Halo thar. Been busy doing nothing very much. In all accuracy.
Since my last post I played way more Hearthstone than I should, sorted out my JSA claim to this area, sorted out my HB claim to this hostel, and booked this hostel for the time being consecutively so my accommodation is all but stable.
No real issues. I provided the right information to each relevent agency and party and, apart from a 9am phone call for some putz at the housing benefits office asking me to confirm what was fucking outlined on the fucking receipts I printed out and checked in, everything was swapped over without anything being dropped, especially not a payment, so I didn't have to chase it.
Well, my JSA was slow to come through and I did have to chase that, but I got it sorted out in hours on the day of so no worries. Going to sign on tomorrow and I don't see any issues.
Took a resit exam for my Certificate in Basic Policing Course. Apparently I don't need to do all 17 outstanding questions in one sitting but I do need to do a paper in one sitting. So what I did was 3 questions total, of two different papers, and passed them both, found out today, last Saturday.
I didn't just do all 17 because I spent, and yes I know I'm a damn fool, about two weeks writing games design and playing Hearthstone, then worked up the morale to actually do revision of the material about a day or so before hand.
Stayed awake for 25 hours to get to the exam, ran out of cash so didn't eat for 12 hours, and didn't have the monies for transport so I had to walk for 4 hours to get there.
The four hour walk back...no words to describe how much that fucking hurt. Got into the hostel and just collapsed onto a bench and fell asleep. Took it's now Tuesday and I feel somewhat normal for the first time since.
Essentially the world has stopped being an unfair place that likes to torture me, so I'm now, like a fucking sadist, doing it to myself.
I take full responsibility for it. I should've revised. I should've kept money back. I should've gotten a good nights sleep, arrived, done all 17, and now be smug I passed. And I paid for it. Saturday hurt more than I have in YEARS, no exercise, no trauma, nothing has hurt that much. Yeesh.
Tutor said he could do Thursday so I'm going in to do some more of the papers. 14 questions remaining and 1.5 days to revise.
And I'm not doing it.
Why?
Morale issues basically. I know I should do it, I know things will be better once it's done, and I want to be a policeman, but...meh...
Can't remember if I posted it before but all the crap I've been through up till now just piled on me and that last issue with the job center, the insult, the patronization, the fucking stupidity of it...that's what I'm fighting.
I'm fighting 'Fuck This'. I'm trying to make myself give a damn when it matters, when I've got time, to do the work and finish. To end it. To get my prize at last...
I did it at the end of last week. I'm sure I'll pull my shit together tomorrow.
I know I want to be a policemen though because I love it. I love sitting in this hostel, seeing someone break a pool que and try to hide it, reporting it to the hostel staff and being thanked for it. I love the authority. I love the creeping stealthy predator nature of it. I want to be a policeman and hunt criminals. It's just this part which is killing me...
About the only other thing currently happening right now is, once again, sexual bullshit.
Receptionist in the hostel I'm staying. Cute and slinky lil bint, very nice ass, who get's flustered when I talk to her, checks me out, and is trying to get me to talk to her. Issue? She smokes, and I have a policy.
Third girl I've ever been interested in who smoked. Two were way back when I lived in Oxfordshire and worked in a pub, and this would be the third. One said she loved me, went on date with the second but nothing happened, and this one is lovely but I don't date smokers and thats the end of it.
Like I said last time, I don't have time or headspace for this bullshit but I still want sex. The fact that she smokes makes it 2 to 1 in the negative, but that 1 is about 5 times bigger than the other two combined.
Fucking humanity man. Fucking smoking too.
Downloading League of Legends on this toy laptop I'm using. The recommended specs are way above this 1.5GHz piece of shit, but I can run Hearthstone and want to see if at minimum settings it can manage to run it anyway. Likewise with Visual Studio and Photoshop, which I need for testing and adding graphics to my games design documentation.
