Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
Showing posts with label Hate. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hate. Show all posts
16/10/2014
09/10/2014
Hate and Love, Rage and Passion
SUP. :O
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
07/10/2014
You Know It's Going To Be A Good Day...
...when upon waking up you find a 10 quid note someone dropped and no one claims. :D
Got a Subway for breakfast, had some coke flavored caffeine called Monster Assault, tasty stuff, bought some caffeine pills, listened to some Dresden Files: Wight Night [that's what it should be called so unless you write it down it sounds like 'White Knight' or good hero instead of 'Wight Night' or soul vampire night], had a shower, got to the library and now just procrastinating before doing some college work.
Didn't go running last night because last weekend really did a number on me, I left it too late, and today I feel great, so go do an epic run tomorrow and it'll be far more productive.
Kinda annoyed at the skin on my hands at the moment because they got freeze dried by the cold autumnal air and the epidermis is dry and tight. Freaking annoying, though minor relief comes from licking them. Need some moisturizer or something but I hate how oily that shit makes my hands for hours. I once tried to power through that shit though and my knuckles are badly scarred from where the skin dried out and cracked and bled so.
Currently trying to listen to My Chemical Romance's final album called 'Conventional Weapons' which I've only found one or two good songs on - Boy Division and Kiss the Ring. The rest are just awful bland things which only serve to evidence that some bands should bow out before their fire burns out.
There is some pop music out currently which is sticking in my head, but I've no clue what the songs are called, only heard them when moving between shops which play the stuff, and have no desire to wade through the utter crap in the top 40 to find maybe two or three songs total which appeal to me.
Lady friend is kinda annoying me at the moment because sometimes she seems hot and sometimes she seems cold and I'm not sure where I stand, and I hate not knowing where I stand. Of course this laptop is slowly reducing my care of anything which isn't pure information.
The way my brain works is semi-psychopathic; I see the world as an assemblage of information. I don't usually feel emotion, not because I can't, but because there's so much momentum behind my thoughts that I get into specific head spaces of mental thought, and analysis and deduction of incoming and outgoing information is one of my favorite head spaces. I could be emotional, or I could be creative, or I could be rational, or whatever depending on what I focus on. To get work done, to interact with computers, to play games, I don't feel emotion or use imagination, I just see, think and do. And that's where my head's at right now.
For relationships of any sort this is problematic as my lady friend talks to me and I try to rationalize and solve what she is saying instead of caring. And when she's not talking to me and off doing other stuff I don't really care about her existence. I probably should care really, but I don't because I'm occupying a head space that makes me hyperational and want to be there instead of worrying about relationship bull shit.
I'd do very well to find someone who understands this sort of thing, has as much intelligence [roughly defined as memory, deductive ability, etc.], and can run in the same sort of mode and doesn't expect me to be all warm and caring and isn't all warm and caring when on the job.
The issue of course is that I'm so weird that my sort of weirdness isn't prolific enough to make finding someone like me likely. I have to try to make do with what is available in the human population.
My lady friend isn't an ideal mate, but I don't know anyone else that's better at the moment. That's the basis of most human relationships really. Imperfect but what you've got to work with.
No call back from the recruitment company the job center referred me to last week. Going to go see them tomorrow morning before checking in with the job center.
Watching S08E03 of Doctor Who. The Promised Land is starting to reveal itself, which is interesting, and the bickering between The Doctor and Robin Hood was funny. The issue is that I've seen multiple versions of the Robin Hood tale, including the Kevin Costner full motion picture, and found it a bit lackluster so. It's still not quite matching up to the first episode of the series though. Started on a high note, and the last few episodes will probably be excellent, but the center seems a bit underwhelming.
A while back when I had nothing to use but my iPhone I got into using an online forum called Reddit.
Normally I am loath to use forums because the people who use them have the mental functions of pet rocks and the moderators are a breed of Nazi that believes that if they can get away with it then who the fuck cares about rationality or reason when they can abuse their power and ban you for breathing.
However, since I started using it, apart from the occasional troll, being banned once for 'Slap Fighting' from Ask Reddit because a flamebaiter kept harassing me*, and once being accused of stealing porno pictures and reposting them on Tumblr and infringing on copyright theft** I've enjoyed using the site overall.
* Yeah, I got banned because someone went through my post history posting insulting and nasty replies when all I said to him was that I was not going to engage him and asked him why he was doing it. Like I said, mods are universally assholes who don't care about contextual circumstances. It's in their job description to not give a fuck.
** I do repost porn pictures from a subreddit called Gone Wild on Tumblr under another name, but only ever 1 image from any one person, I link to where I found it, and the people who post them don't give a flying fuck about who downloads and reposts them elsewhere anyway.
One of the subreddits is called No Sleep, and it's where people post scary and creepy stories from a first person perspective. OK, so it's rules [each subreddit has it's own ruleset] are retarded because you can't say...
"Good story, but insert critique of your narrative and compliment on structure here."
...without it being removed by the mods. You have to go use NoSleepOOC for that. No, in the subreddit itself you have to act like all the stories are totally legit and the posters are talking about real events as a form of ongoing roleplay. It's stupid, retarded, and ill conducive to proper feedback on creative work, but, like with Wikipedia, I have no control to make idiots grow the fuck up and see reason, so I live with it.
The reason I mention it is because what I thought would be a good idea some time ago is to turn the stories in No Sleep into anthology collections, books which could be constructed with artwork and sold in shops and online as eBooks, via Kindle and that maybe.
Some of them really are quite worth the read, and the entire process isn't that complicated for someone already trained in the design of computer games and their concomitant artistic assets.
You simply built the necessary artwork in photoshop, collect and edit together a whole bunch of stories once you have the authorization of their authors, and then publish the book via Lulu or any one of the self-publishing websites who take your money and publication dat and hand you a printed book in bulks of a thousand or so.
When I posted this I naturally started at the above base principles and got in return from other users a whole bunch of utter tripe way beyond a base concept about contracts and royalties and how it's a far better thing for a single author to seek self-publication [a hellish task which I understand requires 10,000 pitches and ten times that many rewrites or more before someone says yes, we'll take this] rather than contribute to a collected anthology, as though a novice writer doesn't need nor want to appear beside other works which encourage people to buy the volume because they know one writer and get recognition and cred.
I mean, I even got told by some stupid bastard that any author with brains wouldn't use a publisher or contribute to an anthology because the professional job role of publishers is to make money off the work of creative people.
Which is entirely true, if you take away a publisher's entire functioning workload of finding halfway decent authors, collating and editing their work, ensuring they deliver on time, making sure their work is advertised and distributed properly, etc. etc. Ya know, the entire role of administration of a creative work doesn't need to be paid for, and every author is naturally skilled in the task without any outside aid whatsoever.
I am a games designer and I design games. When you have publishers or anyone else, including programmers or artists, trying to do my job, they cock it up royally because they are not skilled in the task like I am. Likewise I don't really care about the majority of their job/s, constructing a creative artifact from a verity of sources not withstanding.
It's one thing to be a creative genius, but it's another to understand administration of creative artifacts, and someone has to pay for that service, and it's going to have to come from the revenue generated by the proliferation of the creative artifact, either to the author for doing a half assed job of it or to someone else for professional execution.
Anyway someone directed me to an eBook put together by, I think, the mods of the subreddit itself.
- http://nosleepebook.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/2014-ebook-issue-2/
I would download this and give my professional opinion on it's design, but the library I'm in doesn't allow for downloads from Mediafire [fucking idiot should not have used that when Lulu is free and available to anyone once they've made an account] but from what I remember when I checked it out on my phone a professional media designer like myself could do a lot better than this.
The point is that like most things I have an idea for making something and a lot of people show up to tell me it can't be done for a lot of bullshit reasons, think they're helping, and instead are just confirming my conviction that most of humanity needs to be fucking nurtured.
The issue I have with executing this idea here and now [apart from the obvious limitations on my time at present] is that this toy PC here can't handle running photoshop so I can't make the art assets. I can however run around No Sleep and pull together a whole bunch of stories and make a prototype then post that as a proof of concept idea on the forums.
If the authors have one iota of sense they will see my work and get on board. If they don't, and let's face it that I'm expecting that they won't, they'll go apeshit and tell me not to publish their work on the assumption that I'm trying to profit from it, because people are irrational morons.
NOTE: I'm making this note here as a preemptive I told you so [HAI DUDE FROM PAST SELF!] because from past experience I have the abilities of a prophet so I want to make it very clear that I saw this bullshit coming and have no intention of profiting from other peoples work, I'm just trying to create something here.
I'll still form the book, because if nothing else it'll look good in my portfolio as 'I made an anthology book, isn't it uber cool' even if the morons who wrote the content won't allow me to publish it so we can both profit from it's distribution out into the world.
Like I've always said, I can but try, and also like I've always said, the universe usually sneers at anything I try and tries to kill it with prejudice. Doesn't stop me from trying though, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still breathing.
Right, I need a widdle and maybe a drink and I really need to get some college work done, so I think I've rambled on enough for one day.
The above eBook and a few other projects [including buying merchandise from airport lost and abandoned luggage sales from auctions held in London, UK, and selling it on eBay] will have to wait until I have more time and money to invest in doing it.
Hope anyone reading this is having a nice day like me. :)
Got a Subway for breakfast, had some coke flavored caffeine called Monster Assault, tasty stuff, bought some caffeine pills, listened to some Dresden Files: Wight Night [that's what it should be called so unless you write it down it sounds like 'White Knight' or good hero instead of 'Wight Night' or soul vampire night], had a shower, got to the library and now just procrastinating before doing some college work.
Didn't go running last night because last weekend really did a number on me, I left it too late, and today I feel great, so go do an epic run tomorrow and it'll be far more productive.
Kinda annoyed at the skin on my hands at the moment because they got freeze dried by the cold autumnal air and the epidermis is dry and tight. Freaking annoying, though minor relief comes from licking them. Need some moisturizer or something but I hate how oily that shit makes my hands for hours. I once tried to power through that shit though and my knuckles are badly scarred from where the skin dried out and cracked and bled so.
Currently trying to listen to My Chemical Romance's final album called 'Conventional Weapons' which I've only found one or two good songs on - Boy Division and Kiss the Ring. The rest are just awful bland things which only serve to evidence that some bands should bow out before their fire burns out.
There is some pop music out currently which is sticking in my head, but I've no clue what the songs are called, only heard them when moving between shops which play the stuff, and have no desire to wade through the utter crap in the top 40 to find maybe two or three songs total which appeal to me.
Lady friend is kinda annoying me at the moment because sometimes she seems hot and sometimes she seems cold and I'm not sure where I stand, and I hate not knowing where I stand. Of course this laptop is slowly reducing my care of anything which isn't pure information.
