Halo thar. Been busy doing nothing very much. In all accuracy.
Since my last post I played way more Hearthstone than I should, sorted out my JSA claim to this area, sorted out my HB claim to this hostel, and booked this hostel for the time being consecutively so my accommodation is all but stable.
No real issues. I provided the right information to each relevent agency and party and, apart from a 9am phone call for some putz at the housing benefits office asking me to confirm what was fucking outlined on the fucking receipts I printed out and checked in, everything was swapped over without anything being dropped, especially not a payment, so I didn't have to chase it.
Well, my JSA was slow to come through and I did have to chase that, but I got it sorted out in hours on the day of so no worries. Going to sign on tomorrow and I don't see any issues.
Took a resit exam for my Certificate in Basic Policing Course. Apparently I don't need to do all 17 outstanding questions in one sitting but I do need to do a paper in one sitting. So what I did was 3 questions total, of two different papers, and passed them both, found out today, last Saturday.
I didn't just do all 17 because I spent, and yes I know I'm a damn fool, about two weeks writing games design and playing Hearthstone, then worked up the morale to actually do revision of the material about a day or so before hand.
Stayed awake for 25 hours to get to the exam, ran out of cash so didn't eat for 12 hours, and didn't have the monies for transport so I had to walk for 4 hours to get there.
The four hour walk back...no words to describe how much that fucking hurt. Got into the hostel and just collapsed onto a bench and fell asleep. Took it's now Tuesday and I feel somewhat normal for the first time since.
Essentially the world has stopped being an unfair place that likes to torture me, so I'm now, like a fucking sadist, doing it to myself.
I take full responsibility for it. I should've revised. I should've kept money back. I should've gotten a good nights sleep, arrived, done all 17, and now be smug I passed. And I paid for it. Saturday hurt more than I have in YEARS, no exercise, no trauma, nothing has hurt that much. Yeesh.
Tutor said he could do Thursday so I'm going in to do some more of the papers. 14 questions remaining and 1.5 days to revise.
And I'm not doing it.
Why?
Morale issues basically. I know I should do it, I know things will be better once it's done, and I want to be a policeman, but...meh...
Can't remember if I posted it before but all the crap I've been through up till now just piled on me and that last issue with the job center, the insult, the patronization, the fucking stupidity of it...that's what I'm fighting.
I'm fighting 'Fuck This'. I'm trying to make myself give a damn when it matters, when I've got time, to do the work and finish. To end it. To get my prize at last...
I did it at the end of last week. I'm sure I'll pull my shit together tomorrow.
I know I want to be a policemen though because I love it. I love sitting in this hostel, seeing someone break a pool que and try to hide it, reporting it to the hostel staff and being thanked for it. I love the authority. I love the creeping stealthy predator nature of it. I want to be a policeman and hunt criminals. It's just this part which is killing me...
About the only other thing currently happening right now is, once again, sexual bullshit.
Receptionist in the hostel I'm staying. Cute and slinky lil bint, very nice ass, who get's flustered when I talk to her, checks me out, and is trying to get me to talk to her. Issue? She smokes, and I have a policy.
Third girl I've ever been interested in who smoked. Two were way back when I lived in Oxfordshire and worked in a pub, and this would be the third. One said she loved me, went on date with the second but nothing happened, and this one is lovely but I don't date smokers and thats the end of it.
Like I said last time, I don't have time or headspace for this bullshit but I still want sex. The fact that she smokes makes it 2 to 1 in the negative, but that 1 is about 5 times bigger than the other two combined.
Fucking humanity man. Fucking smoking too.
Downloading League of Legends on this toy laptop I'm using. The recommended specs are way above this 1.5GHz piece of shit, but I can run Hearthstone and want to see if at minimum settings it can manage to run it anyway. Likewise with Visual Studio and Photoshop, which I need for testing and adding graphics to my games design documentation.
That's coming along well too. Written about 10,000 words so far and barely gotten started. Get these exams out of the way and, apart from some general revision of the material I should probably do before getting into training, I should be able to up that by a few 10's of thousands with a Bestiary and racial definitions.
On series five of Boardwalk Empire. It's a period drama of 1920's prohibition in Atlanta, USA. Just my sort of show too. Intrigue plus lots of violence and a central protagonist who is bad ass because of his wit and intellect. An old time Raymond 'Red' Reddington [The Blacklist]. Speaking of, I'm loving The Blacklist at the moment as well. Just coming to the end of the whole Berlin plotline. G fucking G ending.
