Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Love. Show all posts
16/10/2014
12/10/2014
The Best Ones Always Show Up The Day After Tomorrow...
Howdy. I guess the nerves hadn't woken up yesterday because most of my muscles are currently complaining about their ill treatment. -.-
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
11/10/2014
Ouchies from Running, and A Journal of Computer Games RnD
Good afternoon people, I hurts in places I didn't even know I had places.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_design
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
10/10/2014
New Levels of Paranoia and How To Get Goods for Online Stores...
Friday.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
09/10/2014
Hate and Love, Rage and Passion
SUP. :O
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
05/10/2014
And Here We Are...
Well, that's one way to do things I guess.
Got in on Friday, went straight to bed without eating anything and slept hard for 12:30 hours. Woke up, ate a fuck ton of bacon and tomato pasta, showered, half shaved, ate another fuck ton of tomato and bacon pasta, flirted some with crush who's just started to report her physically and mentally abusive ex to the police [...I'm a hot smart guy and the sanest nicest girl I've had an ongoing conversation and flirtation with in almost 30 years of existence is attractive, online, and has some sort of kidney syndrome and has been tortured by her exs... *pauses and reflects on life for a bit*...that sounds like my life alright...], crashed back into bed for another 12 hours and found my iPhone had been unplugged about five minuets after I passed out because someone else just OH SO NEEDED to use my fucking charger and didn't have the fucking manners to plug mine back in after they collected their device some 11 hours ago, so charged it and went to finish off my hygienic routine.
Now showered, shaved, brushed, dressed, looking forward to tomorrow when I'll have another handful of coin to buy food with, and sitting in McDonalds, slightly paranoid about the staff either a] freaking that I'm downloading audiobook torrents [I bought my library 2 PC's ago, and I refuse to pay for that shit again, even if I had the fucking money] or b] kicking me out for not ordering food because firstly I lack funds and secondly the library is shut today so I can't go there and use the wifi.
And yes, you can download torrents on public networks which block torrent websites and proxy websites. All you need is a phone with an internet browser that can access the torrent websites [they don't block them on phones as you can't download a torrent client like uTorrent so there's no point], then you copy the magnet link off the page and email it to yourself, access your email on your laptop, copy the magnet link, go into uTorrent, click on menu, insert torrent from magnet link, paste, enter, and then wait as you get 1mb per second speed per torrent on their network, hahaha. :P
Like I said, I've no issue with torrents. Mostly because I use them, as now, to rebuild my library of media that I paid for and downloaded years ago. But also because the fact is that people who subscribe to TV services [Sky, Netflix, whatever] and are stupid enough or morale enough to pay for copies of the media have already paid for the TV I download, AND the people who produce copies of the media itself overcharge for it in a rather greedy manner [go check out the prices of Star Trek episodes, long since paid off for production costs, and you'll see that they're priced like brand new modern TV shows].
I hate most computer games [despite being something of an expert in their design, or should I say BECAUSE I'm an expert in their design] so I don't rip those off, and the last music I bought was Linkin Park's newest, which I paid for, simply because I'm not a big music fan. And movies I see in a cinema for about £5.00 each, not including snax, and never watch them more than once.
That only leaves software, which, let's face it, is only actually cost effective if you're a business. MS Office should be included in Windows like Firefox and Windows Media Player [efficient effective software that gets the job done], Photoshop ain't fucking worth £1000.00, ditto for MS Visual Studio, and beyond those I don't usually use much else to write games thesis info [back when I had time to busy myself with such things] and keep my online ID portfolio reasonable [the ID which isn't connected to this blog].
In my book it isn't media piracy if you can't afford to pay for the product or those selling it over charge for it or, as is the case with TV, if you had a TV and a widely available HDD-TV-Rec device you could pay 30 a month and record several entire series onto the box for about £5.00 each or less.
Call it a crass rationalization if ya like, but I'm happy with it and no one complains to me about it, probably because a] I'm not a torrent website, and b] I'm not even a drop in the sea of people who do it.
Given my shitty existence, this is the least the world owes me in my opinion.
Anyway, back to reality; I feels a lot better than I did, I'm going to go do some college work next, more tomorrow and possibly some on Tuesday depending on when this recruitment company call me to meet an employer. Unlike the end of Friday I'm much better set up physically and mentally to deal with that shit now so that's OK. Just got to try to get my college work done ASAP and hope the Police still have some room to take me by the time I get the work done.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking livid, I still find this bullshit unfair, and if anyone asks me anything I let them know all about it because usually the person asking has fucking contributed to this shitstorm [looking at you Lambeth fucking College], but like I said over the last couple of days, no one gives a flying fuck, they just tell me to do things and I try to do em.
