The Forth Time...

So apparently I'm now blogging monthly. If I had left this until tomorrow it would've been to the day too.

Today is Wednesday, I feel slightly fried from the gym and my stomach isn't precisely thrilled to belong to me at the moment, which is either the caffeine or the wholegrain cheese n salad baguette I ate last night and pooped all of this morning.

Currently sitting in a hostel's common room I've been staying in for several weeks now listening to some Papa Roach and trying to find something to do with myself for the next four weeks whilst waiting on a medical form to finalize my application to the Met Police in London.

The title of this post is because you can add to the list of fuckups in my application to the police:

• Medical forms, which should take all of a few days of wait time if you drop off a medical questionnaire with a doctor, taking more than a month to be returned to me because firstly I had to register with a new doctors [after trying to college the forms from my old doctors and being told I had been registered so there was nothing they could do for me] and secondly order new forms and getting told that either a] I could wait for my medical records to come through from their information warehouse and submit the form [3 day turn around] or b] request that the medical form [4 pages] is faxed/emailed to my doctors from my medical records. I opted for B because the form is already signed and they said it'd be quicker, but a month later I'm still waiting for it.

The list of fuck ups already consists of the following:

• Chest infection plus awake for more than 24 hours plus no food plus bitch of a fitness examiner during my fitness test who bullied me in front of everyone else, probably because she assumed I had been out drinking instead of ill and studying for a policing exam.
• Broken PC and an idiot college which wouldn't allow me to use their ICT resources to do their entirely online college course which resulted in me having to use my eight year old iPhone [which has since been fucking stolen btw].
• The Job Center putting me on an 'Employability Skills Course' which in combination with living on the other side of London resulted in two individual failures to finish the resit exams, themselves generated by fuckup number two.

So now I've got my certification [I passed the exams eventually, although I did the last five exams sleepless and hungry, but only the last 2 highly caffeinated, which just wasn't pleasant] and am sitting on my gods damn hands waiting for the above medical forms.

It's a four page fucking document, and apparently there isn't someone who can go to fucking filing, pluck out the forms, and send them to my fucking doctors.

Since it's started averaging 5 degrees here in London I joined Puregym for around 23 quid a month and started hitting the weights so I can regain some of my old muscle strength [used to be able to lift around 80kgs on a single arm] and not go running in freezing cold air and damage my lungs.

I've started to gain weight now after a couple of weeks in screaming pain, when I wasn't hopped up on pain killers, from the muscle taring [long time unexercised muscle tissue hurts like fuck when you when you first hit the gym] and my recovery time has dropped from more than a week down to a few days.

The downside of this, as I knew would happen, is that the constant lack of energy and presence of pain is making me more aggressive, and whereas last time I alternated between working out and playing League of Legends and had an outlet for major angeries, what I've got this time is alternating between working out and being fucking pissed at the last six months of world class fuckups.

I've sorted out the issues with the job center [my current adviser, a new lady in a different borough, leaves me to get on with it and just has me sign on, which is nice] so all I've got to do is record a few jobs per day and keep checking for the medical form.

I wake up, I set up my crappy toy PC, I play some Hearthstone over breakfast, I hit the gym if able, and watch TV. Been at that for about two weeks now, and as it's December I won't be starting with the police until the new year even if I handed the form in today.

Anywhere between a month to two months with nothing but gym and watching TV, at the end of which I should have my medical forms and a paid training start date with the coppers and can finally shitcan by benefits claim.

Woo-fucking-hoo. This is assuming I don't get so bored I walk into traffic, or even more fun, the MPS have shitcanned my application because it's taken more than six months to get my certification and medical forms sorted [at which point I will be explaining, very politely, where they can shove it and just how far it can go, and I'm not even kidding because the shit I've gone through here is...it reads like a fucking joke really, a bad joke].

...I'm fine. Sitting around bored off my ass with no money but with TV and a PC able run MS Word and Firefox with a fully stocked pantry and a gym subscription...well...it could be worst, gods know it could be worse...

What else?

Well, women I guess. Last week, in the span of 2-3 days I had four women make a run at me.