That's coming along well too. Written about 10,000 words so far and barely gotten started. Get these exams out of the way and, apart from some general revision of the material I should probably do before getting into training, I should be able to up that by a few 10's of thousands with a Bestiary and racial definitions.
On series five of Boardwalk Empire. It's a period drama of 1920's prohibition in Atlanta, USA. Just my sort of show too. Intrigue plus lots of violence and a central protagonist who is bad ass because of his wit and intellect. An old time Raymond 'Red' Reddington [The Blacklist]. Speaking of, I'm loving The Blacklist at the moment as well. Just coming to the end of the whole Berlin plotline. G fucking G ending.
Kinda built a sexual thing for Megan Boone who plays agent Keen too. Downloaded, late, The Fappening via torrents some time ago, and checked for her name in there after they showed her in her panties during a scene. Fucking excellent bootie on that women, and there's nudes of her on a bed in one of the volumes of The Fap.
Emily Bett Rickards [more like Emily BUTT Rickards], who played Felicity Smoak in Arrow is fucking gorgeous too. Showed her in PJs in last weeks episode and there couldn't have been a person who's attracted to women watching that who wouldn't have liked her to lose them.
Eliza Taylor in The 100 as well. FUCK.
Series 2 of The 100, the show picked up in quality and they finally explained how the Skypeople and the Grounders survive both the radiation on the ground and the trip from living in space to living on the ground without suffering from all sorts of illnesses. People who're raised their entire lives in bubbles, like space stations, should not have ability to live on Earth in a tropical rainforest. That really did annoy me when watching S01. And at the start of S02 they did nothing but explain how that happened in an acceptable way. And generally the story telling is several times better than it was.
Eliza Taylor though. That women has gotten all kinds of fucking gorgeous in S02. Character aside, who thinks something like me which is way attractive, she's the same age as me but seems to have hit the gym or something because it's so hard not to imagine her totally butt naked when watching that show. YEESH.
Anyway, new ep of The Blacklist has finished downloading so I'm gonna go watch it and eat dinner. Revise after. That's what I should be doing.
Tomorrow, sign on, revise, and get to the college on Thursday in good order...yeah...that's what's going to happen...sure... O_O
...have a good one.
Showing posts with label HB. Show all posts
Showing posts with label HB. Show all posts
11/11/2014
30/10/2014
All Sorted Out...
Feels like it's been a fairly
busy three or four days, but it hasn't really, it's just been a lot of
traveling interspersed by periods of heavy thinking.
…Damn…looking over my last post I was about two steps from going totally bananas. I’m doing a lot better now. It’s fine.
After I got my claim transferred to my local job centre I was removed from the full time employability skills course. This is to say that my last advisor hasn’t contacted me about not attending it and my current advisor signed me on Wednesday so providing my money is in my account on Monday then there shouldn’t be any issue.
I’ve also handed in all the evidence required to my local housing benefits office to get my claim transferred from the previous housing office to this new one. I’m not entirely happy about this as they said it would take two weeks to process and that’s more time than I have until I need the money to pay my rent at this hostel, but it’s one of those cross checks. Every time they go to pay your housing benefit they check your address with the job centre’s records, and if the two don’t match it isn’t paid.
So yeah, everyone is updated with all the evidence they need and the new job centre isn’t trying to put me on any type of employability skills program here so I have all the time I need to get my revision done for my exam on the 08/11/14.
On the other hand it’s a 50/50 bet if I’ll get my JSA on Monday and my HB on the following Monday. All I can do is get up early and check first my bank and then the offices to find out if there are any issues and if I can get the money that day because the hostel I’m staying in won’t take ‘I’ll have it in a few days’ for payment. ‘No credit’ is literally splattered across the walls of the reception area so…we’ll see what happens come Monday.
For now I’ve gotten plenty of rest, rebuilt my sanity from something like sand to, if not rock, then at least gravel, so I’m not longer giggling like a crazy thing and my left eye hasn’t twitched since I was at the housing office on Tuesday.
