On Humanity...

Mornink.

 

Woke up early this morning and got on with packing my stuff up to check out of the hostel for the weekend.

Cost me eight fucking quid (4 bags, 1 pound per day, 8 pounds) to store my shit in the hostel storage for two days. I can afford that, thank fuck, but it was a total rip off all the same.

Got some food and caffeine, then came into the library where I am now to do college work until 5pm.

After Im going to Waterstones, a book store, to read for a few hours and then go find somewhere in the park to kip until morning. More reading tomorrow and then more sleep.

Monday morning check back into the hostel (assuming my benefit money is there), clean up and then head off to college to do more work.

Monday through Friday do the same stuff, and then take the lecture and exam on Saturday.

Take Sunday off and then back to work on Monday. Just get through the work ASAP.

So long as I don't spend more than 30 a week on food, book acom two weeks in advance, do some job searching to qualify for my benefits, and get my college work done it should be smooth sailing until the end of the course in two months.

Hopefully that's how it works out anyway because there are risks that everything might go tits up. Small risks, but problematic ones if they happen.

---

Spent last night chatting to the American student again. Shouldn't have for two reasons though.

Firstly it was a waste of time I should've spent doing college work.

And secondly its caused something of a feedback loop between my lower and higher brain. The former is howling to bed her and the latter is at odds with her world view.

I covered this on Twitter already and I hate writing the same thing twice, but essentially it comes down to my inhuman personality when I am biologically a human being.

She explained what she finds valuable in existence and I explained how I don't understand the value in these things.

She liked the Coliseum in Rome for example for it's history and age.

I find it to be a pile of rock that serves no functional purpose.

She and her friends went to a club that night which involves drinking, dancing and socialisation.

I on the other hand abhor drinking for it damages the mind, consider dancing to be frivolous (dexterity and agility through gymnastics is anything but frivolous, but gyrating to music is not survivalist in functionality), and believe that social interaction is best done in a documented form for efficient information exchange.

I understand that these things she enjoys have their uses, but there are far more efficient ways to go about achieving those goals.

There is much to be learned from history, but documentation is better than visiting a pile of mouldering rock for example.

...A chap on Twitter is trying to fathom my world view and seems to have missed an essential point of mine which runs along the lines of the difference between the rational and irrational.

I don't see the value in these social systems the American lady does because said social systems are based on irrational emotive human needs.

My world view is based on logical thought and not emotion, so I fail to see the value of social bonding rituals, such as is the function of clubs and bars.

To be frank, I know what I mean and I know what I like and how the world should work. It's trying to explain the difference in my world view to normal people that gives me trouble.

The issue is when I try to interact with humans because its like members of two different species trying to come to an accord.

They get angry or leave because I haven't acted how they need me to, whilst I stand there confused because they're joyous over something which I either see as an inefficiency or just information which is neither good nor bad.

---

I suppose the conclusion of this little episode, asides from lingering considerations of how to adequately explain my world view to an outsider and if I should perhaps reconsider some of it, is that I still want what I wanted last night.

I want my ascetically clean office with powerful computers, high doses of caffeine, and time to process information with the occasional bout of exercise.

Humanity be damned as I have always damned it, I can live without a mate even if my humanity keeps demanding it.

The lady goes home on Sunday, I return to the hostel Monday, and I dropped her my email on paper on her bed. She probably won't use and I hope she doesn't. I don't want or need this bother.

---

Getting on with my college work.

The library is closed tomorrow so I won't be posting, but I will on Monday either from my phone or using the college's PCs depending on how things land.

I'm dealing with things as they come, apart from where minor foresight is required to make them go more smoothly, like booking the hostel two weeks in advance.

At the moment I have college work to do. Tomorrow I have reading to do. And Monday I have Monday's problems, one way or the other.

Good afternoon.

On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

---

Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

• Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
• Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
• The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

• Today I do college work, and then sleep.
• Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
• Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
• Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
• Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
• Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

On Wednesday...

...zzz...zzz...zzz...*wakes up, gets bowl of cereal at 17:15, and takes caffeine pills*...