The most notable of these is the receptionist of the hostel I'm staying in. She has the total hots for me for some reason and has made a point to hint that a] she's interested and b] very single. She's as sexy as fuck, this 5.7 brunet from California with a unique voice who slinks around the hostel like a cat. The issue, as there always is one, is however that she smokes, is technophobic [uses a Mac, ewww], and has no self-confidence.

First she said she couldn't concentrate when serving me, then went mute in a nervous way, and then spent some time staring at me and hanging around me whilst I used my PC in the common room, and then had a loud conversation with a friend about how she was single and lonely.

Why can't girls just come and actually introduce themselves and talk to me like I'm a real human being for crying out loud?

Anyway, I don't think it ever occurred to her that the issue is that she smokes. I mean, her personally is totally wrong for me too really, but I don't need to look further than the smoking.

Out of the other three, two were smokers, one dressed sexy and hung around and may have been a coincidence, and the other stared at me after she caught me staring at the other one's ass [black body stocking man, it was hard not to] but I knew she smoked so, NOPE.

The forth didn't even try to be subtle, she just saw me brushing my teeth on the top floor bathrooms of the hostel, stripped naked and went to the toilets, then asked me the time whilst giving me the full frontal view. Not subtle, highly arousing, major ego boost, but like most gentlemen this approach doesn't work with me. I'm not losing my virginity to a women I don't know the name of in a hostel toilet.

At this point I'm wondering precisely how sexy women must rate me to keep trying this stuff on. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder where you rate on the scale of physical appeal when so many women keep throwing themselves at you hoping to stick?

Shame none of them are my breed really. I'm a geek, a nerd, and an introvert, and an intellectual, whilst the exercise is just a coincidence. Give me one of my kind who doesn't smoke and I'd be all over that like butter on bread. Even even if she wasn't exceptionally minded, even if she wasn't as mad for exercise, hell, even if she was a music nerd instead of into games, I wouldn't mind someone like that, but these girls...meh. I refuse to date a bloody smoker, and beyond sex these girls couldn't offer me anything on a mental level much less understand me.

Fucking sucks.

I think I've probably mentioned this is previous posts, that I was using Reddit, an online forum, for fun. That's over and finished now, because of the same old issues I've got with forums; users and moderators.

Some time ago I picked up an online stalker who was following my account around the subreddits, posting vicious and hate filled comments after my posts, who then moved onto quoting my posts out of context on subreddits like 'I Am Very Smart' and declaring that the joke or sarcasm I posted was serious in order to taunt me.

Eventually I got his accounts deleted by the administration of the website after I made new accounts to try to lose him, he found those, and then made more than a dozen alternatives to continue stalking me, a few of which were banned from subreddits [you get all your accounts removed if you try to make new accounts to dodge subreddit bans].

What caused me to delete my own accounts and leave the site is that I was getting bored with all the 'I'm so in love' and 'How is your day' posts on Casual Conversation [one of the few subreddits I found enjoyable to read daily], then someone posts 'I'm 22 and think I'll be forever alone'. Being epically tired from the gym, it 2am, and the guy being a moron I called him an idiot.

So a mod then issues me with a warning, and instead of saying 'Whoops, so sorry old boy, won't happen again', I asked him to define what one of the two subreddit rules 'Respect Others' means. After 3-4 back and forth pms between myself and the mods, their replies being something like 'Shut up or go away' they banned me for refusing to following subreddit rules, which I wasn't, it's just 'Respect others' is very badly defined and I was asking why I can't call idiots stupid.

Anyway, I reported this to the website's admin and said so, and then a few of the mods [they had recruited some new ones] got together, searched my post history and IP, found some comments like 'Your dog sucks' and the alt accounts I had, and then said that I was violating rules and that I would get an IP ban from the site for evading subreddit bans [this was after they banned me from Casual Conversation].

The comments were actually replies to someone bitching about their own pet and my agreement with their sentiment [they didn't bother to read the entire conversation and were witch hunting] and my alt accounts were made weeks/months ago to dodge my cyberstalker [they didn't/couldn't check the account creation dates]. It was at this point I thought What the fuck am I doing here? and closed the browser and went to bed. When I woke up this morning I realized that I'm arguing with witchhunting authority complex syndrome online forum moderators because I called someone who was bitching about being forever alone at 22 years old a fucking moron...I might be insane but I'm not that stupid, then I deleted the accounts without reading any replies.

