So that's what happens when you're awake for 29 hours and then sleep for 16. You wake up remembering the most psychedelic dreams of your life and then feel like the entire world is dented plastic as your brain tries to reboot.
Currently eating and drinking the closest things to hand which include leftover coke, cookies, and bananas, all whilst typing with one hand. Not out of any kind of enjoyment you understand but because my stomach is hooked directly to my hands and mouth now apparently.
Didn't eat well yesterday at college, came home and buried myself in bed straight away so no time for food. Would prefer going to make sammitches and things but, as usual, my fucking flatmates are making pancakes or something at 10:41am. Bastards.
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My abused corpus trying to repair itself aside; why in nine hells did I do this to myself?
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Because the universe did it's usual 'Fuck You' act towards me; evicting me, giving me an exam, a seven hour job interview with a fitness test, AND a court tribunal all in the same 2 week period.
- Moving out needs to be done in the next two weeks because so the rent I owe piles up just enough to give me the deposit on a new place, but no so much so that I owe a large amount to my flatmates who pay the rent on the 21st of each month. I want them 'expecting' it until I've left, and then not be able to reclaim it after I've gone, so I need to be gone in the next 2 weeks without a trace.
- The exam, usually, wouldn't be an issue. It's only about 'Victims and Witnesses', one subject, and just memorization of a single passage of information. Normally it would be a piece of piss, but I've still got week 2, 3, and 4 to catch up from the homework portfolio, plus everything else I have to do.
Alright, so if I just did the homework this week and then on the weekend spend my time memorizing the exam information, finishing whatever I don't get done on the homework this week during not next week but the week after, it shouldn't be an issue to pass the exam first go. But I don't have much time to do either the homework OR the exam revision.
- The seven hour job interview has a bunch of forms I need to fill out, which will take about 2 hours max, but the fitness interview requires me to have been taking daily exercise for weeks. I've got 11 days, and I'm still not sure I can run even now because a] my bronchitis hasn't cleared and I had 2 coughing fits yesterday, and b] I haven't been eating right and my metabolism is all kinds of fucked up.
- And as for the tribunal...I'm cancelling it, I just don't have the time right now to gather evidence and prove shit to anyone. Besides, the stupid bastards won't care to listen. What is truth in the face of evil, and evil is the ignorance of context. All I can afford to do timewise is just paying it back slightly until I get hired as a copper and can pay it back in full in a short time period, which is all I can afford financially, but that's still going to take up time I don't have arranging repayment and cancelling my tribunal date.
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I stayed awake trying to get as much work done as I could because I've got multiple cows standing in front of the giant win turbine and they're all very nervous.
The best I can hope for at this point is this:
- Getting up early tomorrow and going for a horrible, painful, and probably throat rending run.
- Cancelling the tribunal and setting up repayment in one trip to the council offices, which are thankfully just next to a Doctors I'm registered with, in one single trip there.
- Either finding somewhere new to live in the next two weeks, will only take a day or two to find and move into, or [horribly] moving into a hostel and putting my stuff in storage pro tem [not a good option and that and lack of personal PC will make studying a lot harder].
- And somewhere in all this finding at least enough time to do the exam prep, if not most of the homework.
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I hate this. Other people apply for the police, do the interviews, learn the course, and maybe struggle with the content, but they pass it. I have to get a persistent throat infection, a court tribunal, evicted AND an exam, all at the same time.
My course tutor nearly got himself killed yesterday though. I asked if it'd be possible to maybe rearrange my exam as I can't afford to cover retakes and these two weeks are falling on my head like a ton of fucking bricks. Like delay it for 2 weeks whilst I catch up, I mean I did just get evicted for crying out loud if nothing else. Let me at least arrange where I get my head down first.
And the asshole stood there and basically said 'well, yeah, that's a problem, that's a big bunch of problems, but the important thing, the key point is, well, there're not my problems'.
I, in a sleep deprived state, nearly went for his throat.
I mean, the man is an experienced copper right? Empathy, consideration, concern for others, these are key traits of policemen aren't they? Helping someone in strife and ensuring their prosperity and security?
Hell, he stands there and explains to use a week or two back about this social pyramid thing with stuff like housing and food on the bottom and education and work on the top and explains to us that in the social hierarchy people seek the basic human needs before trying to achieve greater personal development. Which made sense; 'only those with their feet on rock can build castles in their' so Terry Pratchett said.
And here's this asshole shrugging and saying 'How you manage your time is your own responsibility'.
Bastard.
I remember every time someone does this to me. I find that the world has decided to throw everything at me all at once, and when I ask for help to give me time to take care of shit that can't wait before others which could possibly at the behest of another, and they don't just say no sorry and act almost disdainful and smug, like you should be trying harder to get this work done even though you've got no time and several others saying the same thing, I remember it.
Then when someone asks me why I hate people, why I'm mildly hostile towards them all the time and don't like to be around them, I tell them something like this and ask them why on earth they like them.
My best chance to be employed in several years and I've got a choice; either keep up with their testing or have somewhere nice to put my head down. Keep the tiny amount of money I've got coming in, or take short term reductions to it for more in the long term.
And there's never any help. Never someone in power who says 'well, I understand you've got so much to do, let's push that a week so you've got more time, it's not like it'll cost us anything personally'.
...FINE...WHATEVER...I already hate this fucking world anyway, dealing with bullies and bastards every day. I'll do whatever I can and pick up the pieces of whatever I can't. I just don't see why it always has to be like this every dam time I try to do anything.
Just once I'd like it to be fair.
