The Forth Time...

So apparently I'm now blogging monthly. If I had left this until tomorrow it would've been to the day too.

Today is Wednesday, I feel slightly fried from the gym and my stomach isn't precisely thrilled to belong to me at the moment, which is either the caffeine or the wholegrain cheese n salad baguette I ate last night and pooped all of this morning.

Currently sitting in a hostel's common room I've been staying in for several weeks now listening to some Papa Roach and trying to find something to do with myself for the next four weeks whilst waiting on a medical form to finalize my application to the Met Police in London.

The title of this post is because you can add to the list of fuckups in my application to the police:

• Medical forms, which should take all of a few days of wait time if you drop off a medical questionnaire with a doctor, taking more than a month to be returned to me because firstly I had to register with a new doctors [after trying to college the forms from my old doctors and being told I had been registered so there was nothing they could do for me] and secondly order new forms and getting told that either a] I could wait for my medical records to come through from their information warehouse and submit the form [3 day turn around] or b] request that the medical form [4 pages] is faxed/emailed to my doctors from my medical records. I opted for B because the form is already signed and they said it'd be quicker, but a month later I'm still waiting for it.

The list of fuck ups already consists of the following:

• Chest infection plus awake for more than 24 hours plus no food plus bitch of a fitness examiner during my fitness test who bullied me in front of everyone else, probably because she assumed I had been out drinking instead of ill and studying for a policing exam.
• Broken PC and an idiot college which wouldn't allow me to use their ICT resources to do their entirely online college course which resulted in me having to use my eight year old iPhone [which has since been fucking stolen btw].
• The Job Center putting me on an 'Employability Skills Course' which in combination with living on the other side of London resulted in two individual failures to finish the resit exams, themselves generated by fuckup number two.

So now I've got my certification [I passed the exams eventually, although I did the last five exams sleepless and hungry, but only the last 2 highly caffeinated, which just wasn't pleasant] and am sitting on my gods damn hands waiting for the above medical forms.

It's a four page fucking document, and apparently there isn't someone who can go to fucking filing, pluck out the forms, and send them to my fucking doctors.

Since it's started averaging 5 degrees here in London I joined Puregym for around 23 quid a month and started hitting the weights so I can regain some of my old muscle strength [used to be able to lift around 80kgs on a single arm] and not go running in freezing cold air and damage my lungs.

I've started to gain weight now after a couple of weeks in screaming pain, when I wasn't hopped up on pain killers, from the muscle taring [long time unexercised muscle tissue hurts like fuck when you when you first hit the gym] and my recovery time has dropped from more than a week down to a few days.

The downside of this, as I knew would happen, is that the constant lack of energy and presence of pain is making me more aggressive, and whereas last time I alternated between working out and playing League of Legends and had an outlet for major angeries, what I've got this time is alternating between working out and being fucking pissed at the last six months of world class fuckups.

I've sorted out the issues with the job center [my current adviser, a new lady in a different borough, leaves me to get on with it and just has me sign on, which is nice] so all I've got to do is record a few jobs per day and keep checking for the medical form.

I wake up, I set up my crappy toy PC, I play some Hearthstone over breakfast, I hit the gym if able, and watch TV. Been at that for about two weeks now, and as it's December I won't be starting with the police until the new year even if I handed the form in today.

Anywhere between a month to two months with nothing but gym and watching TV, at the end of which I should have my medical forms and a paid training start date with the coppers and can finally shitcan by benefits claim.

Woo-fucking-hoo. This is assuming I don't get so bored I walk into traffic, or even more fun, the MPS have shitcanned my application because it's taken more than six months to get my certification and medical forms sorted [at which point I will be explaining, very politely, where they can shove it and just how far it can go, and I'm not even kidding because the shit I've gone through here is...it reads like a fucking joke really, a bad joke].

...I'm fine. Sitting around bored off my ass with no money but with TV and a PC able run MS Word and Firefox with a fully stocked pantry and a gym subscription...well...it could be worst, gods know it could be worse...

What else?

Well, women I guess. Last week, in the span of 2-3 days I had four women make a run at me.

The most notable of these is the receptionist of the hostel I'm staying in. She has the total hots for me for some reason and has made a point to hint that a] she's interested and b] very single. She's as sexy as fuck, this 5.7 brunet from California with a unique voice who slinks around the hostel like a cat. The issue, as there always is one, is however that she smokes, is technophobic [uses a Mac, ewww], and has no self-confidence.

First she said she couldn't concentrate when serving me, then went mute in a nervous way, and then spent some time staring at me and hanging around me whilst I used my PC in the common room, and then had a loud conversation with a friend about how she was single and lonely.

Why can't girls just come and actually introduce themselves and talk to me like I'm a real human being for crying out loud?

Anyway, I don't think it ever occurred to her that the issue is that she smokes. I mean, her personally is totally wrong for me too really, but I don't need to look further than the smoking.

Out of the other three, two were smokers, one dressed sexy and hung around and may have been a coincidence, and the other stared at me after she caught me staring at the other one's ass [black body stocking man, it was hard not to] but I knew she smoked so, NOPE.

The forth didn't even try to be subtle, she just saw me brushing my teeth on the top floor bathrooms of the hostel, stripped naked and went to the toilets, then asked me the time whilst giving me the full frontal view. Not subtle, highly arousing, major ego boost, but like most gentlemen this approach doesn't work with me. I'm not losing my virginity to a women I don't know the name of in a hostel toilet.

At this point I'm wondering precisely how sexy women must rate me to keep trying this stuff on. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder where you rate on the scale of physical appeal when so many women keep throwing themselves at you hoping to stick?

Shame none of them are my breed really. I'm a geek, a nerd, and an introvert, and an intellectual, whilst the exercise is just a coincidence. Give me one of my kind who doesn't smoke and I'd be all over that like butter on bread. Even even if she wasn't exceptionally minded, even if she wasn't as mad for exercise, hell, even if she was a music nerd instead of into games, I wouldn't mind someone like that, but these girls...meh. I refuse to date a bloody smoker, and beyond sex these girls couldn't offer me anything on a mental level much less understand me.

Fucking sucks.

I think I've probably mentioned this is previous posts, that I was using Reddit, an online forum, for fun. That's over and finished now, because of the same old issues I've got with forums; users and moderators.

Some time ago I picked up an online stalker who was following my account around the subreddits, posting vicious and hate filled comments after my posts, who then moved onto quoting my posts out of context on subreddits like 'I Am Very Smart' and declaring that the joke or sarcasm I posted was serious in order to taunt me.

Eventually I got his accounts deleted by the administration of the website after I made new accounts to try to lose him, he found those, and then made more than a dozen alternatives to continue stalking me, a few of which were banned from subreddits [you get all your accounts removed if you try to make new accounts to dodge subreddit bans].

