...Good grief...
Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.
I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.
After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.
Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.
...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...
---
One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...
Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.
I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.
Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.
I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.
That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.
I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.
My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.
I really don't like other people.
---
Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.
Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.
What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.
HEH, good joke.
Whatever.
Showing posts with label Exams. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Exams. Show all posts
06/07/2014
13/06/2014
On ELO Hell...
Hai. Not a happy temporary resident of a tent at the moment. >:|
Went running last night, did one lap of stage one of my two hour running route, of which contains three stages, and then spent half an hour barely able to breath.
Once I could walk I went to the hypermarket and got some liquid mucus cough meds and drank about half bottle [so against the label but I'm built like a jungle ape and have a slow metabolism so taking more than recommend dose is recommend for me] by sipping every time I needed to cough or couldn't breath normally.
This resulted in it clearly enough for me to do two more laps of the course. Go in, showered, slept, and now my sinuses have thick [sorry] yellow mucus in them, which I'm assuming is the corpse of the growing strep that suddenly found itself bathed in poison last night.
Woke up, decided to give running a miss tonight, and played some Hearthstone to wake up.
---
I just don't understand that game. You build a deck, you find it works, win four or five matches, and then it stops working and you drop to the bottom of the table again. So you try another champion, Druid instead of Rogue, and the same thing happens again.
Mostly I lose because either I have a bad hand [sheer luck factor] or someone pulls out cards which are a] expensive/rare [like the dragon edged boss cards] and b] have this OP ability [the freaking priest champion, in 3 moves in the late game, can make a minion with 15/15 in 3 cards, including summoning the fucking minion, I mean how do you fucking fight that?].
---
I don't know...
You play League of Legends, and you encounter ELO Hell whereby the system puts you with idiot allies who can't possibly fight your opposition. You score 10-15/0-5/whatever assists every match outside ranked, but go into ranked and you lose because of your allies feeding the enemy and dragging you down.
So despite your skill and knowledge of that game, you leave because it's rigged and biased so you lose and can't possibly reach the higher ranked leagues. You could if the game, most sensibly, took YOUR own performance into account when ranking, so regardless of your allies you yourself would still be marked on your own ability, but it doesn't.
I mean, imagine taking an exam where the nearest four people to you in the hall's marks were added to yours and you were given the average of that. You know the material and they don't, so you end up in the 'special' class and can't leave because you're surrounded by idiots. That's how I feel playing League of Legends.
So you go to play Hearthstone on the basis that it's single player so there's only your own ability taken into consideration in ranked. But here you encounter a randomized system with a edge of power-for-pounds, the UK version [the two P's make for eloquent pronunciation] of 'spend cash to be more powerful than other equally or greater skilled enemies'.
Personally I'm of the point of view that both games are rigged, only Hearthstone is a tad more obvious about it's biased game maniacs as if you spend money you can afford more powerful cards.
---
Consider this:
Both LoL and Hearthstone are free-to-play computer games. This means that they don't ask players to spend money to gain access to the gameplay. Instead they give you access to the game's content, for free, but you have the option to pay for customization or unlock devices which expand the content gained by playing the game itself.
In LoL's case customization comes in the form of champion skins so you can make your favorite champions your own. Unlock is then provided in the form of Riot Points which allows access to other champions not on the free roster [the free set consists of two handfuls of weekly rotating champions, and then you can pay either money or RP to unlock new ones quickly or slowly respectively]
And in Hearthstone additional cards can be acquired at a faster rate than what you can gain by playing the game itself and earning gold to buy packs if you spend money. This is indicative of power-for-pounds because those who spend money have a stronger deck than those who don't.
Now, you own the studios behind these games and you want people to pay money for the game and you can achieve this in two ways.
The first and public way is 'Optionally'. This is where you tell people the precise mechanics of the system. Play the game to unlock content. You can unlock content faster and customize your version of the game by spending money. People play the game, become invested, and then spend money of their own free will.
The second and secret way is 'ELO Hell' or 'Rank Bias Failure'. This is where the unranked modes are fare and set up so people of equal skill fight on even footing. However, the ranked modes are designed so that anyone who has not spent money on the game is allied with noobs so despite their own ability, they cannot win matches.
But surely your playerbase would notice this? You'd have a lot of players who play the game for the game for ages and don't care about customization or quick unlocks, or can't afford them, who find that no matter what they score outside of ranked, they can't rank up because their allies all feed 0/10 in minuets and drag them down.
Well this is precisely what Riot Game's have. A large quantity of their playerbase complaining about ELO Hell.
