Gone But Not Forgotten...

Halo thar. Been busy doing nothing very much. In all accuracy.

Since my last post I played way more Hearthstone than I should, sorted out my JSA claim to this area, sorted out my HB claim to this hostel, and booked this hostel for the time being consecutively so my accommodation is all but stable.

No real issues. I provided the right information to each relevent agency and party and, apart from a 9am phone call for some putz at the housing benefits office asking me to confirm what was fucking outlined on the fucking receipts I printed out and checked in, everything was swapped over without anything being dropped, especially not a payment, so I didn't have to chase it.

Well, my JSA was slow to come through and I did have to chase that, but I got it sorted out in hours on the day of so no worries. Going to sign on tomorrow and I don't see any issues.

Took a resit exam for my Certificate in Basic Policing Course. Apparently I don't need to do all 17 outstanding questions in one sitting but I do need to do a paper in one sitting. So what I did was 3 questions total, of two different papers, and passed them both, found out today, last Saturday.

I didn't just do all 17 because I spent, and yes I know I'm a damn fool, about two weeks writing games design and playing Hearthstone, then worked up the morale to actually do revision of the material about a day or so before hand.

Stayed awake for 25 hours to get to the exam, ran out of cash so didn't eat for 12 hours, and didn't have the monies for transport so I had to walk for 4 hours to get there.

The four hour walk back...no words to describe how much that fucking hurt. Got into the hostel and just collapsed onto a bench and fell asleep. Took it's now Tuesday and I feel somewhat normal for the first time since.

Essentially the world has stopped being an unfair place that likes to torture me, so I'm now, like a fucking sadist, doing it to myself.

I take full responsibility for it. I should've revised. I should've kept money back. I should've gotten a good nights sleep, arrived, done all 17, and now be smug I passed. And I paid for it. Saturday hurt more than I have in YEARS, no exercise, no trauma, nothing has hurt that much. Yeesh.

Tutor said he could do Thursday so I'm going in to do some more of the papers. 14 questions remaining and 1.5 days to revise.

And I'm not doing it.

Why?

Morale issues basically. I know I should do it, I know things will be better once it's done, and I want to be a policeman, but...meh...

Can't remember if I posted it before but all the crap I've been through up till now just piled on me and that last issue with the job center, the insult, the patronization, the fucking stupidity of it...that's what I'm fighting.

I'm fighting 'Fuck This'. I'm trying to make myself give a damn when it matters, when I've got time, to do the work and finish. To end it. To get my prize at last...

I did it at the end of last week. I'm sure I'll pull my shit together tomorrow.

I know I want to be a policemen though because I love it. I love sitting in this hostel, seeing someone break a pool que and try to hide it, reporting it to the hostel staff and being thanked for it. I love the authority. I love the creeping stealthy predator nature of it. I want to be a policeman and hunt criminals. It's just this part which is killing me...

About the only other thing currently happening right now is, once again, sexual bullshit.

Receptionist in the hostel I'm staying. Cute and slinky lil bint, very nice ass, who get's flustered when I talk to her, checks me out, and is trying to get me to talk to her. Issue? She smokes, and I have a policy.

Third girl I've ever been interested in who smoked. Two were way back when I lived in Oxfordshire and worked in a pub, and this would be the third. One said she loved me, went on date with the second but nothing happened, and this one is lovely but I don't date smokers and thats the end of it.

Like I said last time, I don't have time or headspace for this bullshit but I still want sex. The fact that she smokes makes it 2 to 1 in the negative, but that 1 is about 5 times bigger than the other two combined.

Fucking humanity man. Fucking smoking too.

Downloading League of Legends on this toy laptop I'm using. The recommended specs are way above this 1.5GHz piece of shit, but I can run Hearthstone and want to see if at minimum settings it can manage to run it anyway. Likewise with Visual Studio and Photoshop, which I need for testing and adding graphics to my games design documentation.

That's coming along well too. Written about 10,000 words so far and barely gotten started. Get these exams out of the way and, apart from some general revision of the material I should probably do before getting into training, I should be able to up that by a few 10's of thousands with a Bestiary and racial definitions.