The way my brain works is semi-psychopathic; I see the world as an assemblage of information. I don't usually feel emotion, not because I can't, but because there's so much momentum behind my thoughts that I get into specific head spaces of mental thought, and analysis and deduction of incoming and outgoing information is one of my favorite head spaces. I could be emotional, or I could be creative, or I could be rational, or whatever depending on what I focus on. To get work done, to interact with computers, to play games, I don't feel emotion or use imagination, I just see, think and do. And that's where my head's at right now.
For relationships of any sort this is problematic as my lady friend talks to me and I try to rationalize and solve what she is saying instead of caring. And when she's not talking to me and off doing other stuff I don't really care about her existence. I probably should care really, but I don't because I'm occupying a head space that makes me hyperational and want to be there instead of worrying about relationship bull shit.
I'd do very well to find someone who understands this sort of thing, has as much intelligence [roughly defined as memory, deductive ability, etc.], and can run in the same sort of mode and doesn't expect me to be all warm and caring and isn't all warm and caring when on the job.
The issue of course is that I'm so weird that my sort of weirdness isn't prolific enough to make finding someone like me likely. I have to try to make do with what is available in the human population.
My lady friend isn't an ideal mate, but I don't know anyone else that's better at the moment. That's the basis of most human relationships really. Imperfect but what you've got to work with.
No call back from the recruitment company the job center referred me to last week. Going to go see them tomorrow morning before checking in with the job center.
Watching S08E03 of Doctor Who. The Promised Land is starting to reveal itself, which is interesting, and the bickering between The Doctor and Robin Hood was funny. The issue is that I've seen multiple versions of the Robin Hood tale, including the Kevin Costner full motion picture, and found it a bit lackluster so. It's still not quite matching up to the first episode of the series though. Started on a high note, and the last few episodes will probably be excellent, but the center seems a bit underwhelming.
A while back when I had nothing to use but my iPhone I got into using an online forum called Reddit.
Normally I am loath to use forums because the people who use them have the mental functions of pet rocks and the moderators are a breed of Nazi that believes that if they can get away with it then who the fuck cares about rationality or reason when they can abuse their power and ban you for breathing.
However, since I started using it, apart from the occasional troll, being banned once for 'Slap Fighting' from Ask Reddit because a flamebaiter kept harassing me*, and once being accused of stealing porno pictures and reposting them on Tumblr and infringing on copyright theft** I've enjoyed using the site overall.
* Yeah, I got banned because someone went through my post history posting insulting and nasty replies when all I said to him was that I was not going to engage him and asked him why he was doing it. Like I said, mods are universally assholes who don't care about contextual circumstances. It's in their job description to not give a fuck.
** I do repost porn pictures from a subreddit called Gone Wild on Tumblr under another name, but only ever 1 image from any one person, I link to where I found it, and the people who post them don't give a flying fuck about who downloads and reposts them elsewhere anyway.
One of the subreddits is called No Sleep, and it's where people post scary and creepy stories from a first person perspective. OK, so it's rules [each subreddit has it's own ruleset] are retarded because you can't say...
"Good story, but insert critique of your narrative and compliment on structure here."
...without it being removed by the mods. You have to go use NoSleepOOC for that. No, in the subreddit itself you have to act like all the stories are totally legit and the posters are talking about real events as a form of ongoing roleplay. It's stupid, retarded, and ill conducive to proper feedback on creative work, but, like with Wikipedia, I have no control to make idiots grow the fuck up and see reason, so I live with it.
The reason I mention it is because what I thought would be a good idea some time ago is to turn the stories in No Sleep into anthology collections, books which could be constructed with artwork and sold in shops and online as eBooks, via Kindle and that maybe.
Some of them really are quite worth the read, and the entire process isn't that complicated for someone already trained in the design of computer games and their concomitant artistic assets.
You simply built the necessary artwork in photoshop, collect and edit together a whole bunch of stories once you have the authorization of their authors, and then publish the book via Lulu or any one of the self-publishing websites who take your money and publication dat and hand you a printed book in bulks of a thousand or so.
When I posted this I naturally started at the above base principles and got in return from other users a whole bunch of utter tripe way beyond a base concept about contracts and royalties and how it's a far better thing for a single author to seek self-publication [a hellish task which I understand requires 10,000 pitches and ten times that many rewrites or more before someone says yes, we'll take this] rather than contribute to a collected anthology, as though a novice writer doesn't need nor want to appear beside other works which encourage people to buy the volume because they know one writer and get recognition and cred.
I mean, I even got told by some stupid bastard that any author with brains wouldn't use a publisher or contribute to an anthology because the professional job role of publishers is to make money off the work of creative people.
Which is entirely true, if you take away a publisher's entire functioning workload of finding halfway decent authors, collating and editing their work, ensuring they deliver on time, making sure their work is advertised and distributed properly, etc. etc. Ya know, the entire role of administration of a creative work doesn't need to be paid for, and every author is naturally skilled in the task without any outside aid whatsoever.
I am a games designer and I design games. When you have publishers or anyone else, including programmers or artists, trying to do my job, they cock it up royally because they are not skilled in the task like I am. Likewise I don't really care about the majority of their job/s, constructing a creative artifact from a verity of sources not withstanding.
It's one thing to be a creative genius, but it's another to understand administration of creative artifacts, and someone has to pay for that service, and it's going to have to come from the revenue generated by the proliferation of the creative artifact, either to the author for doing a half assed job of it or to someone else for professional execution.
Anyway someone directed me to an eBook put together by, I think, the mods of the subreddit itself.
- http://nosleepebook.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/2014-ebook-issue-2/
I would download this and give my professional opinion on it's design, but the library I'm in doesn't allow for downloads from Mediafire [fucking idiot should not have used that when Lulu is free and available to anyone once they've made an account] but from what I remember when I checked it out on my phone a professional media designer like myself could do a lot better than this.
The point is that like most things I have an idea for making something and a lot of people show up to tell me it can't be done for a lot of bullshit reasons, think they're helping, and instead are just confirming my conviction that most of humanity needs to be fucking nurtured.
The issue I have with executing this idea here and now [apart from the obvious limitations on my time at present] is that this toy PC here can't handle running photoshop so I can't make the art assets. I can however run around No Sleep and pull together a whole bunch of stories and make a prototype then post that as a proof of concept idea on the forums.
If the authors have one iota of sense they will see my work and get on board. If they don't, and let's face it that I'm expecting that they won't, they'll go apeshit and tell me not to publish their work on the assumption that I'm trying to profit from it, because people are irrational morons.
NOTE: I'm making this note here as a preemptive I told you so [HAI DUDE FROM PAST SELF!] because from past experience I have the abilities of a prophet so I want to make it very clear that I saw this bullshit coming and have no intention of profiting from other peoples work, I'm just trying to create something here.
I'll still form the book, because if nothing else it'll look good in my portfolio as 'I made an anthology book, isn't it uber cool' even if the morons who wrote the content won't allow me to publish it so we can both profit from it's distribution out into the world.
Like I've always said, I can but try, and also like I've always said, the universe usually sneers at anything I try and tries to kill it with prejudice. Doesn't stop me from trying though, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still breathing.
Right, I need a widdle and maybe a drink and I really need to get some college work done, so I think I've rambled on enough for one day.
The above eBook and a few other projects [including buying merchandise from airport lost and abandoned luggage sales from auctions held in London, UK, and selling it on eBay] will have to wait until I have more time and money to invest in doing it.
Hope anyone reading this is having a nice day like me. :)
30/09/2014
Sexy Beast and Womennip...
Good afternoon. :P
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
10/07/2014
On Kakky...
...*long sigh*...
Currently Im up to my nostrils in deep, thick, brown kak.
Can't remember what I posted last about 3 days ago, and Im not going to go check cus its annoying to do so on an iPhone, but this is where I am now:
I've arranged accommodation in a hostel. And except for a slight issue with this weekend I've been able to book it so I can stay here for the whole week concurrently so long as I book a week in advance. I would've booked this with the management, but the assholes who run this reasonably priced place said that they're always fully booked and only do bookings online. Hail the age of automation, where no one can think for themselves and no one cares so long as the money keeps coming in. Trading your humanity for efficiency and the precious, precious coin.
The price of acom changes from week to week, next week being 97 and the following week being 101 for example, and its more than I was paying, and my diet is suffering accordingly, but Ive got enough money to not be hungry.
That's a bed to sleep in and food to eat, the basics anyone needs from day to day.
Now for the shit storm...
My PC broke after I updated my media on my mobile devices on Monday, so I've got only the first 3 Iron Druid Chronicles audiobooks and first 3 Dresden Files until...well some point in the future when I can get a new PC.
I've seen cheap laptops running Windows XP on Gumtree and that would do to let me download my audiobooks and that from places like Audible, I just need to find 50-75 quid from somewhere to make everything a lot more bearable.
Asides from this, I obviously can't do any college work in the hostel, only at the college itself. I should be there right now but I exhausted myself running across central London yesterday to check in with the job centre and don't feel like moving, much less running for an hour south to the college campus.
(My music player ran out of battery shortly before I went out the door, so Im writing this and charging it.)
And due to one of those stupid protocol before sense situations, again, again, I could find that the money I'm using to sleep indoors and eat with could vanish, and the first I would hear about it would be the same day I need to spend it. It just depends on how much attention people are paying to me.
This is fucking hilarious because the only time people ever pay me any attention is to fuck my shit up. When I really need help they ignore me, but when I need them to ignore me to help me they might as well be The Demon with 10,000 eyes.
If I'm ignored for 8-10 weeks, and I do my college work, then at best I'll be hired by the police, job done. And the training pay, which is greater than full time, will allow me to get proper accommodation and a life.
If not then I may, at worst, end up homeless and unable to finish my certification and therefore unemployed and on the street.
The phrase 'Dangerous Game' comes to mind. The one bright spot is that there's only a slim chance that the shit will hit the fan, but given that this is my life I'm expecting it to go to shit in about 3 and a half days.
I'm doing nothing illegal you understand, its just the nature of the government aid that at one and the same time is propping up my pathetic excuse for an existence and may snuff it out in passing if I'm not careful.
My aim currently is to get my college work done and maintain my acom, and that's it.
8-10 weeks of learning policing, being bored out of my skull, and worrying about my position collapsing and then Ill be employed with the money to take care of everything.
Just have to make it that far. The finish line. The boss battle. The last mile. It's a bitch. But at least it'll be the end, one way or the other.
Because if this shit falls apart I'm walking into fucking traffic the day after.
06/07/2014
On Ouchie...
...Good grief...
Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.
I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.
After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.
Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.
...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...
---
One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...
Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.