What caused me to delete my own accounts and leave the site is that I was getting bored with all the 'I'm so in love' and 'How is your day' posts on Casual Conversation [one of the few subreddits I found enjoyable to read daily], then someone posts 'I'm 22 and think I'll be forever alone'. Being epically tired from the gym, it 2am, and the guy being a moron I called him an idiot.

So a mod then issues me with a warning, and instead of saying 'Whoops, so sorry old boy, won't happen again', I asked him to define what one of the two subreddit rules 'Respect Others' means. After 3-4 back and forth pms between myself and the mods, their replies being something like 'Shut up or go away' they banned me for refusing to following subreddit rules, which I wasn't, it's just 'Respect others' is very badly defined and I was asking why I can't call idiots stupid.

Anyway, I reported this to the website's admin and said so, and then a few of the mods [they had recruited some new ones] got together, searched my post history and IP, found some comments like 'Your dog sucks' and the alt accounts I had, and then said that I was violating rules and that I would get an IP ban from the site for evading subreddit bans [this was after they banned me from Casual Conversation].

The comments were actually replies to someone bitching about their own pet and my agreement with their sentiment [they didn't bother to read the entire conversation and were witch hunting] and my alt accounts were made weeks/months ago to dodge my cyberstalker [they didn't/couldn't check the account creation dates]. It was at this point I thought What the fuck am I doing here? and closed the browser and went to bed. When I woke up this morning I realized that I'm arguing with witchhunting authority complex syndrome online forum moderators because I called someone who was bitching about being forever alone at 22 years old a fucking moron...I might be insane but I'm not that stupid, then I deleted the accounts without reading any replies.

If you have any kind of intelligence just don't use online communication forums. Either you end up arguing with pond scum or you end up on the receiving end of people who find it easier to suspend and ban accounts than discuss subjects like human beings.

Now, I'm becoming a police officer, a moderator for the real world, and if I see shit like the above I swear to whatever god or gods there might be that I will arrest my own colleges before letting that shit go down. FUCK.

So whats next seeing as I've got all this free time and just blew up my best timesink?

I was thinking of doing some computer games design. I've got a thesis document on the subject in production which I can add to, and I've dug out my old camera demo and can rework that on a data processing level [no graphics because this toy laptop can't process that much] for proof of theory.

It's a way to pass the time until I get the medical forms. Plus I seriously considering finding some temp work to do over Christmas. You never know, someone might give me something and I can use the money to get a laptop able to run League of Legends and spend Christmas and New Years playing the upgraded Summoners Rift. It's a dream, lol. I'd give pretty much anything to be playing that right now...

Asides from that, sit on top of my personal heater and write or watch TV, go to the gym when able, and keep checking for the forms until they arrive, and then see if my application is still valid.

I might look into what other policing qualifications and I can get whilst I'm sitting around, like first aid or maybe a Certificate in Policing [the one I have is Basic Policing see] which should give me more cred when I get into uniform. We'll see what's what.

As I say, feeling kinda sick and kinda hungry so first thing is some House M.D. and cheese n tuna salad I think...I've no clue, really zero idea how, but I really would like to get laid before the end of the year. Just got to find a non-smoking attractive geeky nerd in the vicinity who doesn't mind a guy with no money and anger issues, lol, easy.

Final thought: Papa Roach fucking kicks ass.

It Just Keeps Getting Worse...

...fuck me.

My last post was more than a week ago. This is because, as I said in my last post, that this week I would be revising for my resit exam for my certificate in basic policing course and under taking a employability skills course at the behest of the Job Center. This was after I moved hostels on the Monday.

On Monday I did manage to move hostels just fine by using the buses to ferry my things from one hostel near Hyde Park over to another in a London borough called Islington.

This was a smart move on my part because unlike where I was staying this new hostel has better showers, is quieter, has a fridge and residents who don't steal food*, and best of all, in house wifi which permits access to torrents and a large common room with tables where I can sit and type and isn't ever cold.

*At least this week I've kept food in the fridge and, apart from a misunderstanding about labeling which resulted in my bag being placed in the staff fridge until I asked where it went, no one has stolen so much as the butter I've been eating all week.

I mean, seriously, the people here don't make noise, are really polite and it's a very nice place to stay, which is damn odd considering that I was staying in a hostel just off Hyde Park in central London with the next best thing to a collection of animate slime molds. Move two miles out of the city center to a hostel in an obviously poor borough and pay less rent, and suddenly everyone from the staff to the guests and the accommodation goes from harsh thieving thuggish scum to friendly warm easy and nice human beings. Go figure.

That however is where this week stopped being positive.

Tuesday I attended the first session of the employability skills course my job adviser at the job center put me on in spite of my certificate in basic policing course and my application to the Metropolitan Police Service, which I considered at the time to be a stupid act because I needed to revise the materials for the start of my police constable training and anything beyond that would be simply be a pointless waste of time.

He, my adviser, and the company who runs the course however told me that they would review my skills and abilities and then put me in direct contact with appropriate employers who would then hire me in the next couple of weeks. It's the sort of thing I always imagined the job center would do - take unemployed people, fine an employer and match them up - before having contact with the job center who see people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than as human beings.

Each of the sessions for this course were to take place 3 hours travel from where I would be staying - the new hostel I'm currently sitting in - but I only had 1 exam left and thought I could attend the course, revise in the evenings and take the resit at the end of the week. Once I pass this final resit I would then get my certificate, hand that MPS and get my full time paid training start date, job done, or started as it might be.

Thing was that the course lasted 6 hours per day, from 10am till 4pm. I had to get up at 6am to dress and travel, 4 hours total, to where the course would take place. Then it would take 3 hours to get back and another 1 for dinner. So in total that's 14 hours, less 8 hours sleep means I had 0 hours for revising, so I got about 4 hours sleep a night trying to get revision in.

Additionally the bus costs about 3-4 pounds back and forth in travel credit, even with an Oyster Card.

By the end of the week I had burned through all the money I had buying lunch whilst out and travel credit. I had also gotten so tired I started making bad choices and not watching the time and failing to revise.

Tuesday was the induction to the course.

For some reason I thought this would take place in something like a college class room setting with computers and desks and things in an office style environment.

The class took place in a community center of a bough located deep in a residential area, and looked like a wartorn pile of brick that would look at home in the live-action movie of the Fallout nuclear apocalypse roleplaying and combat game series.

Wednesday morning the course started in earnest.

I woke up to find my debit card missing. I had been using it to pay for my travel costs on the bus [contactless payment method] so I had to walk to Elephant and Castle and then take the train for free to a nearby station. For some reason they never installed security gates in Elephant and Castle shopping center or at my intended destination so it wasn't an issue to use them seeing as I would've paid if I could but couldn't. Point is that I still had to walk for several hours to get there on time and back again.