If you have any kind of intelligence just don't use online communication forums. Either you end up arguing with pond scum or you end up on the receiving end of people who find it easier to suspend and ban accounts than discuss subjects like human beings.

Now, I'm becoming a police officer, a moderator for the real world, and if I see shit like the above I swear to whatever god or gods there might be that I will arrest my own colleges before letting that shit go down. FUCK.

So whats next seeing as I've got all this free time and just blew up my best timesink?

I was thinking of doing some computer games design. I've got a thesis document on the subject in production which I can add to, and I've dug out my old camera demo and can rework that on a data processing level [no graphics because this toy laptop can't process that much] for proof of theory.

It's a way to pass the time until I get the medical forms. Plus I seriously considering finding some temp work to do over Christmas. You never know, someone might give me something and I can use the money to get a laptop able to run League of Legends and spend Christmas and New Years playing the upgraded Summoners Rift. It's a dream, lol. I'd give pretty much anything to be playing that right now...

Asides from that, sit on top of my personal heater and write or watch TV, go to the gym when able, and keep checking for the forms until they arrive, and then see if my application is still valid.

I might look into what other policing qualifications and I can get whilst I'm sitting around, like first aid or maybe a Certificate in Policing [the one I have is Basic Policing see] which should give me more cred when I get into uniform. We'll see what's what.

As I say, feeling kinda sick and kinda hungry so first thing is some House M.D. and cheese n tuna salad I think...I've no clue, really zero idea how, but I really would like to get laid before the end of the year. Just got to find a non-smoking attractive geeky nerd in the vicinity who doesn't mind a guy with no money and anger issues, lol, easy.

Final thought: Papa Roach fucking kicks ass.

It Just Keeps Getting Worse...

...fuck me.

My last post was more than a week ago. This is because, as I said in my last post, that this week I would be revising for my resit exam for my certificate in basic policing course and under taking a employability skills course at the behest of the Job Center. This was after I moved hostels on the Monday.

On Monday I did manage to move hostels just fine by using the buses to ferry my things from one hostel near Hyde Park over to another in a London borough called Islington.

This was a smart move on my part because unlike where I was staying this new hostel has better showers, is quieter, has a fridge and residents who don't steal food*, and best of all, in house wifi which permits access to torrents and a large common room with tables where I can sit and type and isn't ever cold.

*At least this week I've kept food in the fridge and, apart from a misunderstanding about labeling which resulted in my bag being placed in the staff fridge until I asked where it went, no one has stolen so much as the butter I've been eating all week.

I mean, seriously, the people here don't make noise, are really polite and it's a very nice place to stay, which is damn odd considering that I was staying in a hostel just off Hyde Park in central London with the next best thing to a collection of animate slime molds. Move two miles out of the city center to a hostel in an obviously poor borough and pay less rent, and suddenly everyone from the staff to the guests and the accommodation goes from harsh thieving thuggish scum to friendly warm easy and nice human beings. Go figure.

That however is where this week stopped being positive.

Tuesday I attended the first session of the employability skills course my job adviser at the job center put me on in spite of my certificate in basic policing course and my application to the Metropolitan Police Service, which I considered at the time to be a stupid act because I needed to revise the materials for the start of my police constable training and anything beyond that would be simply be a pointless waste of time.

He, my adviser, and the company who runs the course however told me that they would review my skills and abilities and then put me in direct contact with appropriate employers who would then hire me in the next couple of weeks. It's the sort of thing I always imagined the job center would do - take unemployed people, fine an employer and match them up - before having contact with the job center who see people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than as human beings.

Each of the sessions for this course were to take place 3 hours travel from where I would be staying - the new hostel I'm currently sitting in - but I only had 1 exam left and thought I could attend the course, revise in the evenings and take the resit at the end of the week. Once I pass this final resit I would then get my certificate, hand that MPS and get my full time paid training start date, job done, or started as it might be.

Thing was that the course lasted 6 hours per day, from 10am till 4pm. I had to get up at 6am to dress and travel, 4 hours total, to where the course would take place. Then it would take 3 hours to get back and another 1 for dinner. So in total that's 14 hours, less 8 hours sleep means I had 0 hours for revising, so I got about 4 hours sleep a night trying to get revision in.

Additionally the bus costs about 3-4 pounds back and forth in travel credit, even with an Oyster Card.