I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.
Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.
I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.
That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.
I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.
My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.
I really don't like other people.
---
Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.
Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.
What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.
HEH, good joke.
Whatever.
Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.
I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.
After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.
Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.
...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...
---
One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...
Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.
I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.
Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.
I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.
That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.
I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.
My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.
I really don't like other people.
---
Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.
Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.
What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.
HEH, good joke.
Whatever.
03/07/2014
On Resolution...
Evening.
Good news bad news day today [heh, I can write].
Woke up and ate scrambled eggs on toast with the odd mod that the egg was simply whisked before being microwaved and more like an egg stake than scrambled.
Played three matches of TOME: Immortal Arena to wake up and scored well with the new champions on free rotation [I've only been able to buy 2 so far]. Their Wizard, their Angel and their Pyromage. I love the champion functionality in the game, even if they are individually mostly just variations on a theme. The themes are good, so their variations are fun. Taking bloody ages to level up though and I want access to their version of runes and masteries.
---
Then got an email from the medical department of the MPS.
On the one hand it sounds like I've passed the Day 2 and will be getting into training, which is good. I'm choosing to take it that the fucking fitness instructor didn't detonate my fucking application.
On the other hand they told me I need to hand in a form from my GP before they can offer me a place, which I've got signed and passed but can't get from them because the thing costs £20, which isn't much but I've just been evicted and need new accommodation which I'll be lucky to get with the money I've got.
I pass the Day 2 despite a chest infection, I pass my exam despite flu, I get through the weekend from hell only to be evicted the following weekend, whereupon I need £20 for a doctors form and need to find somewhere new to live despite having two more exams on the weekend.
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THE WORLD HATES ME PEOPLE. :O
Last summer this wouldn't have been an issue for me. I could've paid everything and I was healthy and had no money troubles. This summer it's just one thing after another, making any given task I need to complete a fucking bitch.
And the worst part is that I still have to do it.
I have to move and hope I can find somewhere new to live. I have to do my college work and pass my exams. I have to find £20 for a fucking signature on a form and hope it's not too late to get into their recruitment round.
And it'll all be for nothing [pain without gain] because in two weeks time it'll be some other nightmare, depend upon it.
The one bright spot here is that, as I said before, I'm learning how to deal with some really stupid shit and bad timing, especially in terms of people management.
At the moment I'm working on finding new acom and passing this weekend's exams. After I've gotten a roof over my head again then I'll deal with the MPS recruitment process.
---
One bright spot is that I woke up this morning and didn't try to cough up my lungs, so the meds that I've been taking every five hours seem to be working. I can even wheeze now without then spending a couple of minuets coughing, which I've not been able to do in three months, so that's nice.
As I said; give me shit to deal with and I'll grab my shovel, but I need my health to do it.
It's amazing though that you spend three months with this persistent health issue and a few pills later and it's almost entirely gone. A drip, a drop of really odd tasting chemicals later [the roid I'm taking is the oddest thing I've ever had in my mouth, Salbutamol Sulphate] and your biology sorts itself out. Amazing.
---
Found a new place to live. It's off on the other side of London in Heathrow, near the airport, but it's close to the MPS offices where I'm doing my testing and the same distance from the college campus where I'm doing my certification course, so that's alright.
Only costs £70.00 per week with two weeks deposit too. A bit of an issue with that I'm not currently employed, but I've got a viewing tomorrow and I think he'll understand about me being on benefits for two more months before working for the police service.
It's this place or moving into a hostel on Sunday anyway as I've got to be out on Monday.
£70 a week should be fine, it'll give me extra money to sort myself out for now, and I rarely go out so with the Barclay's cycle hire service I should be able to make the distance a few times a week to my regular check in with the benefits office and to get to college so I'm sure it'll be OK.
I could use the exercise besides given that I had to stop running for the last several months due to this chest infection. Need to get my fitness back up before training.
---
This hot mess is out on the 17th of July. :D
The first Planet of the Apes movie was really well written and entertaining, so I'm expecting great things of this. I'm going to go see it at Peckhamplex in Packham London. £7 for fucking 3D viewing. Never go to those overpriced fucking Odeons.
I'm erudite. I'm intelligent. I'm learned. It's one of my key aspects. If you ask me to describe myself, somewhere in the list of characterizing locution is going to be the word 'Genius'.
And I like Michael Bay's fucking movies.
I watch them because sometimes I enjoy two or three hours of TICK, TICK, BEWM. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, I'm expecting bullets and fireballs and would be angry if I didn't get it.
Like the man said in response to critique: "I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime." And I might be bordering on 30 but as is well known, the first step to wisdom is to perceive as a small child. And I passed that a long time ago, and a part of me, the part that is fed every time I sprint when running, loves the Transformer movies for giant robots kicking the oily crap out of each other.
Stop pooping on the guy for making bad movies people, he gives ya what you pay for. D:
---
That's about it I think. Going to go play a couple of TOME matches and then write up the revision materials for Saturday so I can study them today and tomorrow and probably on the way to my lecture on Saturday.
*rubs palm across head* Ah, maybe I will go shave, THEN deal with college mats, AFTER gaming. Stupid freaking hair.
Today: shave and college work [revision mats first].
Tomorrow: 4pm viewing of property which requires about 3 hours to get to.
Saturday: college lecture and exams.
Sunday: Remove possessions from flat, either into new room or hostel.
Monday: Depends on new room or hostel. If new room, buy foods and do college work. If hostel, find new room and college work.
That's the next few days. Fun, fun, fun...oy vey...
Good news bad news day today [heh, I can write].
Woke up and ate scrambled eggs on toast with the odd mod that the egg was simply whisked before being microwaved and more like an egg stake than scrambled.
Played three matches of TOME: Immortal Arena to wake up and scored well with the new champions on free rotation [I've only been able to buy 2 so far]. Their Wizard, their Angel and their Pyromage. I love the champion functionality in the game, even if they are individually mostly just variations on a theme. The themes are good, so their variations are fun. Taking bloody ages to level up though and I want access to their version of runes and masteries.
---
Then got an email from the medical department of the MPS.
On the one hand it sounds like I've passed the Day 2 and will be getting into training, which is good. I'm choosing to take it that the fucking fitness instructor didn't detonate my fucking application.
On the other hand they told me I need to hand in a form from my GP before they can offer me a place, which I've got signed and passed but can't get from them because the thing costs £20, which isn't much but I've just been evicted and need new accommodation which I'll be lucky to get with the money I've got.
I pass the Day 2 despite a chest infection, I pass my exam despite flu, I get through the weekend from hell only to be evicted the following weekend, whereupon I need £20 for a doctors form and need to find somewhere new to live despite having two more exams on the weekend.
THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THE WORLD HATES ME PEOPLE. :O
Last summer this wouldn't have been an issue for me. I could've paid everything and I was healthy and had no money troubles. This summer it's just one thing after another, making any given task I need to complete a fucking bitch.
And the worst part is that I still have to do it.
I have to move and hope I can find somewhere new to live. I have to do my college work and pass my exams. I have to find £20 for a fucking signature on a form and hope it's not too late to get into their recruitment round.
And it'll all be for nothing [pain without gain] because in two weeks time it'll be some other nightmare, depend upon it.
The one bright spot here is that, as I said before, I'm learning how to deal with some really stupid shit and bad timing, especially in terms of people management.
At the moment I'm working on finding new acom and passing this weekend's exams. After I've gotten a roof over my head again then I'll deal with the MPS recruitment process.
---
One bright spot is that I woke up this morning and didn't try to cough up my lungs, so the meds that I've been taking every five hours seem to be working. I can even wheeze now without then spending a couple of minuets coughing, which I've not been able to do in three months, so that's nice.
As I said; give me shit to deal with and I'll grab my shovel, but I need my health to do it.
It's amazing though that you spend three months with this persistent health issue and a few pills later and it's almost entirely gone. A drip, a drop of really odd tasting chemicals later [the roid I'm taking is the oddest thing I've ever had in my mouth, Salbutamol Sulphate] and your biology sorts itself out. Amazing.
---
Found a new place to live. It's off on the other side of London in Heathrow, near the airport, but it's close to the MPS offices where I'm doing my testing and the same distance from the college campus where I'm doing my certification course, so that's alright.
Only costs £70.00 per week with two weeks deposit too. A bit of an issue with that I'm not currently employed, but I've got a viewing tomorrow and I think he'll understand about me being on benefits for two more months before working for the police service.
It's this place or moving into a hostel on Sunday anyway as I've got to be out on Monday.
£70 a week should be fine, it'll give me extra money to sort myself out for now, and I rarely go out so with the Barclay's cycle hire service I should be able to make the distance a few times a week to my regular check in with the benefits office and to get to college so I'm sure it'll be OK.
I could use the exercise besides given that I had to stop running for the last several months due to this chest infection. Need to get my fitness back up before training.
---
This hot mess is out on the 17th of July. :D
The first Planet of the Apes movie was really well written and entertaining, so I'm expecting great things of this. I'm going to go see it at Peckhamplex in Packham London. £7 for fucking 3D viewing. Never go to those overpriced fucking Odeons.
I'm erudite. I'm intelligent. I'm learned. It's one of my key aspects. If you ask me to describe myself, somewhere in the list of characterizing locution is going to be the word 'Genius'.
And I like Michael Bay's fucking movies.
I watch them because sometimes I enjoy two or three hours of TICK, TICK, BEWM. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, I'm expecting bullets and fireballs and would be angry if I didn't get it.
Like the man said in response to critique: "I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime." And I might be bordering on 30 but as is well known, the first step to wisdom is to perceive as a small child. And I passed that a long time ago, and a part of me, the part that is fed every time I sprint when running, loves the Transformer movies for giant robots kicking the oily crap out of each other.
Stop pooping on the guy for making bad movies people, he gives ya what you pay for. D:
---
That's about it I think. Going to go play a couple of TOME matches and then write up the revision materials for Saturday so I can study them today and tomorrow and probably on the way to my lecture on Saturday.
*rubs palm across head* Ah, maybe I will go shave, THEN deal with college mats, AFTER gaming. Stupid freaking hair.
Today: shave and college work [revision mats first].
Tomorrow: 4pm viewing of property which requires about 3 hours to get to.
Saturday: college lecture and exams.
Sunday: Remove possessions from flat, either into new room or hostel.
Monday: Depends on new room or hostel. If new room, buy foods and do college work. If hostel, find new room and college work.
That's the next few days. Fun, fun, fun...oy vey...
22/06/2014
On Aftermath...
Got to college.
Just about made it and was just about ready for the exam. The tutor did two things of note:
Firstly after the exam he read over the papers we handed in. Told us that no one had really missed the point entirely but we could skip copying the question in our answer; give two examples of, two examples of, etc.