So what do you do about this so the facts of the matter don't make your company seem like a right bunch of assholes?
Well two things:
Firstly, you swear blind, black and blue that ELO Hell is a physiological perception issue, negativity bias, that the players only think it's their allies and is in fact they themselves who are not as good at the game as they believe themselves to be.
And secondly, and concurrently, you play on the fact that this is a partial truth. There are plenty of players who, because of their own personality flaws, will either confirm Riot's statement on the matter [surely it's other people's ineptitude because Riot Game's is the god-king of the universe and other people are garbage] or will play badly and then blame others for their own personal failure [because if there's one thing the average human hates, it's taking responsibility for failure, it's a survival reflex].
Personally, as usual, I discount anything anyone says and just test to see what happens.
I can't be asked right now to go rummaging through my image folders, though I will post this in 'On Games...' at some point, but I've played matches in non-ranked and then played ranked, and found that whilst non-ranked is with fairly good allies, ranked is almost terminally with abject noobs.
Additionally there's this:
On LoLKing they have access to feeds from player accounts which show ranked histories, what champions you were playing, your current rune pages, etc.
And what I noticed there was that when I first started playing the ranked mode of LoL, having a really good go to get to Challenger mode, I discovered that my progression through ranked went diagonally up. OK, I lost a few matches, no one's perfect, but on the whole I was rising steadily. Then my score dropped like a stone as ELO Hell took effect and booted me down two or three divisions.
This happened a couple more times before I gave up.
---
In my own mind I know ELO Hell exists. It might be speculative to suggest that it's tied to how much money you've dropped on the game, but there's a definite biased to ensure that certain highly skilled players are not placed with equally skilled allies and against equally skilled enemies.
Riot Game's denies it, the majority of their playerbase is with them, and no one gives a flying fuck to anything about it. Developers still takes home profits, players still enjoy the game, and who cares if a minority are ignored and treated unfairly. It doesn't concern those who rigged the game in the first place.
---
Hearthstone may have sometime similar in it's design, although it's easier, as I've said, to spot. There's no way you can break out of the lowest ranked division [lv20-21] without dropping some serious cash on higher tier cards. The Dragon/Boss cards are just way too powerful [and can't realistically be earned by playing], and the lower level higher utility cards [which I admit you can gain fairly easily by simply playing and earning gold to pay for packs] in abundance can smash any lower tier deck.
---
In my professional opinion, both games are at least definitely 'Probably' rigged so those who spend money on them are 'Permitted' to rank up.
These games might be free-to-play, but skill is no where near enough to be crowned monarch of the playerbase. As with most things in this world, quality of character isn't enough to jack unless society has decided to give you great riches to go with it.
---
Alright, I've not had breakfast or anything to eat since yesterday afternoon and it's not gone 3pm so shower...Lunner [Lunch/Dinner, lol], and then college work until snooze.
---
Got two and a half days to get through one and half weeks because I need to switch to exam revision on Monday - Thursday for an exam Saturday [got my Day 2 interview on teh Friday at the police recruitment center so].
That's not as impossible as it sounds, doing a weeks worth of work in a day or two.
Each college 'Week' takes place every two weeks in an eight hour session with eight hours of homework, and is easily doable in a day or two.
Although really what my tutor does, because he's a bloody pillock, in 'Class' is simply repeat what the homework states in text. I don't know why I go to them to be honest. Spending eight hours reading and answering online quizzes would be a better use of my time.
When I mentioned this to him he said that 'you wouldn't be able to have the homework set in a proper context'...I have an IQ of a couple of hundred points, more or less, I probably understand and could document this content in greater context than you have you fucking asshat, was my mental reply.
I think the guy has the intellectual capacity of a turnip, and got his rank based on rigid observation of protocol. He sure as hell didn't get there by intellectually adaptive, imaginative and naturally curious like me.
Dam silly nonsense, the lot of it.
---
Anyway, I's need's food's. :O <---
Bai.
Went running last night, did one lap of stage one of my two hour running route, of which contains three stages, and then spent half an hour barely able to breath.
Once I could walk I went to the hypermarket and got some liquid mucus cough meds and drank about half bottle [so against the label but I'm built like a jungle ape and have a slow metabolism so taking more than recommend dose is recommend for me] by sipping every time I needed to cough or couldn't breath normally.
This resulted in it clearly enough for me to do two more laps of the course. Go in, showered, slept, and now my sinuses have thick [sorry] yellow mucus in them, which I'm assuming is the corpse of the growing strep that suddenly found itself bathed in poison last night.