All I can do is try to make progress and hope my efforts go some ways to moving me out from under this flying crap.
Think I'm about done here, or at least I've run out of stuff to type. Going to go play a little Hearthstone, murder two black women who're laughing LOUDLY two seats over, and do college work till around 10 tonight, get up and pay rent, do laundry, and then go the library and do more college work until I get a phone call.
On and on and on...
Got in on Friday, went straight to bed without eating anything and slept hard for 12:30 hours. Woke up, ate a fuck ton of bacon and tomato pasta, showered, half shaved, ate another fuck ton of tomato and bacon pasta, flirted some with crush who's just started to report her physically and mentally abusive ex to the police [...I'm a hot smart guy and the sanest nicest girl I've had an ongoing conversation and flirtation with in almost 30 years of existence is attractive, online, and has some sort of kidney syndrome and has been tortured by her exs... *pauses and reflects on life for a bit*...that sounds like my life alright...], crashed back into bed for another 12 hours and found my iPhone had been unplugged about five minuets after I passed out because someone else just OH SO NEEDED to use my fucking charger and didn't have the fucking manners to plug mine back in after they collected their device some 11 hours ago, so charged it and went to finish off my hygienic routine.
Now showered, shaved, brushed, dressed, looking forward to tomorrow when I'll have another handful of coin to buy food with, and sitting in McDonalds, slightly paranoid about the staff either a] freaking that I'm downloading audiobook torrents [I bought my library 2 PC's ago, and I refuse to pay for that shit again, even if I had the fucking money] or b] kicking me out for not ordering food because firstly I lack funds and secondly the library is shut today so I can't go there and use the wifi.
And yes, you can download torrents on public networks which block torrent websites and proxy websites. All you need is a phone with an internet browser that can access the torrent websites [they don't block them on phones as you can't download a torrent client like uTorrent so there's no point], then you copy the magnet link off the page and email it to yourself, access your email on your laptop, copy the magnet link, go into uTorrent, click on menu, insert torrent from magnet link, paste, enter, and then wait as you get 1mb per second speed per torrent on their network, hahaha. :P
Like I said, I've no issue with torrents. Mostly because I use them, as now, to rebuild my library of media that I paid for and downloaded years ago. But also because the fact is that people who subscribe to TV services [Sky, Netflix, whatever] and are stupid enough or morale enough to pay for copies of the media have already paid for the TV I download, AND the people who produce copies of the media itself overcharge for it in a rather greedy manner [go check out the prices of Star Trek episodes, long since paid off for production costs, and you'll see that they're priced like brand new modern TV shows].
I hate most computer games [despite being something of an expert in their design, or should I say BECAUSE I'm an expert in their design] so I don't rip those off, and the last music I bought was Linkin Park's newest, which I paid for, simply because I'm not a big music fan. And movies I see in a cinema for about £5.00 each, not including snax, and never watch them more than once.
That only leaves software, which, let's face it, is only actually cost effective if you're a business. MS Office should be included in Windows like Firefox and Windows Media Player [efficient effective software that gets the job done], Photoshop ain't fucking worth £1000.00, ditto for MS Visual Studio, and beyond those I don't usually use much else to write games thesis info [back when I had time to busy myself with such things] and keep my online ID portfolio reasonable [the ID which isn't connected to this blog].
In my book it isn't media piracy if you can't afford to pay for the product or those selling it over charge for it or, as is the case with TV, if you had a TV and a widely available HDD-TV-Rec device you could pay 30 a month and record several entire series onto the box for about £5.00 each or less.
Call it a crass rationalization if ya like, but I'm happy with it and no one complains to me about it, probably because a] I'm not a torrent website, and b] I'm not even a drop in the sea of people who do it.
Given my shitty existence, this is the least the world owes me in my opinion.
Anyway, back to reality; I feels a lot better than I did, I'm going to go do some college work next, more tomorrow and possibly some on Tuesday depending on when this recruitment company call me to meet an employer. Unlike the end of Friday I'm much better set up physically and mentally to deal with that shit now so that's OK. Just got to try to get my college work done ASAP and hope the Police still have some room to take me by the time I get the work done.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking livid, I still find this bullshit unfair, and if anyone asks me anything I let them know all about it because usually the person asking has fucking contributed to this shitstorm [looking at you Lambeth fucking College], but like I said over the last couple of days, no one gives a flying fuck, they just tell me to do things and I try to do em.