Kinda built a sexual thing for Megan Boone who plays agent Keen too. Downloaded, late, The Fappening via torrents some time ago, and checked for her name in there after they showed her in her panties during a scene. Fucking excellent bootie on that women, and there's nudes of her on a bed in one of the volumes of The Fap.
Emily Bett Rickards [more like Emily BUTT Rickards], who played Felicity Smoak in Arrow is fucking gorgeous too. Showed her in PJs in last weeks episode and there couldn't have been a person who's attracted to women watching that who wouldn't have liked her to lose them.
Eliza Taylor in The 100 as well. FUCK.
Series 2 of The 100, the show picked up in quality and they finally explained how the Skypeople and the Grounders survive both the radiation on the ground and the trip from living in space to living on the ground without suffering from all sorts of illnesses. People who're raised their entire lives in bubbles, like space stations, should not have ability to live on Earth in a tropical rainforest. That really did annoy me when watching S01. And at the start of S02 they did nothing but explain how that happened in an acceptable way. And generally the story telling is several times better than it was.
Eliza Taylor though. That women has gotten all kinds of fucking gorgeous in S02. Character aside, who thinks something like me which is way attractive, she's the same age as me but seems to have hit the gym or something because it's so hard not to imagine her totally butt naked when watching that show. YEESH.
Anyway, new ep of The Blacklist has finished downloading so I'm gonna go watch it and eat dinner. Revise after. That's what I should be doing.
Tomorrow, sign on, revise, and get to the college on Thursday in good order...yeah...that's what's going to happen...sure... O_O
...have a good one.
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Sex. Show all posts
11/11/2014
16/10/2014
Tempus Fugit...
Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
12/10/2014
The Best Ones Always Show Up The Day After Tomorrow...
Howdy. I guess the nerves hadn't woken up yesterday because most of my muscles are currently complaining about their ill treatment. -.-
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
11/10/2014
Ouchies from Running, and A Journal of Computer Games RnD
Good afternoon people, I hurts in places I didn't even know I had places.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_design
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
10/10/2014
New Levels of Paranoia and How To Get Goods for Online Stores...
Friday.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
09/10/2014
Hate and Love, Rage and Passion
SUP. :O
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
30/09/2014
Sexy Beast and Womennip...
Good afternoon. :P
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
29/09/2014
Well, that was a most unpleasent little interlude...
Hai. I'm back online. Got a crappy little toy laptop with a duel core 1.2Ghz processor and 2 gigs of RAM this morning for about £50.00.
It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.
It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].
Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?
Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.
Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.
Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.
Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.
The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].
Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.
And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].
Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...
...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...
To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.
If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.
But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.
In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].
So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.
Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-
Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs
And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.
YUP.
Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.
Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...
For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.
It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.
It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].
Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?
Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.
Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.
Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.
Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.
The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].
Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.
And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].
Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...
...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...
To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.
If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.
But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.
In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].
So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.
Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-
Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs
And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.
YUP.
Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.
Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...
For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.
12/06/2014
On Ruby...
So apparently there are some side effects to frying one's brain like an egg in the sun, which I know I did cus my head is tanned from the top down now.
Said side effects include the world feeling like it's fogged with yellow heat haze. ._.
Slowly feeling better and eating, for some strange reason, like a piranha. Haven't eaten very much in the last few weeks and lost quite a bit of weight, but so far I've eaten wheeties, a salad and egg on toast one after the other in the last few hours. Go figure.
---
When I woke up this morning in the aforementioned sun stroked haze something fairly amusing happened.
I was watching the end of S05 of 24 where Jack is in his prime and hunting down the treacherous President in that hoodie and blue jeans, pulling off quite a nice bad ass act in the process, and didn't have the mental wherewithal to get undressed.
I wasn't wearing a shirt because it was too hot even for the copious bear suit I have on over my skin, so I just fell asleep wearing my blue jeans sometime around 3am.
This resulted in about two handfuls of change, which I collected from breaking up notes yesterday as it was too hot to riffle through coins to pay for anything, coating the bottom of my bed from my pockets.
When I woke up I staggered to the kitchen desperate for a drink, but on the way I heard coins dropping to the floor every few paces.
Turns out the aforementioned two handfuls of change were glued to my back by sweat and pressure on flat disks of metal and were now dropping off one by one as I moved.
