff training afternoon. Come back later. Staff member who processes signatures isn't in today. Come back tomorrow when you need the signature for 7:30am. Sigh.

Tried to pay rent. Landlady pissed me off for the timing of her eviction notice during exam and fitness interview so been paying it late as possible. Got a notice that she's paying her landlady on Saturday so went to pay something just to not seem too belligerent.

Checked bank account. Money missing. Checked with staff. Money has been paid to Amazon. Checked with Amazon. They charged me for Amazon Prime. Haven't logged into Amazon in over a month, but when I did I used Amazon Prime trial to get 1 day delivery.

Don't understand why they charged me now of all times though when their website was marked for payment at the start of a month.

Wait, yes I do; they did it to fuck me over at the worst possible moment.

I think there is only a very slim chance of passing this exam on Saturday.

Hit me with injury. Pile on the stress. Bad fucking timing all you like, I'm dam well used to that. But don't bloody well give me a bad dose of flu in the middle of it too.

Whatever.

I'll do and get there, even if it takes me longer than average with fucking doubletakes.

• http://www.owlboy.com/wowwiki/mMurlocAggroB.mp3 [just open it xD]

Revising for exam which means writing answers to the questions [we've got the questions but need to answer them from memory on Saturday] and then memorizing them.

I feel OK right now. Nose is full of goo and I'm blowing out yellowish mucus but that's cus it's full of pathogen and is being expelled. I should be fine in a few days.

Don't pass the Day 2 tomorrow because of my flu and I'll just retake it once I've finished the college course. I'm more concerned with passing that right now due to the fact that I took out a loan to pay for it which I can't keep doing if I keep failing, and I have to pay for the retakes of exams so.

Anyway, getting on with it once I've done eating, which seems a bit pointless right now cus I can't take anything whatsoever.

Sigh.

On Accommodation...

Mornink.

Did a lot of spade work yesterday and decided that being a bastard is sometimes required when the world tries to fuck you in the ass.

Basically I've stopped paying my rent here so in two weeks I can use the erstwhile rent money to pay for a deposit and rent up front on a new room.

The bonus is that firstly I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere new to stay and can move out easily before the deadline of early next month.

The bastard part is that once I've left, there's no way for my former landlady to reclaim said money so I don't intend to pay rent for this entire month.

I don't like being an asshole but both my landlady and her husband are employed, whereas I can't get hired to pack boxes in a factory ['bloody foreigners, coming over here, taking our jobs', racist meme or evidential truth as they're both Lithuanian], and besides, they can wait to be paid back rent [even though I have no intention of doing so] whereas my new landlord or lady will need paying upfront.

I loved staying where I am present. They were good enough people [except for their screaming little demon of a child] and the best leasers I've met since moving into London several years ago.

---

My first three years, I think it was [I've never been good at keeping track of my own history, being more concerned with the present than the past, after all, the present is what is currently biting my ass], were spent in hostels, living alongside teenage travelers, who had zero respect for other people, and horrible human beings more like animals like sapient creatures.

Got offered sex by naked women several times [though I didn't accept because I wasn't attracted to them mentally, although physically the word 'supermodel' was tossed around quite easily], and bullied once or twice, which I dealt with easily as I've been bullied a lot in my life anyway.

Biggest issue there was bed availability. They don't let you just book a bed and it's yours. You to book almost daily, and if they're fully booked, you're boned, so for three years or so, sometimes I didn't have a bed to sleep in at night.

---

After that I stayed with a Puerto Rican...maybe...who was a giant asshole with no kidneys that kept nagging me about nothing and trying to evict me for bullshit reasons as a kind of hobby.

Eventually got evicted from the room in a large house I was renting after he invited a bunch of new housemates in and then went on holiday without leaving anyone to mind the property, despite having a daughter who could and eventually did do it.

I complained after a week of the mess and the noise from the brand new teenage tenants who were traveling from America, and how the boiler had broken and we were I was cleaning and everyone was showering in frigid water.

He ignored my texts and calls for more than a month until I managed to get hold of his daughter's email address and she managed to arrange for repairs.