All I can do is try to make progress and hope my efforts go some ways to moving me out from under this flying crap.
Think I'm about done here, or at least I've run out of stuff to type. Going to go play a little Hearthstone, murder two black women who're laughing LOUDLY two seats over, and do college work till around 10 tonight, get up and pay rent, do laundry, and then go the library and do more college work until I get a phone call.
On and on and on...
30/09/2014
Sexy Beast and Womennip...
Good afternoon. :P
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
Busy busy. Got home yesterday after the library after nearly telling me lady friend that I haz a crush on her [I didn't because it's dumb] but decided to just leave it alone because neither of us can act on it.
Was so tired and hungry that I forgot that I still had laundry to dry and new bedding to lay before I could sleep. Went out whilst the drier was going and bought some jooce and got hit on by a dirty haired blond lady in Tescos.
Then woke up this morning and found out that the communal showers in the new hostel are occupied by guys who have no issue stripping entirely naked before showering, so I tried not to stare at three twenty something entirely naked toned athletic wet guys strolling around...I'm bisexual...naked young dudes...they were wondering why I was embarrassed and thankfully didn't put 2 and 2 together. That was a fun shower though, hehe.
Then went to McDonalds for breakfast after KFC turned out to be closed for refit. Got food, sat down, and realized that I was being eyed up by an elegant blond women with rather epic funbags 2 seats down, which was made plane when she asked me a really obvious question and waited for me to introduce myself. I didn't though because I meant what I said - I'm focusing on work and not having any more relationship drama right now - but damn it, why am I such sexy catnip to these people? xD
Nooo, I know what I want and it won't be found by picking up a passing stranger in a hostel or fast food joint. Still not entirely sure if it's my sexy hospitalized female friend yet though...whatever, I have work to do.
Came to library after that and currently trying to download some more audiobooks and iTunes...why am I downloading iTunes...I know there was a good reason but I can't remember what it was...
Also posted on Reddit a request in the favor forums to access someone's wifi to download Hearthstone and a few other things onto my new laptop because it uses P2P protocols to download and update which are blocked by most public wifi hotspots.
A mod then PMed me asking if I was after someone's wifi to download pirated software. Of course I am, uTorrent could replace all my paid for and lost media sitting on my broken computer and I was asking for access to download Hearthstone as cover. But shit, I wrote my post specifically defining that I wanted Hearthstone, a game, and this guy had no business jumping to that conclusion.
I called him an idiot for not reading my post properly and another mod said 'Cool. You're gonna play like that, please ask elsewhere'. My thoughts on that sentence right there are: arrogance and petty asshattery, thy name is forum mod. I hate everyone in that job role more than most other human beings.
Anyway, I can't for the life of me think of how to access the free web unfettered by fucking blocks so Im resorting to the filth of the internet and download Netflix to see if, once downloaded, I can watch movies and TV for 6-7 quid a month. It's better than nothing.
LOL, I love the hubris of big companies like Google/YouTube. They spend probably millions on putting in place a download lock so FireFox add-ons can no longer download videos. So in about 2-3 minuets I download a plug in for FireFox, from FireFox's own website, which disables it and download a music video in HD onto my laptop to listen to offline. xD
Idiots.
Their company may be big, it may be worth millions or even billions of any major first world currency, and they might have all the power in the world, but if ya fucking userbase wants to do something against your TOS, then you might as well not even bother trying to stop them, because they will do it and make your IT department look like fucking amateurs whilst they're about it. ;D
...Alright, so half the point is that I'm a geek and a lot of their users aren't and not everyone is going to walk past it or even Google the solution, but it seems fairly pointless to tech savvy me.
YA KNOW, I was meant to be getting my college work done today. Its now 18:19, the library closes in an hour and a half and it's not even entered my head to go and actually do some work. -.- #idiot
Got an uber run tomorrow and I never make it to the library afterwards so I won't get any work done then either. So stupid.
Alright, I'm gonna go focus on getting something productive done instead of browsing Reddit and downloading things.
Before I go though, I fucking hate Audible, the online retailer of cheap audiobooks.
I found a credit for an audiobook on one of my Audible accounts and decided to grab Tricked, book 4 of the Iron Druid Chronicles, seeing as I've been listening to books 1-3 for a few months and would love to hear no4.