By the end of the week I had burned through all the money I had buying lunch whilst out and travel credit. I had also gotten so tired I started making bad choices and not watching the time and failing to revise.

Tuesday was the induction to the course.

For some reason I thought this would take place in something like a college class room setting with computers and desks and things in an office style environment.

The class took place in a community center of a bough located deep in a residential area, and looked like a wartorn pile of brick that would look at home in the live-action movie of the Fallout nuclear apocalypse roleplaying and combat game series.

Wednesday morning the course started in earnest.

I woke up to find my debit card missing. I had been using it to pay for my travel costs on the bus [contactless payment method] so I had to walk to Elephant and Castle and then take the train for free to a nearby station. For some reason they never installed security gates in Elephant and Castle shopping center or at my intended destination so it wasn't an issue to use them seeing as I would've paid if I could but couldn't. Point is that I still had to walk for several hours to get there on time and back again.

When I got to the class was where I started to become enraged with my situation because we spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips in groups.

...

Just let me type this a few more times to really let it sink in.

We spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips.

I attended a job skills recruitment program to hang around with people who can barely read written English under the orders of the job center who are responsible for keeping me alive and getting me as quickly as possible back into full time paid employment instead of being permitted to revise for my final exam which once passed would get me full time paid employment with a public service, and I spent literal hours making a bridge out of paper and paper clips.

I SPENT HOURS OF LIFE MAKING A BRIDGE OUT OF PAPER AND FUCKING PAPER CLIPS BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING ME INTO PAID EMPLOYMENT TOLD ME THAT MY CERTIFICATE IN BASE POLICING COURSE AND MY APPLICATION TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE SERVICE OF LONDON, ENGLAND, WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING.

...

Thursday. On Thursday I was so tired and so angry about Wednesday that mostly I sat in the class and thought about killing my job adviser, especially after the tutor of the course said 'I'm here to help you get into work'.

I'm a patient guy, honest, harmless really, unless someone actively tries to hurt or kill me anyway whereupon I disable the attacker with stupid ease and maximum ferocity. I want to be a policeman because I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can be swift and deadly and dangerous, but I'm only a threat to those who harm others.

However in the course of my application the following happened which made it harder for me to get the work done. Things that others didn't have to deal with:

• I got a chest infection, my first illness in 10 years and my last since, a week before I took a fitness test with the MPS, which I still passed despite not sleeping for 24 hours due to revising for a Certificate in Basic Policing Exam, and not eating for 16 hours due to lack of coin. Plus the fucking fitness examiner bulled me during the mother fucking test! If I ever see that bitch again I'm going to make her fucking pay.
• When I went to do the coursework for my certification course, my PC broke, and the college was closed for the summer and refused me entry to use their computers, I was forced to use my 8 year old iPhone to get 75% of the coursework done.
• And then at the end of the course, 5 minuets from victory, my first full time job in about a decade of being ignored by employers, the job center, the people who are supposed to exist to get me full time paid employment, or at least stay out of the way and let me look or get educated so I can get employed, called my attempts pointless and essentially disabled my ability to finish them off after I had done 99% of the course.

At I sat in that class, tired, hungry, and ever so angry, I wanted to hurt this fucking animal that was ruining my life. I wanted him to bleed. To feel pain. To know what he was doing and to suffer thereby...

It was all fantasy. I haven't and won't lay a finger on him. There is a vast difference between wishing someone dead and killing them. I wish him to suffer for what he did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cause it.

I left there at the end of the session, even more angry after I requested Friday off to spend the day catching up on my rest and revising for the exam and being denied. I told my college tutor about this circumstances and he told me to do half this week and half next week, which sounded like a good idea. But they refused to give me Friday off, citing that the job center had to sign off on it. I admit I didn't ask my job adviser for the day off. He didn't know the course content of the employability skills course, he's never seen evidence of my knowledge and abilities, he never asked for confirmation I was enrolled at college or the letters I've received for the police regarding my application. He put me on the employability skills course and prevented me from completing my college course in total ignorance. I was angry. I wasn't going to go ask him for the day off. He would say no. Then he would die after I tore out his throat with my teeth.

