On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

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Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

• Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
• Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
• The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

• Today I do college work, and then sleep.
• Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
• Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
• Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
• Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
• Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

On Monday...

YEEE GAWDS, I feel like a roast pig without the spit pole. -_-

Woke up at 8 this morning, coughed up a lung [I have a doctors appointment on the cards, I'm getting it checked, shut up], got dressed and went out. Bought breakfast, got on a train, went two stops, and started walking the length and breadth of the borough.

10am till 6pm, walking in the hot sun, stopping every once in a while to either a] buy a drink, or b] perform an errand. Must have been 20 bloody miles in total.

---

Got an appointment with the opticians [cus it's been more than 2 years since I got my balls checked, teehee] and doctors [cus if I don't I might die in my sleep when I stop breathing].

Didn't get my doctors form signed though cus when I went to go print it off cus I had forgotten to bring my other copy with me, the buggers in the library said they wanted 2 quid for a replacement library card and wouldn't give me my account number again.

Just so you understand, they couldn't give me an 8 digit number even though I only ever use the library for print outs and dropped like 10 quid in there to print off my police forms, but would be happy to charge me 2 quid for a replacement card cus I forgot to pick the thing up twice in a row now when trying to give them money.

Bastards. And I don't normally do this, but Peckham Library, 4th floor, staffed by mammonite assholes.

Plum forgot about cancelling the dam Tribunal hearing for that housing benefit issue right up until I was an hour down the road and didn't want to walk back. That's on the 26th so I'm doing it tomorrow before it comes and goes [whoops].

Booked a sign-on time on Wednesday with my job adviser to check in and be paid my job seekers and housing benefits. Took all of 2 seconds.

Then tried to book a bed in this inn I mentioned the other day which costs £55 per week. Trouble is that it's summer and fully booked, which wasn't a complete surprise really. Lady said there weren't many people leaving so don't expect a bed [though my instincts said she was lying, although either way I wasn't getting a bed there], so now I've got to find somewhere else to stay in 2 weeks.

This resulted in some thought in another library down the road and some calculation.

Paid what was owed for last week to my landlady, in full and more than she was technically entitled to, £165 instead of £135, which is £100 per week for the last 4 weeks now, but I've not paid for this week or my last week which will be next week, so I'm hoping paying what she wanted for last will keep her quite for now.

Besides, it's sheer sense that she's not going to evict me sooner than 2 weeks from now. She wants the 200 for the next two weeks, and I don't bother her, and chances are that I will pay it eventually. No point in chucking me out now for the stress and the 200 she would then have to pay.

...granted, she's not getting it as I need to cover the costs of new acom, one way or another, but she doesn't know that. *shrug* I'm still considering it asshole tax for the stupid lie about being hard-up. People who don't have money don't drop 15 quid on charcoal when their pay as you go hot-water gas boiler runs out of credit.

Fact is that I can either keep everyone satisfied and nobody happy or I can make a few people happy and few people angry, and I'm opting for the former.

I'm not ruining my one-every-six-months application to the coppers cus my landlady doesn't want to use her savings to cover the last fortnight's rent on her flat.

I've paid something, and the rest will be [only it won't be] forthcoming so she'll just have to deal with it.

It's student season around now so I shouldn't have any issue finding a new place to stay. There's lots of rooms for rent online for around £60-80 per week, so I should find somewhere easily enough, and if shit does hit the fan I'll just stay at a hostel for week or two. I really don't want to be doing that last one, but I might not have an option.

I did look into putting my stuff into storage, but Big Yellow wants about 90 quid a month to do it up front. Do that and there goes my deposit for a new room so that's a non-starter.

Asides from all that I also did my food shopping. Not a lot really except salad seeing as firstly I'm moving soon and don't want to take it with me and secondly don't have time or energy to make anything more complicated. Must get some tuna at some point as well.

---

Tomorrow I'm going back to the doctors for that form, the housing office for the tribunal, and a few places which might be willing to buy my weights, some garden forks and some jeans off me, none of which I want to take into my new acom due to weight and all of which would've gone into storage.

Right now though I'm playing today's quests in Hearthstone, then getting egg and bacon salad, and doing some college work as soon as I've made notes on my todo list for tomorrow.

OH: I also need to go have a shower cus I smell and my shirt is covered in salt stains from where I leaked all over it today. Also I need a shave cus the ring around my head from where my headline is receding is visible. I wish all my hair would just fall out and stay like it so I don't need to shave anymore.

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Also, I've said it in the past but I'll say it again, the one good point about summer is the women.

Wandering around so much today, everyone going at the same leisurely pace, I spent about 20 minuets basically mesmerised by a really fine black bootie.

I don't normally like black chicks, there's just something slightly off about their appearance, my preferences being amazonian white women, like the atypical Texan blond [sans the fake boobs and bleached hair of course].

The apex example of my tastes is Dianna Dahlgren who's so dam cute and built out of spring steel which could only be better if she was a transsexual as I'm bi and prefer dick to pussy, although her torso is awesome.

