Gone But Not Forgotten...

Halo thar. Been busy doing nothing very much. In all accuracy.

Since my last post I played way more Hearthstone than I should, sorted out my JSA claim to this area, sorted out my HB claim to this hostel, and booked this hostel for the time being consecutively so my accommodation is all but stable.

No real issues. I provided the right information to each relevent agency and party and, apart from a 9am phone call for some putz at the housing benefits office asking me to confirm what was fucking outlined on the fucking receipts I printed out and checked in, everything was swapped over without anything being dropped, especially not a payment, so I didn't have to chase it.

Well, my JSA was slow to come through and I did have to chase that, but I got it sorted out in hours on the day of so no worries. Going to sign on tomorrow and I don't see any issues.

Took a resit exam for my Certificate in Basic Policing Course. Apparently I don't need to do all 17 outstanding questions in one sitting but I do need to do a paper in one sitting. So what I did was 3 questions total, of two different papers, and passed them both, found out today, last Saturday.

I didn't just do all 17 because I spent, and yes I know I'm a damn fool, about two weeks writing games design and playing Hearthstone, then worked up the morale to actually do revision of the material about a day or so before hand.

Stayed awake for 25 hours to get to the exam, ran out of cash so didn't eat for 12 hours, and didn't have the monies for transport so I had to walk for 4 hours to get there.

The four hour walk back...no words to describe how much that fucking hurt. Got into the hostel and just collapsed onto a bench and fell asleep. Took it's now Tuesday and I feel somewhat normal for the first time since.

Essentially the world has stopped being an unfair place that likes to torture me, so I'm now, like a fucking sadist, doing it to myself.

I take full responsibility for it. I should've revised. I should've kept money back. I should've gotten a good nights sleep, arrived, done all 17, and now be smug I passed. And I paid for it. Saturday hurt more than I have in YEARS, no exercise, no trauma, nothing has hurt that much. Yeesh.

Tutor said he could do Thursday so I'm going in to do some more of the papers. 14 questions remaining and 1.5 days to revise.

And I'm not doing it.

Why?

Morale issues basically. I know I should do it, I know things will be better once it's done, and I want to be a policeman, but...meh...

Can't remember if I posted it before but all the crap I've been through up till now just piled on me and that last issue with the job center, the insult, the patronization, the fucking stupidity of it...that's what I'm fighting.

I'm fighting 'Fuck This'. I'm trying to make myself give a damn when it matters, when I've got time, to do the work and finish. To end it. To get my prize at last...

I did it at the end of last week. I'm sure I'll pull my shit together tomorrow.

I know I want to be a policemen though because I love it. I love sitting in this hostel, seeing someone break a pool que and try to hide it, reporting it to the hostel staff and being thanked for it. I love the authority. I love the creeping stealthy predator nature of it. I want to be a policeman and hunt criminals. It's just this part which is killing me...

About the only other thing currently happening right now is, once again, sexual bullshit.

Receptionist in the hostel I'm staying. Cute and slinky lil bint, very nice ass, who get's flustered when I talk to her, checks me out, and is trying to get me to talk to her. Issue? She smokes, and I have a policy.

Third girl I've ever been interested in who smoked. Two were way back when I lived in Oxfordshire and worked in a pub, and this would be the third. One said she loved me, went on date with the second but nothing happened, and this one is lovely but I don't date smokers and thats the end of it.

Like I said last time, I don't have time or headspace for this bullshit but I still want sex. The fact that she smokes makes it 2 to 1 in the negative, but that 1 is about 5 times bigger than the other two combined.

Fucking humanity man. Fucking smoking too.

Downloading League of Legends on this toy laptop I'm using. The recommended specs are way above this 1.5GHz piece of shit, but I can run Hearthstone and want to see if at minimum settings it can manage to run it anyway. Likewise with Visual Studio and Photoshop, which I need for testing and adding graphics to my games design documentation.

That's coming along well too. Written about 10,000 words so far and barely gotten started. Get these exams out of the way and, apart from some general revision of the material I should probably do before getting into training, I should be able to up that by a few 10's of thousands with a Bestiary and racial definitions.

On series five of Boardwalk Empire. It's a period drama of 1920's prohibition in Atlanta, USA. Just my sort of show too. Intrigue plus lots of violence and a central protagonist who is bad ass because of his wit and intellect. An old time Raymond 'Red' Reddington [The Blacklist]. Speaking of, I'm loving The Blacklist at the moment as well. Just coming to the end of the whole Berlin plotline. G fucking G ending.

Kinda built a sexual thing for Megan Boone who plays agent Keen too. Downloaded, late, The Fappening via torrents some time ago, and checked for her name in there after they showed her in her panties during a scene. Fucking excellent bootie on that women, and there's nudes of her on a bed in one of the volumes of The Fap.

Emily Bett Rickards [more like Emily BUTT Rickards], who played Felicity Smoak in Arrow is fucking gorgeous too. Showed her in PJs in last weeks episode and there couldn't have been a person who's attracted to women watching that who wouldn't have liked her to lose them.

Eliza Taylor in The 100 as well. FUCK.

Series 2 of The 100, the show picked up in quality and they finally explained how the Skypeople and the Grounders survive both the radiation on the ground and the trip from living in space to living on the ground without suffering from all sorts of illnesses. People who're raised their entire lives in bubbles, like space stations, should not have ability to live on Earth in a tropical rainforest. That really did annoy me when watching S01. And at the start of S02 they did nothing but explain how that happened in an acceptable way. And generally the story telling is several times better than it was.

Eliza Taylor though. That women has gotten all kinds of fucking gorgeous in S02. Character aside, who thinks something like me which is way attractive, she's the same age as me but seems to have hit the gym or something because it's so hard not to imagine her totally butt naked when watching that show. YEESH.

Anyway, new ep of The Blacklist has finished downloading so I'm gonna go watch it and eat dinner. Revise after. That's what I should be doing.

Tomorrow, sign on, revise, and get to the college on Thursday in good order...yeah...that's what's going to happen...sure... O_O

...have a good one.

The Best Ones Always Show Up The Day After Tomorrow...

Howdy. I guess the nerves hadn't woken up yesterday because most of my muscles are currently complaining about their ill treatment. -.-

... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...

Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.

I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.

So there's that.

Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...

I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.

Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.

I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.

I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.

The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.

So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].

The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.

I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.

The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P

Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].

Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.

That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.

At the end of the day, what matters more?

See you on and on...