So I went home. Whereupon I took the train. Went through the security gates without worrying about paying because I was too tired and angry to really notice the world around me at that point. And of course the train company and police was checking for tickets at the gate. With no debit card I had to provide them with my name and address and national insurance number and will receive a letter shortly ordering me to pay a £20.00 fine. Because of my job adviser. All because I did what I had to because of one man's ignorance and stupidity.

Friday, I gave up.

I got up and got half way to the employability skills course location, stopped for a drink of water, and...broke.

You don't disobey or argue with the job center. Because if you do they issue sanctions. Sanctions mean your housing benefit stops [you get evicted onto the street] and your job seekers allowance is cut in half [so you can eat, just, but you're sleeping outside].

There aren't really words for my physical condition by mid Friday morning at 9am.

I had run out of travel credit and couldn't afford to buy more [the buses are no-cash based, and the amount of credit you can buy at minimum costs more than I had, so eat I could, travel I could not]. I had to walk for 3 hours to get home. I had been getting 4 hours sleep a night for several days. I hadn't been eating properly. I hadn't showered as I needed sleep more than cleaning. I was a walking wreck of a human being, mentally, physically, emotionally.

I dragged myself home, slowly because my limbs simply didn't have the energy in them that they needed to function. Got in, ate, slept for 4 hours, ate some more, and then started arranging a solution to this mess.

The solution I've found is that I needed to update my address with the job center, which I never did because it's tied to my housing benefits and my address hasn't stayed stable and the cost of rent has been anywhere from 80-120 pounds a week over the last few months. However, by doing so this will remove me from the employability skills course and it will take them a couple of weeks to get me onto a new course, giving me just enough time to take my resit and get that to the MPS.

The downside is that this may result in not being paid my housing benefits for a couple of weeks and not being able to pay my rent. So it's not a perfect solution by any means, but it's better than getting sanctions for not attending the employability skills course.

This is in process and on Monday I'll be going to the job center to finalize the transfer of my claim over to the local offices. Hopefully my housing benefit for that week will still come through so I can send my medical forms to the MPS.

It's now Saturday and I feel a hell've a lot better.

Got 10 hours sleep last night, got up and showered and shaved, then went and spend the last handful of coin I had left for this week on ham, bread, coleslaw and milk so with the apples I have a bit of everything to aid recovery until after this weekend.

Seriously though, I'm a hard guy, a bad ass, with scars in places you don't want to get scars, and I work out, and I know pain, but this morning and occasionally this afternoon I was feeling so much better by comparison to yesterday that I was laughing like a mad man. I mean, cackling laughter which cracked around the edges with the sound of a brain's sanity sloughing away.

All I know right now is that I've eaten well today, I've slept well last night and will get some more shortly, the TV is good, I'm not cold, and it doesn't hurt anymore. And I've got a chance to finish my course and get into training.

And I hate humans.

The next time someone issues me an order I don't want to do, regardless of the consequences, I won't do it. If the local job center to here orders me onto a new course, I'm not going to attend. If they sanction me, I'm going to report the adviser who does it. If that doesn't fix it, I'm going to sue. If I can't, I'm going to post the above in more detail [it's worse than I summarized] on Change.org and start a petition for change.

Fuck you human. Fuck you and your entire fucked up fucking species who keep trying to cripple and damage me. No. More. I've hit my limit. Next round, I'd rather be DEAD than take any more of this.

I mentioned a while back about gears and how I stripped one and went ape shit at my college course tutor. Well, I haven't stripped one gear. Most of the gears have broken and shattered over the last week. Now it's time for the world to change.

Going to install MS Office on my laptop, organize the 3 books I'm writing, and then go get some snooze. Tomorrow I want to organize my exam revision. 08/11/14 is when the resit is. 2 weeks later is when I'll get the results. Anyone tries to stop me from being prepared to pass the exam, I'm going to ignore them and inform them that they can burn in hell.

My final word for today is that Papa Roach is pretty damn good. The slightly older stuff is better than the newer stuff. Not that the newer stuff is crap, but it's not quite as good in my view. Getting Away With Murder, 2004, was excellent. The Paramour Sessions though, not so much.

DONE.

Tempus Fugit...

Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.

Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.

The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.

So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.

I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.

So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.

So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.

And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.

Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.

The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.

The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.

I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.

I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.

What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...

I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.

5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...

Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.

I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.