...long...few days, really.

---

Woke up at 10am, went to job centre to check in for my benefits and was kept waiting for more than half an hour cus my adviser is terminally bloody disorganized.

---

Got out of there without issue and went down the road to the hospital, and after walking the length of the dam facility, one way to the toilet and the other way to the department I actually needed, I had some blood drawn for a test for Hep B.

I've not actually got it, but apparently, and I can't remember if I mentioned this previously, coppers are at risk for it, so you need to get immunized. Blood test to see if I'm immune naturally [hardly anything ever makes it through my alien system; I like to think my biological systems are guarded by adamant lil jerks just like the thing they're protecting] and then get £75 worth of injections over a couple of months in £25 quid shots which the police will pay for once I'm employed with them so what the hell?

I was going to make this joke about being attacked by a vampire and being surprised that they don't bite you, they just stick you with a needle, and they don't crumble to dust when stabbed in the heart, they just scream and bleed a lot, but I escaped before it could catch me.  :P

But I forgot about it. xD

---

Dropped off the jeans I was going to sell online as the local heart health charity store.

I've tried a couple of times to buy goods and sell them online, but no one will buy anything I spend money on buying wholesale so I'm never trying it again. Waste of freaking time.

Going to take the garden forks to a DIY store and see if they'll take them off my lands for like a fiver each or something. Like with the weights, I'm not shipping them to my new acom so if they'll give me tuppence for em that's fine.

---

Tottered back home and got my ass handed to me in Hearthstone about 5 times in a row. For some reason my uber priest build got me from lv20 to lv15 in ranked and then stopped working, although to be fair playing against a guy with nothing but 4 attack cards and have all 4 of my 'if under 3 or over 5 attack, kill instantly' cards is the client making me lose, not my lack of skill.

---

After that I spent a few minuets trying to find something worth watching on TV cus Californication just isn't for me. After S01 the guy stops being an abject misanthropic asshole and, well, I'm sure the show is enthralling to stoners but not to scholars.

Also I can't work out why the fuck I downloaded The Great Gatsby, although I think I was under the impression it's protagonist was played by Leonardo DiCaprio [mother fucking Wolf of Wall Street] and not Toby fucking Maguire [ya know, the bad Spiderman]. And as for something called...

...dam, forgot to download the new episode of Longmire. D: #HOW

ANYWAY: And as for something called Sleeping Beauty who seemed to be a B movie about witches and zombies in medieval times I think, I don't think I did my usual vetting there of the quality of what I was downloading.

---

Listening to The Used: Vulnerable as I write this too via teh YouTubes. Love that shit, especially the lateral part of the album around Kiss it Goodbye and Hurt No More.

For some reason I've been hit with the iTunes bug which is causing it to crash about a minuet or so after loading. I don't own an iPod anymore so I only use it for playing music, and I don't do that often so I've not invested the time in researching why the fuck the programs crashing. I did have a brief look about when it started, and it's a common issue apparently, but I didn't have time or something to see what the resolution was. *shrug* I just uninstalled it for now.

---

Posted my weights set on Gumtree.

Did this yesterday with a total absence of brain and posted the price as 'best offer' without defining what weights were actually in it [as I said, I don't function well in the heat]. Before Gumtree took it down for lacking a defined price I got about 20 contacts consisting of emails, phone calls and texts asking if I was serious about practically giving it away and what weights there were precisely.

Best offer really means whomsoever comes to me with a reasonable price, maybe one quarter to one half retail. A best offer for goods which don't degrade with wear seeing as they're heavy and durable weights you could store in a basement for a century or two and still use.


I reposted the ad with what weights and a price of about 2/3rd retail. Fine.

Got an email about 20 minuets after doing that from this bloody pillock who read enough of the ad to understand that I would take offers for the individual weights but not enough, apparently, to understand the part where I categorically stated that the buyer must be willing to collect. As an aside he also asked if the weights were cast iron when I included a stock picture of vinyl weights in the ad.