From the get go it didn't sound right, the voices were off, but I read somewhere that they had switched publishers so I waited it out and tried to enjoy it anyway, planning to see if there was a higher quality copy available online later when I have full access to the internet. After cringing at Oberon's altered doggie voice and Granuaile sounding like an epically ditzy Cali blond though I checked who the fuck was narrating it.
Apparently Christopher Ragland did it, as he did the first three, according to Audible's website. I looked around a bit more and found that the one I had listened to, the good one done by a competent voice actor, was done by Luke Daniels, and that there are TWO recordings, and Audible has the fucked up one.
...SIGH. I finally get a new PC like object. Can't access unfettered wifi, can't play games, can't download any TV or movies, and can't even get good copies of audiobooks to listen to. All I can do, is work...boring, boring, dull, boring ole...work.
I do fucking hate this universe sometimes.
But yeah, speaking of work, I had better go do some. I shall return tomorrow for more tales of ignoring sexual possibilities and how the universe thinks I'm it's personal chew toy.
Might raid me some Reddit and post some nonsense from there too, so stay tuned. :)
Good morning and good evening and good night.
29/09/2014
Well, that was a most unpleasent little interlude...
Hai. I'm back online. Got a crappy little toy laptop with a duel core 1.2Ghz processor and 2 gigs of RAM this morning for about £50.00.
It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.
It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].
Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?
Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.
Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.
Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.
Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.
The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].
Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.
And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].
Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...
...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...
To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.
If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.
But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.
In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].
So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.
Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-
Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs
And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.
YUP.
Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.
Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...
For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.
It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.
It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].
Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?
Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.
Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.
Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.
Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.
The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].
Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.
And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].
Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...
...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...
To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.
If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.
But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.
In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].
So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.
Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-
Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs
And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.
YUP.
Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.
Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...
For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.
30/06/2014
On Trying...
Evening.
---
Writing this inside Google's Chrome browser instead of FireFox cus I was curious to see which ran better [security isn't really an issue for me, it's getting people to NOTICE me that's the bloody trick] and it did, especially TOME: Immortal Arena, the current MOBA game I'm playing, so I decided to swap to this for now.
Easy enough seeing as Google were smart enough to import all my bookmarks and things from FireFox and included the bookmark tab bar which I use all the time. Missing the drag to scroll extension I have in FireFox sometimes, but this thing works better so, suits me.
---
I'm a goat and just blew up a gas station with an axe...stuck...to...my...tongue... ._. ...*commits suicide*
That's it, he says from beyond the grave, there is no hope left for humanity.
Some people aspire to make whole virtual worlds as computer games where people can almost live inside mystical lands of pure joy and imagination...and then some people make buggy trippy goat simulators and find out that what people really want in a game is to be a goat who wrecks human society with an dexterous mouth appendage.
This is why we can't have nice things. >.<
You know you've seen waaay too much Californication when you find this funny. xD
Found today that I have matching holes in my trainers, and you could say that it's solidarity between those under the heel of the oppressor. :P #suchanerd
People take the statements of the professionally witty, remove them from their context and use them to make some abstract point no one except for them really understand. Or they end up sounding like a motivational poster, and I hate that shit. Those are the modern equivalent of 'Hang In There Baby' cat posts, and just as empty and meaningless.
SHE'S FUCKING HOT, that's my point. She's hot and for a moment I thought she might be intelligent but it's more likely that she's just a pretender, like the rest of her actor ilk.
---
I keep checking out Craigslist Los Angeles missed connections for these posts being made by this closet-transsexual girl called Dodger who is a vlogger from YouTube [most of them are being posted by her, and you'll see it after a while of reading them that they all share a similar theme and structure] who I'm beyond in love with [the type of love that the sight of them makes your melt into a puddle, where they can do no wrong, and you'd eat your own arms to touch them with a toe] and is, in case you haven't gathered, a mad as a spoon.
She posts on there due to crippling social-anxiety which prevents her from having normal relationships, or maybe she's just trying to fuck with me, I've never quite clarified that really.
Point is that I'm never going to email her ever again, but I do check it from time to time. Not entirely sure why really. Probably out of 'love', but that shit is toxic and so's she so I'm staying far away from her for my own benefit. It's not a healthy situation, and she's not mentally healthy. Doesn't stop me feeling how I do, but just because the poison tastes nice doesn't mean you should drink it.
I want someone to love and be with, but I'm too damaged, too much of a freak, too intelligent in the wrong way to ever achieve that. It's just nice to think that someone out there desires my company and is on my side sometimes, even if they should be institutionalized for being terminally batshit.