Woke up, decided to give running a miss tonight, and played some Hearthstone to wake up.
---
I just don't understand that game. You build a deck, you find it works, win four or five matches, and then it stops working and you drop to the bottom of the table again. So you try another champion, Druid instead of Rogue, and the same thing happens again.
Mostly I lose because either I have a bad hand [sheer luck factor] or someone pulls out cards which are a] expensive/rare [like the dragon edged boss cards] and b] have this OP ability [the freaking priest champion, in 3 moves in the late game, can make a minion with 15/15 in 3 cards, including summoning the fucking minion, I mean how do you fucking fight that?].
---
I don't know...
You play League of Legends, and you encounter ELO Hell whereby the system puts you with idiot allies who can't possibly fight your opposition. You score 10-15/0-5/whatever assists every match outside ranked, but go into ranked and you lose because of your allies feeding the enemy and dragging you down.
So despite your skill and knowledge of that game, you leave because it's rigged and biased so you lose and can't possibly reach the higher ranked leagues. You could if the game, most sensibly, took YOUR own performance into account when ranking, so regardless of your allies you yourself would still be marked on your own ability, but it doesn't.
I mean, imagine taking an exam where the nearest four people to you in the hall's marks were added to yours and you were given the average of that. You know the material and they don't, so you end up in the 'special' class and can't leave because you're surrounded by idiots. That's how I feel playing League of Legends.
So you go to play Hearthstone on the basis that it's single player so there's only your own ability taken into consideration in ranked. But here you encounter a randomized system with a edge of power-for-pounds, the UK version [the two P's make for eloquent pronunciation] of 'spend cash to be more powerful than other equally or greater skilled enemies'.
Personally I'm of the point of view that both games are rigged, only Hearthstone is a tad more obvious about it's biased game maniacs as if you spend money you can afford more powerful cards.
---
Consider this:
Both LoL and Hearthstone are free-to-play computer games. This means that they don't ask players to spend money to gain access to the gameplay. Instead they give you access to the game's content, for free, but you have the option to pay for customization or unlock devices which expand the content gained by playing the game itself.
In LoL's case customization comes in the form of champion skins so you can make your favorite champions your own. Unlock is then provided in the form of Riot Points which allows access to other champions not on the free roster [the free set consists of two handfuls of weekly rotating champions, and then you can pay either money or RP to unlock new ones quickly or slowly respectively]
And in Hearthstone additional cards can be acquired at a faster rate than what you can gain by playing the game itself and earning gold to buy packs if you spend money. This is indicative of power-for-pounds because those who spend money have a stronger deck than those who don't.
Now, you own the studios behind these games and you want people to pay money for the game and you can achieve this in two ways.
The first and public way is 'Optionally'. This is where you tell people the precise mechanics of the system. Play the game to unlock content. You can unlock content faster and customize your version of the game by spending money. People play the game, become invested, and then spend money of their own free will.
The second and secret way is 'ELO Hell' or 'Rank Bias Failure'. This is where the unranked modes are fare and set up so people of equal skill fight on even footing. However, the ranked modes are designed so that anyone who has not spent money on the game is allied with noobs so despite their own ability, they cannot win matches.
But surely your playerbase would notice this? You'd have a lot of players who play the game for the game for ages and don't care about customization or quick unlocks, or can't afford them, who find that no matter what they score outside of ranked, they can't rank up because their allies all feed 0/10 in minuets and drag them down.
Well this is precisely what Riot Game's have. A large quantity of their playerbase complaining about ELO Hell.
So what do you do about this so the facts of the matter don't make your company seem like a right bunch of assholes?
Well two things:
Firstly, you swear blind, black and blue that ELO Hell is a physiological perception issue, negativity bias, that the players only think it's their allies and is in fact they themselves who are not as good at the game as they believe themselves to be.
And secondly, and concurrently, you play on the fact that this is a partial truth. There are plenty of players who, because of their own personality flaws, will either confirm Riot's statement on the matter [surely it's other people's ineptitude because Riot Game's is the god-king of the universe and other people are garbage] or will play badly and then blame others for their own personal failure [because if there's one thing the average human hates, it's taking responsibility for failure, it's a survival reflex].
Personally, as usual, I discount anything anyone says and just test to see what happens.
I can't be asked right now to go rummaging through my image folders, though I will post this in 'On Games...' at some point, but I've played matches in non-ranked and then played ranked, and found that whilst non-ranked is with fairly good allies, ranked is almost terminally with abject noobs.
Additionally there's this:
On LoLKing they have access to feeds from player accounts which show ranked histories, what champions you were playing, your current rune pages, etc.