When I got to the class was where I started to become enraged with my situation because we spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips in groups.

...

Just let me type this a few more times to really let it sink in.

We spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips.

I attended a job skills recruitment program to hang around with people who can barely read written English under the orders of the job center who are responsible for keeping me alive and getting me as quickly as possible back into full time paid employment instead of being permitted to revise for my final exam which once passed would get me full time paid employment with a public service, and I spent literal hours making a bridge out of paper and paper clips.

I SPENT HOURS OF LIFE MAKING A BRIDGE OUT OF PAPER AND FUCKING PAPER CLIPS BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING ME INTO PAID EMPLOYMENT TOLD ME THAT MY CERTIFICATE IN BASE POLICING COURSE AND MY APPLICATION TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE SERVICE OF LONDON, ENGLAND, WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING.

...

Thursday. On Thursday I was so tired and so angry about Wednesday that mostly I sat in the class and thought about killing my job adviser, especially after the tutor of the course said 'I'm here to help you get into work'.

I'm a patient guy, honest, harmless really, unless someone actively tries to hurt or kill me anyway whereupon I disable the attacker with stupid ease and maximum ferocity. I want to be a policeman because I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can be swift and deadly and dangerous, but I'm only a threat to those who harm others.

However in the course of my application the following happened which made it harder for me to get the work done. Things that others didn't have to deal with:

• I got a chest infection, my first illness in 10 years and my last since, a week before I took a fitness test with the MPS, which I still passed despite not sleeping for 24 hours due to revising for a Certificate in Basic Policing Exam, and not eating for 16 hours due to lack of coin. Plus the fucking fitness examiner bulled me during the mother fucking test! If I ever see that bitch again I'm going to make her fucking pay.
• When I went to do the coursework for my certification course, my PC broke, and the college was closed for the summer and refused me entry to use their computers, I was forced to use my 8 year old iPhone to get 75% of the coursework done.
• And then at the end of the course, 5 minuets from victory, my first full time job in about a decade of being ignored by employers, the job center, the people who are supposed to exist to get me full time paid employment, or at least stay out of the way and let me look or get educated so I can get employed, called my attempts pointless and essentially disabled my ability to finish them off after I had done 99% of the course.

At I sat in that class, tired, hungry, and ever so angry, I wanted to hurt this fucking animal that was ruining my life. I wanted him to bleed. To feel pain. To know what he was doing and to suffer thereby...

It was all fantasy. I haven't and won't lay a finger on him. There is a vast difference between wishing someone dead and killing them. I wish him to suffer for what he did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cause it.

I left there at the end of the session, even more angry after I requested Friday off to spend the day catching up on my rest and revising for the exam and being denied. I told my college tutor about this circumstances and he told me to do half this week and half next week, which sounded like a good idea. But they refused to give me Friday off, citing that the job center had to sign off on it. I admit I didn't ask my job adviser for the day off. He didn't know the course content of the employability skills course, he's never seen evidence of my knowledge and abilities, he never asked for confirmation I was enrolled at college or the letters I've received for the police regarding my application. He put me on the employability skills course and prevented me from completing my college course in total ignorance. I was angry. I wasn't going to go ask him for the day off. He would say no. Then he would die after I tore out his throat with my teeth.

So I went home. Whereupon I took the train. Went through the security gates without worrying about paying because I was too tired and angry to really notice the world around me at that point. And of course the train company and police was checking for tickets at the gate. With no debit card I had to provide them with my name and address and national insurance number and will receive a letter shortly ordering me to pay a £20.00 fine. Because of my job adviser. All because I did what I had to because of one man's ignorance and stupidity.

Friday, I gave up.

I got up and got half way to the employability skills course location, stopped for a drink of water, and...broke.

You don't disobey or argue with the job center. Because if you do they issue sanctions. Sanctions mean your housing benefit stops [you get evicted onto the street] and your job seekers allowance is cut in half [so you can eat, just, but you're sleeping outside].

There aren't really words for my physical condition by mid Friday morning at 9am.

I had run out of travel credit and couldn't afford to buy more [the buses are no-cash based, and the amount of credit you can buy at minimum costs more than I had, so eat I could, travel I could not]. I had to walk for 3 hours to get home. I had been getting 4 hours sleep a night for several days. I hadn't been eating properly. I hadn't showered as I needed sleep more than cleaning. I was a walking wreck of a human being, mentally, physically, emotionally.

I dragged myself home, slowly because my limbs simply didn't have the energy in them that they needed to function. Got in, ate, slept for 4 hours, ate some more, and then started arranging a solution to this mess.

The solution I've found is that I needed to update my address with the job center, which I never did because it's tied to my housing benefits and my address hasn't stayed stable and the cost of rent has been anywhere from 80-120 pounds a week over the last few months. However, by doing so this will remove me from the employability skills course and it will take them a couple of weeks to get me onto a new course, giving me just enough time to take my resit and get that to the MPS.

The downside is that this may result in not being paid my housing benefits for a couple of weeks and not being able to pay my rent. So it's not a perfect solution by any means, but it's better than getting sanctions for not attending the employability skills course.

This is in process and on Monday I'll be going to the job center to finalize the transfer of my claim over to the local offices. Hopefully my housing benefit for that week will still come through so I can send my medical forms to the MPS.

It's now Saturday and I feel a hell've a lot better.

Got 10 hours sleep last night, got up and showered and shaved, then went and spend the last handful of coin I had left for this week on ham, bread, coleslaw and milk so with the apples I have a bit of everything to aid recovery until after this weekend.

Seriously though, I'm a hard guy, a bad ass, with scars in places you don't want to get scars, and I work out, and I know pain, but this morning and occasionally this afternoon I was feeling so much better by comparison to yesterday that I was laughing like a mad man. I mean, cackling laughter which cracked around the edges with the sound of a brain's sanity sloughing away.

All I know right now is that I've eaten well today, I've slept well last night and will get some more shortly, the TV is good, I'm not cold, and it doesn't hurt anymore. And I've got a chance to finish my course and get into training.

And I hate humans.

The next time someone issues me an order I don't want to do, regardless of the consequences, I won't do it. If the local job center to here orders me onto a new course, I'm not going to attend. If they sanction me, I'm going to report the adviser who does it. If that doesn't fix it, I'm going to sue. If I can't, I'm going to post the above in more detail [it's worse than I summarized] on Change.org and start a petition for change.

Fuck you human. Fuck you and your entire fucked up fucking species who keep trying to cripple and damage me. No. More. I've hit my limit. Next round, I'd rather be DEAD than take any more of this.