I had to laugh at that. xD
---
Because of being cooked yesterday I didn't get to cancelling the Tribunal and getting a new check in time with the job centre and today. Just gonna leave it till Monday, grab my phone and some credit and make a couple of calls job done.
This will solve both issues because a] I don't know where the Tribunal is to cancel the hearing, so phone some clerk to the Tribunal who I have the number for and ask him what I need to do to cancel it and arrange repayment, and b] I can't get to my adviser in person to book a new appointment time for not next week but the week after but I have his number to.
I hate phones. Email is so much easier but so many organisations don't readily have and so many people can't just write an email and send a reasonable reply.
People look askance at me when I say I hate phones. Then I send them the same look when they say they don't have an email address. Ever heard of Gmail man?
I dun know.
---
So fall out from yesterday is that I feel like underdone pork [fun fact: humans taste sorta like pork], I need to apply for 2 jobs before the end of the day and record that on the job centre website even though neither of them will reply, and my appetite has returned from it's holidays.
Gonna do college work now and then drag myself outside for some running.
---
The only other thought that's peculating through my gently cooling neural pathways is that my primitive brain would give a significant quantity of things to get to call the camgirl Ruby Renegade mine.
I've got a draft post about porn on here and the basic fundamental point is that it's not enough to have beauty, lots of people are beautiful by general standards, you need the right kind of driving mind and instincts behind it.
I mean, yes, Ruby's hot and she works at maintaining it, but that's true of a lot of girls. And besides, she's Asian, and Asian girls almost by design don't even have to try to look as cute as kittens to any Western male, it's just built in like humans typically have hair.
The point is that Ruby isn't just a hottie on cam. She is beautiful and she works at her performance to the best possible effect. She does what she does almost perfectly.
Alright so she could use a better camera for her live shows, that part is a lil unprofessional really. And the background music she uses is sometimes a little too hard [Korn for example] even if she is a rock chick. It just kind of spoils the mood as I listen to that stuff for violent acts like exercise, not sensual acts like orgasms.
However she has the perfect figure, and she has just enough makeup, and she knows what we want to see her do, and she squirt cums on camera, doesn't over do it with the moans or sexy talk, and the aftermath is never just 'I came, now I might as well be chatting with my mother and not realizing I'm butt naked', but kind of sensual glow effect which is actually quite appealing.
I've seen anything and everything, and out of all the things, if I could have sex with anyone, it would be Ruby and then some. Assuming of course two things; firstly that she would be into it (obviously, but I thought I had better make the point) and secondly that she had the right kind of personality.
I don't take it as writ that amazingly sexy female equals intelligent and capable human being [though some sort of hobby as a fighter or something is fantastic as far as my caveman instincts are concerned].
I would just like to think that one of the most beautiful, sexy and desirable creatures that I've ever encountered in any regard isn't a bleedin pillock.
Not that any of that matters really. She's a camgirl and they, very rightly, go in for keeping a very large and solid wall between themselves and their audience.
I prefer to think of her as an example; there are potential lovers like Ruby out there, and if you ever get the chance, try your best to impress and don't settle for less.
A boi can dream. Of this. Very, very naked and nearby... :>
Said side effects include the world feeling like it's fogged with yellow heat haze. ._.
Slowly feeling better and eating, for some strange reason, like a piranha. Haven't eaten very much in the last few weeks and lost quite a bit of weight, but so far I've eaten wheeties, a salad and egg on toast one after the other in the last few hours. Go figure.
---
When I woke up this morning in the aforementioned sun stroked haze something fairly amusing happened.
I was watching the end of S05 of 24 where Jack is in his prime and hunting down the treacherous President in that hoodie and blue jeans, pulling off quite a nice bad ass act in the process, and didn't have the mental wherewithal to get undressed.
I wasn't wearing a shirt because it was too hot even for the copious bear suit I have on over my skin, so I just fell asleep wearing my blue jeans sometime around 3am.
This resulted in about two handfuls of change, which I collected from breaking up notes yesterday as it was too hot to riffle through coins to pay for anything, coating the bottom of my bed from my pockets.
When I woke up I staggered to the kitchen desperate for a drink, but on the way I heard coins dropping to the floor every few paces.
Turns out the aforementioned two handfuls of change were glued to my back by sweat and pressure on flat disks of metal and were now dropping off one by one as I moved.