On series five of Boardwalk Empire. It's a period drama of 1920's prohibition in Atlanta, USA. Just my sort of show too. Intrigue plus lots of violence and a central protagonist who is bad ass because of his wit and intellect. An old time Raymond 'Red' Reddington [The Blacklist]. Speaking of, I'm loving The Blacklist at the moment as well. Just coming to the end of the whole Berlin plotline. G fucking G ending.

Kinda built a sexual thing for Megan Boone who plays agent Keen too. Downloaded, late, The Fappening via torrents some time ago, and checked for her name in there after they showed her in her panties during a scene. Fucking excellent bootie on that women, and there's nudes of her on a bed in one of the volumes of The Fap.

Emily Bett Rickards [more like Emily BUTT Rickards], who played Felicity Smoak in Arrow is fucking gorgeous too. Showed her in PJs in last weeks episode and there couldn't have been a person who's attracted to women watching that who wouldn't have liked her to lose them.

Eliza Taylor in The 100 as well. FUCK.

Series 2 of The 100, the show picked up in quality and they finally explained how the Skypeople and the Grounders survive both the radiation on the ground and the trip from living in space to living on the ground without suffering from all sorts of illnesses. People who're raised their entire lives in bubbles, like space stations, should not have ability to live on Earth in a tropical rainforest. That really did annoy me when watching S01. And at the start of S02 they did nothing but explain how that happened in an acceptable way. And generally the story telling is several times better than it was.

Eliza Taylor though. That women has gotten all kinds of fucking gorgeous in S02. Character aside, who thinks something like me which is way attractive, she's the same age as me but seems to have hit the gym or something because it's so hard not to imagine her totally butt naked when watching that show. YEESH.

Anyway, new ep of The Blacklist has finished downloading so I'm gonna go watch it and eat dinner. Revise after. That's what I should be doing.

Tomorrow, sign on, revise, and get to the college on Thursday in good order...yeah...that's what's going to happen...sure... O_O

...have a good one.

On Lack of Sleep and a Game played with Thrones...

Morning.

It's currently 8:43am.

Haven't slept since I last posted.

Have watched the newest episode of Game of Thrones [S04E08], had a shave, and showered though.

It's stupid and annoying but for some reason my sleep pattern tends to lean towards sleeping from 5am till 1pm, and I feel more motivated to do what I'm meant to be doing when I'm so tired I'm seeing a purple haze before my eyes.

Going to go to the hypermarket [food store] for breakfast and do my weekly shopping in a moment because firstly I need to replenish the stores and secondly I'm starving and run out of most food which isn't just salad, and you don't eat just salad for breakfast.

Never did get that workout, but I did take care of some other business so that's OK. I'll do everything that doesn't need thought by riding a caffeine surfeit, get some snooze, then put Mr. Brain to task.

---

As a final thought to this morning; I'm really enjoying series four of Game of Thrones. I stopped reading the books about three or four volumes in because mostly it's just the same cycle of death games over and over and I got bored.

The TV series is far more interesting, especially when Dinklage is doing his award deserving performance of The Imp.

Somehow the almost philosophical scenes on the show are everything the book isn't. Set pieces of sometimes quite horrible but nevertheless beautiful art are showcased in such a way as to actually impact the viewer.

I've watched Hannibal and, bar one r two scenes of exquisite bestial artistry, mostly you start to ignore the horrible sights and sounds the show displays as desensitization sets in.

Not so with Game of Thrones. You don't expect it until you see it, and then somehow it's bold text in a paragraph, a fitting climax after a smooth build, rather than a capitalized statement with too much emphasis that it's what you expect, rather than something you marvel at.

Art is in fact the best way to describe Game of Throne's choreography and narrative. The only issue I have really is that, for me at least, the show can sometimes be very predictable.

*SPOILER*

In S04E08 for example.

I could see very clearly that when he didn't strike The Mountain down when he stabbed him, finished him off, that he was going to die by a surprise attack from the man. And I knew this on the basis that it couldn't happen any other way. The scene wasn't set up so The Mountain would be killed and that'd be that. They had made it too clear that his emotions would distract him. Of course, making anything personal instead of business, especially in games of mortality, is how you lose, fact and subsequent loss of life. But I'm not saying it wasn't good, I just expected it before I even saw this episode.

Maybe it was just me...

*SPOILER*

Anyway, one of the better shows currently on TV.

Along with The Blacklist and James Mother-Fucking Spader.

Going to get breakfast.