The police are drumming into recruits like me that understanding and tolerance are the first principles of community policing.

I've got no practical issues with this, but I feel it's a disservice not to call people like this moron an idiot as a learning exercise.

Fuck.

---

OH: On my way into the job centre to check in right, I had shit tons of papers and things in my pocket, and my appointment card, which you have to show the security guards before being allowed access to the building, was in amongst them.

I pluck the thing out and hold it out to the guard. He looked at it and asked me what it was for.

...I just looked at him, and in total sincerity he told me that I should ask him to check the card...

Why the fuck would I be handing the fucking card to you to check in the lobby of the building when you know damn well why I would be doing so seeing as you stepped in front me as I sauntered through the door?

I don't need to ask, because you know why I'm holding it out to you, fucking putz.

---

Doctor's receptionists are rude, security guards are morons, and people buying shit don't think.

I'm putting it down to the heat personally because I don't want to live in a world where idiots like this get employed easily and get to live their lives happily when I need to join the police before anyone will pay me for honest work.

---

Going to watch Longmire, cut this badger off my fucking head, and then do some police college work for a while.

Tomorrow I've got to go to the doctors for the medical history signature form, and then go to this housing benefits tribunal which is going to consist of 2 actions; asking them why they don't believe what I've told them about where I was and what I spent the money on, and then telling them I'll just repay the money as I prefer to invest my time and energy in joining the police rather than disproving this.

As I've said, I've got a severe lack of confidence in their so-called justice. Easier to just repay what I was entitled to rather than try to win a rigged game at this point. Invest my time in a worthwhile pursuit.

And that's it till next week when I'm going to the doctors for my persistent wheezy cough issue.

Sleep somewhere might be nice too. Don't know if it was the blood drawing or my activity over the last few days or something else but I've been awake for 8 hours and feel really tired. -.-

Post again tomorrow when I get back from this freaking tribunal.

On Summer...

There're plenty of redeeming points about summer and they wear very little but have great tits and legs and are slightly wet in the heat. :>

*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]

Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.

---

TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.

---

Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.

---

Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.

Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.

The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.

Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.

They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.

Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...

...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?

---

ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].

This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.

But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.

---

Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.

I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.

Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.

---

Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.

More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.

---

Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.

Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.

As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.

YUP.

Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.

---

NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.

I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.

I'll add more to those when I have a moment.

---

Have a nice day. :)

On Stress...

Yeah, stress is a good word to use here, I think.

It's hot.

I'm still coughing.

And I've hardly dented my college work.

Issues consist of: Day 2 forms and fitness test [I've not ran once this week yet and I'm too tired to go today really], Week 5 exam [haven't done week 2 of the course yet], finding new Acom [see below], 24+ Advanced Learning Loan form [this is just so utterly dam stupid I could do an entire blog post on it but mostly covered it in On Bureaucracy], and a Housing Benefits Tribunal cancellation and a reduction to my benefits [of which I don't get enough of currently] until I've completed college and gotten employed.

I'm waiting for my erstwhile landlady to raise the subject of why I've not paid rent in 2 weeks and having to pay that back in one lump so I can't move into somewhere else.

But I wouldn't mind too much if I could at least get a good nights sleep, which I can't because a] I'm not able to sleep with the thought of college work looming over my head, and b] when I do fall asleep it's so hot I have to leave my window open, and around dawn the cold air makes my lungs fill with fluid and I end up coughing my guts up for ten minuets in the middle of my sleep cycle, and then waking up mid morning over 5-6 hours total sleep not able to sleep more because it's too hot.

Stable routine, and eviction, fine.

Stable routine, and applying for police constable, also fine.

Stable routine, and ill and hot weather so little sleep, ditto with nobs on.

Stable routine, and college course part time, fiiine and dandy.

Stable fucking routine, and a gods dam benefits tribunal, OK, OK, FINE.

Unstable mother fucking running about all over the fucking place messed up shit storm of a routine, so far from fine, you can see the curvature of the universe.