I mentioned a while back about gears and how I stripped one and went ape shit at my college course tutor. Well, I haven't stripped one gear. Most of the gears have broken and shattered over the last week. Now it's time for the world to change.

Going to install MS Office on my laptop, organize the 3 books I'm writing, and then go get some snooze. Tomorrow I want to organize my exam revision. 08/11/14 is when the resit is. 2 weeks later is when I'll get the results. Anyone tries to stop me from being prepared to pass the exam, I'm going to ignore them and inform them that they can burn in hell.

My final word for today is that Papa Roach is pretty damn good. The slightly older stuff is better than the newer stuff. Not that the newer stuff is crap, but it's not quite as good in my view. Getting Away With Murder, 2004, was excellent. The Paramour Sessions though, not so much.

DONE.

There's not a whole hell've a lot going on in here...

Friday.

Woke up around 10am this morning feeling like Kentucky Fried Shit Burgers. Half an hour later I realized why I allow the idiots to go on breathing, for if it were not for a few that aren't terminally stupid then I wouldn't have the blackcurrant and apple squish, the caffeine, the clothes that smell like autumnal mulch, the dark smelling deodorant, and the Listerine mouthwash which turns me from grunting angry beast to almost human again.

Granted I would still have possession of the third fucking tube of expensive toothpaste I've bought in two weeks which has, once again, gone missing from my toiletries bag, this time stolen I think because by the second tube I was paying a great deal of attention every time I interacted with the bag. Besides, I haven't lost any toothpaste ever, so to lose not one or two, but three of the fucking things in two weeks means it's not accidental, it's people are stealing my shit...AGAIN.

Got breakfast and came to McDonalds so I could play some Hearthstone before writing revision mats but been too disgruntled to even write this blog post for the first four hours.

Haven't heard from my lady friend all day but she's currently quite ill and I'm currently quite angry so...

Kinda counter productive really, not doing any work because you're too pissed off because eventually you realize you've run out of time in which to work and done nothing that day and you're then angry at yourself and your circumstances.

Two things of note happened today, the above was one and the other is a women who found my profile on LinkedIn contacted me via email. She's a recruiter for some games industry recruitment company and wanted to know if I was interested in the positions she had on file. I said there wasn't much point of that because I lack experience, qualifications and evidence of my actual abilities. She asked for my CV anyway, and I sent it to her today with a short technical spiel on what I can do. It took all of one or two minuets and serves to prove my point that no one gives a flying fuck about ability, only experience and qualifications.

If she wants to waste her time with it, she can be my guest.

Remembering why I hate playing Hearthstone now as well. The game is so fucking rigged so those who spend a lot of money on the rare cards and set up win. The basic play might be free, but you'll get your ass kicked repetitively and often by those with fat wallets, even if they've got thin brains.

Finished all the coursework for my certificate in basic policing course last night.

63 damn quizzes, all with 80-100% score, which is at minimum 10% more than the pass mark. Just a couple of exams left to do now in a week tomorrow which I need to write revision materials for. It's not very hard to do. 16 questions total, look up answers, memorize them and write them down in a two hour long exam. And I've finished the course. And can hand the certificate off the Met Police and they tell me where to show up for training.

Easy.

...If I can find the motivation to actually do the work that is...

And that's fairly much everything. Hating humans and wanting to be alone [seriously, if a hot desirable women touched me right now I'll be more angry than aroused]. Motivation currently in the toilet despite making progress. Going running tonight which might make some difference to my mood. One way or the other, tomorrow I need to hit the library and have these revision materials written because Monday-Friday next week I'll be dealing with moving hostels and this recruitment company bullshit.

Fucking world.

Tempus Fugit...

Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.

Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.

The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.

So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.

I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.

So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.

So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.

And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.

Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.

The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.

The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.

I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.

I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.

What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...

I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.

5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...

Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.

I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.

The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.

...

Lady friend is OK. Sorta.

A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.

She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.

Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.

Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].

I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.

So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.

I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.

...

I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.

Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.

The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.

Details to follow.

Good after to you all.

New Levels of Paranoia and How To Get Goods for Online Stores...

Friday.

Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?

Not much happened since last I posted.

Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.

Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.

Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.

Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.

Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.

Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.

Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.

A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.

A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.

A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.

I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.

Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.

They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.

The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.

However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.

It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.

So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.

I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.

It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.

Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.

And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.

Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.

When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.

The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].

YUP.

OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.

Bai bai.

Going Apeshit, not Just for the Apes...

In the blur of stress, hunger and tiredness at the end of last week I totally lost it when replying to my course tutor for the Certificate in Basic Policing Course. I mean, I just let him have it, swearing included. Fuuuck, lol.

He mailed me this morning about not liking my tone and attitude so, now that I've got my shit together, I sent him one back, still angry as ever loving fuck but this time precise and explanatory. Long story short he eventually accepted that I have no control over what the job center orders me to do and gave me time to get my college work done.

I mean, like I've been posting, someone turns around and tells you in detail about the crap he's being put through, it's hard to argue with him.

Point is that I think I've got the college off my back and can get my coursework done now. Don't have to see the job center until Wednesday so we'll see how that goes. And haven't been called by the recruitment company yet. Had sleep. Had food. Even had entertainment as I've downloaded some of the new Doctor Who and watched that whilst eating. I'm fine, for the moment. So long as nothing else goes wrong.

This also means I've not got a lot to write about, except maybe Doctor Who...so why not...

First though, check out a musician called Kraddy on YouTube. He did a RMX for a band I like called The Used, on a track called Put Me Out. Fucking epic tune.

I checked out some of his other work, and though some of it is a wee bit too far into the Drum and Base genre than I'd like, some of it is rather well suited between melodic rage RAWR music and heart beat thumping exercise music.The best music is that which makes me want to tear apart a thick sheet of steel, and practically gives me the power to do it. That's what you need around mile 10 during a 20 mile sprint.

Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park did epically with his RMX of one of their own songs called Victimized. Same thing; thumping based, speed, power, but with grace that makes you wanna summon fire and lay waste to quick deadly shadows like a flame throwing ninja mage. YEH.

Right Doctor Who. New Doctor. Old Doctor. I said before, either here or on Twitter, I can't remember which, that I really enjoyed S08E01, and I did. It's well written, well filmed, well presented and the older doctor makes sense given the over arching theme that he's effectively dying for the last time and this serves as his epitaph. When he said 'Oooh, I'm Scottish' that was all kinds of awesome and I laughed heartily.

S08E02 on the other hand was slightly less awesome, but it made it's point. A reflection of the doctors own mind, though the point is a tad bit tired now. We know he's a destroyer of worlds, we've been over this, and shining light on it again, even if it fits in with the tone and theme of the season, is a bit repetitive.