[This is one of those things that you shouldn't try to contact me about...if I put contact details anywhere on this site anyway...because I know what the truth is, and that's all that matters. I have nothing to prove here.]
---
SOHYEH: swapped to Chrome over FireFox, teehee, ripping off my landlady so I have somewhere to sleep, student loan companies are fucking annoying [if I owed them money they'd be on my ass like fireants], selling shit is hard, listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles after The Discworld, Maggie Grace is hawt, and I'm still playing TOME. Also gotten used to the new Linkin Park album, The Hunting Party, and quite enjoying it now.
Going to get some sammitches and eat some fruit and then do college work for five hours.
I've sent out a bunch of emails to various leasers but they probably won't reply to them. Gotta put some credit on my phone tomorrow and start calling people.
When I went out today I didn't cough as much as I thought I would, but I do think it's a bad case of strep because when I exerted myself [which is pretty dam easy because I've not gotten any exercise in weeks] I started coughing my guts up, so I expect anti-bios will be able to take care of it.
Doctors. Wednesday. GG.
And that's it; college work, searching for acom. Day 1
Post again tomorrow.
Good evening.
---
Writing this inside Google's Chrome browser instead of FireFox cus I was curious to see which ran better [security isn't really an issue for me, it's getting people to NOTICE me that's the bloody trick] and it did, especially TOME: Immortal Arena, the current MOBA game I'm playing, so I decided to swap to this for now.
Easy enough seeing as Google were smart enough to import all my bookmarks and things from FireFox and included the bookmark tab bar which I use all the time. Missing the drag to scroll extension I have in FireFox sometimes, but this thing works better so, suits me.
---
I'm a goat and just blew up a gas station with an axe...stuck...to...my...tongue... ._. ...*commits suicide*
That's it, he says from beyond the grave, there is no hope left for humanity.
Some people aspire to make whole virtual worlds as computer games where people can almost live inside mystical lands of pure joy and imagination...and then some people make buggy trippy goat simulators and find out that what people really want in a game is to be a goat who wrecks human society with an dexterous mouth appendage.
This is why we can't have nice things. >.<
You know you've seen waaay too much Californication when you find this funny. xD
Found today that I have matching holes in my trainers, and you could say that it's solidarity between those under the heel of the oppressor. :P #suchanerd
---
In darker news; I'm in another fucked up situation [these things are weekly events in my universe].
Got £140 in job seeker benefits this morning and I'm getting another £160 on Monday, leaving me a little less than £300 to cover my new acom costs. I owe my landlady, as of Monday next, £200. I need between £210 and £240 to pay for the deposit and a weeks rent on new accommodation. So either I can pay all the rent I owe here and have nothing to pay for my new living conditions. Or I can pay nothing here and rip my landlady off and have somewhere to sleep next Monday.
Gotta love life eh?
I could probably pay most of what I owe and stay in a hostel, but that's a living death and I'd rather piss her off than go doing that again.
So she's buggered as I need to pay for somewhere to sleep, but asides from not wanting to do it to her, I also might not get away with it because she might at least try to kick me out in the next seven days. It would still be a dam stupid thing to do as she'd miss out on any chance of getting £200 in rent, but she could do it and leave me up shit creek.
I wonder if coppers need to be good liars because I've had more than a little practise. Fortunately it's not hard to sell the lie really as I've waited a week or two before paying my rent in full before so saying that and 'I'll settle up when I go' isn't that odd for me.
I just don't have a better option right now, so this is the way it's going to be. Regret and sorrow are for those who don't get shit on by humans on a weekly basis, however. I don't feel much of anything about the situation [thank the fucking hell for that], I'm just doing whatever I can to keep afloat until I finish my college course and get hired by the police [assuming that fitness instructor didn't blow that shit up with her complaint, but I should be able to appeal it if she does...for crying out fucking loud humanity].
---
Sent the seventh or eighth letter to the student loans company about section 4 of my 24+ Student Loan application, giving them the same information those assholes have already been given by me AND confirmed on their own system.
I'm allowed the fucking loan, but they needed a copy of the form with the boxes checked, and sent me a letter with the request and my details on it and everything. So I went to the library, printed off the relevant page, three fucking times mark you, filled out each and sent it back to em with a message saying 'Process it in 2 weeks or it's time for the lawyers'.
I don't see why this shit was so fucking hard to get done, I really don't.