Harry Treadaway, if I was naming attractive guys, would be a good example of my tastes there. Checked Google and he looks like a hipster in most of his pics and as for the hair...but he's cute in Penny Dreadful though.

Point is that black chicks have a certain elegance of form and feature, and their skin makes me think of lush chocolate. I have a new appreciation of them from today's ambulations.

---

OK, woke up, got cooked, did things, did my best, do more tomorrow. Yup.

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OHOH: Started watching Californication...and I just got why it's called that cus of CaliFORNICATION.

Bit stupid to start with but it got better eventually when it turned out the guy was sleeping around cus he's a hyper cynical, misanthropic writer who uses sex and drugs to dull the pain of existing with better perceptions than other people.

Just like me really except I exist by trying to ignore the world instead of bathing myself in distractions...except for maybe writing excessively long blog posts and playing games, but that's better than booze, drugs and pussy...I think...although I wouldn't mind trying the last with a side order of dick too... *shrug*

---

Whatever.

Game time.

On Ruby...

So apparently there are some side effects to frying one's brain like an egg in the sun, which I know I did cus my head is tanned from the top down now.

Said side effects include the world feeling like it's fogged with yellow heat haze. ._.

Slowly feeling better and eating, for some strange reason, like a piranha. Haven't eaten very much in the last few weeks and lost quite a bit of weight, but so far I've eaten wheeties, a salad and egg on toast one after the other in the last few hours. Go figure.

---

When I woke up this morning in the aforementioned sun stroked haze something fairly amusing happened.

I was watching the end of S05 of 24 where Jack is in his prime and hunting down the treacherous President in that hoodie and blue jeans, pulling off quite a nice bad ass act in the process, and didn't have the mental wherewithal to get undressed.

I wasn't wearing a shirt because it was too hot even for the copious bear suit I have on over my skin, so I just fell asleep wearing my blue jeans sometime around 3am.

This resulted in about two handfuls of change, which I collected from breaking up notes yesterday as it was too hot to riffle through coins to pay for anything, coating the bottom of my bed from my pockets.

When I woke up I staggered to the kitchen desperate for a drink, but on the way I heard coins dropping to the floor every few paces.

Turns out the aforementioned two handfuls of change were glued to my back by sweat and pressure on flat disks of metal and were now dropping off one by one as I moved.

I had to laugh at that. xD

---

Because of being cooked yesterday I didn't get to cancelling the Tribunal and getting a new check in time with the job centre and today. Just gonna leave it till Monday, grab my phone and some credit and make a couple of calls job done.

This will solve both issues because a] I don't know where the Tribunal is to cancel the hearing, so phone some clerk to the Tribunal who I have the number for and ask him what I need to do to cancel it and arrange repayment, and b] I can't get to my adviser in person to book a new appointment time for not next week but the week after but I have his number to.

I hate phones. Email is so much easier but so many organisations don't readily have and so many people can't just write an email and send a reasonable reply.

People look askance at me when I say I hate phones. Then I send them the same look when they say they don't have an email address. Ever heard of Gmail man?

I dun know.

---

So fall out from yesterday is that I feel like underdone pork [fun fact: humans taste sorta like pork], I need to apply for 2 jobs before the end of the day and record that on the job centre website even though neither of them will reply, and my appetite has returned from it's holidays.

Gonna do college work now and then drag myself outside for some running.

---

The only other thought that's peculating through my gently cooling neural pathways is that my primitive brain would give a significant quantity of things to get to call the camgirl Ruby Renegade mine.

I've got a draft post about porn on here and the basic fundamental point is that it's not enough to have beauty, lots of people are beautiful by general standards, you need the right kind of driving mind and instincts behind it.

I mean, yes, Ruby's hot and she works at maintaining it, but that's true of a lot of girls. And besides, she's Asian, and Asian girls almost by design don't even have to try to look as cute as kittens to any Western male, it's just built in like humans typically have hair.

The point is that Ruby isn't just a hottie on cam. She is beautiful and she works at her performance to the best possible effect. She does what she does almost perfectly.

Alright so she could use a better camera for her live shows, that part is a lil unprofessional really. And the background music she uses is sometimes a little too hard [Korn for example] even if she is a rock chick. It just kind of spoils the mood as I listen to that stuff for violent acts like exercise, not sensual acts like orgasms.

However she has the perfect figure, and she has just enough makeup, and she knows what we want to see her do, and she squirt cums on camera, doesn't over do it with the moans or sexy talk, and the aftermath is never just 'I came, now I might as well be chatting with my mother and not realizing I'm butt naked', but kind of sensual glow effect which is actually quite appealing.

I'm not gonna link it, but if you can find it, look for the PoV blow job she did on her knees to a dil on a wall. If you're into women it'll crack your personal engine block.