I had to laugh at that. xD
---
Because of being cooked yesterday I didn't get to cancelling the Tribunal and getting a new check in time with the job centre and today. Just gonna leave it till Monday, grab my phone and some credit and make a couple of calls job done.
This will solve both issues because a] I don't know where the Tribunal is to cancel the hearing, so phone some clerk to the Tribunal who I have the number for and ask him what I need to do to cancel it and arrange repayment, and b] I can't get to my adviser in person to book a new appointment time for not next week but the week after but I have his number to.
I hate phones. Email is so much easier but so many organisations don't readily have and so many people can't just write an email and send a reasonable reply.
People look askance at me when I say I hate phones. Then I send them the same look when they say they don't have an email address. Ever heard of Gmail man?
I dun know.
---
So fall out from yesterday is that I feel like underdone pork [fun fact: humans taste sorta like pork], I need to apply for 2 jobs before the end of the day and record that on the job centre website even though neither of them will reply, and my appetite has returned from it's holidays.
Gonna do college work now and then drag myself outside for some running.
---
The only other thought that's peculating through my gently cooling neural pathways is that my primitive brain would give a significant quantity of things to get to call the camgirl Ruby Renegade mine.
I've got a draft post about porn on here and the basic fundamental point is that it's not enough to have beauty, lots of people are beautiful by general standards, you need the right kind of driving mind and instincts behind it.
I mean, yes, Ruby's hot and she works at maintaining it, but that's true of a lot of girls. And besides, she's Asian, and Asian girls almost by design don't even have to try to look as cute as kittens to any Western male, it's just built in like humans typically have hair.
The point is that Ruby isn't just a hottie on cam. She is beautiful and she works at her performance to the best possible effect. She does what she does almost perfectly.
Alright so she could use a better camera for her live shows, that part is a lil unprofessional really. And the background music she uses is sometimes a little too hard [Korn for example] even if she is a rock chick. It just kind of spoils the mood as I listen to that stuff for violent acts like exercise, not sensual acts like orgasms.
However she has the perfect figure, and she has just enough makeup, and she knows what we want to see her do, and she squirt cums on camera, doesn't over do it with the moans or sexy talk, and the aftermath is never just 'I came, now I might as well be chatting with my mother and not realizing I'm butt naked', but kind of sensual glow effect which is actually quite appealing.
I'm not gonna link it, but if you can find it, look for the PoV blow job she did on her knees to a dil on a wall. If you're into women it'll crack your personal engine block.I'm in my late twenties, never had an issue with abstinence or addiction where my own corpus is concerned [I just don't have that kind of personality...caffeine doesn't count at this point, not when your blood is 9/10ths go-jooce] and I'm a hardcore geek who lives online.
I've seen anything and everything, and out of all the things, if I could have sex with anyone, it would be Ruby and then some. Assuming of course two things; firstly that she would be into it (obviously, but I thought I had better make the point) and secondly that she had the right kind of personality.
I don't take it as writ that amazingly sexy female equals intelligent and capable human being [though some sort of hobby as a fighter or something is fantastic as far as my caveman instincts are concerned].
I would just like to think that one of the most beautiful, sexy and desirable creatures that I've ever encountered in any regard isn't a bleedin pillock.
Not that any of that matters really. She's a camgirl and they, very rightly, go in for keeping a very large and solid wall between themselves and their audience.
I prefer to think of her as an example; there are potential lovers like Ruby out there, and if you ever get the chance, try your best to impress and don't settle for less.
A boi can dream. Of this. Very, very naked and nearby... :>
11/06/2014
On Summer...
There're plenty of redeeming points about summer and they wear very little but have great tits and legs and are slightly wet in the heat. :>
*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]
Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.
---
TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.
---
Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.
---
Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.
Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.
The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.
Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.
They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.
Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...
...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?
---
ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].
This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.
But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.
---
Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.
I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.
Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.
---
Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.
More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.
---
Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.
Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.
As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.
YUP.
Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.
---
NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.
I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.
I'll add more to those when I have a moment.
---
Have a nice day. :)
*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]
Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.
---
TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.
---
Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.
---
Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.
Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.
The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.
Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.
They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.
Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...
...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?
---
ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].
This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.
But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.
---
Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.
I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.
Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.
---
Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.
More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.
---
Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.
Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.
As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.
YUP.
Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.
---
NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.
