On Troubles...

Always with the troubles. Two weeks ago it was flu, a fitness test and an exam. This week it's eviction and two exams. For crying out loud.

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Woke up. Coughed up a lung. Was asked to talk by my landlady. Said I had to go to the doctors. Went out.

Got a text demanding that I leave my current acom today as I've not paid my last two weeks rent. Negotiated to stay until Monday on the basis that I always pay what's owed and have done so in the past.

Got to the doctors, LATE by ten minuets, but managed to get in to see the doctor through negotiation [I'm getting good at reasoning with people it would seem...or lying anyway] which might have had something to do with the fact that I ran to get there on time and coughed up my other lung in the waiting room. Doctor said I had a chest infection [DUUUH] and prescribed me 9 anti-bios pills A DAY with a steroid inhaler which I need to take 8 times a day. Had it for 3 months and I'm not ridding myself of it and the NHS paid for the meds so wth.

Fun part is that after I take them they fuck with my senses and make me feel weird. Not bad precisely but I got on a train and went in the wrong direction twice before I got to my home stop. xD

My blood test for Hep B hasn't been delivered to my doctor, so I now need to chase that up from Lewisham Hospital, and my signature form required for my police medical is going to cost me 20 quid to claim, which is fucking criminal seeing as I need it to gain employment.

BY THIS TIME I felt like I was cooking so I spent a couple of hours cooling off in front of a fan with a window open.

Then I tried to look for a new room, but by this time it had gone 6pm so I could only phone a few of private leasers, and most of those turned out to no longer be renting. Resolved to get on with college work and then tomorrow morning and afternoon ring around to try to find somewhere to rent from. Either way, on Sunday I'm moving out, it just depends if on Thursday and Friday I can find a new room to rent or if I'm moving into a hostel on Sunday. I really don't want to go living in a hostel again, but on the plus side I can still look for a new room to rent after that point, and I'll have two weeks before Week 7 of my certificate in basic policing course, with yet more exams, so I'll have time to look for somewhere new to rent in week one and in week two do my college work.

I'll have somewhere to sleep, and that's the main thing, but given that it's now summer it's probably not going to be the same place for more than a few nights in a row, but on the other hand it'll only be for a week or so before I can move into a new room.

Stressful work, but in my current position it's my only option.

A few weeks to find a new place, a few more to purge this chest infection, and a few months to clear my college course and be hired by the police, whereupon my training pay will go to pay for:

• Better acom close to where I'll be working plus transportation.
• Covering the housing benefits overpayment not overpayment as I was entitled to the money
• The debt I've got and had with my bank for several years which is slightly more than the housing benefits overpayment

Plus, if I can find a penny or two, some new fucking clothes and other personal equipment which I needed replacing about a two year ago.

Now now I've taken about 30 minuets out of my very early morning college work time to write this, and I need some food to take with my meds.

So basically things are fine and not fine at the same time and I'm working from day-to-day here.

• Today I do college work, and then sleep.
• Tomorrow I search for new acom and write up revision mats.
• Friday I search for new acom and revise for my exams.
• Saturday I go to college and take two exams.
• Sunday I move my things out, probably in a hostel for fucks sake.
• Monday I search like blazes for a new room.

Which is a bitch to find because even though I'm technically a student and practically hired by the coppers, you tell people you're a needy individual on DSS [acom speak for housing benefits apparently] and they reject you out of hand as someone who can't pay their rent.

I spent an hour today convincing someone that it might be late but I always pay my rent debt eventually, which is quite accurate. Of course I wish I could hand a month and pay monthly and had the option of living somewhere which was at least adequate, but staying is hostels is what I've got to work with until I get into police training.

I'll have a bed, and that's about as much I can hope for at the moment in the short term.

It does seem sometimes like the harder I push to improve my life in the long term, the worse it becomes.

I could've started this 10 week course a year ago and had no issues passing both the fitness side and the academic side without this flu, chest infection, eviction fucking nonsense, but instead I get one weekend in hell after the next.

I'm amazed I've not terminally fucked something up yet, although the jury is still out on my Day 2 thanks to that fitness instructor, and as for getting out of this flat with everything I own and into another room without losing my shit...ask me in two weeks.

RIGHT: I'm done. Getting sammitches and then going back to college work for a couple more hours. About half a week left to do and 2-5's quizzes, so it's not that much, but I really need to review a fuckton of it, and need to put in some serious revision for Saturday's exams.

Unlike every other time in my past, maybe, just maybe, putting myself through sheer fucking torture, stress and hellish circumstances might actually pay off if at the end of it I actually become a policeman and get paid to do good work.