The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.

...

Lady friend is OK. Sorta.

A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.

She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.

Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.

Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].

I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.

So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.

I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.

...

I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.

Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.

The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.

Details to follow.

Good after to you all.

On Ouchie...

...Good grief...

Friday, went to see new place. Took a Barclays rentacycle. Spent a fuckton of energy and damaged my ass on the cycle seat. Got lost and never did actually see the room, which was too far away from the city centre anyway. Came home, got about 3 hours of sleep and did my best to revise for the exam. But due to lack of sleep - about 6 hours in 48 - I couldn't recall the names and years of most of the legislation, so I'll definitely be retaking these at the end of the course. Crashed for 12 hours, woke up, drinking and eating anything I can find, and trying to gather enough energy together to pack up everything I own and move into the hostel I've booked as I'm out of here to tomorrow one way or the other.

I tried to manage the situation best I could, and if I got at least one question right that's one more I don't have to get right during the retake, which means something as for two pins I would've blown off the exam yesterday entirely for getting a good nights sleep, and I think I got more right than that.

After I've moved, on Tuesday at the latest I'm writing the revision materials for the exams next weekend. A week's worth of revision minimum and not rushing should mean I roll up to the exam as fresh as a daisy. Going to do the next one right.

Then I'm going to look for a new room somewhere. I'll still have the deposit money and can pay for somewhere new so I'll only be in a hostel for a couple of weeks or so. It wouldn't be so bad.

...Just trying recover enough to move my stuff out...

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One thing that pissed me off yesterday was my course tutor. I asked if I could go early and the guy says that he's going to have to make a note that I'm making a habit of not staying to the end of the weekend classes...

Well, yes. Last time, during the weekend of hell, I left because I was super fucking tired, had the flu, and just spent 3 days trying to gather the materials, pass a fitness test and an exam, now I've just spent 3 days trying to find somewhere new to live and trying to pass 2 exams. This is what is called extenuating circumstances. Transitory reasons as to why something to occurring the way it is. Two bad weekends one after the other.

I couldn't have foreseen flu before my fitness test. I couldn't have done anything more about being evicted. Shit happens, right? What pisses me off is that he didn't seem to give a damn about my situation. I mean, it didn't get seem to register. Leaving early was the point, but a little consideration as to why I was doing it didn't even cross his fucking mind.

Find, note that I'm skipping the end of the classes. When I've got a moment I'm going to tell the organizer of the course at the college why and register a complaint that I have a couple of good fucking reasons, prick.

I don't know what it is about police people, past or present, but some of them seem to entirely lack empathy or comprehension of ongoing circumstances.

That fitness instructor was aware that I wasn't acting right, but didn't care why that was and did something cruel and stupid; made me worry for days that I had failed my Day 2. My course tutor said he worked as a chief inspector or something and was a policeman for 30 odd years, and ignores temporary circumstances which cause this event in favour of disciplinary notification that now I have to worry about.

I mean, it's even written in the Blackstones manual to policing that taking action to suit the situation is what is required in almost every circumstance; don't arrest and process if a warning would do, don't beat senseless if cuffs would do, etc. Sensible stuff. And then you actually interact with some real police people and find that they ignore context for rules. Everyone was concerned about my health at the fitness test, except this one instructor. Telling me to try to be more prepared if I can for the next week would've done, but my lecturer decides that making an official note is the right course of action.

My point, as I said about the fitness test, that there is really no point in applying disciplinary procedures to someone who cannot help that the situation occurred. Don't punish someone for being immobilized when they got their legs broken in a car accident someone else caused. It's not right, it's not fair, it makes you look like a right cock blaster, and the only effect it has is to make the situation worse for the guy up to his neck in it already.

I really don't like other people.

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Anyway, 5-10am today I'm packing, check in at 12 at the hostel and move my stuff for the rest of the day, then organize myself as best as I can.

Tomorrow I'll tally my resources, pay rent for the rest of this week, book another hostel for next weekend as I wasn't able to, write revision materials and try to catch up with my college work ASAP. Plus try to find 20 quid to cover the cost of that fucking doctors signature form.

What I want is about another 12 hours sleep, a few square meals, and a couple of days to recover so my calves stop cramping and my ass doesn't hurt so much.

HEH, good joke.

Whatever.