I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.
I'll add more to those when I have a moment.
---
Have a nice day. :)
10/06/2014
On Minds...
Sup, it's 00:44 Tuesday, I've just finished running, and thought of a couple of things I wanted to blog about so I'm taking care of Tuesday's post now.
---
Firstly, yup, went running.
Ten minuets in I could barely draw breath. It wasn't gradual either. Runni-jogging, jogging just fine and then it was like trying to breath through glue in all of thirty seconds. Walked for 20-30 minuets and got to the Hospital ER, which is on my longer running route anyway, and tried to see a doctor. 40 minuets or so later and I was breathing normally at rest. It's like cold activated pneumonia, if pneumonia is what I think it is and is fluid in your lungs as a response to cold.
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pneumonia/pages/introduction.aspx
...In fact, if I'm reading this right, I've had pneumonia caused by a streptococcus infection.
Go running in the cold night air, generate lactic acid, this causes me to get low grade pneumonia, which I fight against as I do with strained muscles. The strep fed off the lactic acid and infected my bronchial tubes, giving me a wicked cold for a few days and then settling down into bad tasting coughs. I haven't been eating and sleeping right and stopped running, so I've not had the white blood cells to kill it. After I killed the bacteria with a better diet and the new meds I've just started taking, the cold air tonight just made the pneumonia flare up which made me choke for half an hour tonight.
Bad diet, lack of sleep, dust in my room, running in the cold, and not taking meds which attacked the bacteria in my lungs. That's why I've been low grade ill for a good two months.
Idiot. I should notice this shit by now. I'm meant to be intelligent. Keep taking Benylin, eat more, sleep at night, run to invigorate my blood's resistances and I should be fine. Dumb ass.
ALSO: Maybe get a flu shot from now on designed to resist strep. I don't want this happening again.
---
OK, secondly, when I was in the Hospital ER a girl came in from a car crash badly shaken up.
There were two things about this for me personally.
The first was good; empathy. I wanted to help her and felt sorry for her on reflex. I know about bad injuries.
I've cracked my skull open in two places at the same time, shredded my left bicep, damaged my knee caps, and shattered my left wrist in my time, plus broken both my legs in my teens [not at the same time], and crushed both my toe nails.
These days a car crash would've been an invigorating experience for me instead of requiring therapy like that girl will probably need.
Advised her to put her head down when she said she felt dizzy to help clear it, but that's all I could do for her.
I think if I can respond to road traffic accidents with the same need to help and care about the victims in the same way but actually be able to be the first response assistance and do some real good, I should do just fine as a copper.
The second though was...I don't know what to make of the second to be honest. The girl was young and attractive. And lately I've been rather interested in others.
Fun fact, I'm bisexual, which basically means an attractive girl or guy is perfectly acceptable as a sexual partner. Not that I've ever had any you understand.
People with my intellect find it hard to relate to others, and people with my background of social abuse find it hard to like and trust others. Empathy, care, consideration for others, those are reflexive, but for me, I need to feel something for someone else before I could let them touch me and touch them back.
And the combination of feeling something for someone and actually liking and trusting them and getting the same in return has just never happened for me. I don't expect it to really, but that doesn't stop your automatic urges from kicking in when you see something that makes you horny.
She, the girl in shock, was attractive and needy and just a part of me was thinking 'help, protect, gain trust of, fuck and make babies'. I've had girls present themselves naked to me and try to get in my pants before and that's the same voice I heard and ignored then, but it's slightly disgusting that it activated in response to a girl in shock after a car crash.
Cave man at heart I might be, protect the young and the womenfolk I might believe in at my core, but ye gods, time and a place.
Last Saturday on the way to college for example, hot girl with big melons rushes giggling by me, I stared openly and made her blush [don't like it, wear a sweater or something lady], but in an ER like that, down boy, seriously, down.
I like Mr. Brain who replied with 'Oh that poor young girl, we must do what we can to ease her suffering'. The part that wanted to assist so we could get in her pants, not so much really.
Yes, dear reader, I am that honest. I know what is and what isn't and what the difference is, as that's all that counts at the end of everything, knowing.
I know what I am, and because of this I'm better than other people who do what they do because they don't think they have a choice. There's always a choice. Even if the only thing you want in the whole world is to do this thing right now, you can choose not to. You don't have to do anything, or not do anything. But only those who realise they have an option can take it. And I do.