After he returned he evicted me.

I cleaned the house up after the other residents. I got the boiler repaired. I made sure it was still standing and in reasonable condition for the time he was absent. And he booted me out for giving a shit about the place.

Some time later I got into an argument with the council over receiving housing benefit I wasn't entitled to even though I was. They contacted him as it was regarding my time spent living in his house. He lied to them about me actually being employed whilst living there and cheating the fucking government out of charity.

One court tribunal later, which he didn't attend, just gave them a written statement of his testimony after the tribunal was advised by a claim inspector to trust his assertions [you've no idea how badly I wanted to find the cretin who claimed that and break them in half], and I was able to prove that his allegations were a load of crap. He could've got me a criminal record and a jail time if they had believed him though.

There's a reason his kidney's failed people; the universe was trying to prevent him from blighting other people's lives. At least that's my theory.

[I said when I started writing this blog that I wasn't going to write about my horrible history. I just realized my actions are calling me a liar, but for crying out loud, when will the punishment stop?]

---

Then I stayed in an illegal sublet in a room in a two bed roomed flat, which was a] freezing cold [it was winter, snow on the pavement, and I didn't need to store things in the freezer], and b] had a gas heater in it which could've killed me in my sleep. Plus the rent was like fifty pounds over priced for the property.

It was illegal and overpriced because it was a council property rented to a tenant who sublet it, via her son, to my landlady who was also my flatmate. They would've been so epically boned if anyone found out. I've reported it since I left, because it's not right that someone should be making money off a council property like that, but I don't know if anyone has done anything about it.

Eventually I left that hellhole after three or four months because of a blow up argument with my sole flatmate over nothing very much, whereupon she turned into a psychotic bitch.

It's quite possible that I will never forget the argument we had over rent:

52 weeks per year, 12 months per year, 52 / 12 = 4.33 recurring, so £350.00, for example divided by 4.33 is 80.83, not 87.5, which is 350 / 4. And to work out daily rent at 350 per month, you times it by 12 months and then divide by 364 days to get 11.54.

This I remember because I was trying to work out how much I owed down to the day in rent so I could leave with all debts paid and my deposit back. Settle up, because I am honest and I expect the same. However, she insisted that I was wrong regardless of how I explained it. Either she was just trying to be evil or she didn't understand and said I was wrong regardless to save face.

Whatever really, in the past, but that kind of bullshit gets on my nerves.

---

Then there was this place. My current landlady is nice and doesn't bother me at all. They're all Lithuanian like I said so they don't go out of their way to talk to me because they can hardly understand me [AND YET EMPLOYERS HIRE THEM...].

The room is a good size, the wifi is more or less always on, it's never cold, I pay a flat rate per week in rent which can be past due for a bit if required, the kitchen is spacious, I can use my flatmates knives and things, and never have to clean overmuch because there's four of them and they do it themselves.

Well, more or less. The kitchen is usually left in a clutter so I have to move things, but I do the same sometimes so that's OK. And their son never stops bloody screaming his dam head off, which is grossly annoying sometimes. But on the whole, this place was ideal.

But now I have to leave.

---

I can be a bit picky over my next place as I've got just over a month to inspect and interview and consider, whilst also having the budget [see above regarding not paying this months rent] to pay for a large deposit which really opens up the options when you're looking for accommodation that'll accept those on housing benefit.

Some people lament the effort it takes to get onto the housing ladder due to property prices.

Personally I'm just looking for four walls, a floor, a ceiling, a bed, wifi, a fridge, and a toilet, plus housemates that I don't fantasize about justifiably killing.

Alright, so there are also those who don't even have the money to live indoors, but I do so using perfectly available social security funds so I don't understand why people do live rough really.

---

My final thought for today is that I learned yesterday definitively that my mother is indeed dead because there was an ad about it in the town where she lived with my farther, brother and sister.

She was insane. Illogical. A hater of intelligence. A downer. Someone who would drag another person's moral and sense of self-worth down to her own level on instinct. A liar. Abusive. Chronically bloody ill. And probably responsible for how fucked up I am.

