Sup, it's 00:44 Tuesday, I've just finished running, and thought of a couple of things I wanted to blog about so I'm taking care of Tuesday's post now.
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Firstly, yup, went running.
Ten minuets in I could barely draw breath. It wasn't gradual either. Runni-jogging, jogging just fine and then it was like trying to breath through glue in all of thirty seconds. Walked for 20-30 minuets and got to the Hospital ER, which is on my longer running route anyway, and tried to see a doctor. 40 minuets or so later and I was breathing normally at rest. It's like cold activated pneumonia, if pneumonia is what I think it is and is fluid in your lungs as a response to cold.
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pneumonia/pages/introduction.aspx
...In fact, if I'm reading this right, I've had pneumonia caused by a streptococcus infection.
Go running in the cold night air, generate lactic acid, this causes me to get low grade pneumonia, which I fight against as I do with strained muscles. The strep fed off the lactic acid and infected my bronchial tubes, giving me a wicked cold for a few days and then settling down into bad tasting coughs. I haven't been eating and sleeping right and stopped running, so I've not had the white blood cells to kill it. After I killed the bacteria with a better diet and the new meds I've just started taking, the cold air tonight just made the pneumonia flare up which made me choke for half an hour tonight.
Bad diet, lack of sleep, dust in my room, running in the cold, and not taking meds which attacked the bacteria in my lungs. That's why I've been low grade ill for a good two months.
Idiot. I should notice this shit by now. I'm meant to be intelligent. Keep taking Benylin, eat more, sleep at night, run to invigorate my blood's resistances and I should be fine. Dumb ass.
ALSO: Maybe get a flu shot from now on designed to resist strep. I don't want this happening again.
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OK, secondly, when I was in the Hospital ER a girl came in from a car crash badly shaken up.
There were two things about this for me personally.
The first was good; empathy. I wanted to help her and felt sorry for her on reflex. I know about bad injuries.
I've cracked my skull open in two places at the same time, shredded my left bicep, damaged my knee caps, and shattered my left wrist in my time, plus broken both my legs in my teens [not at the same time], and crushed both my toe nails.
These days a car crash would've been an invigorating experience for me instead of requiring therapy like that girl will probably need.
Advised her to put her head down when she said she felt dizzy to help clear it, but that's all I could do for her.
I think if I can respond to road traffic accidents with the same need to help and care about the victims in the same way but actually be able to be the first response assistance and do some real good, I should do just fine as a copper.
The second though was...I don't know what to make of the second to be honest. The girl was young and attractive. And lately I've been rather interested in others.
Fun fact, I'm bisexual, which basically means an attractive girl or guy is perfectly acceptable as a sexual partner. Not that I've ever had any you understand.
People with my intellect find it hard to relate to others, and people with my background of social abuse find it hard to like and trust others. Empathy, care, consideration for others, those are reflexive, but for me, I need to feel something for someone else before I could let them touch me and touch them back.
And the combination of feeling something for someone and actually liking and trusting them and getting the same in return has just never happened for me. I don't expect it to really, but that doesn't stop your automatic urges from kicking in when you see something that makes you horny.
She, the girl in shock, was attractive and needy and just a part of me was thinking 'help, protect, gain trust of, fuck and make babies'. I've had girls present themselves naked to me and try to get in my pants before and that's the same voice I heard and ignored then, but it's slightly disgusting that it activated in response to a girl in shock after a car crash.
Cave man at heart I might be, protect the young and the womenfolk I might believe in at my core, but ye gods, time and a place.
Last Saturday on the way to college for example, hot girl with big melons rushes giggling by me, I stared openly and made her blush [don't like it, wear a sweater or something lady], but in an ER like that, down boy, seriously, down.
I like Mr. Brain who replied with 'Oh that poor young girl, we must do what we can to ease her suffering'. The part that wanted to assist so we could get in her pants, not so much really.
Yes, dear reader, I am that honest. I know what is and what isn't and what the difference is, as that's all that counts at the end of everything, knowing.
I know what I am, and because of this I'm better than other people who do what they do because they don't think they have a choice. There's always a choice. Even if the only thing you want in the whole world is to do this thing right now, you can choose not to. You don't have to do anything, or not do anything. But only those who realise they have an option can take it. And I do.
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Getting tired now so I'll wrap this up with this: gotten to the terrorism section of my certificate in basic policing college course, and suicide bombers are hair on fire raving madmen.
'How beautiful it is to kill and to be killed...for the lives of the coming generations'.
- Mohammed Al-Ghoul, June 18th 2002
How freaky insane do you have to be to believe that?
Destruction of any kind is a failure. Yours because you failed the humanity test and shamed your species by destroying the effort of labor of your peers. And someone else for never teaching you that to destroy the work of anyone is a corruption of the very principle that makes you a human being.
We are a tool using species, creators one and all, and if you use this gift of intelligence to burn the world then it only goes to show that you're a monster, worse than animal who doesn't know any better and still doesn't actively hunt and kill it's own species for an imaginary friend.
If there is a God, Allah or anyone beyond the veil responsible for this mess, I hope that He patiently teaches these creatures why what they did was such a betrayal of their own existence.
If not...well, that explains why it happened in the first place really.
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Gods dam it, YES, also worked out emergency accommodation for when I move out of my current residence if I can't find anywhere else to live.
I stayed in a hostel a few years ago for more than a year. Low cost, weekly rent, good location, in the same borough I'm in right now.
Since I stayed there last they dropped their rent by about 20 a week whilst only renting beds for weeks at a go too. Move in and stay there pro tem until I find another privately rented room to transfer to.
At around 3/5ths what I'm currently paying in rent I'll have extra money for travel and that too so no worries.
Focus on getting my college work done and I shouldn't have any issues with the exam. Pass that and my Day 2 whilst staying in this inn of sorts and become a police constable on full time pay.
Those are the main things: somewhere to sleep and employment.
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ALRIGHT, DONE, FINISHED, going to sleep.
Doing college work tomorrow, collecting papers and forms on Wednesday whilst checking in with the job center and cancelling that fucking Tribunal and making arrangements to repay housing benefit I was entitled to.
Thursday > Sunday focus on getting my college work done.
Monday get stuff into storage via taxi that I don't need in the Inn. Then college work, including exam revision until the 20th when I have my Day 2, and the 21st when I have my week 5 exam.
Somewhere in all of that try to find new acom and move out before the 20th for preference.
I might actually be able to sort this fucking mess out actually...
GG then.