---
Getting tired now so I'll wrap this up with this: gotten to the terrorism section of my certificate in basic policing college course, and suicide bombers are hair on fire raving madmen.
'How beautiful it is to kill and to be killed...for the lives of the coming generations'.
- Mohammed Al-Ghoul, June 18th 2002
How freaky insane do you have to be to believe that?
Destruction of any kind is a failure. Yours because you failed the humanity test and shamed your species by destroying the effort of labor of your peers. And someone else for never teaching you that to destroy the work of anyone is a corruption of the very principle that makes you a human being.
We are a tool using species, creators one and all, and if you use this gift of intelligence to burn the world then it only goes to show that you're a monster, worse than animal who doesn't know any better and still doesn't actively hunt and kill it's own species for an imaginary friend.
If there is a God, Allah or anyone beyond the veil responsible for this mess, I hope that He patiently teaches these creatures why what they did was such a betrayal of their own existence.
If not...well, that explains why it happened in the first place really.
---
Gods dam it, YES, also worked out emergency accommodation for when I move out of my current residence if I can't find anywhere else to live.
I stayed in a hostel a few years ago for more than a year. Low cost, weekly rent, good location, in the same borough I'm in right now.
Since I stayed there last they dropped their rent by about 20 a week whilst only renting beds for weeks at a go too. Move in and stay there pro tem until I find another privately rented room to transfer to.
At around 3/5ths what I'm currently paying in rent I'll have extra money for travel and that too so no worries.
Focus on getting my college work done and I shouldn't have any issues with the exam. Pass that and my Day 2 whilst staying in this inn of sorts and become a police constable on full time pay.
Those are the main things: somewhere to sleep and employment.
---
ALRIGHT, DONE, FINISHED, going to sleep.
Doing college work tomorrow, collecting papers and forms on Wednesday whilst checking in with the job center and cancelling that fucking Tribunal and making arrangements to repay housing benefit I was entitled to.
Thursday > Sunday focus on getting my college work done.
Monday get stuff into storage via taxi that I don't need in the Inn. Then college work, including exam revision until the 20th when I have my Day 2, and the 21st when I have my week 5 exam.
Somewhere in all of that try to find new acom and move out before the 20th for preference.
I might actually be able to sort this fucking mess out actually...
GG then.
---
Firstly, yup, went running.
Ten minuets in I could barely draw breath. It wasn't gradual either. Runni-jogging, jogging just fine and then it was like trying to breath through glue in all of thirty seconds. Walked for 20-30 minuets and got to the Hospital ER, which is on my longer running route anyway, and tried to see a doctor. 40 minuets or so later and I was breathing normally at rest. It's like cold activated pneumonia, if pneumonia is what I think it is and is fluid in your lungs as a response to cold.
http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pneumonia/pages/introduction.aspx
...In fact, if I'm reading this right, I've had pneumonia caused by a streptococcus infection.
Go running in the cold night air, generate lactic acid, this causes me to get low grade pneumonia, which I fight against as I do with strained muscles. The strep fed off the lactic acid and infected my bronchial tubes, giving me a wicked cold for a few days and then settling down into bad tasting coughs. I haven't been eating and sleeping right and stopped running, so I've not had the white blood cells to kill it. After I killed the bacteria with a better diet and the new meds I've just started taking, the cold air tonight just made the pneumonia flare up which made me choke for half an hour tonight.
Bad diet, lack of sleep, dust in my room, running in the cold, and not taking meds which attacked the bacteria in my lungs. That's why I've been low grade ill for a good two months.
Idiot. I should notice this shit by now. I'm meant to be intelligent. Keep taking Benylin, eat more, sleep at night, run to invigorate my blood's resistances and I should be fine. Dumb ass.
ALSO: Maybe get a flu shot from now on designed to resist strep. I don't want this happening again.
---
OK, secondly, when I was in the Hospital ER a girl came in from a car crash badly shaken up.
There were two things about this for me personally.
The first was good; empathy. I wanted to help her and felt sorry for her on reflex. I know about bad injuries.
I've cracked my skull open in two places at the same time, shredded my left bicep, damaged my knee caps, and shattered my left wrist in my time, plus broken both my legs in my teens [not at the same time], and crushed both my toe nails.
These days a car crash would've been an invigorating experience for me instead of requiring therapy like that girl will probably need.