The women, can't remember her name, who seems to run Heaven, whatever that actually is, is very interesting, and as usual, I'm tearing out chest hair [I'm bald :P ] trying to work out who the hell she is and what's happening to those people.

The other question, which will probably be the S08 cliffhanger, naturally, is of course how they're going to continue the Doctor Who franchise after this season. Either they'll give him a new set of regenerations [though it's a bit obvious], pull the Doctor from an old time frame into the new and sort of reboot the series, or actually kill 'The Doctor' [or let him die anyway] and then introduce an entirely new [and possibly female] Timelord [he had a daughter at some point who is out in the universe somewhere so].

Those are my guesses at where they could go, but they'll probably think of something.

Point is that I take back what I said about the older actor and approve of this new Doctor, but I'm only two episodes in and if they fail to deliver as the episodes go on then I may change my mind. GG so far.

It's fucking epic to finally have access to uTorrents though. I restored The Dresden Files onto my MP3 player and can now listen to any of those on the move again. Still need to download better copies of a couple of The Iron Druid Chronicles, all of Harry Potter and The Discworld, but that's not impossible, just time consuming. Easiest to simply download the next few books of the series I'm listening to [currently on book 10 of Dresden, and have 11 and 12 on the device waiting] and then grab new ones when I near the end of the last book. Eventually I'll have my library fully restored again that way without spending hours and hours doing nothing but downloading audiobooks. :)

[SIDE NOTE: I swear Cowl is Justin Du Mourne and Kumori is Elaine Mallory. It makes so much damn sense with the attack on Arc Angel, Elaine being near the mad fae Queen, Nemesis having a hand in both the death of Harry's mother (by way of Lord Wraith) and the imprisoning of Harry's God Mother for the events of Grave Peril, and how Elaine showed up during Wight Night to report on events to Cowl as his agent caused the destruction of two thirds of the White Court, etc. etc.]

About time I went and did some college work if I want to go running tonight, when I hope it's not bloody raining. Got plenty of salad and things to eat, rent's paid, laundry is done, and so long as I keep up with my job center meetings and do my college work I should be OK in a few weeks.

If I do the work.

If I do the work because I keep procrastinating.

Goin...

And Here We Are...

Well, that's one way to do things I guess.

Got in on Friday, went straight to bed without eating anything and slept hard for 12:30 hours. Woke up, ate a fuck ton of bacon and tomato pasta, showered, half shaved, ate another fuck ton of tomato and bacon pasta, flirted some with crush who's just started to report her physically and mentally abusive ex to the police [...I'm a hot smart guy and the sanest nicest girl I've had an ongoing conversation and flirtation with in almost 30 years of existence is attractive, online, and has some sort of kidney syndrome and has been tortured by her exs... *pauses and reflects on life for a bit*...that sounds like my life alright...], crashed back into bed for another 12 hours and found my iPhone had been unplugged about five minuets after I passed out because someone else just OH SO NEEDED to use my fucking charger and didn't have the fucking manners to plug mine back in after they collected their device some 11 hours ago, so charged it and went to finish off my hygienic routine.

Now showered, shaved, brushed, dressed, looking forward to tomorrow when I'll have another handful of coin to buy food with, and sitting in McDonalds, slightly paranoid about the staff either a] freaking that I'm downloading audiobook torrents [I bought my library 2 PC's ago, and I refuse to pay for that shit again, even if I had the fucking money] or b] kicking me out for not ordering food because firstly I lack funds and secondly the library is shut today so I can't go there and use the wifi.

And yes, you can download torrents on public networks which block torrent websites and proxy websites. All you need is a phone with an internet browser that can access the torrent websites [they don't block them on phones as you can't download a torrent client like uTorrent so there's no point], then you copy the magnet link off the page and email it to yourself, access your email on your laptop, copy the magnet link, go into uTorrent, click on menu, insert torrent from magnet link, paste, enter, and then wait as you get 1mb per second speed per torrent on their network, hahaha. :P

Like I said, I've no issue with torrents. Mostly because I use them, as now, to rebuild my library of media that I paid for and downloaded years ago. But also because the fact is that people who subscribe to TV services [Sky, Netflix, whatever] and are stupid enough or morale enough to pay for copies of the media have already paid for the TV I download, AND the people who produce copies of the media itself overcharge for it in a rather greedy manner [go check out the prices of Star Trek episodes, long since paid off for production costs, and you'll see that they're priced like brand new modern TV shows].

I hate most computer games [despite being something of an expert in their design, or should I say BECAUSE I'm an expert in their design] so I don't rip those off, and the last music I bought was Linkin Park's newest, which I paid for, simply because I'm not a big music fan. And movies I see in a cinema for about £5.00 each, not including snax, and never watch them more than once.

That only leaves software, which, let's face it, is only actually cost effective if you're a business. MS Office should be included in Windows like Firefox and Windows Media Player [efficient effective software that gets the job done], Photoshop ain't fucking worth £1000.00, ditto for MS Visual Studio, and beyond those I don't usually use much else to write games thesis info [back when I had time to busy myself with such things] and keep my online ID portfolio reasonable [the ID which isn't connected to this blog].

In my book it isn't media piracy if you can't afford to pay for the product or those selling it over charge for it or, as is the case with TV, if you had a TV and a widely available HDD-TV-Rec device you could pay 30 a month and record several entire series onto the box for about £5.00 each or less.

Call it a crass rationalization if ya like, but I'm happy with it and no one complains to me about it, probably because a] I'm not a torrent website, and b] I'm not even a drop in the sea of people who do it.

Given my shitty existence, this is the least the world owes me in my opinion.

Anyway, back to reality; I feels a lot better than I did, I'm going to go do some college work next, more tomorrow and possibly some on Tuesday depending on when this recruitment company call me to meet an employer. Unlike the end of Friday I'm much better set up physically and mentally to deal with that shit now so that's OK. Just got to try to get my college work done ASAP and hope the Police still have some room to take me by the time I get the work done.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking livid, I still find this bullshit unfair, and if anyone asks me anything I let them know all about it because usually the person asking has fucking contributed to this shitstorm [looking at you Lambeth fucking College], but like I said over the last couple of days, no one gives a flying fuck, they just tell me to do things and I try to do em.

All I can do is try to make progress and hope my efforts go some ways to moving me out from under this flying crap.

Think I'm about done here, or at least I've run out of stuff to type. Going to go play a little Hearthstone, murder two black women who're laughing LOUDLY two seats over, and do college work till around 10 tonight, get up and pay rent, do laundry, and then go the library and do more college work until I get a phone call.

On and on and on...

Well, that was a most unpleasent little interlude...

Hai. I'm back online. Got a crappy little toy laptop with a duel core 1.2Ghz processor and 2 gigs of RAM this morning for about £50.00.

It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.

It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].

Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?

Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.

Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.

Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.

Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.

The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].

Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.

And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].

Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...

...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...

To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.

If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.

But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.

In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].

So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.

Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-

Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs

And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.

YUP.

Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.

Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...

For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.

On Kakky...

...*long sigh*...

Currently Im up to my nostrils in deep, thick, brown kak.

Can't remember what I posted last about 3 days ago, and Im not going to go check cus its annoying to do so on an iPhone, but this is where I am now:

I've arranged accommodation in a hostel. And except for a slight issue with this weekend I've been able to book it so I can stay here for the whole week concurrently so long as I book a week in advance. I would've booked this with the management, but the assholes who run this reasonably priced place said that they're always fully booked and only do bookings online. Hail the age of automation, where no one can think for themselves and no one cares so long as the money keeps coming in. Trading your humanity for efficiency and the precious, precious coin.

The price of acom changes from week to week, next week being 97 and the following week being 101 for example, and its more than I was paying, and my diet is suffering accordingly, but Ive got enough money to not be hungry.

That's a bed to sleep in and food to eat, the basics anyone needs from day to day.

Now for the shit storm...

My PC broke after I updated my media on my mobile devices on Monday, so I've got only the first 3 Iron Druid Chronicles audiobooks and first 3 Dresden Files until...well some point in the future when I can get a new PC.

I've seen cheap laptops running Windows XP on Gumtree and that would do to let me download my audiobooks and that from places like Audible, I just need to find 50-75 quid from somewhere to make everything a lot more bearable. 

Asides from this, I obviously can't do any college work in the hostel, only at the college itself. I should be there right now but I exhausted myself running across central London yesterday to check in with the job centre and don't feel like moving, much less running for an hour south to the college campus.

(My music player ran out of battery shortly before I went out the door, so Im writing this and charging it.)

And due to one of those stupid protocol before sense situations, again, again, I could find that the money I'm using to sleep indoors and eat with could vanish, and the first I would hear about it would be the same day I need to spend it. It just depends on how much attention people are paying to me.

This is fucking hilarious because the only time people ever pay me any attention is to fuck my shit up. When I really need help they ignore me, but when I need them to ignore me to help me they might as well be The Demon with 10,000 eyes.

If I'm ignored for 8-10 weeks, and I do my college work, then at best I'll be hired by the police, job done. And the training pay, which is greater than full time, will allow me to get proper accommodation and a life.

If not then I may, at worst, end up homeless and unable to finish my certification and therefore unemployed and on the street.

The phrase 'Dangerous Game' comes to mind. The one bright spot is that there's only a slim chance that the shit will hit the fan, but given that this is my life I'm expecting it to go to shit in about 3 and a half days.

I'm doing nothing illegal you understand, its just the nature of the government aid that at one and the same time is propping up my pathetic excuse for an existence and may snuff it out in passing if I'm not careful.

My aim currently is to get my college work done and maintain my acom, and that's it.

8-10 weeks of learning policing, being bored out of my skull, and worrying about my position collapsing and then Ill be employed with the money to take care of everything.

Just have to make it that far. The finish line. The boss battle. The last mile. It's a bitch. But at least it'll be the end, one way or the other.

Because if this shit falls apart I'm walking into fucking traffic the day after.

On Ouchie...

...Good grief...

Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.

I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.

After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.

Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.

...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...

---

One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...

Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.

I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.

Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.

I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.

That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.

I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.

My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.

I really don't like other people.

---

Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.

Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.

What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.

HEH, good joke.

Whatever.

On Resolution...

Evening.

Good news bad news day today [heh, I can write].

Woke up and ate scrambled eggs on toast with the odd mod that the egg was simply whisked before being microwaved and more like an egg stake than scrambled.

Played three matches of TOME: Immortal Arena to wake up and scored well with the new champions on free rotation [I've only been able to buy 2 so far]. Their Wizard, their Angel and their Pyromage. I love the champion functionality in the game, even if they are individually mostly just variations on a theme. The themes are good, so their variations are fun. Taking bloody ages to level up though and I want access to their version of runes and masteries.

---

Then got an email from the medical department of the MPS.

On the one hand it sounds like I've passed the Day 2 and will be getting into training, which is good. I'm choosing to take it that the fucking fitness instructor didn't detonate my fucking application.

On the other hand they told me I need to hand in a form from my GP before they can offer me a place, which I've got signed and passed but can't get from them because the thing costs £20, which isn't much but I've just been evicted and need new accommodation which I'll be lucky to get with the money I've got.

I pass the Day 2 despite a chest infection, I pass my exam despite flu, I get through the weekend from hell only to be evicted the following weekend, whereupon I need £20 for a doctors form and need to find somewhere new to live despite having two more exams on the weekend.

THIS IS WHAT I MEAN WHEN I SAY THE WORLD HATES ME PEOPLE. :O

Last summer this wouldn't have been an issue for me. I could've paid everything and I was healthy and had no money troubles. This summer it's just one thing after another, making any given task I need to complete a fucking bitch.

And the worst part is that I still have to do it.

I have to move and hope I can find somewhere new to live. I have to do my college work and pass my exams. I have to find £20 for a fucking signature on a form and hope it's not too late to get into their recruitment round.

And it'll all be for nothing [pain without gain] because in two weeks time it'll be some other nightmare, depend upon it.

The one bright spot here is that, as I said before, I'm learning how to deal with some really stupid shit and bad timing, especially in terms of people management.

At the moment I'm working on finding new acom and passing this weekend's exams. After I've gotten a roof over my head again then I'll deal with the MPS recruitment process.

---

One bright spot is that I woke up this morning and didn't try to cough up my lungs, so the meds that I've been taking every five hours seem to be working. I can even wheeze now without then spending a couple of minuets coughing, which I've not been able to do in three months, so that's nice.

As I said; give me shit to deal with and I'll grab my shovel, but I need my health to do it.

It's amazing though that you spend three months with this persistent health issue and a few pills later and it's almost entirely gone. A drip, a drop of really odd tasting chemicals later [the roid I'm taking is the oddest thing I've ever had in my mouth, Salbutamol Sulphate] and your biology sorts itself out. Amazing.

---

Found a new place to live. It's off on the other side of London in Heathrow, near the airport, but it's close to the MPS offices where I'm doing my testing and the same distance from the college campus where I'm doing my certification course, so that's alright.

Only costs £70.00 per week with two weeks deposit too. A bit of an issue with that I'm not currently employed, but I've got a viewing tomorrow and I think he'll understand about me being on benefits for two more months before working for the police service.

It's this place or moving into a hostel on Sunday anyway as I've got to be out on Monday.

£70 a week should be fine, it'll give me extra money to sort myself out for now, and I rarely go out so with the Barclay's cycle hire service I should be able to make the distance a few times a week to my regular check in with the benefits office and to get to college so I'm sure it'll be OK.