And what I noticed there was that when I first started playing the ranked mode of LoL, having a really good go to get to Challenger mode, I discovered that my progression through ranked went diagonally up. OK, I lost a few matches, no one's perfect, but on the whole I was rising steadily. Then my score dropped like a stone as ELO Hell took effect and booted me down two or three divisions.
This happened a couple more times before I gave up.
---
In my own mind I know ELO Hell exists. It might be speculative to suggest that it's tied to how much money you've dropped on the game, but there's a definite biased to ensure that certain highly skilled players are not placed with equally skilled allies and against equally skilled enemies.
Riot Game's denies it, the majority of their playerbase is with them, and no one gives a flying fuck to anything about it. Developers still takes home profits, players still enjoy the game, and who cares if a minority are ignored and treated unfairly. It doesn't concern those who rigged the game in the first place.
---
Hearthstone may have sometime similar in it's design, although it's easier, as I've said, to spot. There's no way you can break out of the lowest ranked division [lv20-21] without dropping some serious cash on higher tier cards. The Dragon/Boss cards are just way too powerful [and can't realistically be earned by playing], and the lower level higher utility cards [which I admit you can gain fairly easily by simply playing and earning gold to pay for packs] in abundance can smash any lower tier deck.
---
In my professional opinion, both games are at least definitely 'Probably' rigged so those who spend money on them are 'Permitted' to rank up.
These games might be free-to-play, but skill is no where near enough to be crowned monarch of the playerbase. As with most things in this world, quality of character isn't enough to jack unless society has decided to give you great riches to go with it.
---
Alright, I've not had breakfast or anything to eat since yesterday afternoon and it's not gone 3pm so shower...Lunner [Lunch/Dinner, lol], and then college work until snooze.
---
Got two and a half days to get through one and half weeks because I need to switch to exam revision on Monday - Thursday for an exam Saturday [got my Day 2 interview on teh Friday at the police recruitment center so].
That's not as impossible as it sounds, doing a weeks worth of work in a day or two.
Each college 'Week' takes place every two weeks in an eight hour session with eight hours of homework, and is easily doable in a day or two.
Although really what my tutor does, because he's a bloody pillock, in 'Class' is simply repeat what the homework states in text. I don't know why I go to them to be honest. Spending eight hours reading and answering online quizzes would be a better use of my time.
When I mentioned this to him he said that 'you wouldn't be able to have the homework set in a proper context'...I have an IQ of a couple of hundred points, more or less, I probably understand and could document this content in greater context than you have you fucking asshat, was my mental reply.
I think the guy has the intellectual capacity of a turnip, and got his rank based on rigid observation of protocol. He sure as hell didn't get there by intellectually adaptive, imaginative and naturally curious like me.
I have this thing with people, like a mental perception memory link where I link people with animals. It's one of the issues, if it is an issue, with being a genius who makes connections between packets of data whether or not they want to.
Sometimes I think of someone and instead of their face I get another image, like you look up someone in a computer database and you get the name and information but you get this picture as their avatar and it's an animal or object instead of them. They are in there, but so is this 'Thing' as well. I mean, I know the thing isn't them, it's just related to them in some way, shape or form.
This one guy from YouTube strikes me as bear like for example. It's like metaphor only it's my perceptions doing it automatically.
And my course tutor for my policing certification course, he's a pig. It's not an insult, it's not a descriptive phrase, it's just my brain looks at him and a couple of neurons are saying 'this chap, in another life, could've been a pig with a curly tail and trotters, and he's the mental image to go with it'.
My personal universe is a very strange place, or would be if I had any other to compare it with, but I hardly think that's bloody normally, anyway...Can't skip the college class sessions though because otherwise I'd miss the written exams, in themselves a load of fucking nonsense as the 'Exams' consist of a test of half a dozen questions, which you're given access to from Week 1. Essentially all you need do is formulate your answer before hand from your notes, online handouts and text book, memorize it, and then write it down during the one hour 'Exam'.
Dam silly nonsense, the lot of it.
---
Anyway, I's need's food's. :O <---
Bai.
11/06/2014
On Summer...
There're plenty of redeeming points about summer and they wear very little but have great tits and legs and are slightly wet in the heat. :>
*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]
Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.
---
TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.
---
Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.
---
Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.
Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.
The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.
Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.
They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.
Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...
...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?
---
ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].
This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.
But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.
---
Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.
I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.
Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.
---
Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.
More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.
---
Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.
Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.
As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.
YUP.
Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.
---
NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.
I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.
I'll add more to those when I have a moment.