Still haven’t sent the bloody medical forms to the MPS. Sorting out the JSA and HB cost me too much in bus fare so there was not enough left to get to my doctors AND pay for the forms.
On the upside, this means that I’ve got plenty of cash to buy food and that with, not that I need it after a super cheap veggie run at a local Morrisons [seriously, those guys are selling veggies at ½ the cost of Sainsburys and Tescos, it’s amazing].
On the downside, I’ve told them I’ll send it to them every Monday for the past three weeks and failed every time because of costs of moving acom, and then that fucking employability skills course being three hours down the road. Next Monday I’ve got bank fees which takes away the money I need, followed the week after by the fees for my resit exam. So two weeks Monday [assuming everything remains stable] is when I’ll be able to actually fucking pay for and send them.
The fact that the forms are basically nothing more than a guy’s signature that confirms I’m in perfect health [not that the Doctor even fucking CHECKED to make sure I was] just pisses me off even more.
Anyway, point is that here and now and until Monday morning I don’t really have any issues [about four days], apart from waking up this morning feeling horrible.
I think the heat in the dorm I’m staying in messed with my thyroid or something because I spent a couple of hours radiating heat from my skin like a patio heater. Didn’t feel too bad after I went out and got a can of Monster caffeine, but you could’ve cooked a side of bacon on my bald head.
Then spent way too long playing Hearthstone after I worked out a somewhat epic build for the Hunter class and was able to get from lv20 [entry] up to lv16. Currently at lv17 because it’s more or less the luck of the fucking draw if you get a good hand or not and I tend to lose about 45% of my matches through bad hands and opponent lucky ones.
Today was the first bit of real morning relaxation I’ve had in a couple of weeks though so I earned it I think.
Just writing this and then going to grab some lunch next. After that I’m gonna add a bit more to my book on computer games design before either doing some revision, or going to have a shower and then doing revision, one of those.
I’m really liking the work I’m doing in my computer games design book actually.
I’ve structured the content in just the right way so as to explain the basic skeletal structure of computer games and then explain in detail the flesh which can be selected to hang from it for the gameplay.
It’s still in the very early stages but what I’ve done so far isn’t just correct but also right, in some fundamental way.
Still need to rewrite the introduction and things though so it’s less ‘raving madman who’s one step from committing his first homicide’ and more ‘professional erudite scholar of computer games design’.
The content still has an edge to it that implies that if you don’t understand what I’ve written then you have no fucking business designing a computer game, but hey, that’s what makes it good.
I’m no elitist, I don’t care who studied what and where, but I don’t tolerate fools and the industry is full of them.
I’ll write it. I’ll call the readers idiots on every other page. And then when said idiots take offence, I’ll enjoy [in my sick and perverted way of thriving on ‘The Fight’] laughing at their ire. I’m a fucking genius morons, and you are not. I am right, and you are wrong. Just because that’s a fact doesn’t mean you get to be angry about it.
No, it’s not the right fucking professional way to go about doing business with a lot of people, but it is the way someone abused and ignored for three decades takes his small revenge on the masses; being a passive aggressive dick whilst also being uncontestably right about everything everyone else gets wrong.
Fuck everyone. The last couple of weeks have taught me one simple fact; if I want to get anywhere in life then someone else is going to have to pay for it. In time, energy, money or simple fury, someone else is going to have to cough up if I want to rise because otherwise people will just keep shitting on me. And enough is ENOUGH.
Clawing out my insides with hunger right now so wrapping this up. Still listening to Papa Roach. Still enjoying it immensely, especially Alive [N Out of Control]. Wanna go get some exercise today but probably tomorrow because my vision just went funny [seriously fucked up morning]. Watching ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ which is surprisingly interesting for its pacing and content flashing backwards and forwards like it does.
OH: Stopped talking to that lady friend of mine. One day last week she started telling me about a friend of hers that just released a computer game into the market, and then about it’s bad reviews.
So you’re telling me, whilst I’m currently more angry than I’ve been in my entire life, about someone with the money to do the thing I’m best at in the world who released a whole actual game who fucked it up.