Advised her to put her head down when she said she felt dizzy to help clear it, but that's all I could do for her.
I think if I can respond to road traffic accidents with the same need to help and care about the victims in the same way but actually be able to be the first response assistance and do some real good, I should do just fine as a copper.
The second though was...I don't know what to make of the second to be honest. The girl was young and attractive. And lately I've been rather interested in others.
Fun fact, I'm bisexual, which basically means an attractive girl or guy is perfectly acceptable as a sexual partner. Not that I've ever had any you understand.
People with my intellect find it hard to relate to others, and people with my background of social abuse find it hard to like and trust others. Empathy, care, consideration for others, those are reflexive, but for me, I need to feel something for someone else before I could let them touch me and touch them back.
And the combination of feeling something for someone and actually liking and trusting them and getting the same in return has just never happened for me. I don't expect it to really, but that doesn't stop your automatic urges from kicking in when you see something that makes you horny.
She, the girl in shock, was attractive and needy and just a part of me was thinking 'help, protect, gain trust of, fuck and make babies'. I've had girls present themselves naked to me and try to get in my pants before and that's the same voice I heard and ignored then, but it's slightly disgusting that it activated in response to a girl in shock after a car crash.
Cave man at heart I might be, protect the young and the womenfolk I might believe in at my core, but ye gods, time and a place.
Last Saturday on the way to college for example, hot girl with big melons rushes giggling by me, I stared openly and made her blush [don't like it, wear a sweater or something lady], but in an ER like that, down boy, seriously, down.
I like Mr. Brain who replied with 'Oh that poor young girl, we must do what we can to ease her suffering'. The part that wanted to assist so we could get in her pants, not so much really.
Yes, dear reader, I am that honest. I know what is and what isn't and what the difference is, as that's all that counts at the end of everything, knowing.
I know what I am, and because of this I'm better than other people who do what they do because they don't think they have a choice. There's always a choice. Even if the only thing you want in the whole world is to do this thing right now, you can choose not to. You don't have to do anything, or not do anything. But only those who realise they have an option can take it. And I do.
---
Getting tired now so I'll wrap this up with this: gotten to the terrorism section of my certificate in basic policing college course, and suicide bombers are hair on fire raving madmen.
'How beautiful it is to kill and to be killed...for the lives of the coming generations'.
- Mohammed Al-Ghoul, June 18th 2002
How freaky insane do you have to be to believe that?
Destruction of any kind is a failure. Yours because you failed the humanity test and shamed your species by destroying the effort of labor of your peers. And someone else for never teaching you that to destroy the work of anyone is a corruption of the very principle that makes you a human being.
We are a tool using species, creators one and all, and if you use this gift of intelligence to burn the world then it only goes to show that you're a monster, worse than animal who doesn't know any better and still doesn't actively hunt and kill it's own species for an imaginary friend.
If there is a God, Allah or anyone beyond the veil responsible for this mess, I hope that He patiently teaches these creatures why what they did was such a betrayal of their own existence.
If not...well, that explains why it happened in the first place really.
---
Gods dam it, YES, also worked out emergency accommodation for when I move out of my current residence if I can't find anywhere else to live.
I stayed in a hostel a few years ago for more than a year. Low cost, weekly rent, good location, in the same borough I'm in right now.
Since I stayed there last they dropped their rent by about 20 a week whilst only renting beds for weeks at a go too. Move in and stay there pro tem until I find another privately rented room to transfer to.
At around 3/5ths what I'm currently paying in rent I'll have extra money for travel and that too so no worries.
Focus on getting my college work done and I shouldn't have any issues with the exam. Pass that and my Day 2 whilst staying in this inn of sorts and become a police constable on full time pay.
Those are the main things: somewhere to sleep and employment.
---
ALRIGHT, DONE, FINISHED, going to sleep.
Doing college work tomorrow, collecting papers and forms on Wednesday whilst checking in with the job center and cancelling that fucking Tribunal and making arrangements to repay housing benefit I was entitled to.
Thursday > Sunday focus on getting my college work done.
Monday get stuff into storage via taxi that I don't need in the Inn. Then college work, including exam revision until the 20th when I have my Day 2, and the 21st when I have my week 5 exam.
Somewhere in all of that try to find new acom and move out before the 20th for preference.
I might actually be able to sort this fucking mess out actually...
GG then.