And secondly he said, and this is dam nonsense, that we all need 100% on the exam. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, which means that every single one of us will be taking a retake of the questions we got wrong at the end of the course because no one aced it first try, and that's a fact.
Nearly fell asleep three times during the lecturing, and then got told we've got two more exams next week. Joy. On the other hand [each week is 2 weeks apart] I've got 2 weeks to prep, the flu is abating and all I've got to do is move out of my current acom and revise so it's not too bad really.
I say my flu is fading, but when I stopped yesterday for some reason my throat nearly closed with mucus forcing me to wheeze and then cough until it cleared. What the hell with that? Right now I'm coughing and tasting nasty. I'm going to the doctors on Monday for signatures for the police so I'll make an appointment with them and get checked out.
Asides from that, I got in...OK, god dam, I thought it was 6:42pm. xD
It's 6:42am, and I slept from around 6 last night right through till 6 this morning. I was wondering why the sun hadn't set yet and thought I had been asleep only an hour or two. Only just put it together that I've been out for 12 hours.
So, was awake from 12am till 5-6pm, 12-12+4 = a full waking day [8am-8pm, plus 4 hours is midnight, 8 hours sleep till 8am] which is like 1-2 in the morning. Slept for 11-12 hours and feel like I could use 11-12 more.
Resting today, cleaning this evening cus I can't see my bedroom floor, going to the doctors tomorrow for my throat and signatures, plus a few other places, including cancelling the housing benefits tribunal and Big Yellow Storage to arrange a hole to throw my crap into for the time being and my new residence to book to a bed.
I'm dehydrated, starving, my vision isn't happy, I wish it nighttime, and I'm still coughing and/or wheezing. My abuse corpus isn't happy about being put through the last three days.
As I said before; other people don't have to do this shit. Other people don't get flu right before a fitness exam, other people don't have exams the day after, other people don't need to half kill themselves to accomplish their goals.
The world doesn't hate other people like it hates me. It gives or it ignores, it doesn't give and then put them through hell in the getting.
Whatever, I'm going back to bed.
Just about made it and was just about ready for the exam. The tutor did two things of note:
Firstly after the exam he read over the papers we handed in. Told us that no one had really missed the point entirely but we could skip copying the question in our answer; give two examples of, two examples of, etc.
And secondly he said, and this is dam nonsense, that we all need 100% on the exam. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, which means that every single one of us will be taking a retake of the questions we got wrong at the end of the course because no one aced it first try, and that's a fact.
Nearly fell asleep three times during the lecturing, and then got told we've got two more exams next week. Joy. On the other hand [each week is 2 weeks apart] I've got 2 weeks to prep, the flu is abating and all I've got to do is move out of my current acom and revise so it's not too bad really.
I say my flu is fading, but when I stopped yesterday for some reason my throat nearly closed with mucus forcing me to wheeze and then cough until it cleared. What the hell with that? Right now I'm coughing and tasting nasty. I'm going to the doctors on Monday for signatures for the police so I'll make an appointment with them and get checked out.
Asides from that, I got in...OK, god dam, I thought it was 6:42pm. xD
It's 6:42am, and I slept from around 6 last night right through till 6 this morning. I was wondering why the sun hadn't set yet and thought I had been asleep only an hour or two. Only just put it together that I've been out for 12 hours.
So, was awake from 12am till 5-6pm, 12-12+4 = a full waking day [8am-8pm, plus 4 hours is midnight, 8 hours sleep till 8am] which is like 1-2 in the morning. Slept for 11-12 hours and feel like I could use 11-12 more.
Resting today, cleaning this evening cus I can't see my bedroom floor, going to the doctors tomorrow for my throat and signatures, plus a few other places, including cancelling the housing benefits tribunal and Big Yellow Storage to arrange a hole to throw my crap into for the time being and my new residence to book to a bed.
I'm dehydrated, starving, my vision isn't happy, I wish it nighttime, and I'm still coughing and/or wheezing. My abuse corpus isn't happy about being put through the last three days.
As I said before; other people don't have to do this shit. Other people don't get flu right before a fitness exam, other people don't have exams the day after, other people don't need to half kill themselves to accomplish their goals.
The world doesn't hate other people like it hates me. It gives or it ignores, it doesn't give and then put them through hell in the getting.
Whatever, I'm going back to bed.
21/06/2014
On Hell...
Well that was hellish.
Awake more than 24 hours, barely any food, flu, and I get through all the fitness tests for the police with a pass [although the medical was close given that no sleep fucks up you royal]. Then of course I get to the fitness test and this short black haired women in skin tight yoga pants and quite distracting pale blue eyes, actually, decides to reprimand me for unprofessional conduct and bad attitude.
I hate my life. Just hate it.
I go through hell to get through the Day 2 with somewhere close to reasonable chance to pass my exam and then probably fail it due to pissing off an examiner with bad attitude.
I don't honestly know what the fuck it was I did. Abruptness and lack of social skill or some such nonsense was her complaint. No one else complained. No one else said a thing. But no, to her my attitude was all wrong and needed correcting.
Explained to the staff processing documentation and the other applicants about my flu and things and they were sympathetic and understanding. They were all fine. But this one women didn't care about that. It only mattered how she perceived me.
FINE, fail me for it. I'm going to appeal if it comes to it or simply retake the entire day in six months with a request that she has nothing to do with my Day 2. At the moment, with an exam in seven hours with 2 hours travel time to boot, I just can't find any fucks to give.
My landlady is apparently upset about me not paying my rent until Monday. I mean, seriously worried upset about what her landlady is going to do. She is nice, and she just wanted me to talk to her to ensure that she understood that my rent was going to be late, and I don't really have any desire to piss her off either.
That said, what the hell do you want from me lady?
I couldn't have seen that Amazon was going to remove that money from my account like that because of an Amazon Prime subscription I didn't even know they were going to process for fucks sake. Hadn't logged into Amazon for over a month.
Her landlady might be pissed that their rent is a hundred or so short, but she isn't really going to storm in here and demand that you leave, don't be stupid.
Eating salad and then doing exam revision until dawn and then going to college.
What I want is more sleep, 3 pints of caffeine, and to not be wheezing and trying to breath for mucus.
That's not much to ask, but what I'm getting ya see is cheese salad, no caffeine, 5 hours exam revision, two hours travel, an hour exam and then being lectured at for 6 hours.
I hate my life. -_-
Awake more than 24 hours, barely any food, flu, and I get through all the fitness tests for the police with a pass [although the medical was close given that no sleep fucks up you royal]. Then of course I get to the fitness test and this short black haired women in skin tight yoga pants and quite distracting pale blue eyes, actually, decides to reprimand me for unprofessional conduct and bad attitude.
I hate my life. Just hate it.
I go through hell to get through the Day 2 with somewhere close to reasonable chance to pass my exam and then probably fail it due to pissing off an examiner with bad attitude.
I don't honestly know what the fuck it was I did. Abruptness and lack of social skill or some such nonsense was her complaint. No one else complained. No one else said a thing. But no, to her my attitude was all wrong and needed correcting.
Explained to the staff processing documentation and the other applicants about my flu and things and they were sympathetic and understanding. They were all fine. But this one women didn't care about that. It only mattered how she perceived me.
FINE, fail me for it. I'm going to appeal if it comes to it or simply retake the entire day in six months with a request that she has nothing to do with my Day 2. At the moment, with an exam in seven hours with 2 hours travel time to boot, I just can't find any fucks to give.
My landlady is apparently upset about me not paying my rent until Monday. I mean, seriously worried upset about what her landlady is going to do. She is nice, and she just wanted me to talk to her to ensure that she understood that my rent was going to be late, and I don't really have any desire to piss her off either.
That said, what the hell do you want from me lady?
I couldn't have seen that Amazon was going to remove that money from my account like that because of an Amazon Prime subscription I didn't even know they were going to process for fucks sake. Hadn't logged into Amazon for over a month.
Her landlady might be pissed that their rent is a hundred or so short, but she isn't really going to storm in here and demand that you leave, don't be stupid.
Eating salad and then doing exam revision until dawn and then going to college.
What I want is more sleep, 3 pints of caffeine, and to not be wheezing and trying to breath for mucus.
That's not much to ask, but what I'm getting ya see is cheese salad, no caffeine, 5 hours exam revision, two hours travel, an hour exam and then being lectured at for 6 hours.
I hate my life. -_-
18/06/2014
On Teehee...
Mornink.
Paranoia is: 'OH GODS I HAVE A TEX...NOOO, nope, nopenopenopenope, it's just a text ad on my phone from my provider' [no one ever texts me good news, only some stupid question or something] and 'HOLY HELLFIRE THERE'S SO MUCH MA...NOOO, nope, nopenopenopenope, none of this mail, a couple of which are brown envelops [government mail] are for my flatmates'. xD
I have a mountain of work to do and yesterday I spent most of it in a drug fueled haze watching 24 in a ultra-sharp guilded flu-vision because when I'm sick the first thing that happens is that the edges of objects look sharp and unpleasant for some reason. Like they've been guilded with the same harsh sharp light they use for concussion stars.
And now I'm onto the fun stage of illness. Some people 'TASTE THE RAINBOW':
I TASTE THE MUCUS:
And little else cus my sense of taste has been disabled. -.-
---
I need color photocopies and and to see my GP to get him to sign a form before Friday for 5 minuets, but tomorrows as good as today for those purposes seeing as its gone 3pm.
---
I've said it before and will happily say it again: FIRST FITNESS TEST IN ENTIRE LIFE FOR FIRST JOB IN FIVE YEARS, ALLOW ME TO GIVE YOU A NASTY DOSE OF FLU THE WEEK BEFORE IT. :O #universe
---
How fucking epic is that? :D
League of Legends: Summoners Rift Update.
I swear those guys should make a full environmental editing MMORPG and they'd make WoW and WildStar look like kiddy shit...well, if they used the same artists and designers and sacked the 'businessmen' who control Riot Games anyway cus those guys are a right bunch of assholes.
---
And that's about it. That's the grand total of what I've got at the moment until I sneeze up this goo and get some of my work done.
Buh-bai.
Paranoia is: 'OH GODS I HAVE A TEX...NOOO, nope, nopenopenopenope, it's just a text ad on my phone from my provider' [no one ever texts me good news, only some stupid question or something] and 'HOLY HELLFIRE THERE'S SO MUCH MA...NOOO, nope, nopenopenopenope, none of this mail, a couple of which are brown envelops [government mail] are for my flatmates'. xD
I have a mountain of work to do and yesterday I spent most of it in a drug fueled haze watching 24 in a ultra-sharp guilded flu-vision because when I'm sick the first thing that happens is that the edges of objects look sharp and unpleasant for some reason. Like they've been guilded with the same harsh sharp light they use for concussion stars.