---
Dropped about half a dozen pairs of jeans off at a heart health charity shop as I couldn't sell them and am in no mood to try. Got thanked much for the donation [it was just jeans people, wow] and ran away. I just didn't know what the fuck else to do with em. *shrug*
Never buying wholesale shit again and trying to sell it. I'm a magus, not a merchant. I couldn't sell a glass of water to a desert dweller, though I could probably tell him where he is and what type of sand he's standing on after a while.
---
Downloaded The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne, which is meant to be in the same genre as one of my favourite audiobook series called The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher.
I get the impression that it's a bit mediocre as these things go, but I saw it years ago when the first one came out and, as I apparently don't ever forget things I don't forget on purpose which will later come back to bite me in the ass, I'm curious about it now.
Going to finish off the last few of The Watch novels, a sub-series in The Discworld Chronicles by Terry Pratchett, to round up my umpteenth listen of all 40 odd Discworld novels, and then give it a go.
---
I've got this picture of this A-List celebrity called Maggie Grace on my desktop, who's this goddess blond chick who played the love interest in S06 of Californication, and the teenage sister in Lost.
Beautiful women, but usually I ignore celebrities because they tend to be the modern equivalent of aristocrats; elite social society who're totally out of touch with the common troll in the street due to their wealth, fame, and socialist life style.
Occasionally though I get interested in the buggers because sometimes they turn out to be real human beings who're just incidentally uber famous and have actually have some genuine talent.
James Spader for example. I've seen a shit ton of media in my time and the way he acts and the parts he plays makes him something special in the field. Don't know about him in her personal life, bar what's on Wikipedia, but the guy can fucking act man. Peter Dinklage too. That guys a fucking legend for his work in Game of Thrones.
Anyway, my point here was that Maggie Grace's Twitter stream is filled with quotes and things...fuck, actually here and now they seem like pretentious nonsense, like most quotes really.
People take the statements of the professionally witty, remove them from their context and use them to make some abstract point no one except for them really understand. Or they end up sounding like a motivational poster, and I hate that shit. Those are the modern equivalent of 'Hang In There Baby' cat posts, and just as empty and meaningless.
SHE'S FUCKING HOT, that's my point. She's hot and for a moment I thought she might be intelligent but it's more likely that she's just a pretender, like the rest of her actor ilk.
---
I keep checking out Craigslist Los Angeles missed connections for these posts being made by this closet-transsexual girl called Dodger who is a vlogger from YouTube [most of them are being posted by her, and you'll see it after a while of reading them that they all share a similar theme and structure] who I'm beyond in love with [the type of love that the sight of them makes your melt into a puddle, where they can do no wrong, and you'd eat your own arms to touch them with a toe] and is, in case you haven't gathered, a mad as a spoon.
She posts on there due to crippling social-anxiety which prevents her from having normal relationships, or maybe she's just trying to fuck with me, I've never quite clarified that really.
Point is that I'm never going to email her ever again, but I do check it from time to time. Not entirely sure why really. Probably out of 'love', but that shit is toxic and so's she so I'm staying far away from her for my own benefit. It's not a healthy situation, and she's not mentally healthy. Doesn't stop me feeling how I do, but just because the poison tastes nice doesn't mean you should drink it.
I want someone to love and be with, but I'm too damaged, too much of a freak, too intelligent in the wrong way to ever achieve that. It's just nice to think that someone out there desires my company and is on my side sometimes, even if they should be institutionalized for being terminally batshit.
[This is one of those things that you shouldn't try to contact me about...if I put contact details anywhere on this site anyway...because I know what the truth is, and that's all that matters. I have nothing to prove here.]
---
SOHYEH: swapped to Chrome over FireFox, teehee, ripping off my landlady so I have somewhere to sleep, student loan companies are fucking annoying [if I owed them money they'd be on my ass like fireants], selling shit is hard, listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles after The Discworld, Maggie Grace is hawt, and I'm still playing TOME. Also gotten used to the new Linkin Park album, The Hunting Party, and quite enjoying it now.
Going to get some sammitches and eat some fruit and then do college work for five hours.
I've sent out a bunch of emails to various leasers but they probably won't reply to them. Gotta put some credit on my phone tomorrow and start calling people.
When I went out today I didn't cough as much as I thought I would, but I do think it's a bad case of strep because when I exerted myself [which is pretty dam easy because I've not gotten any exercise in weeks] I started coughing my guts up, so I expect anti-bios will be able to take care of it.