Yeah, we’re not friends anymore. I mean, I don’t need people, I really don’t, and at a time when I’m hating them more than usual this person stabs me in the heart without even realizing.
Plus her medical issues have gotten worse and don’t appear to be getting better any time soon. Plus after I stopped making efforts to contact her she didn’t make any effort to contact me.
I want sex. I want someone around, actually around, not just online, who can provide me real help and interaction who doesn’t piss me off. Who isn’t a fucking moron.
I don’t need it though. Hell, I don’t think right now is even the right time for that kind of thing given the work I need to get done. It’s just a distraction that messes with my head and emotions. But it’s also a base desire of being a human.
I want sex. And having someone around might be handy and make me feel good, and I can help them and care for them too.
The issue is that anything the same shape as myself causes me nothing but headaches and raised blood pressure. Humans are the enemy. There isn’t one in existence who would be a partner to me, only a trusted enemy who I would have to fucking babysit most of the time to curb their stupidity. A drag. A weight. Another problem.
It’s just the way it is. Better off alone...but I want sex.
Fucking humans man. Fuck being one too.
Anyway, getting edibles…
…Damn…looking over my last post I was about two steps from going totally bananas. I’m doing a lot better now. It’s fine.
After I got my claim transferred to my local job centre I was removed from the full time employability skills course. This is to say that my last advisor hasn’t contacted me about not attending it and my current advisor signed me on Wednesday so providing my money is in my account on Monday then there shouldn’t be any issue.
I’ve also handed in all the evidence required to my local housing benefits office to get my claim transferred from the previous housing office to this new one. I’m not entirely happy about this as they said it would take two weeks to process and that’s more time than I have until I need the money to pay my rent at this hostel, but it’s one of those cross checks. Every time they go to pay your housing benefit they check your address with the job centre’s records, and if the two don’t match it isn’t paid.
So yeah, everyone is updated with all the evidence they need and the new job centre isn’t trying to put me on any type of employability skills program here so I have all the time I need to get my revision done for my exam on the 08/11/14.
On the other hand it’s a 50/50 bet if I’ll get my JSA on Monday and my HB on the following Monday. All I can do is get up early and check first my bank and then the offices to find out if there are any issues and if I can get the money that day because the hostel I’m staying in won’t take ‘I’ll have it in a few days’ for payment. ‘No credit’ is literally splattered across the walls of the reception area so…we’ll see what happens come Monday.
For now I’ve gotten plenty of rest, rebuilt my sanity from something like sand to, if not rock, then at least gravel, so I’m not longer giggling like a crazy thing and my left eye hasn’t twitched since I was at the housing office on Tuesday.
Still haven’t sent the bloody medical forms to the MPS. Sorting out the JSA and HB cost me too much in bus fare so there was not enough left to get to my doctors AND pay for the forms.
On the upside, this means that I’ve got plenty of cash to buy food and that with, not that I need it after a super cheap veggie run at a local Morrisons [seriously, those guys are selling veggies at ½ the cost of Sainsburys and Tescos, it’s amazing].
On the downside, I’ve told them I’ll send it to them every Monday for the past three weeks and failed every time because of costs of moving acom, and then that fucking employability skills course being three hours down the road. Next Monday I’ve got bank fees which takes away the money I need, followed the week after by the fees for my resit exam. So two weeks Monday [assuming everything remains stable] is when I’ll be able to actually fucking pay for and send them.
The fact that the forms are basically nothing more than a guy’s signature that confirms I’m in perfect health [not that the Doctor even fucking CHECKED to make sure I was] just pisses me off even more.
Anyway, point is that here and now and until Monday morning I don’t really have any issues [about four days], apart from waking up this morning feeling horrible.
I think the heat in the dorm I’m staying in messed with my thyroid or something because I spent a couple of hours radiating heat from my skin like a patio heater. Didn’t feel too bad after I went out and got a can of Monster caffeine, but you could’ve cooked a side of bacon on my bald head.