And now I'm onto the fun stage of illness. Some people 'TASTE THE RAINBOW':
I TASTE THE MUCUS:
And little else cus my sense of taste has been disabled. -.-
---
I need color photocopies and and to see my GP to get him to sign a form before Friday for 5 minuets, but tomorrows as good as today for those purposes seeing as its gone 3pm.
---
I've said it before and will happily say it again: FIRST FITNESS TEST IN ENTIRE LIFE FOR FIRST JOB IN FIVE YEARS, ALLOW ME TO GIVE YOU A NASTY DOSE OF FLU THE WEEK BEFORE IT. :O #universe
---
How fucking epic is that? :D
League of Legends: Summoners Rift Update.
I swear those guys should make a full environmental editing MMORPG and they'd make WoW and WildStar look like kiddy shit...well, if they used the same artists and designers and sacked the 'businessmen' who control Riot Games anyway cus those guys are a right bunch of assholes.
---
And that's about it. That's the grand total of what I've got at the moment until I sneeze up this goo and get some of my work done.
Buh-bai.
05/06/2014
On Bureaucracy...
For all my intelligence I'm amazingly stupid at times.
Sensible would've been to, on Tuesday, do college work after tidying up my room and getting some exercise.
Stupid is what I went with, which was to play Hearthstone for two days almost straight, noticing how the skin just under my ribcage is tightening up against what little muscle I have there because I haven't been eating. Not, not eating right. Just, not eating at all.
My budding anorexia is surprising though seeing as I have one of those metabolisms where I could eat a cracker or two and live for like a week. 6.1ft, built like a jungle ape [including body hair], and yet I could live on airborne plankton, if such a thing were floating through the ether.
I just forced myself to consume two platefuls of beef curry, but didn't really want it. It's not that I haven't been hungry, it's just I haven't eaten because I've been playing bloody Hearthstone.
Idiot.
Currently been awake since 11am yesterday. It's not 7am the following morning, I'm seeing blotches of color on my vision, missing keys, and still behind on my college coursework.
Plus my landlady said something about the property owner [I'm subletting from my flatmates] coming by today to check that the place is ready for viewing or is in one peace or something, and she needs to see everything, including my room, and I haven't cleaned in over a week.
So stupid. I need to do my college work and I need to get sleep at night like a normal person. Why don't I do what I'm meant to. Why does a little voice in my head keep saying 'One more' and 'Last one' every time I go to shut Hearthstone down? Stupid...
Anyway, after my shitty Tuesday I did finally get some good news.
---
Somehow, and even I can't believe I managed it, I passed my in-person aptitude interview with the Met Police Service where they graded my intellect, communication, and observational skills.
I did it on 4 hours of sleep, no food since 6pm the night previously, and more or less dehydrated, plus wearing street casual [blue jeans and a tee] instead of business casual like everyone else. Why was I not prepared to take an important interview I can only take every six months? Because if you weren't paying attention above, I'm an idiot. Oy vey.
Somehow I still passed their tests, which either goes to show I'm just that dam good, or their standards for judging the aptitude of police offers is really not that high. Worryingly so really given that they're hiring budding law enforcement personnel who are future peace officers, detectives, and wielders of firearms.
Need to start prepping for the Day 2 now. This is much easier as it's only medical and fitness testing and a boat load of paperwork to fill out in the next two weeks.
Granted, in the way of my life, my lungs are currently painted with vile tasting mucus from a bout of bronchitis I had two months ago, gained by running the frigid night air in early spring, which is really worrying me. No illness I've ever had lasted more than two weeks. It doesn't hurt or anything, it's just an occasional wheezy cough with bad tasting mucus I can't quite clear out of my throat and into the sink.
The issue with this lingering side-effect is that in two weeks I need to take a bleep test, which is basically running. If I can't breath heavily without coughing my lungs up then there's no way I can run now and get ready or on the day.
At the moment I'm taking mucus cough meds made by Sudafed, after trying Beachems and some other brand. This one seems to be working. I was coughing hard last night but I'm two doses in and seem to be OK. Maybe this one has a different drug in it which works focuses on the lungs instead of the sinuses and it's clearing it. Hope so cus I really don't want to fail the Day 2 since winning the Day 1 by a hair.
If it's not sorted by Monday I'll find a doctors and see if they can give me something industrial strength or the precisely correct drug to clear it and then hit the track. I mean, the bleep test isn't long, I don't need to run for two hours like I normally do, and it'll be indoors in a hall at the recruitment offices in central London, but I need to do SOME running before hand.
---
In other news, SEGA turned me down for a games testing position I was interviewed for last week.
Their reasoning was that the candidate pool they were screening had a lot of good people in it and I just didn't make the cut.
Well, fair enough, games industry position, lots of people want in, it's understandable that...wait...let's just evaluate this for a second...
I go to the Met Police service, those fine ladies and gents who patrol London, who are responsible for keeping the peace and catching criminals, take their communication, observation, and intellect test and pass it, GG.
Once I finish my training I'll earn 1.5-2x minimum wage, with excellent job security and promotion prospects plus a benefits package and access to career training programs.
Then I go to a computer games developer, SEGA. This company badly damaged one of the best games franchises of the Megadrive/Super Nintendo era of computer games from a rival for premier gaming icon to an internet joke. I take an easier test than the one I did for the police [in more or less the same physiological condition btw cus I'm just that stupid], and fail it.
If I had passed I could've looked forward to a zero hours minimum wage contract, with no job security, no chance for real career progression, no benefits, and if I wanted more training I'd have to pay for it myself.
Hm. Dodged a bullet there maybe?
I planned on doing it whilst at college for the next few months to make some extra money, and my vocation is that of games developer so if that had worked out I might just dropped my application to the police all together for real entry level experience at doing something related to what I love; games.
I'm fit to be a policeman, an officer of the law who needs to cooperate with people and protect them from crime, but not fit to be a games tester, a bug hunter who just needs to be able to play games which I've been doing since I was five.
This is the world we live in apparently.
---
My 24+ Advanced Learning Loan, which I applied for and have now received to pay for my Certificate in Basic Policing course, went through yesterday.
Only took a speedy three months, the course had already started, the college had asked me to cough up or they'd boot me, and I had to lodge a complaint with customer services in writing before they'd finalize it. Wasn't bloody annoying or anything.
What was the hold up?
Apparently when I sent in my application form I hadn't ticked two boxes regarding prior loans. I didn't tick them because I didn't know if I was in arrears on my prior 3 years plus maintenance loans that I received to attend the University of Portsmouth for the Computer Games Technology course [don't even ask about that, bloody morons]. I assumed that they would email or phone me, I could ask them to check it out [they have it on record anyway], and that'd be that, job done.
In a sane world, yes, it would've been that easy.
It doesn't go through and my college blocks my access card which is scanned in at their gates for access to the campus. Phoned them up and they said what information they were missing, after I confirmed who I was via a security check and told them what the answer to the information was, but they had better check their systems to make sure.
They did and confirmed I was right, but asked me to send a letter which I had signed to confirm it anyway. I agreed on the basis that it was nonsense but nonsense that would take all of ten minuets in the library and post office. Same information - not in arrears, check your systems - and no reply.
They get the letter but then sit on it for nearly a month. Eventually I get annoyed and file a complaint with their internal complaints department who look into it. They phone me up [waking me up twice in the process and costing me about 4 hours of sleep total by the way] and tell me to send them another letter, but this time to make it the form from their website with the correct boxes ticked.
I say 'OK, just to be clear, I've phoned you, confirmed my identity, told you the answer, then send you a printed and signed letter with the correct information, and you've checked your systems twice now and confirmed it, but to finalize my loan you need me to print off a form you've already received to tick two boxes?'.
I felt sorry for the women on the line who started quite literally to splutter at me as she tried to justify the reason I should do as she asked.
After I got up and ate me wheeties my college then emailed me and told me it's gone through, they've received the money and that my place on the course is secure, at last.
---
Can't work in the games industry for minimum wage, but I can work in law enforcement for a pension.
Can't get an adult learning loan because I need to feed information into the human machine with the right hole punched as they don't hire people who can color outside of the lines.
That, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is bureaucracy at it's very finest; retarded actions done because it's protocol with a complete absence of good judgement, common sense, and intelligent thought.
But that's OK though, because if I don't go do my college work I'll never pass the CKP course, and be able to take the training which will lead to employment, and then be able to pay the loan back once I'm earning, so it'll work out alright in the end heh...heh...oooh...
Bai.
Sensible would've been to, on Tuesday, do college work after tidying up my room and getting some exercise.
Stupid is what I went with, which was to play Hearthstone for two days almost straight, noticing how the skin just under my ribcage is tightening up against what little muscle I have there because I haven't been eating. Not, not eating right. Just, not eating at all.
My budding anorexia is surprising though seeing as I have one of those metabolisms where I could eat a cracker or two and live for like a week. 6.1ft, built like a jungle ape [including body hair], and yet I could live on airborne plankton, if such a thing were floating through the ether.
I just forced myself to consume two platefuls of beef curry, but didn't really want it. It's not that I haven't been hungry, it's just I haven't eaten because I've been playing bloody Hearthstone.
Idiot.
Currently been awake since 11am yesterday. It's not 7am the following morning, I'm seeing blotches of color on my vision, missing keys, and still behind on my college coursework.
Plus my landlady said something about the property owner [I'm subletting from my flatmates] coming by today to check that the place is ready for viewing or is in one peace or something, and she needs to see everything, including my room, and I haven't cleaned in over a week.
So stupid. I need to do my college work and I need to get sleep at night like a normal person. Why don't I do what I'm meant to. Why does a little voice in my head keep saying 'One more' and 'Last one' every time I go to shut Hearthstone down? Stupid...
Anyway, after my shitty Tuesday I did finally get some good news.
---
Somehow, and even I can't believe I managed it, I passed my in-person aptitude interview with the Met Police Service where they graded my intellect, communication, and observational skills.
I did it on 4 hours of sleep, no food since 6pm the night previously, and more or less dehydrated, plus wearing street casual [blue jeans and a tee] instead of business casual like everyone else. Why was I not prepared to take an important interview I can only take every six months? Because if you weren't paying attention above, I'm an idiot. Oy vey.
Somehow I still passed their tests, which either goes to show I'm just that dam good, or their standards for judging the aptitude of police offers is really not that high. Worryingly so really given that they're hiring budding law enforcement personnel who are future peace officers, detectives, and wielders of firearms.
Need to start prepping for the Day 2 now. This is much easier as it's only medical and fitness testing and a boat load of paperwork to fill out in the next two weeks.