Doctors. Wednesday. GG.
And that's it; college work, searching for acom. Day 1
Post again tomorrow.
Good evening.
01/06/2014
First!
Because I believe in cliches. :P
HAI! As is traditional when I start a new blog I always say something along the lines of 'I never continue with these things', blah, blah, but I keep spamming my own Twitter account with verbose rants on various subjects and have needed a blog for quite some time, so here we are.
Also when I start a new blog I take quite some time going over the horrors of my past in an attempt to explain who I am and how I came to be. Perhaps this is why I never continue with them beyond the first post. Rehashing what is becoming comparatively ancient history for me is beyond pointless.
Everything you need to know, dear reader, can be summed up by two notions:
The first is that I'm not what you'd call a human being.
...that being said, you can always learn...
Once I removed myself from the orbit of my abusive family*, found a way to gain education which could help me gain employment, and stopped contacting her** I started to get my head straight.
*Though I'm unsure the term 'Abusive' really applies. They never struck me, but the mental damage they inflicted made me see them as monsters. Is there a ruler for abuse, a measurement of cruelty? Or is it determined by the perspective of the individual? They fed me, clothed me, and kept me alive whilst flaying my brain daily. Was I just in abandoning them, or was I as cruel as they to inflict my absence on them? Is justice the same as right?
**One of my primary issues at the moment is my utterly hatred of 'How people are' and my desire to have sex and to give my love to someone. Is there someone out there whom I would feel the same or better about like 'She Who Will Not Be Contacted'...probably, but I expect I'll never meet her.
And that's where I am at the moment.
There's two factors of my existence; I'm not normal, and my personal university is, or has been up till now, a harsh and unpleasant one.
I know, I said I wouldn't rehash the past, but you've got to have at least a bit of that really, but this is where it ends. I'm done with back, I'm going forward.
As it stands I've got two things currently going on; I'm applying to my local police service for constable, a process which takes months to go through with aptitude, personality, and physical testing; and I'm doing a college course for basic police training.
I'm writing this, in fact, because I'm trying to avoid doing things. I get like that sometimes. I don't see the point in acting, so I don't act, and I can't afford that right now, but it's not like I can just flip a switch or something.
I need to get some exercise after a long down time with and after a bad case of bronchitis generated a large blob of mucus which I couldn't cough up from my lungs for several weeks.
I need to catch up on my college work before Saturday. It's a part time course, and I'm unemployed, and a genius with an excellent memory, so it's not like it'll take me long to do, it's just that I keep not doing it and eventually it'll need to be done and I won't have the time to do it. I've got no reason for not doing it, it's just that I'm not.
And I want to write a book on games design documentation, and program a game in DirectX and C++. And instead, when I'm not watching the TV series 24, I'm playing the games on which I'm writing my thesis, mostly League of Legends [LoL by Riot Games].
I should really be productive, but sometimes I just don't see the point. Working for no reward other than the job itself eventually loses it's appeal when doing nothing at all has the same effect.
Gotten hungry whilst writing. Going to go make cheese salad and then force myself to hit my weights.
Tomorrow will be a busy day as I get my job seekers allowance and can go food shopping and rent paying and things. Maybe that will spur me on to be more productive and get my college work done. Do more than I have in the last four days where I've mostly just played LoL.
I'll write another post tomorrow. Shorter with a singular point, and see if I can't spruce it up a little with some background art, links to webcomics and things. I did have a website where I wrote things but my finances are so tight I can't even afford new tees, so it was silly to keep paying for it every month.
...Maybe I'll write about what I'm learning for the police. Get interested in it so getting college work done will be easy.
It's a thought.
HAI! As is traditional when I start a new blog I always say something along the lines of 'I never continue with these things', blah, blah, but I keep spamming my own Twitter account with verbose rants on various subjects and have needed a blog for quite some time, so here we are.
Also when I start a new blog I take quite some time going over the horrors of my past in an attempt to explain who I am and how I came to be. Perhaps this is why I never continue with them beyond the first post. Rehashing what is becoming comparatively ancient history for me is beyond pointless.
Everything you need to know, dear reader, can be summed up by two notions:
The first is that I'm not what you'd call a human being.
Oh sure, I look human, and any doctor would confirm that genetically speaking I'm just like any other homo sapiens. However, one of the fundamentals of how an individual biological organism is classified is it's behavior and function. My brain isn't human.And the second is that the universe takes a delight in presenting me with only the very best in batshit insane situations which no human should ever need to encounter, much less resolve. The 'horrors of my past' mentioned above include:
A lot of people would expect me to now declare that I'm homo superior and better than others. Not really. Homo alternus is more apt. I'm smart, strong, and a good man, but I think differently, act differently, understand differently to everyone.