I know, I know, some people have a blog and post interesting shit and high and mighty ideological thoughts on various subjects, but right here and now, I'm pissed.

I mean, for 5 years plus I have nothing, no chance at getting out from unemployment and horrible living conditions.

I find something, to my very own surprise, that might let me do that, and my personal world goes WRONG all at the same moment.

Some people are just BORN lucky I guess...

I bitch, I bitch more because my brain is pulsing in pain right now and visions of damaged lung tissue are flashing across it, both in pain and under pressure.

It's just before at least I could always tell myself 'at least I've got my health, no matter how bad everything else might be' but here and now I might not even have that.

I am angry. And the first [or should I say second because my college lecturer has already told me to go fuck myself in lesser terms] little fucker who presses trying to use my as a toilet is not going to like it when I stick a knife up there, handle first.

I'm serious about that.

Normally I don't shout and scream and act aggressive because I've always believed and know that it solves nothing really. Only calm reason and discussion solves problems, even if the other side won't play the same game, what they get from me anyway is a resolution, even if they don't like what it is.

Normally.

But it just might be the case that the next person who tries to dump something on me is going to be amazed when I stop being Mr. Rational and go straight for wild screaming ape man, like a scene from one of the new Planet of the Apes movies.

That's my blog post. Shit has gone to hell, and I'm trying to deal with it. The outcome of these events will be forthcoming, even if it's just more bitching.

Just let me catch up with my course work, get rid of this cough, pass this exam, and find somewhere new to live.

Once that's been achieved, then I'll blog about Hearthstone's game mechanics, Game of Thrones philosophy and artistic presentation, and maybe even the difference between an assault crime and a battery crime and how they can be aggravated. :)

Just let me survive the next three weeks without killing anyone and/or ending up living on the streets.

I don't deserve this shit, but then maybe no one deserves a life from the perspective of the universe.

On Events...

Mornink.

Just woke up from half a nights sleep, which might also might be called a nap I suppose. More or less going to be back to normal now. Sleep tonight, at night, and wake up early for college and I should be OK from now on.

---

The writing of this blog is helping me tons for some reason. Getting my head straightened out so I don't feel so apathetic. Passing my Day 1 helps too. If I had failed that I probably wouldn't give a shit right now, especially with this bloody tribunal with the council coming up.

However, if I get hired as a policeman then they pay during training and I can start putting a dent in my debt backlog. Thirty less a week to cover paying back housing benefit isn't too bad really seeing as I'll be earning twice or more than what I receive on benefits, with pay rises to follow, whilst doing something I expect I'll enjoy. The Day 1 was a lot more fun than I expected, especially the roleplaying whereby we interviewed people about behavioral issues.

Anyway, going to go cancel the tribunal and just arrange them to dock my job seekers allowance pro tem and pay it all off when I'm hired with the police.

I mean, yes, I was entitled to it, and used it for the intended purpose, but a] I don't have time to run around collecting evidence and formulating a speech and blah blah blah, and b] if it goes badly wrong for some unknown reason they can cause even more damage with fines and records and all sorts of nonsense.

Better to invest my time in trying to get hired as a copper, take this dent to my ongoing finances now, and then cherish being employed later on.

I want to post on it in the future [On Goverments...] but for now I'm putting it in abeyance.

---

Doing my college work today. Probably won't get through all of it, but I should be able to get the spade work done and be caught up by the middle of next week, no problem.

---

Taken all but one dose of the mucus cough meds I bought and I can still taste something when I cough so it's doctor time on Monday I think cus this isn't just a cold or something.

The pharmacist in Sainsburys said that if you taste nasty when you cough then it's probably an infection.

Doesn't hurt, like in my throat, and I've never coughed up bloody or even odd colored mucus, so it can't be that bad, but it is bloody persistent as hell and I need it gone in the next two weeks.

---

Before next Wednesday I need to start organizing the forms I need to hand in during the Day 2.

Nothing too serious really. The nasty stuff was prior to the Day 1 with the aptitude, intelligence and personality testing. Day 2 is all about medical and employment details plus posting preference.