Granted, in the way of my life, my lungs are currently painted with vile tasting mucus from a bout of bronchitis I had two months ago, gained by running the frigid night air in early spring, which is really worrying me. No illness I've ever had lasted more than two weeks. It doesn't hurt or anything, it's just an occasional wheezy cough with bad tasting mucus I can't quite clear out of my throat and into the sink.
The issue with this lingering side-effect is that in two weeks I need to take a bleep test, which is basically running. If I can't breath heavily without coughing my lungs up then there's no way I can run now and get ready or on the day.
At the moment I'm taking mucus cough meds made by Sudafed, after trying Beachems and some other brand. This one seems to be working. I was coughing hard last night but I'm two doses in and seem to be OK. Maybe this one has a different drug in it which works focuses on the lungs instead of the sinuses and it's clearing it. Hope so cus I really don't want to fail the Day 2 since winning the Day 1 by a hair.
If it's not sorted by Monday I'll find a doctors and see if they can give me something industrial strength or the precisely correct drug to clear it and then hit the track. I mean, the bleep test isn't long, I don't need to run for two hours like I normally do, and it'll be indoors in a hall at the recruitment offices in central London, but I need to do SOME running before hand.
---
In other news, SEGA turned me down for a games testing position I was interviewed for last week.
Their reasoning was that the candidate pool they were screening had a lot of good people in it and I just didn't make the cut.
Well, fair enough, games industry position, lots of people want in, it's understandable that...wait...let's just evaluate this for a second...
I go to the Met Police service, those fine ladies and gents who patrol London, who are responsible for keeping the peace and catching criminals, take their communication, observation, and intellect test and pass it, GG.
Once I finish my training I'll earn 1.5-2x minimum wage, with excellent job security and promotion prospects plus a benefits package and access to career training programs.
Then I go to a computer games developer, SEGA. This company badly damaged one of the best games franchises of the Megadrive/Super Nintendo era of computer games from a rival for premier gaming icon to an internet joke. I take an easier test than the one I did for the police [in more or less the same physiological condition btw cus I'm just that stupid], and fail it.
If I had passed I could've looked forward to a zero hours minimum wage contract, with no job security, no chance for real career progression, no benefits, and if I wanted more training I'd have to pay for it myself.
Hm. Dodged a bullet there maybe?
I planned on doing it whilst at college for the next few months to make some extra money, and my vocation is that of games developer so if that had worked out I might just dropped my application to the police all together for real entry level experience at doing something related to what I love; games.
I'm fit to be a policeman, an officer of the law who needs to cooperate with people and protect them from crime, but not fit to be a games tester, a bug hunter who just needs to be able to play games which I've been doing since I was five.
This is the world we live in apparently.
---
My 24+ Advanced Learning Loan, which I applied for and have now received to pay for my Certificate in Basic Policing course, went through yesterday.
Only took a speedy three months, the course had already started, the college had asked me to cough up or they'd boot me, and I had to lodge a complaint with customer services in writing before they'd finalize it. Wasn't bloody annoying or anything.
What was the hold up?
Apparently when I sent in my application form I hadn't ticked two boxes regarding prior loans. I didn't tick them because I didn't know if I was in arrears on my prior 3 years plus maintenance loans that I received to attend the University of Portsmouth for the Computer Games Technology course [don't even ask about that, bloody morons]. I assumed that they would email or phone me, I could ask them to check it out [they have it on record anyway], and that'd be that, job done.
In a sane world, yes, it would've been that easy.
It doesn't go through and my college blocks my access card which is scanned in at their gates for access to the campus. Phoned them up and they said what information they were missing, after I confirmed who I was via a security check and told them what the answer to the information was, but they had better check their systems to make sure.
They did and confirmed I was right, but asked me to send a letter which I had signed to confirm it anyway. I agreed on the basis that it was nonsense but nonsense that would take all of ten minuets in the library and post office. Same information - not in arrears, check your systems - and no reply.
They get the letter but then sit on it for nearly a month. Eventually I get annoyed and file a complaint with their internal complaints department who look into it. They phone me up [waking me up twice in the process and costing me about 4 hours of sleep total by the way] and tell me to send them another letter, but this time to make it the form from their website with the correct boxes ticked.
I say 'OK, just to be clear, I've phoned you, confirmed my identity, told you the answer, then send you a printed and signed letter with the correct information, and you've checked your systems twice now and confirmed it, but to finalize my loan you need me to print off a form you've already received to tick two boxes?'.
I felt sorry for the women on the line who started quite literally to splutter at me as she tried to justify the reason I should do as she asked.
After I got up and ate me wheeties my college then emailed me and told me it's gone through, they've received the money and that my place on the course is secure, at last.
---
Can't work in the games industry for minimum wage, but I can work in law enforcement for a pension.
Can't get an adult learning loan because I need to feed information into the human machine with the right hole punched as they don't hire people who can color outside of the lines.
That, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, is bureaucracy at it's very finest; retarded actions done because it's protocol with a complete absence of good judgement, common sense, and intelligent thought.
But that's OK though, because if I don't go do my college work I'll never pass the CKP course, and be able to take the training which will lead to employment, and then be able to pay the loan back once I'm earning, so it'll work out alright in the end heh...heh...oooh...
Bai.
04/06/2014
On Accommodation...
Mornink.
Did a lot of spade work yesterday and decided that being a bastard is sometimes required when the world tries to fuck you in the ass.
Basically I've stopped paying my rent here so in two weeks I can use the erstwhile rent money to pay for a deposit and rent up front on a new room.
The bonus is that firstly I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere new to stay and can move out easily before the deadline of early next month.
The bastard part is that once I've left, there's no way for my former landlady to reclaim said money so I don't intend to pay rent for this entire month.
I don't like being an asshole but both my landlady and her husband are employed, whereas I can't get hired to pack boxes in a factory ['bloody foreigners, coming over here, taking our jobs', racist meme or evidential truth as they're both Lithuanian], and besides, they can wait to be paid back rent [even though I have no intention of doing so] whereas my new landlord or lady will need paying upfront.
I loved staying where I am present. They were good enough people [except for their screaming little demon of a child] and the best leasers I've met since moving into London several years ago.
---
My first three years, I think it was [I've never been good at keeping track of my own history, being more concerned with the present than the past, after all, the present is what is currently biting my ass], were spent in hostels, living alongside teenage travelers, who had zero respect for other people, and horrible human beings more like animals like sapient creatures.
Got offered sex by naked women several times [though I didn't accept because I wasn't attracted to them mentally, although physically the word 'supermodel' was tossed around quite easily], and bullied once or twice, which I dealt with easily as I've been bullied a lot in my life anyway.
Biggest issue there was bed availability. They don't let you just book a bed and it's yours. You to book almost daily, and if they're fully booked, you're boned, so for three years or so, sometimes I didn't have a bed to sleep in at night.
---
After that I stayed with a Puerto Rican...maybe...who was a giant asshole with no kidneys that kept nagging me about nothing and trying to evict me for bullshit reasons as a kind of hobby.
Eventually got evicted from the room in a large house I was renting after he invited a bunch of new housemates in and then went on holiday without leaving anyone to mind the property, despite having a daughter who could and eventually did do it.
I complained after a week of the mess and the noise from the brand new teenage tenants who were traveling from America, and how the boiler had broken and we were I was cleaning and everyone was showering in frigid water.
He ignored my texts and calls for more than a month until I managed to get hold of his daughter's email address and she managed to arrange for repairs.
After he returned he evicted me.
I cleaned the house up after the other residents. I got the boiler repaired. I made sure it was still standing and in reasonable condition for the time he was absent. And he booted me out for giving a shit about the place.
Some time later I got into an argument with the council over receiving housing benefit I wasn't entitled to even though I was. They contacted him as it was regarding my time spent living in his house. He lied to them about me actually being employed whilst living there and cheating the fucking government out of charity.
One court tribunal later, which he didn't attend, just gave them a written statement of his testimony after the tribunal was advised by a claim inspector to trust his assertions [you've no idea how badly I wanted to find the cretin who claimed that and break them in half], and I was able to prove that his allegations were a load of crap. He could've got me a criminal record and a jail time if they had believed him though.
There's a reason his kidney's failed people; the universe was trying to prevent him from blighting other people's lives. At least that's my theory.
[I said when I started writing this blog that I wasn't going to write about my horrible history. I just realized my actions are calling me a liar, but for crying out loud, when will the punishment stop?]
---
Then I stayed in an illegal sublet in a room in a two bed roomed flat, which was a] freezing cold [it was winter, snow on the pavement, and I didn't need to store things in the freezer], and b] had a gas heater in it which could've killed me in my sleep. Plus the rent was like fifty pounds over priced for the property.
It was illegal and overpriced because it was a council property rented to a tenant who sublet it, via her son, to my landlady who was also my flatmate. They would've been so epically boned if anyone found out. I've reported it since I left, because it's not right that someone should be making money off a council property like that, but I don't know if anyone has done anything about it.
Eventually I left that hellhole after three or four months because of a blow up argument with my sole flatmate over nothing very much, whereupon she turned into a psychotic bitch.
It's quite possible that I will never forget the argument we had over rent:
Whatever really, in the past, but that kind of bullshit gets on my nerves.
---
Then there was this place. My current landlady is nice and doesn't bother me at all. They're all Lithuanian like I said so they don't go out of their way to talk to me because they can hardly understand me [AND YET EMPLOYERS HIRE THEM...].
The room is a good size, the wifi is more or less always on, it's never cold, I pay a flat rate per week in rent which can be past due for a bit if required, the kitchen is spacious, I can use my flatmates knives and things, and never have to clean overmuch because there's four of them and they do it themselves.
Well, more or less. The kitchen is usually left in a clutter so I have to move things, but I do the same sometimes so that's OK. And their son never stops bloody screaming his dam head off, which is grossly annoying sometimes. But on the whole, this place was ideal.
But now I have to leave.
---
I can be a bit picky over my next place as I've got just over a month to inspect and interview and consider, whilst also having the budget [see above regarding not paying this months rent] to pay for a large deposit which really opens up the options when you're looking for accommodation that'll accept those on housing benefit.
Some people lament the effort it takes to get onto the housing ladder due to property prices.
Personally I'm just looking for four walls, a floor, a ceiling, a bed, wifi, a fridge, and a toilet, plus housemates that I don't fantasize about justifiably killing.
Alright, so there are also those who don't even have the money to live indoors, but I do so using perfectly available social security funds so I don't understand why people do live rough really.
---
My final thought for today is that I learned yesterday definitively that my mother is indeed dead because there was an ad about it in the town where she lived with my farther, brother and sister.