I'm in my late twenties, never had an issue with abstinence or addiction where my own corpus is concerned [I just don't have that kind of personality...caffeine doesn't count at this point, not when your blood is 9/10ths go-jooce] and I'm a hardcore geek who lives online.

I've seen anything and everything, and out of all the things, if I could have sex with anyone, it would be Ruby and then some. Assuming of course two things; firstly that she would be into it (obviously, but I thought I had better make the point) and secondly that she had the right kind of personality.

I don't take it as writ that amazingly sexy female equals intelligent and capable human being [though some sort of hobby as a fighter or something is fantastic as far as my caveman instincts are concerned].

I would just like to think that one of the most beautiful, sexy and desirable creatures that I've ever encountered in any regard isn't a bleedin pillock.

Not that any of that matters really. She's a camgirl and they, very rightly, go in for keeping a very large and solid wall between themselves and their audience.

I prefer to think of her as an example; there are potential lovers like Ruby out there, and if you ever get the chance, try your best to impress and don't settle for less.

A boi can dream. Of this. Very, very naked and nearby... :>

On Summer...

There're plenty of redeeming points about summer and they wear very little but have great tits and legs and are slightly wet in the heat. :>

*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]

Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.

---

TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.

---

Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.

---

Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.

Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.

The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.

Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.

They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.

Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...

...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?

---

ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].

This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.

But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.

---

Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.

I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.

Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.

---

Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.

More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.

---

Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.

Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.

As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.

YUP.

Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.

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NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.

I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.

I'll add more to those when I have a moment.

---

Have a nice day. :)

On Stress...

Yeah, stress is a good word to use here, I think.

It's hot.

I'm still coughing.

And I've hardly dented my college work.

Issues consist of: Day 2 forms and fitness test [I've not ran once this week yet and I'm too tired to go today really], Week 5 exam [haven't done week 2 of the course yet], finding new Acom [see below], 24+ Advanced Learning Loan form [this is just so utterly dam stupid I could do an entire blog post on it but mostly covered it in On Bureaucracy], and a Housing Benefits Tribunal cancellation and a reduction to my benefits [of which I don't get enough of currently] until I've completed college and gotten employed.

I'm waiting for my erstwhile landlady to raise the subject of why I've not paid rent in 2 weeks and having to pay that back in one lump so I can't move into somewhere else.

But I wouldn't mind too much if I could at least get a good nights sleep, which I can't because a] I'm not able to sleep with the thought of college work looming over my head, and b] when I do fall asleep it's so hot I have to leave my window open, and around dawn the cold air makes my lungs fill with fluid and I end up coughing my guts up for ten minuets in the middle of my sleep cycle, and then waking up mid morning over 5-6 hours total sleep not able to sleep more because it's too hot.

Stable routine, and eviction, fine.

Stable routine, and applying for police constable, also fine.

Stable routine, and ill and hot weather so little sleep, ditto with nobs on.

Stable routine, and college course part time, fiiine and dandy.

Stable fucking routine, and a gods dam benefits tribunal, OK, OK, FINE.

Unstable mother fucking running about all over the fucking place messed up shit storm of a routine, so far from fine, you can see the curvature of the universe.

I know, I know, some people have a blog and post interesting shit and high and mighty ideological thoughts on various subjects, but right here and now, I'm pissed.

I mean, for 5 years plus I have nothing, no chance at getting out from unemployment and horrible living conditions.

I find something, to my very own surprise, that might let me do that, and my personal world goes WRONG all at the same moment.

Some people are just BORN lucky I guess...

I bitch, I bitch more because my brain is pulsing in pain right now and visions of damaged lung tissue are flashing across it, both in pain and under pressure.

It's just before at least I could always tell myself 'at least I've got my health, no matter how bad everything else might be' but here and now I might not even have that.

I am angry. And the first [or should I say second because my college lecturer has already told me to go fuck myself in lesser terms] little fucker who presses trying to use my as a toilet is not going to like it when I stick a knife up there, handle first.

I'm serious about that.

Normally I don't shout and scream and act aggressive because I've always believed and know that it solves nothing really. Only calm reason and discussion solves problems, even if the other side won't play the same game, what they get from me anyway is a resolution, even if they don't like what it is.

Normally.

But it just might be the case that the next person who tries to dump something on me is going to be amazed when I stop being Mr. Rational and go straight for wild screaming ape man, like a scene from one of the new Planet of the Apes movies.

That's my blog post. Shit has gone to hell, and I'm trying to deal with it. The outcome of these events will be forthcoming, even if it's just more bitching.

Just let me catch up with my course work, get rid of this cough, pass this exam, and find somewhere new to live.

Once that's been achieved, then I'll blog about Hearthstone's game mechanics, Game of Thrones philosophy and artistic presentation, and maybe even the difference between an assault crime and a battery crime and how they can be aggravated. :)

Just let me survive the next three weeks without killing anyone and/or ending up living on the streets.

I don't deserve this shit, but then maybe no one deserves a life from the perspective of the universe.