---
Have a nice day. :)
*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]
Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.
---
TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.
---
Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.
---
Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.
Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.
The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.
Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.
They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.
Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...
...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?
---
ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].
This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.
But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.
---
Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.
I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.
Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.
---
Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.
More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.
---
Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.
Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.
As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.
YUP.
Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.
---
NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.
I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.
I'll add more to those when I have a moment.
---
Have a nice day. :)
09/06/2014
On Stress...
Yeah, stress is a good word to use here, I think.
It's hot.
I'm still coughing.
And I've hardly dented my college work.
Issues consist of: Day 2 forms and fitness test [I've not ran once this week yet and I'm too tired to go today really], Week 5 exam [haven't done week 2 of the course yet], finding new Acom [see below], 24+ Advanced Learning Loan form [this is just so utterly dam stupid I could do an entire blog post on it but mostly covered it in On Bureaucracy], and a Housing Benefits Tribunal cancellation and a reduction to my benefits [of which I don't get enough of currently] until I've completed college and gotten employed.
I'm waiting for my erstwhile landlady to raise the subject of why I've not paid rent in 2 weeks and having to pay that back in one lump so I can't move into somewhere else.
But I wouldn't mind too much if I could at least get a good nights sleep, which I can't because a] I'm not able to sleep with the thought of college work looming over my head, and b] when I do fall asleep it's so hot I have to leave my window open, and around dawn the cold air makes my lungs fill with fluid and I end up coughing my guts up for ten minuets in the middle of my sleep cycle, and then waking up mid morning over 5-6 hours total sleep not able to sleep more because it's too hot.
Stable routine, and eviction, fine.
Stable routine, and applying for police constable, also fine.
Stable routine, and ill and hot weather so little sleep, ditto with nobs on.
Stable routine, and college course part time, fiiine and dandy.
Stable fucking routine, and a gods dam benefits tribunal, OK, OK, FINE.
Unstable mother fucking running about all over the fucking place messed up shit storm of a routine, so far from fine, you can see the curvature of the universe.
I know, I know, some people have a blog and post interesting shit and high and mighty ideological thoughts on various subjects, but right here and now, I'm pissed.
I mean, for 5 years plus I have nothing, no chance at getting out from unemployment and horrible living conditions.
I find something, to my very own surprise, that might let me do that, and my personal world goes WRONG all at the same moment.
Some people are just BORN lucky I guess...
I bitch, I bitch more because my brain is pulsing in pain right now and visions of damaged lung tissue are flashing across it, both in pain and under pressure.
It's just before at least I could always tell myself 'at least I've got my health, no matter how bad everything else might be' but here and now I might not even have that.
I am angry. And the first [or should I say second because my college lecturer has already told me to go fuck myself in lesser terms] little fucker who presses trying to use my as a toilet is not going to like it when I stick a knife up there, handle first.
I'm serious about that.
Normally I don't shout and scream and act aggressive because I've always believed and know that it solves nothing really. Only calm reason and discussion solves problems, even if the other side won't play the same game, what they get from me anyway is a resolution, even if they don't like what it is.
Normally.
But it just might be the case that the next person who tries to dump something on me is going to be amazed when I stop being Mr. Rational and go straight for wild screaming ape man, like a scene from one of the new Planet of the Apes movies.
That's my blog post. Shit has gone to hell, and I'm trying to deal with it. The outcome of these events will be forthcoming, even if it's just more bitching.
Just let me catch up with my course work, get rid of this cough, pass this exam, and find somewhere new to live.
Once that's been achieved, then I'll blog about Hearthstone's game mechanics, Game of Thrones philosophy and artistic presentation, and maybe even the difference between an assault crime and a battery crime and how they can be aggravated. :)
Just let me survive the next three weeks without killing anyone and/or ending up living on the streets.
I don't deserve this shit, but then maybe no one deserves a life from the perspective of the universe.
It's hot.
I'm still coughing.
And I've hardly dented my college work.
Issues consist of: Day 2 forms and fitness test [I've not ran once this week yet and I'm too tired to go today really], Week 5 exam [haven't done week 2 of the course yet], finding new Acom [see below], 24+ Advanced Learning Loan form [this is just so utterly dam stupid I could do an entire blog post on it but mostly covered it in On Bureaucracy], and a Housing Benefits Tribunal cancellation and a reduction to my benefits [of which I don't get enough of currently] until I've completed college and gotten employed.
I'm waiting for my erstwhile landlady to raise the subject of why I've not paid rent in 2 weeks and having to pay that back in one lump so I can't move into somewhere else.