People say this to be individual and unique, I know, but I wish I wasn't. I wish I was just like everyone else, because to be truly divided from everyone else is to never understand their anyone else and never be understood. I don't feel lonely though, I just wish the actions of others made some sort of sense occasionally.
- A family who entirely suffered from 'intellectophobia', or the fear of intellect, treating those deemed more intelligent than themselves with disdain and casual cruelty. Less of an issue since I disowned them all however. My parents are dead apparently. I feel literally nothing about that. I never loved them, or hated them. My justice was to disown them, and I got it.
- I was gifted, if that's the word, with a genius level intellect, memory and imagination. Which was then damaged by bullies, sandblasted by public education, and finally broken in half by a University course which was mis-sold as educative instead of a timesink. I've since taught myself how to do what this course did not however.
- And a first love, a love at first sight and later infatuation with who and what they were. They turned out to be a transgender [I'm male, they were male, now female] with social-anxiety issues so acute and an mentality so unstable that she, to this day, is still posting on Craigslist anomalously about lost soulmates and alike, the only form of communication she could manage, in the hopes that one day I will email her again. I want to, oh stars do I want to, because I do feel love for her, for the first time in my life for someone, but I won't. I won't because it was unhealthy, and s/he's insane, and if I want a real life then I need to avoid her, but a part of me still wants her in my arms...
...that being said, you can always learn...
Once I removed myself from the orbit of my abusive family*, found a way to gain education which could help me gain employment, and stopped contacting her** I started to get my head straight.
*Though I'm unsure the term 'Abusive' really applies. They never struck me, but the mental damage they inflicted made me see them as monsters. Is there a ruler for abuse, a measurement of cruelty? Or is it determined by the perspective of the individual? They fed me, clothed me, and kept me alive whilst flaying my brain daily. Was I just in abandoning them, or was I as cruel as they to inflict my absence on them? Is justice the same as right?
**One of my primary issues at the moment is my utterly hatred of 'How people are' and my desire to have sex and to give my love to someone. Is there someone out there whom I would feel the same or better about like 'She Who Will Not Be Contacted'...probably, but I expect I'll never meet her.
And that's where I am at the moment.
There's two factors of my existence; I'm not normal, and my personal university is, or has been up till now, a harsh and unpleasant one.
I know, I said I wouldn't rehash the past, but you've got to have at least a bit of that really, but this is where it ends. I'm done with back, I'm going forward.
As it stands I've got two things currently going on; I'm applying to my local police service for constable, a process which takes months to go through with aptitude, personality, and physical testing; and I'm doing a college course for basic police training.
I'm writing this, in fact, because I'm trying to avoid doing things. I get like that sometimes. I don't see the point in acting, so I don't act, and I can't afford that right now, but it's not like I can just flip a switch or something.
I need to get some exercise after a long down time with and after a bad case of bronchitis generated a large blob of mucus which I couldn't cough up from my lungs for several weeks.
I need to catch up on my college work before Saturday. It's a part time course, and I'm unemployed, and a genius with an excellent memory, so it's not like it'll take me long to do, it's just that I keep not doing it and eventually it'll need to be done and I won't have the time to do it. I've got no reason for not doing it, it's just that I'm not.
And I want to write a book on games design documentation, and program a game in DirectX and C++. And instead, when I'm not watching the TV series 24, I'm playing the games on which I'm writing my thesis, mostly League of Legends [LoL by Riot Games].
I should really be productive, but sometimes I just don't see the point. Working for no reward other than the job itself eventually loses it's appeal when doing nothing at all has the same effect.
Gotten hungry whilst writing. Going to go make cheese salad and then force myself to hit my weights.
Tomorrow will be a busy day as I get my job seekers allowance and can go food shopping and rent paying and things. Maybe that will spur me on to be more productive and get my college work done. Do more than I have in the last four days where I've mostly just played LoL.
I'll write another post tomorrow. Shorter with a singular point, and see if I can't spruce it up a little with some background art, links to webcomics and things. I did have a website where I wrote things but my finances are so tight I can't even afford new tees, so it was silly to keep paying for it every month.
...Maybe I'll write about what I'm learning for the police. Get interested in it so getting college work done will be easy.
It's a thought.