Then spent way too long playing Hearthstone after I worked out a somewhat epic build for the Hunter class and was able to get from lv20 [entry] up to lv16. Currently at lv17 because it’s more or less the luck of the fucking draw if you get a good hand or not and I tend to lose about 45% of my matches through bad hands and opponent lucky ones.
Today was the first bit of real morning relaxation I’ve had in a couple of weeks though so I earned it I think.
Just writing this and then going to grab some lunch next. After that I’m gonna add a bit more to my book on computer games design before either doing some revision, or going to have a shower and then doing revision, one of those.
I’m really liking the work I’m doing in my computer games design book actually.
I’ve structured the content in just the right way so as to explain the basic skeletal structure of computer games and then explain in detail the flesh which can be selected to hang from it for the gameplay.
It’s still in the very early stages but what I’ve done so far isn’t just correct but also right, in some fundamental way.
Still need to rewrite the introduction and things though so it’s less ‘raving madman who’s one step from committing his first homicide’ and more ‘professional erudite scholar of computer games design’.
The content still has an edge to it that implies that if you don’t understand what I’ve written then you have no fucking business designing a computer game, but hey, that’s what makes it good.
I’m no elitist, I don’t care who studied what and where, but I don’t tolerate fools and the industry is full of them.
I’ll write it. I’ll call the readers idiots on every other page. And then when said idiots take offence, I’ll enjoy [in my sick and perverted way of thriving on ‘The Fight’] laughing at their ire. I’m a fucking genius morons, and you are not. I am right, and you are wrong. Just because that’s a fact doesn’t mean you get to be angry about it.
No, it’s not the right fucking professional way to go about doing business with a lot of people, but it is the way someone abused and ignored for three decades takes his small revenge on the masses; being a passive aggressive dick whilst also being uncontestably right about everything everyone else gets wrong.
Fuck everyone. The last couple of weeks have taught me one simple fact; if I want to get anywhere in life then someone else is going to have to pay for it. In time, energy, money or simple fury, someone else is going to have to cough up if I want to rise because otherwise people will just keep shitting on me. And enough is ENOUGH.
Clawing out my insides with hunger right now so wrapping this up. Still listening to Papa Roach. Still enjoying it immensely, especially Alive [N Out of Control]. Wanna go get some exercise today but probably tomorrow because my vision just went funny [seriously fucked up morning]. Watching ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ which is surprisingly interesting for its pacing and content flashing backwards and forwards like it does.
OH: Stopped talking to that lady friend of mine. One day last week she started telling me about a friend of hers that just released a computer game into the market, and then about it’s bad reviews.
So you’re telling me, whilst I’m currently more angry than I’ve been in my entire life, about someone with the money to do the thing I’m best at in the world who released a whole actual game who fucked it up.
Yeah, we’re not friends anymore. I mean, I don’t need people, I really don’t, and at a time when I’m hating them more than usual this person stabs me in the heart without even realizing.
Plus her medical issues have gotten worse and don’t appear to be getting better any time soon. Plus after I stopped making efforts to contact her she didn’t make any effort to contact me.
I want sex. I want someone around, actually around, not just online, who can provide me real help and interaction who doesn’t piss me off. Who isn’t a fucking moron.
I don’t need it though. Hell, I don’t think right now is even the right time for that kind of thing given the work I need to get done. It’s just a distraction that messes with my head and emotions. But it’s also a base desire of being a human.
I want sex. And having someone around might be handy and make me feel good, and I can help them and care for them too.
The issue is that anything the same shape as myself causes me nothing but headaches and raised blood pressure. Humans are the enemy. There isn’t one in existence who would be a partner to me, only a trusted enemy who I would have to fucking babysit most of the time to curb their stupidity. A drag. A weight. Another problem.
It’s just the way it is. Better off alone...but I want sex.
Fucking humans man. Fuck being one too.
Anyway, getting edibles…