But I wouldn't mind too much if I could at least get a good nights sleep, which I can't because a] I'm not able to sleep with the thought of college work looming over my head, and b] when I do fall asleep it's so hot I have to leave my window open, and around dawn the cold air makes my lungs fill with fluid and I end up coughing my guts up for ten minuets in the middle of my sleep cycle, and then waking up mid morning over 5-6 hours total sleep not able to sleep more because it's too hot.
Stable routine, and eviction, fine.
Stable routine, and applying for police constable, also fine.
Stable routine, and ill and hot weather so little sleep, ditto with nobs on.
Stable routine, and college course part time, fiiine and dandy.
Stable fucking routine, and a gods dam benefits tribunal, OK, OK, FINE.
Unstable mother fucking running about all over the fucking place messed up shit storm of a routine, so far from fine, you can see the curvature of the universe.
I know, I know, some people have a blog and post interesting shit and high and mighty ideological thoughts on various subjects, but right here and now, I'm pissed.
I mean, for 5 years plus I have nothing, no chance at getting out from unemployment and horrible living conditions.
I find something, to my very own surprise, that might let me do that, and my personal world goes WRONG all at the same moment.
Some people are just BORN lucky I guess...
I bitch, I bitch more because my brain is pulsing in pain right now and visions of damaged lung tissue are flashing across it, both in pain and under pressure.
It's just before at least I could always tell myself 'at least I've got my health, no matter how bad everything else might be' but here and now I might not even have that.
I am angry. And the first [or should I say second because my college lecturer has already told me to go fuck myself in lesser terms] little fucker who presses trying to use my as a toilet is not going to like it when I stick a knife up there, handle first.
I'm serious about that.
Normally I don't shout and scream and act aggressive because I've always believed and know that it solves nothing really. Only calm reason and discussion solves problems, even if the other side won't play the same game, what they get from me anyway is a resolution, even if they don't like what it is.
Normally.
But it just might be the case that the next person who tries to dump something on me is going to be amazed when I stop being Mr. Rational and go straight for wild screaming ape man, like a scene from one of the new Planet of the Apes movies.
That's my blog post. Shit has gone to hell, and I'm trying to deal with it. The outcome of these events will be forthcoming, even if it's just more bitching.
Just let me catch up with my course work, get rid of this cough, pass this exam, and find somewhere new to live.
Once that's been achieved, then I'll blog about Hearthstone's game mechanics, Game of Thrones philosophy and artistic presentation, and maybe even the difference between an assault crime and a battery crime and how they can be aggravated. :)
Just let me survive the next three weeks without killing anyone and/or ending up living on the streets.
I don't deserve this shit, but then maybe no one deserves a life from the perspective of the universe.
08/06/2014
On...On...On...
So that's what happens when you're awake for 29 hours and then sleep for 16. You wake up remembering the most psychedelic dreams of your life and then feel like the entire world is dented plastic as your brain tries to reboot.
Currently eating and drinking the closest things to hand which include leftover coke, cookies, and bananas, all whilst typing with one hand. Not out of any kind of enjoyment you understand but because my stomach is hooked directly to my hands and mouth now apparently.
Didn't eat well yesterday at college, came home and buried myself in bed straight away so no time for food. Would prefer going to make sammitches and things but, as usual, my fucking flatmates are making pancakes or something at 10:41am. Bastards.
---
My abused corpus trying to repair itself aside; why in nine hells did I do this to myself?
---
Because the universe did it's usual 'Fuck You' act towards me; evicting me, giving me an exam, a seven hour job interview with a fitness test, AND a court tribunal all in the same 2 week period.
- Moving out needs to be done in the next two weeks because so the rent I owe piles up just enough to give me the deposit on a new place, but no so much so that I owe a large amount to my flatmates who pay the rent on the 21st of each month. I want them 'expecting' it until I've left, and then not be able to reclaim it after I've gone, so I need to be gone in the next 2 weeks without a trace.
- The exam, usually, wouldn't be an issue. It's only about 'Victims and Witnesses', one subject, and just memorization of a single passage of information. Normally it would be a piece of piss, but I've still got week 2, 3, and 4 to catch up from the homework portfolio, plus everything else I have to do.
Alright, so if I just did the homework this week and then on the weekend spend my time memorizing the exam information, finishing whatever I don't get done on the homework this week during not next week but the week after, it shouldn't be an issue to pass the exam first go. But I don't have much time to do either the homework OR the exam revision.