She was insane. Illogical. A hater of intelligence. A downer. Someone who would drag another person's moral and sense of self-worth down to her own level on instinct. A liar. Abusive. Chronically bloody ill. And probably responsible for how fucked up I am.
As a creator, not what I would've hoped for, in a mother.
Sir Terry Pratchett, author of the Discworld fantasy series of books, wrote his deceased characters as being very clear minded. Dead, spirits, no longer able to interact with the living world, and soon transitioned into their afterlife, which is whatever they think will happen.
For my sake I hope that the former happened and she saw the damage she caused and could regret it, and feel remorse for it.
For hers, because I am a fundamentally good man, I hope that if there is a next world that she isn't driven anymore by whatever it was that caused her to act the way she did to me.
Never loved her, never even liked her, or respected her, or wished her anything but vengeance for what she did to me, which I got, and I'm not sorry.
But I can still hope for peace now I've settled the score.
Did a lot of spade work yesterday and decided that being a bastard is sometimes required when the world tries to fuck you in the ass.
Basically I've stopped paying my rent here so in two weeks I can use the erstwhile rent money to pay for a deposit and rent up front on a new room.
The bonus is that firstly I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere new to stay and can move out easily before the deadline of early next month.
The bastard part is that once I've left, there's no way for my former landlady to reclaim said money so I don't intend to pay rent for this entire month.
I don't like being an asshole but both my landlady and her husband are employed, whereas I can't get hired to pack boxes in a factory ['bloody foreigners, coming over here, taking our jobs', racist meme or evidential truth as they're both Lithuanian], and besides, they can wait to be paid back rent [even though I have no intention of doing so] whereas my new landlord or lady will need paying upfront.
I loved staying where I am present. They were good enough people [except for their screaming little demon of a child] and the best leasers I've met since moving into London several years ago.
---
My first three years, I think it was [I've never been good at keeping track of my own history, being more concerned with the present than the past, after all, the present is what is currently biting my ass], were spent in hostels, living alongside teenage travelers, who had zero respect for other people, and horrible human beings more like animals like sapient creatures.
Got offered sex by naked women several times [though I didn't accept because I wasn't attracted to them mentally, although physically the word 'supermodel' was tossed around quite easily], and bullied once or twice, which I dealt with easily as I've been bullied a lot in my life anyway.
Biggest issue there was bed availability. They don't let you just book a bed and it's yours. You to book almost daily, and if they're fully booked, you're boned, so for three years or so, sometimes I didn't have a bed to sleep in at night.
---
After that I stayed with a Puerto Rican...maybe...who was a giant asshole with no kidneys that kept nagging me about nothing and trying to evict me for bullshit reasons as a kind of hobby.
Eventually got evicted from the room in a large house I was renting after he invited a bunch of new housemates in and then went on holiday without leaving anyone to mind the property, despite having a daughter who could and eventually did do it.
I complained after a week of the mess and the noise from the brand new teenage tenants who were traveling from America, and how the boiler had broken and we were I was cleaning and everyone was showering in frigid water.
He ignored my texts and calls for more than a month until I managed to get hold of his daughter's email address and she managed to arrange for repairs.
After he returned he evicted me.
I cleaned the house up after the other residents. I got the boiler repaired. I made sure it was still standing and in reasonable condition for the time he was absent. And he booted me out for giving a shit about the place.
Some time later I got into an argument with the council over receiving housing benefit I wasn't entitled to even though I was. They contacted him as it was regarding my time spent living in his house. He lied to them about me actually being employed whilst living there and cheating the fucking government out of charity.
One court tribunal later, which he didn't attend, just gave them a written statement of his testimony after the tribunal was advised by a claim inspector to trust his assertions [you've no idea how badly I wanted to find the cretin who claimed that and break them in half], and I was able to prove that his allegations were a load of crap. He could've got me a criminal record and a jail time if they had believed him though.
There's a reason his kidney's failed people; the universe was trying to prevent him from blighting other people's lives. At least that's my theory.
[I said when I started writing this blog that I wasn't going to write about my horrible history. I just realized my actions are calling me a liar, but for crying out loud, when will the punishment stop?]
---
Then I stayed in an illegal sublet in a room in a two bed roomed flat, which was a] freezing cold [it was winter, snow on the pavement, and I didn't need to store things in the freezer], and b] had a gas heater in it which could've killed me in my sleep. Plus the rent was like fifty pounds over priced for the property.
It was illegal and overpriced because it was a council property rented to a tenant who sublet it, via her son, to my landlady who was also my flatmate. They would've been so epically boned if anyone found out. I've reported it since I left, because it's not right that someone should be making money off a council property like that, but I don't know if anyone has done anything about it.
Eventually I left that hellhole after three or four months because of a blow up argument with my sole flatmate over nothing very much, whereupon she turned into a psychotic bitch.
It's quite possible that I will never forget the argument we had over rent:
52 weeks per year, 12 months per year, 52 / 12 = 4.33 recurring, so £350.00, for example divided by 4.33 is 80.83, not 87.5, which is 350 / 4. And to work out daily rent at 350 per month, you times it by 12 months and then divide by 364 days to get 11.54.This I remember because I was trying to work out how much I owed down to the day in rent so I could leave with all debts paid and my deposit back. Settle up, because I am honest and I expect the same. However, she insisted that I was wrong regardless of how I explained it. Either she was just trying to be evil or she didn't understand and said I was wrong regardless to save face.
Whatever really, in the past, but that kind of bullshit gets on my nerves.
---
Then there was this place. My current landlady is nice and doesn't bother me at all. They're all Lithuanian like I said so they don't go out of their way to talk to me because they can hardly understand me [AND YET EMPLOYERS HIRE THEM...].
The room is a good size, the wifi is more or less always on, it's never cold, I pay a flat rate per week in rent which can be past due for a bit if required, the kitchen is spacious, I can use my flatmates knives and things, and never have to clean overmuch because there's four of them and they do it themselves.
Well, more or less. The kitchen is usually left in a clutter so I have to move things, but I do the same sometimes so that's OK. And their son never stops bloody screaming his dam head off, which is grossly annoying sometimes. But on the whole, this place was ideal.
But now I have to leave.
---
I can be a bit picky over my next place as I've got just over a month to inspect and interview and consider, whilst also having the budget [see above regarding not paying this months rent] to pay for a large deposit which really opens up the options when you're looking for accommodation that'll accept those on housing benefit.
Some people lament the effort it takes to get onto the housing ladder due to property prices.
Personally I'm just looking for four walls, a floor, a ceiling, a bed, wifi, a fridge, and a toilet, plus housemates that I don't fantasize about justifiably killing.
Alright, so there are also those who don't even have the money to live indoors, but I do so using perfectly available social security funds so I don't understand why people do live rough really.
---
My final thought for today is that I learned yesterday definitively that my mother is indeed dead because there was an ad about it in the town where she lived with my farther, brother and sister.
She was insane. Illogical. A hater of intelligence. A downer. Someone who would drag another person's moral and sense of self-worth down to her own level on instinct. A liar. Abusive. Chronically bloody ill. And probably responsible for how fucked up I am.
As a creator, not what I would've hoped for, in a mother.
Sir Terry Pratchett, author of the Discworld fantasy series of books, wrote his deceased characters as being very clear minded. Dead, spirits, no longer able to interact with the living world, and soon transitioned into their afterlife, which is whatever they think will happen.
For my sake I hope that the former happened and she saw the damage she caused and could regret it, and feel remorse for it.
For hers, because I am a fundamentally good man, I hope that if there is a next world that she isn't driven anymore by whatever it was that caused her to act the way she did to me.
Never loved her, never even liked her, or respected her, or wished her anything but vengeance for what she did to me, which I got, and I'm not sorry.
But I can still hope for peace now I've settled the score.
03/06/2014
On Bad Days...
...Fuck me...
Woke up.
Got evicted because I'm subletting and my landlady has decided not to renew her lease after the rent was increased.
Had wheeties.
Got rejected for a minimum wage job at SEGA which I was screened for on the basis, if you can believe it, 'the calibre of applicants has been very high during this process'.
Played some Hearthstone to relax a bit from these two blows before trying to find somewhere new to live, apply for another job, and do my college work which I paid for using yet another Student Loan.
Lost every one of the ten matches I played.
...OK...bad day...
My student loan is currently on hold because they require some more information from me. This information I've given to them twice already; once over the phone, once in writing. Currently dealing with their complaints department about it.
Said complaints department, for fun, decided yesterday afternoon to ring me up as a curtsy call to tell me that they were aware of my complaint.
Not that they had or were going to do anything about it. Not that they needed me to do anything about it. Just that were aware of it.
This would've been fine, except for the fact that at the time I was dead asleep because my sleep pattern is currently fucked and I'm sleeping during the day, and then couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.
Bastards.
That phone call was yesterday.
So right now it's around 6pm.
I was struggling to deal yesterday with the prospect of doing my college work. Now...
---
I did have one crazy idea on how to resolve this; rent a storage container.
They cost, on a weekly basis, for the same size room, about half what I pay in rent.
Gain 24 hour access, somewhere close a gym for the shower and toilet, do my college work at the college where I'm studying, buy a cooler and few bags of ice each week that cost a pound each for food storage, and construct a nest inside the container.
I've seen pictures of people who've built actual honest to gods mansions out of storage containers, water proofed, wired with electrics and piped with plumbing. After all, a storage container is just a metal box and a house is just a concrete box.
The issue is with this is twofold.
I've tried living in a hostel [instant access, pay by the day accommodation] and it's not something I ever want to repeat, which is why I was looking into this to begin with.
Finding another room to rent might be easier.
---
A few days ago my biggest issue was taking care of my college work before the weekend, with a side of chasing up results from interviews and my student loan.
Now I'm virtually homeless and starving is the only way to fix it.
Fucking hate my life, but hating it isn't going to fix anything, so I had best go get on with it.
Woke up.
Got evicted because I'm subletting and my landlady has decided not to renew her lease after the rent was increased.
Had wheeties.
Got rejected for a minimum wage job at SEGA which I was screened for on the basis, if you can believe it, 'the calibre of applicants has been very high during this process'.
Played some Hearthstone to relax a bit from these two blows before trying to find somewhere new to live, apply for another job, and do my college work which I paid for using yet another Student Loan.
Lost every one of the ten matches I played.
...OK...bad day...
My student loan is currently on hold because they require some more information from me. This information I've given to them twice already; once over the phone, once in writing. Currently dealing with their complaints department about it.
Said complaints department, for fun, decided yesterday afternoon to ring me up as a curtsy call to tell me that they were aware of my complaint.
Not that they had or were going to do anything about it. Not that they needed me to do anything about it. Just that were aware of it.