Posting preference sounds awesome to me because I've lived in three areas of London since I've been here and like each of them quite a bit. I know the areas like. Obviously I'll try to move around and check out different boroughs of London for experience and so forth because if I'm gonna be a copper then I'll try to be the best one I can be. But I know these areas so it's good I can start out here.

I need to see to the forms before Wednesday because as I've been unemployed so long I need to get a reference from the job center for the Day 2, and I check in with them on next Wednesday so I can get what I need from them then.

Around all this, before 20/06/14, I need to do some serious exercise for the medical testing too. Already mentioned it previously but I haven't been running due to the bronchitis and this lingering cough, the medical includes a fitness test so.

---

After that I just need to find somewhere new to live by the 23rd of June.

Start hunting down a new place on the 16th, a week before hand, because most properties available for people on housing benefits are privately rented and available soonest and taken quickly. Look for a place on the 16th and I could be moving in on the 17th style of thing.

Shouldn't be too hard if I can place a large deposit down, though I'm going to be careful to find somewhere I like. Can't be having housing issues and arguments with the flatmates whilst trying to finish off my college course and get into police training.

---

Finding new accommodation is a ways off though. At the moment I'm thinking in the short term.

• College Work Catchup
• Cancel the Tribunal
• Find a Doctor
• Take care of Day 2 Forms
• Get some Exercise

Then find somewhere new to live.

GG.

PS: I swear I'm going to visually upgrade my blog at some point and make another for computer games and fantasy lore and books and art and things. Just, as should be plain by now, busy as a fuck.

On Accommodation...

Mornink.

Did a lot of spade work yesterday and decided that being a bastard is sometimes required when the world tries to fuck you in the ass.

Basically I've stopped paying my rent here so in two weeks I can use the erstwhile rent money to pay for a deposit and rent up front on a new room.

The bonus is that firstly I'll have plenty of time to find somewhere new to stay and can move out easily before the deadline of early next month.

The bastard part is that once I've left, there's no way for my former landlady to reclaim said money so I don't intend to pay rent for this entire month.

I don't like being an asshole but both my landlady and her husband are employed, whereas I can't get hired to pack boxes in a factory ['bloody foreigners, coming over here, taking our jobs', racist meme or evidential truth as they're both Lithuanian], and besides, they can wait to be paid back rent [even though I have no intention of doing so] whereas my new landlord or lady will need paying upfront.

I loved staying where I am present. They were good enough people [except for their screaming little demon of a child] and the best leasers I've met since moving into London several years ago.

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My first three years, I think it was [I've never been good at keeping track of my own history, being more concerned with the present than the past, after all, the present is what is currently biting my ass], were spent in hostels, living alongside teenage travelers, who had zero respect for other people, and horrible human beings more like animals like sapient creatures.

Got offered sex by naked women several times [though I didn't accept because I wasn't attracted to them mentally, although physically the word 'supermodel' was tossed around quite easily], and bullied once or twice, which I dealt with easily as I've been bullied a lot in my life anyway.

Biggest issue there was bed availability. They don't let you just book a bed and it's yours. You to book almost daily, and if they're fully booked, you're boned, so for three years or so, sometimes I didn't have a bed to sleep in at night.

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After that I stayed with a Puerto Rican...maybe...who was a giant asshole with no kidneys that kept nagging me about nothing and trying to evict me for bullshit reasons as a kind of hobby.

Eventually got evicted from the room in a large house I was renting after he invited a bunch of new housemates in and then went on holiday without leaving anyone to mind the property, despite having a daughter who could and eventually did do it.

I complained after a week of the mess and the noise from the brand new teenage tenants who were traveling from America, and how the boiler had broken and we were I was cleaning and everyone was showering in frigid water.

He ignored my texts and calls for more than a month until I managed to get hold of his daughter's email address and she managed to arrange for repairs.

After he returned he evicted me.

I cleaned the house up after the other residents. I got the boiler repaired. I made sure it was still standing and in reasonable condition for the time he was absent. And he booted me out for giving a shit about the place.