- The seven hour job interview has a bunch of forms I need to fill out, which will take about 2 hours max, but the fitness interview requires me to have been taking daily exercise for weeks. I've got 11 days, and I'm still not sure I can run even now because a] my bronchitis hasn't cleared and I had 2 coughing fits yesterday, and b] I haven't been eating right and my metabolism is all kinds of fucked up.
- And as for the tribunal...I'm cancelling it, I just don't have the time right now to gather evidence and prove shit to anyone. Besides, the stupid bastards won't care to listen. What is truth in the face of evil, and evil is the ignorance of context. All I can afford to do timewise is just paying it back slightly until I get hired as a copper and can pay it back in full in a short time period, which is all I can afford financially, but that's still going to take up time I don't have arranging repayment and cancelling my tribunal date.
---
I stayed awake trying to get as much work done as I could because I've got multiple cows standing in front of the giant win turbine and they're all very nervous.
The best I can hope for at this point is this:
- Getting up early tomorrow and going for a horrible, painful, and probably throat rending run.
- Cancelling the tribunal and setting up repayment in one trip to the council offices, which are thankfully just next to a Doctors I'm registered with, in one single trip there.
- Either finding somewhere new to live in the next two weeks, will only take a day or two to find and move into, or [horribly] moving into a hostel and putting my stuff in storage pro tem [not a good option and that and lack of personal PC will make studying a lot harder].
- And somewhere in all this finding at least enough time to do the exam prep, if not most of the homework.
---
I hate this. Other people apply for the police, do the interviews, learn the course, and maybe struggle with the content, but they pass it. I have to get a persistent throat infection, a court tribunal, evicted AND an exam, all at the same time.
My course tutor nearly got himself killed yesterday though. I asked if it'd be possible to maybe rearrange my exam as I can't afford to cover retakes and these two weeks are falling on my head like a ton of fucking bricks. Like delay it for 2 weeks whilst I catch up, I mean I did just get evicted for crying out loud if nothing else. Let me at least arrange where I get my head down first.
And the asshole stood there and basically said 'well, yeah, that's a problem, that's a big bunch of problems, but the important thing, the key point is, well, there're not my problems'.
I, in a sleep deprived state, nearly went for his throat.
I mean, the man is an experienced copper right? Empathy, consideration, concern for others, these are key traits of policemen aren't they? Helping someone in strife and ensuring their prosperity and security?
Hell, he stands there and explains to use a week or two back about this social pyramid thing with stuff like housing and food on the bottom and education and work on the top and explains to us that in the social hierarchy people seek the basic human needs before trying to achieve greater personal development. Which made sense; 'only those with their feet on rock can build castles in their' so Terry Pratchett said.
And here's this asshole shrugging and saying 'How you manage your time is your own responsibility'.
Bastard.
I remember every time someone does this to me. I find that the world has decided to throw everything at me all at once, and when I ask for help to give me time to take care of shit that can't wait before others which could possibly at the behest of another, and they don't just say no sorry and act almost disdainful and smug, like you should be trying harder to get this work done even though you've got no time and several others saying the same thing, I remember it.
Then when someone asks me why I hate people, why I'm mildly hostile towards them all the time and don't like to be around them, I tell them something like this and ask them why on earth they like them.
My best chance to be employed in several years and I've got a choice; either keep up with their testing or have somewhere nice to put my head down. Keep the tiny amount of money I've got coming in, or take short term reductions to it for more in the long term.
And there's never any help. Never someone in power who says 'well, I understand you've got so much to do, let's push that a week so you've got more time, it's not like it'll cost us anything personally'.
...FINE...WHATEVER...I already hate this fucking world anyway, dealing with bullies and bastards every day. I'll do whatever I can and pick up the pieces of whatever I can't. I just don't see why it always has to be like this every dam time I try to do anything.
Just once I'd like it to be fair.
Currently eating and drinking the closest things to hand which include leftover coke, cookies, and bananas, all whilst typing with one hand. Not out of any kind of enjoyment you understand but because my stomach is hooked directly to my hands and mouth now apparently.
Didn't eat well yesterday at college, came home and buried myself in bed straight away so no time for food. Would prefer going to make sammitches and things but, as usual, my fucking flatmates are making pancakes or something at 10:41am. Bastards.
---
My abused corpus trying to repair itself aside; why in nine hells did I do this to myself?
---
Because the universe did it's usual 'Fuck You' act towards me; evicting me, giving me an exam, a seven hour job interview with a fitness test, AND a court tribunal all in the same 2 week period.