I could use the exercise besides given that I had to stop running for the last several months due to this chest infection. Need to get my fitness back up before training.

---

• http://www.peckhamplex.com/films/dawn-of-the-planet-of-the-apes-film117977.html

This hot mess is out on the 17th of July. :D

The first Planet of the Apes movie was really well written and entertaining, so I'm expecting great things of this. I'm going to go see it at Peckhamplex in Packham London. £7 for fucking 3D viewing. Never go to those overpriced fucking Odeons.

• http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Michael_Bay#Criticism

I'm erudite. I'm intelligent. I'm learned. It's one of my key aspects. If you ask me to describe myself, somewhere in the list of characterizing locution is going to be the word 'Genius'.

And I like Michael Bay's fucking movies.

I watch them because sometimes I enjoy two or three hours of TICK, TICK, BEWM. I'm not expecting Shakespeare, I'm expecting bullets and fireballs and would be angry if I didn't get it.

Like the man said in response to critique: "I make movies for teenage boys. Oh, dear, what a crime." And I might be bordering on 30 but as is well known, the first step to wisdom is to perceive as a small child. And I passed that a long time ago, and a part of me, the part that is fed every time I sprint when running, loves the Transformer movies for giant robots kicking the oily crap out of each other.

Stop pooping on the guy for making bad movies people, he gives ya what you pay for. D:

---

That's about it I think. Going to go play a couple of TOME matches and then write up the revision materials for Saturday so I can study them today and tomorrow and probably on the way to my lecture on Saturday.

*rubs palm across head* Ah, maybe I will go shave, THEN deal with college mats, AFTER gaming. Stupid freaking hair.

Today: shave and college work [revision mats first].
Tomorrow: 4pm viewing of property which requires about 3 hours to get to.
Saturday: college lecture and exams.
Sunday: Remove possessions from flat, either into new room or hostel.
Monday: Depends on new room or hostel. If new room, buy foods and do college work. If hostel, find new room and college work.

That's the next few days. Fun, fun, fun...oy vey...

On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

---

Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

• Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
• Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
• The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

• Today I do college work, and then sleep.
• Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
• Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
• Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
• Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
• Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

On Operations...

Hai! :O

Just realized what time it is, 10pm, and that I've not made a blog post yet. Also got a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon which I can't forget about too [hint, hint to self], especially seeing as I'm wiping spit off my bloody monitor from explosive coughing right now.

Let's make this quick cus I'm vadeing college work at the moment to write this and I need to get the hell on with that...

---


SHEL - When The Sky Fell (Official Music Video)

---

Watched 24 S09E10 this morning, which is all kinds of epic. Really enjoying that at the moment and wish there was 12 more episodes [24 with only 12 episodes is just weird] but what they've done is quite cool.

It was weird seeing her from The Red Wedding playing the bad guy, but it's so very, very epic seeing Jack in 'That was me being polite, I'll do whatever the hell I want when I want and we both know you can't stop me doing it' mode. In all the other seasons he was working under authority, and now he's still doing good but authority of any kind can kiss his ass, it's awesome.

That's the kind of freedom I want out of the world; I know best and will do what I think is right and not only should you not stop me doing it but trying to stop me once I set my mind to it is impossible.

Some day.

In other TV news: been trying to remember for several days now where I've seen the actor who plays the protagonist in Perception before, and then remembered it was Will and Grace, a US sitcom where he played this gay guy as a lawyer I think.

Gay guy lawyer in sitcom to FBI consultant paranoid schizophrenic brain specialist. GG. And he's hot too [no homo...well, half homo cus I'm bi, but I'd hit that].

It annoys me though that this thing is on it's third season now and Lie to Me got cancelled after two. Granted it went off the rails at the start of season two, but I'd rather have a continuation of season one than this. But Perception isn't a bad watch, though it does seem like every other show is a...what do they call them? Police procedural isn't it? But I've not seen a show about a paranoid schizophrenic before, and the self-reflective episodes appeal to me because half the time I think I'm several ants short of a picnic.

There was a show in 2013 called Dracula. It was a supernatural period piece featuring a rework of the traditional Dracula story. And I thought it was fucking excellent. The story was good, the action was awesome, his struggle to hide his nature was epic, the whole wireless electricity idea was very steam punk, and the black Igor was inspire. And then it got shit canned by ABC after one season. I fucking hate it when that happens. And it didn't deserve it.

Revolution got cancelled after two seasons, which was understandable because it went right off the rails after the first season, but there was nothing wrong with Dracula. Someone should pick that shit up as a novel concept and go to town, they'd make millions for the rework of the classic.

---

I mean, it's a comparative analysis. You walk around not thinking like other people, you see what they don't, they tell you that you should feel this with this stimulus and you start to wonder what's broken inside your head when disassociated people tell you the same thing.

If sanity is measured by the consensus, and I don't think like everyone else, who is the madman here; me or the rest of the world? Personally I believe I'm functionally dysfunctional; I might not be like everyone else, but I'm not unhappy about that and I do get my work done [when I have any to do anyway], so what's the harm?

Well the harm is that sometimes I run into annoying lil troublemakers who decide that the big freak is too freakish to be allowed and his entire existence must be questioned and ostracised. There's a price you pay for originality, and that is rejection by your peers. Doesn't matter if it's in terms of social behaviour or professional conceptualization, if you don't measure up to someone else's standard of normal sometimes people give you a lot of grief over it in the belief that unless you're like the rest of the apples you must be poisonous rot, rather than a banana.

That's humans, and people wonder why I'm misanthropic and oh so cynical.

---

With my adoption of Google 'Chrome' as my browser of choice at the moment after years of using Firefox I decided to go check out the rest of Google's product range.

This was after I restored the drag scroll functionality I have in Firefox to Chrome anyway with the 'Scrollbar Anywhere' extension. This should be included by default in all browsers as it's the best way to precisely control scrolling when you're reading for example and want a slow slide down the page.

• http://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/about/products/

I've adopted 'Docs', 'Sites' and 'Drive' from this list.

Docs is basically MS Word online and saves the files to Drive, online cloud storage. Sites can be set up to be like an editable PDF document, so you write a chapter introduction, and then write each sequential part under it. Automatic headings you could say and a great way to categorize content of a book or something. I think it might be useful for writing my computer games development thesis rather than Codex Mundus maybe.

I can see why the meme about Google becoming our new overlords was made after looking at this list cus let's face it, if you go around making a lot of high quality free online software which works neigh perfectly you're going to go a long, long way.

If they made Google 'Games', a computer games studio with their own console I'm sure they could corner the fucking games market easily.