This would've been fine, except for the fact that at the time I was dead asleep because my sleep pattern is currently fucked and I'm sleeping during the day, and then couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.
Bastards.
That phone call was yesterday.
So right now it's around 6pm.
- In a month I'll have no where to live and to find new accommodation I need to find one of the few leasers who will rent to someone on housing benefit.
- In a week I'll have next to no food budget as I use what little money I have to pay for a deposit on new accommodation [I never did actually have one where I'm currently living].
I was struggling to deal yesterday with the prospect of doing my college work. Now...
---
I did have one crazy idea on how to resolve this; rent a storage container.
They cost, on a weekly basis, for the same size room, about half what I pay in rent.
Gain 24 hour access, somewhere close a gym for the shower and toilet, do my college work at the college where I'm studying, buy a cooler and few bags of ice each week that cost a pound each for food storage, and construct a nest inside the container.
I've seen pictures of people who've built actual honest to gods mansions out of storage containers, water proofed, wired with electrics and piped with plumbing. After all, a storage container is just a metal box and a house is just a concrete box.
The issue is with this is twofold.
- Firstly, most places don't have 24 hour access to the compounds they're built on. The best place I found does [and is sammitched between a 24 hour gym and an Iceland store], but would need me to be a customer for eight weeks before they'd give it to me. Doable maybe, but still...
- Secondly, my housing benefits are paid for a property. My job seekers isn't, so one hundred and forty every two weeks, forty on rent every week, works out at sixty every two weeks which is slightly less than what I have now with free access to amenities [bathroom, water, kitchen, etc.].
- Plus there's the obvious issue of what you're allowed to store there and the owners might take issue with a person living in one of their boxes.
I've tried living in a hostel [instant access, pay by the day accommodation] and it's not something I ever want to repeat, which is why I was looking into this to begin with.
Finding another room to rent might be easier.
---
A few days ago my biggest issue was taking care of my college work before the weekend, with a side of chasing up results from interviews and my student loan.
Now I'm virtually homeless and starving is the only way to fix it.
Fucking hate my life, but hating it isn't going to fix anything, so I had best go get on with it.
01/06/2014
First!
Because I believe in cliches. :P
HAI! As is traditional when I start a new blog I always say something along the lines of 'I never continue with these things', blah, blah, but I keep spamming my own Twitter account with verbose rants on various subjects and have needed a blog for quite some time, so here we are.
Also when I start a new blog I take quite some time going over the horrors of my past in an attempt to explain who I am and how I came to be. Perhaps this is why I never continue with them beyond the first post. Rehashing what is becoming comparatively ancient history for me is beyond pointless.
Everything you need to know, dear reader, can be summed up by two notions:
The first is that I'm not what you'd call a human being.
...that being said, you can always learn...
Once I removed myself from the orbit of my abusive family*, found a way to gain education which could help me gain employment, and stopped contacting her** I started to get my head straight.
*Though I'm unsure the term 'Abusive' really applies. They never struck me, but the mental damage they inflicted made me see them as monsters. Is there a ruler for abuse, a measurement of cruelty? Or is it determined by the perspective of the individual? They fed me, clothed me, and kept me alive whilst flaying my brain daily. Was I just in abandoning them, or was I as cruel as they to inflict my absence on them? Is justice the same as right?
**One of my primary issues at the moment is my utterly hatred of 'How people are' and my desire to have sex and to give my love to someone. Is there someone out there whom I would feel the same or better about like 'She Who Will Not Be Contacted'...probably, but I expect I'll never meet her.
And that's where I am at the moment.
There's two factors of my existence; I'm not normal, and my personal university is, or has been up till now, a harsh and unpleasant one.
I know, I said I wouldn't rehash the past, but you've got to have at least a bit of that really, but this is where it ends. I'm done with back, I'm going forward.
As it stands I've got two things currently going on; I'm applying to my local police service for constable, a process which takes months to go through with aptitude, personality, and physical testing; and I'm doing a college course for basic police training.
I'm writing this, in fact, because I'm trying to avoid doing things. I get like that sometimes. I don't see the point in acting, so I don't act, and I can't afford that right now, but it's not like I can just flip a switch or something.
I need to get some exercise after a long down time with and after a bad case of bronchitis generated a large blob of mucus which I couldn't cough up from my lungs for several weeks.
I need to catch up on my college work before Saturday. It's a part time course, and I'm unemployed, and a genius with an excellent memory, so it's not like it'll take me long to do, it's just that I keep not doing it and eventually it'll need to be done and I won't have the time to do it. I've got no reason for not doing it, it's just that I'm not.
And I want to write a book on games design documentation, and program a game in DirectX and C++. And instead, when I'm not watching the TV series 24, I'm playing the games on which I'm writing my thesis, mostly League of Legends [LoL by Riot Games].
I should really be productive, but sometimes I just don't see the point. Working for no reward other than the job itself eventually loses it's appeal when doing nothing at all has the same effect.
Gotten hungry whilst writing. Going to go make cheese salad and then force myself to hit my weights.
Tomorrow will be a busy day as I get my job seekers allowance and can go food shopping and rent paying and things. Maybe that will spur me on to be more productive and get my college work done. Do more than I have in the last four days where I've mostly just played LoL.
I'll write another post tomorrow. Shorter with a singular point, and see if I can't spruce it up a little with some background art, links to webcomics and things. I did have a website where I wrote things but my finances are so tight I can't even afford new tees, so it was silly to keep paying for it every month.
...Maybe I'll write about what I'm learning for the police. Get interested in it so getting college work done will be easy.
It's a thought.
HAI! As is traditional when I start a new blog I always say something along the lines of 'I never continue with these things', blah, blah, but I keep spamming my own Twitter account with verbose rants on various subjects and have needed a blog for quite some time, so here we are.
Also when I start a new blog I take quite some time going over the horrors of my past in an attempt to explain who I am and how I came to be. Perhaps this is why I never continue with them beyond the first post. Rehashing what is becoming comparatively ancient history for me is beyond pointless.
Everything you need to know, dear reader, can be summed up by two notions:
The first is that I'm not what you'd call a human being.
Oh sure, I look human, and any doctor would confirm that genetically speaking I'm just like any other homo sapiens. However, one of the fundamentals of how an individual biological organism is classified is it's behavior and function. My brain isn't human.And the second is that the universe takes a delight in presenting me with only the very best in batshit insane situations which no human should ever need to encounter, much less resolve. The 'horrors of my past' mentioned above include:
A lot of people would expect me to now declare that I'm homo superior and better than others. Not really. Homo alternus is more apt. I'm smart, strong, and a good man, but I think differently, act differently, understand differently to everyone.
People say this to be individual and unique, I know, but I wish I wasn't. I wish I was just like everyone else, because to be truly divided from everyone else is to never understand their anyone else and never be understood. I don't feel lonely though, I just wish the actions of others made some sort of sense occasionally.
- A family who entirely suffered from 'intellectophobia', or the fear of intellect, treating those deemed more intelligent than themselves with disdain and casual cruelty. Less of an issue since I disowned them all however. My parents are dead apparently. I feel literally nothing about that. I never loved them, or hated them. My justice was to disown them, and I got it.
- I was gifted, if that's the word, with a genius level intellect, memory and imagination. Which was then damaged by bullies, sandblasted by public education, and finally broken in half by a University course which was mis-sold as educative instead of a timesink. I've since taught myself how to do what this course did not however.
- And a first love, a love at first sight and later infatuation with who and what they were. They turned out to be a transgender [I'm male, they were male, now female] with social-anxiety issues so acute and an mentality so unstable that she, to this day, is still posting on Craigslist anomalously about lost soulmates and alike, the only form of communication she could manage, in the hopes that one day I will email her again. I want to, oh stars do I want to, because I do feel love for her, for the first time in my life for someone, but I won't. I won't because it was unhealthy, and s/he's insane, and if I want a real life then I need to avoid her, but a part of me still wants her in my arms...
...that being said, you can always learn...
Once I removed myself from the orbit of my abusive family*, found a way to gain education which could help me gain employment, and stopped contacting her** I started to get my head straight.
*Though I'm unsure the term 'Abusive' really applies. They never struck me, but the mental damage they inflicted made me see them as monsters. Is there a ruler for abuse, a measurement of cruelty? Or is it determined by the perspective of the individual? They fed me, clothed me, and kept me alive whilst flaying my brain daily. Was I just in abandoning them, or was I as cruel as they to inflict my absence on them? Is justice the same as right?
**One of my primary issues at the moment is my utterly hatred of 'How people are' and my desire to have sex and to give my love to someone. Is there someone out there whom I would feel the same or better about like 'She Who Will Not Be Contacted'...probably, but I expect I'll never meet her.
And that's where I am at the moment.
There's two factors of my existence; I'm not normal, and my personal university is, or has been up till now, a harsh and unpleasant one.
I know, I said I wouldn't rehash the past, but you've got to have at least a bit of that really, but this is where it ends. I'm done with back, I'm going forward.
As it stands I've got two things currently going on; I'm applying to my local police service for constable, a process which takes months to go through with aptitude, personality, and physical testing; and I'm doing a college course for basic police training.
I'm writing this, in fact, because I'm trying to avoid doing things. I get like that sometimes. I don't see the point in acting, so I don't act, and I can't afford that right now, but it's not like I can just flip a switch or something.
I need to get some exercise after a long down time with and after a bad case of bronchitis generated a large blob of mucus which I couldn't cough up from my lungs for several weeks.
I need to catch up on my college work before Saturday. It's a part time course, and I'm unemployed, and a genius with an excellent memory, so it's not like it'll take me long to do, it's just that I keep not doing it and eventually it'll need to be done and I won't have the time to do it. I've got no reason for not doing it, it's just that I'm not.
And I want to write a book on games design documentation, and program a game in DirectX and C++. And instead, when I'm not watching the TV series 24, I'm playing the games on which I'm writing my thesis, mostly League of Legends [LoL by Riot Games].
I should really be productive, but sometimes I just don't see the point. Working for no reward other than the job itself eventually loses it's appeal when doing nothing at all has the same effect.
Gotten hungry whilst writing. Going to go make cheese salad and then force myself to hit my weights.
Tomorrow will be a busy day as I get my job seekers allowance and can go food shopping and rent paying and things. Maybe that will spur me on to be more productive and get my college work done. Do more than I have in the last four days where I've mostly just played LoL.
I'll write another post tomorrow. Shorter with a singular point, and see if I can't spruce it up a little with some background art, links to webcomics and things. I did have a website where I wrote things but my finances are so tight I can't even afford new tees, so it was silly to keep paying for it every month.
...Maybe I'll write about what I'm learning for the police. Get interested in it so getting college work done will be easy.
It's a thought.