- Moving out needs to be done in the next two weeks because so the rent I owe piles up just enough to give me the deposit on a new place, but no so much so that I owe a large amount to my flatmates who pay the rent on the 21st of each month. I want them 'expecting' it until I've left, and then not be able to reclaim it after I've gone, so I need to be gone in the next 2 weeks without a trace.
- The exam, usually, wouldn't be an issue. It's only about 'Victims and Witnesses', one subject, and just memorization of a single passage of information. Normally it would be a piece of piss, but I've still got week 2, 3, and 4 to catch up from the homework portfolio, plus everything else I have to do.
Alright, so if I just did the homework this week and then on the weekend spend my time memorizing the exam information, finishing whatever I don't get done on the homework this week during not next week but the week after, it shouldn't be an issue to pass the exam first go. But I don't have much time to do either the homework OR the exam revision.
- The seven hour job interview has a bunch of forms I need to fill out, which will take about 2 hours max, but the fitness interview requires me to have been taking daily exercise for weeks. I've got 11 days, and I'm still not sure I can run even now because a] my bronchitis hasn't cleared and I had 2 coughing fits yesterday, and b] I haven't been eating right and my metabolism is all kinds of fucked up.
- And as for the tribunal...I'm cancelling it, I just don't have the time right now to gather evidence and prove shit to anyone. Besides, the stupid bastards won't care to listen. What is truth in the face of evil, and evil is the ignorance of context. All I can afford to do timewise is just paying it back slightly until I get hired as a copper and can pay it back in full in a short time period, which is all I can afford financially, but that's still going to take up time I don't have arranging repayment and cancelling my tribunal date.
---
I stayed awake trying to get as much work done as I could because I've got multiple cows standing in front of the giant win turbine and they're all very nervous.
The best I can hope for at this point is this:
- Getting up early tomorrow and going for a horrible, painful, and probably throat rending run.
- Cancelling the tribunal and setting up repayment in one trip to the council offices, which are thankfully just next to a Doctors I'm registered with, in one single trip there.
- Either finding somewhere new to live in the next two weeks, will only take a day or two to find and move into, or [horribly] moving into a hostel and putting my stuff in storage pro tem [not a good option and that and lack of personal PC will make studying a lot harder].
- And somewhere in all this finding at least enough time to do the exam prep, if not most of the homework.
---
I hate this. Other people apply for the police, do the interviews, learn the course, and maybe struggle with the content, but they pass it. I have to get a persistent throat infection, a court tribunal, evicted AND an exam, all at the same time.
My course tutor nearly got himself killed yesterday though. I asked if it'd be possible to maybe rearrange my exam as I can't afford to cover retakes and these two weeks are falling on my head like a ton of fucking bricks. Like delay it for 2 weeks whilst I catch up, I mean I did just get evicted for crying out loud if nothing else. Let me at least arrange where I get my head down first.
And the asshole stood there and basically said 'well, yeah, that's a problem, that's a big bunch of problems, but the important thing, the key point is, well, there're not my problems'.
I, in a sleep deprived state, nearly went for his throat.
I mean, the man is an experienced copper right? Empathy, consideration, concern for others, these are key traits of policemen aren't they? Helping someone in strife and ensuring their prosperity and security?
Hell, he stands there and explains to use a week or two back about this social pyramid thing with stuff like housing and food on the bottom and education and work on the top and explains to us that in the social hierarchy people seek the basic human needs before trying to achieve greater personal development. Which made sense; 'only those with their feet on rock can build castles in their' so Terry Pratchett said.
And here's this asshole shrugging and saying 'How you manage your time is your own responsibility'.
Bastard.
I remember every time someone does this to me. I find that the world has decided to throw everything at me all at once, and when I ask for help to give me time to take care of shit that can't wait before others which could possibly at the behest of another, and they don't just say no sorry and act almost disdainful and smug, like you should be trying harder to get this work done even though you've got no time and several others saying the same thing, I remember it.
Then when someone asks me why I hate people, why I'm mildly hostile towards them all the time and don't like to be around them, I tell them something like this and ask them why on earth they like them.
My best chance to be employed in several years and I've got a choice; either keep up with their testing or have somewhere nice to put my head down. Keep the tiny amount of money I've got coming in, or take short term reductions to it for more in the long term.
And there's never any help. Never someone in power who says 'well, I understand you've got so much to do, let's push that a week so you've got more time, it's not like it'll cost us anything personally'.
...FINE...WHATEVER...I already hate this fucking world anyway, dealing with bullies and bastards every day. I'll do whatever I can and pick up the pieces of whatever I can't. I just don't see why it always has to be like this every dam time I try to do anything.
Just once I'd like it to be fair.