Strangely though you never really hear about their products. Everyone knows about the search engine, the translator, and maybe even the blogger, and Google+ pops up every now and again, but a lot of this stuff isn't well known I don't think. I've not seen it in the places where I hear about associated online services like them anyway.

---

After thinking about this for a while I did realize how virtual computing could work though.

I mean, if you had a device with great graphical processing capacity and display plus a powerful on-board router which could access over the internet something like Google 'Docs' and 'Drive', then you wouldn't need a PC with it's own hard disk drive and processor, you'd just access Google 'PC' for example and they'd do the operations and send the results to your screen.

Alright, so that comes with a whole bag of complications ranging from a spectrum of privacy issues, both in regards to your host searching your files for information combined with inception of files on route between the host server and your work station, and operational issues, including what programs you run, what files you access, and your personal activity history.

A centralized mass database of not just user details but user PC's would be the holy grail of hacks, and nothing online could ever be considered unhackable.

Then you need to consider acts-of-god. One accident and 10,000 PC's and people's virtual lives are destroyed at worst in made in accessible at best for an indefinite amount of time.

You could do it and it'd probably be awesome to be able to access from anywhere and run super high powered programs that would take a £10,000 PC to run yourself for a low monthly fee or something, like internet access. But you would lose quite a lot freedom and run quite a lot of risk in so doing.

Centralization makes things much more efficient, but decentralization makes them much safer.

As with most things, a lil of a both are probably a good idea; keep the PC but some things, like games for example, could be turned into virtual services where the processing is done somewhere else and you just get the gameplay. If you can make the wifi efficient enough anyway, but that's improving all the time.

It's an interesting concept anyway.

---

Opened Gumtree sometime this afternoon and put some credit onto my phone. Sent out about six texts to various ads asking for viewings. Got two replies and a bunch of places I need to visit to consult with them about available properties to rent in London. Going to look into it and make phone calls tomorrow and doing college work today.

And by doing college work I mean looking like this a lot of the time whilst reading and making a copy of the course materials into a 600 page [so far] word document.

It's so stupid. They have this online website called Moodle. All the college course materials for my certificate in basic policing course are on there, plus several dozen online quizzes which I need to complete in order to pass the course. The rest of the marking criteria consists of exams done from week 5 through to week 10. I aced, by my own surprise due to sleeplessness and flu, the week 5 exam. Got two on Saturday for the week 6 exam.

And basically what I've been doing is opening each annotated presentation, handout, and eWorkbook, as they call them, on Moodle and copying them into a giant word document, which means copy, paste into notepad to shred the website formatting, paste into word and adjust for double returns and bullet points, etc..

After that the online quizzes are simply a matter of reading the question list and using the search function to find the answer in the word document, writing it down and then selecting the right answer from the multiple choice quiz. Easy.

The issue is that copy, paste, adjust for formatting task takes fucking ages and is dull shit.

Granted to get through week 1-4 I basically watched all of 24 whilst copying and pasting, except for those bits where I needed to do the quizzes and revise for the exams, which was fun, but it stills boring as hell.

This course should be taught as activities. Or given to each person in a giant lump that they can search through and read as required to answer questions. This 'do a lot of reading' approach is laborious nonsense.

And the tutor just tells us information that's in the presentations during the 8 hour fucking tutorials as well. Badly presented nonsense I could do without. Exams, OK, but I'd rather spend 8 hours reading the course materials, which I hate doing, than sit there being told what's in the course materials verbally.

Le sigh. Gotta do it if I want to pass the course and get hired though, so only 10 more weeks to go and then I'll be free to review the material as needed for whatever the actual police training will require me to know. Doing it in practise will be a hell've a lot easier for my practical minded brain to absorb than reading it I can tell you that.

I just wish whomsoever wrote my course materials understood the concept of the paragraph because no case study should be a half A4 page of solid text, ye gods.

---

I am having a slight issue with the concept of dispute management.

It doesn't seem like you're allowed to express anger even when it's a justifiable emotion. Someone does you wrong and any normal human being should be angry and express it as a signal of behaviour on the part of someone else which isn't acceptable.

But as a policeman it seems the most you can do is state deadpan your point of view to maintain calm in the situation. Logically I can see why, and I'm rarely angry about anything, even in the face of blatant rudeness. I treat events as information and not as emotional generators by default, it's just who I am.

On the other hand, anger serves a purpose in conversation the same way words do; to imply meaning through emotion is as essential as stating information.

I have full right to be angry at the fitness instructor who totally lacked empathy for my situation during my Day 2. But I doubt I would get away with expressing that with my reasoned point of view, especially given that she reprimanded me on the basis that my attitude was off. Her behaviour was unacceptable, and that point should be made, but deadpan delivery doesn't express my point of view, it simply states the facts. She offended me deeply for what she did given the circumstances and anger is the appropriate response. I'm not seeking resolution to the circumstances, I just want to convey that she acted like a right stone cold bitch without actually saying it. I don't care about apologies either. I just need to make sure she hasn't disabled my application, and appeal if she has.

All in all, it's not my methodology I'm questioning here you understand, it's the perspective of those who will be evaluating and training me in law enforcement. I have methods and those methods will probably work, but will they match the marking criteria written by a lesser mind who believes protocol supersedes context?

Will I be failed based on someone's perception, regardless of the effectiveness of my actions? It's happened before, but given the amount of work I'm putting in here I don't want it to happen again.

---

In a lighter note: when I become a copper I'll be a constable, or police constable, or PC. I'll be PC Miles. I'll evolve into a computer, lol. They said I could become anything, so I because a personal computer.

And yes, I am such a freaking nerd. xD

---

And that's about it.

Got a customer survey from the guys behind TOME: Immortal Arena, and replied with my professional opinion about some aspects of the game. Already wrote about them here and been writing this for an hour and half now so I don't wanna rehash.

I did realize though that the male voice [which is unusual for games which normally go in for female voice actresses] they use during play to announce towers being attacked and things is actually Bruce Campbell, the fucking bas ass mother fucker who played Ash in the Evil Dead franchise.

It's quite possible I'll never forget the line 'Your top tower thingy fell down'. xD

---

OH: and I also looked into maybe doing some freelance writing and things.

A helpful human, @JoeThreepwood on Twitter, gave me some tips in that area, like don't work for free, cover games editors don't already know about, like indie titles, and write pitches to send to editors, not whole articles.

Might be an interesting writing sideline to working for the police seeing as I write a hell've a lot anyway [I mean, look at these blog posts], but I don't have time right now seeing as I need somewhere new to live on Monday and have not one but two exams on Saturday.

Right now though I'm starving hungry and want to get a couple more hours of college work done before snooze and going to the doctors tomorrow where they'll hopefully tell me what the blood hell this throat issue is and how to cure it. I need some fucking exercise for crying out loud.

Have a good one.