Some time later I got into an argument with the council over receiving housing benefit I wasn't entitled to even though I was. They contacted him as it was regarding my time spent living in his house. He lied to them about me actually being employed whilst living there and cheating the fucking government out of charity.

One court tribunal later, which he didn't attend, just gave them a written statement of his testimony after the tribunal was advised by a claim inspector to trust his assertions [you've no idea how badly I wanted to find the cretin who claimed that and break them in half], and I was able to prove that his allegations were a load of crap. He could've got me a criminal record and a jail time if they had believed him though.

There's a reason his kidney's failed people; the universe was trying to prevent him from blighting other people's lives. At least that's my theory.

[I said when I started writing this blog that I wasn't going to write about my horrible history. I just realized my actions are calling me a liar, but for crying out loud, when will the punishment stop?]

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Then I stayed in an illegal sublet in a room in a two bed roomed flat, which was a] freezing cold [it was winter, snow on the pavement, and I didn't need to store things in the freezer], and b] had a gas heater in it which could've killed me in my sleep. Plus the rent was like fifty pounds over priced for the property.

It was illegal and overpriced because it was a council property rented to a tenant who sublet it, via her son, to my landlady who was also my flatmate. They would've been so epically boned if anyone found out. I've reported it since I left, because it's not right that someone should be making money off a council property like that, but I don't know if anyone has done anything about it.

Eventually I left that hellhole after three or four months because of a blow up argument with my sole flatmate over nothing very much, whereupon she turned into a psychotic bitch.

It's quite possible that I will never forget the argument we had over rent:

52 weeks per year, 12 months per year, 52 / 12 = 4.33 recurring, so £350.00, for example divided by 4.33 is 80.83, not 87.5, which is 350 / 4. And to work out daily rent at 350 per month, you times it by 12 months and then divide by 364 days to get 11.54.

This I remember because I was trying to work out how much I owed down to the day in rent so I could leave with all debts paid and my deposit back. Settle up, because I am honest and I expect the same. However, she insisted that I was wrong regardless of how I explained it. Either she was just trying to be evil or she didn't understand and said I was wrong regardless to save face.

Whatever really, in the past, but that kind of bullshit gets on my nerves.

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Then there was this place. My current landlady is nice and doesn't bother me at all. They're all Lithuanian like I said so they don't go out of their way to talk to me because they can hardly understand me [AND YET EMPLOYERS HIRE THEM...].

The room is a good size, the wifi is more or less always on, it's never cold, I pay a flat rate per week in rent which can be past due for a bit if required, the kitchen is spacious, I can use my flatmates knives and things, and never have to clean overmuch because there's four of them and they do it themselves.

Well, more or less. The kitchen is usually left in a clutter so I have to move things, but I do the same sometimes so that's OK. And their son never stops bloody screaming his dam head off, which is grossly annoying sometimes. But on the whole, this place was ideal.

But now I have to leave.

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I can be a bit picky over my next place as I've got just over a month to inspect and interview and consider, whilst also having the budget [see above regarding not paying this months rent] to pay for a large deposit which really opens up the options when you're looking for accommodation that'll accept those on housing benefit.

Some people lament the effort it takes to get onto the housing ladder due to property prices.

Personally I'm just looking for four walls, a floor, a ceiling, a bed, wifi, a fridge, and a toilet, plus housemates that I don't fantasize about justifiably killing.

Alright, so there are also those who don't even have the money to live indoors, but I do so using perfectly available social security funds so I don't understand why people do live rough really.

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My final thought for today is that I learned yesterday definitively that my mother is indeed dead because there was an ad about it in the town where she lived with my farther, brother and sister.

She was insane. Illogical. A hater of intelligence. A downer. Someone who would drag another person's moral and sense of self-worth down to her own level on instinct. A liar. Abusive. Chronically bloody ill. And probably responsible for how fucked up I am.

As a creator, not what I would've hoped for, in a mother.