As a creator, not what I would've hoped for, in a mother.

Sir Terry Pratchett, author of the Discworld fantasy series of books, wrote his deceased characters as being very clear minded. Dead, spirits, no longer able to interact with the living world, and soon transitioned into their afterlife, which is whatever they think will happen.

For my sake I hope that the former happened and she saw the damage she caused and could regret it, and feel remorse for it.

For hers, because I am a fundamentally good man, I hope that if there is a next world that she isn't driven anymore by whatever it was that caused her to act the way she did to me.

Never loved her, never even liked her, or respected her, or wished her anything but vengeance for what she did to me, which I got, and I'm not sorry.

But I can still hope for peace now I've settled the score.

On Bad Days...

...Fuck me...

Woke up.

Got evicted because I'm subletting and my landlady has decided not to renew her lease after the rent was increased.

Had wheeties.

Got rejected for a minimum wage job at SEGA which I was screened for on the basis, if you can believe it, 'the calibre of applicants has been very high during this process'.

Played some Hearthstone to relax a bit from these two blows before trying to find somewhere new to live, apply for another job, and do my college work which I paid for using yet another Student Loan.

Lost every one of the ten matches I played.

...OK...bad day...

My student loan is currently on hold because they require some more information from me. This information I've given to them twice already; once over the phone, once in writing. Currently dealing with their complaints department about it.

Said complaints department, for fun, decided yesterday afternoon to ring me up as a curtsy call to tell me that they were aware of my complaint.

Not that they had or were going to do anything about it. Not that they needed me to do anything about it. Just that were aware of it.

This would've been fine, except for the fact that at the time I was dead asleep because my sleep pattern is currently fucked and I'm sleeping during the day, and then couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.

Bastards.

That phone call was yesterday.

So right now it's around 6pm.

• In a month I'll have no where to live and to find new accommodation I need to find one of the few leasers who will rent to someone on housing benefit.
• In a week I'll have next to no food budget as I use what little money I have to pay for a deposit on new accommodation [I never did actually have one where I'm currently living].

Meanwhile my brain is trying to pretend reality doesn't exist. It's a defensive mechanism of my psychological makeup. When reality get's too much to deal with, it tries to pretend it's not there. That playing games and having fun is more important that getting on with things.

I was struggling to deal yesterday with the prospect of doing my college work. Now...

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I did have one crazy idea on how to resolve this; rent a storage container.

They cost, on a weekly basis, for the same size room, about half what I pay in rent.

Gain 24 hour access, somewhere close a gym for the shower and toilet, do my college work at the college where I'm studying, buy a cooler and few bags of ice each week that cost a pound each for food storage, and construct a nest inside the container.

I've seen pictures of people who've built actual honest to gods mansions out of storage containers, water proofed, wired with electrics and piped with plumbing. After all, a storage container is just a metal box and a house is just a concrete box.

The issue is with this is twofold.

• Firstly, most places don't have 24 hour access to the compounds they're built on. The best place I found does [and is sammitched between a 24 hour gym and an Iceland store], but would need me to be a customer for eight weeks before they'd give it to me. Doable maybe, but still...
• Secondly, my housing benefits are paid for a property. My job seekers isn't, so one hundred and forty every two weeks, forty on rent every week, works out at sixty every two weeks which is slightly less than what I have now with free access to amenities [bathroom, water, kitchen, etc.].
• Plus there's the obvious issue of what you're allowed to store there and the owners might take issue with a person living in one of their boxes.

Having a full time job, buying boxes and land and so forth, then doing them up works because I've seen it. But this impromptu set up only has the singular advantage of being accessible in the short term.

I've tried living in a hostel [instant access, pay by the day accommodation] and it's not something I ever want to repeat, which is why I was looking into this to begin with.

Finding another room to rent might be easier.

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A few days ago my biggest issue was taking care of my college work before the weekend, with a side of chasing up results from interviews and my student loan.

Now I'm virtually homeless and starving is the only way to fix it.

Fucking hate my life, but hating it isn't going to fix anything, so I had best go get on with it.