Sir Terry Pratchett, author of the Discworld fantasy series of books, wrote his deceased characters as being very clear minded. Dead, spirits, no longer able to interact with the living world, and soon transitioned into their afterlife, which is whatever they think will happen.

For my sake I hope that the former happened and she saw the damage she caused and could regret it, and feel remorse for it.

For hers, because I am a fundamentally good man, I hope that if there is a next world that she isn't driven anymore by whatever it was that caused her to act the way she did to me.

Never loved her, never even liked her, or respected her, or wished her anything but vengeance for what she did to me, which I got, and I'm not sorry.

But I can still hope for peace now I've settled the score.

On Bad Days...

...Fuck me...

Woke up.

Got evicted because I'm subletting and my landlady has decided not to renew her lease after the rent was increased.

Had wheeties.

Got rejected for a minimum wage job at SEGA which I was screened for on the basis, if you can believe it, 'the calibre of applicants has been very high during this process'.

Played some Hearthstone to relax a bit from these two blows before trying to find somewhere new to live, apply for another job, and do my college work which I paid for using yet another Student Loan.

Lost every one of the ten matches I played.

...OK...bad day...

My student loan is currently on hold because they require some more information from me. This information I've given to them twice already; once over the phone, once in writing. Currently dealing with their complaints department about it.

Said complaints department, for fun, decided yesterday afternoon to ring me up as a curtsy call to tell me that they were aware of my complaint.

Not that they had or were going to do anything about it. Not that they needed me to do anything about it. Just that were aware of it.

This would've been fine, except for the fact that at the time I was dead asleep because my sleep pattern is currently fucked and I'm sleeping during the day, and then couldn't get back to sleep afterwards.

Bastards.

That phone call was yesterday.

So right now it's around 6pm.

• In a month I'll have no where to live and to find new accommodation I need to find one of the few leasers who will rent to someone on housing benefit.
• In a week I'll have next to no food budget as I use what little money I have to pay for a deposit on new accommodation [I never did actually have one where I'm currently living].

Meanwhile my brain is trying to pretend reality doesn't exist. It's a defensive mechanism of my psychological makeup. When reality get's too much to deal with, it tries to pretend it's not there. That playing games and having fun is more important that getting on with things.

I was struggling to deal yesterday with the prospect of doing my college work. Now...

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I did have one crazy idea on how to resolve this; rent a storage container.

They cost, on a weekly basis, for the same size room, about half what I pay in rent.

Gain 24 hour access, somewhere close a gym for the shower and toilet, do my college work at the college where I'm studying, buy a cooler and few bags of ice each week that cost a pound each for food storage, and construct a nest inside the container.

I've seen pictures of people who've built actual honest to gods mansions out of storage containers, water proofed, wired with electrics and piped with plumbing. After all, a storage container is just a metal box and a house is just a concrete box.

The issue is with this is twofold.

• Firstly, most places don't have 24 hour access to the compounds they're built on. The best place I found does [and is sammitched between a 24 hour gym and an Iceland store], but would need me to be a customer for eight weeks before they'd give it to me. Doable maybe, but still...
• Secondly, my housing benefits are paid for a property. My job seekers isn't, so one hundred and forty every two weeks, forty on rent every week, works out at sixty every two weeks which is slightly less than what I have now with free access to amenities [bathroom, water, kitchen, etc.].
• Plus there's the obvious issue of what you're allowed to store there and the owners might take issue with a person living in one of their boxes.

Having a full time job, buying boxes and land and so forth, then doing them up works because I've seen it. But this impromptu set up only has the singular advantage of being accessible in the short term.

I've tried living in a hostel [instant access, pay by the day accommodation] and it's not something I ever want to repeat, which is why I was looking into this to begin with.

Finding another room to rent might be easier.

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A few days ago my biggest issue was taking care of my college work before the weekend, with a side of chasing up results from interviews and my student loan.

Now I'm virtually homeless and starving is the only way to fix it.

Fucking hate my life, but hating it isn't going to fix anything, so I had best go get on with it.