If nothing else though, this shit that I'm going through is teaching me two things; work under pressure and how to lie, react and negotiate with people who don't want to deal. I stopped myself at least three times when talking to my landlady from saying the wrong thing that would've seen me in a hostel right now, and I coughed more than I needed to in order to get to see the doctor this afternoon.

My course tutor was right; policing, dealing with people, is half due authority and half personal charisma. I didn't think I had any of the latter, but I got what I wanted out of today using my words rather than rights. Maybe I've got a bit of talent in that area. :)

FOOD. :O

On...On...On...

So that's what happens when you're awake for 29 hours and then sleep for 16. You wake up remembering the most psychedelic dreams of your life and then feel like the entire world is dented plastic as your brain tries to reboot.

Currently eating and drinking the closest things to hand which include leftover coke, cookies, and bananas, all whilst typing with one hand. Not out of any kind of enjoyment you understand but because my stomach is hooked directly to my hands and mouth now apparently.

Didn't eat well yesterday at college, came home and buried myself in bed straight away so no time for food. Would prefer going to make sammitches and things but, as usual, my fucking flatmates are making pancakes or something at 10:41am. Bastards.

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My abused corpus trying to repair itself aside; why in nine hells did I do this to myself?

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Because the universe did it's usual 'Fuck You' act towards me; evicting me, giving me an exam, a seven hour job interview with a fitness test, AND a court tribunal all in the same 2 week period.

- Moving out needs to be done in the next two weeks because so the rent I owe piles up just enough to give me the deposit on a new place, but no so much so that I owe a large amount to my flatmates who pay the rent on the 21st of each month. I want them 'expecting' it until I've left, and then not be able to reclaim it after I've gone, so I need to be gone in the next 2 weeks without a trace.

- The exam, usually, wouldn't be an issue. It's only about 'Victims and Witnesses', one subject, and just memorization of a single passage of information. Normally it would be a piece of piss, but I've still got week 2, 3, and 4 to catch up from the homework portfolio, plus everything else I have to do.

Alright, so if I just did the homework this week and then on the weekend spend my time memorizing the exam information, finishing whatever I don't get done on the homework this week during not next week but the week after, it shouldn't be an issue to pass the exam first go. But I don't have much time to do either the homework OR the exam revision.

- The seven hour job interview has a bunch of forms I need to fill out, which will take about 2 hours max, but the fitness interview requires me to have been taking daily exercise for weeks. I've got 11 days, and I'm still not sure I can run even now because a] my bronchitis hasn't cleared and I had 2 coughing fits yesterday, and b] I haven't been eating right and my metabolism is all kinds of fucked up.

- And as for the tribunal...I'm cancelling it, I just don't have the time right now to gather evidence and prove shit to anyone. Besides, the stupid bastards won't care to listen. What is truth in the face of evil, and evil is the ignorance of context. All I can afford to do timewise is just paying it back slightly until I get hired as a copper and can pay it back in full in a short time period, which is all I can afford financially, but that's still going to take up time I don't have arranging repayment and cancelling my tribunal date.

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I stayed awake trying to get as much work done as I could because I've got multiple cows standing in front of the giant win turbine and they're all very nervous.

The best I can hope for at this point is this:

- Getting up early tomorrow and going for a horrible, painful, and probably throat rending run.

- Cancelling the tribunal and setting up repayment in one trip to the council offices, which are thankfully just next to a Doctors I'm registered with, in one single trip there.

- Either finding somewhere new to live in the next two weeks, will only take a day or two to find and move into, or [horribly] moving into a hostel and putting my stuff in storage pro tem [not a good option and that and lack of personal PC will make studying a lot harder].

- And somewhere in all this finding at least enough time to do the exam prep, if not most of the homework.

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I hate this. Other people apply for the police, do the interviews, learn the course, and maybe struggle with the content, but they pass it. I have to get a persistent throat infection, a court tribunal, evicted AND an exam, all at the same time.

My course tutor nearly got himself killed yesterday though. I asked if it'd be possible to maybe rearrange my exam as I can't afford to cover retakes and these two weeks are falling on my head like a ton of fucking bricks. Like delay it for 2 weeks whilst I catch up, I mean I did just get evicted for crying out loud if nothing else. Let me at least arrange where I get my head down first.

And the asshole stood there and basically said 'well, yeah, that's a problem, that's a big bunch of problems, but the important thing, the key point is, well, there're not my problems'.

I, in a sleep deprived state, nearly went for his throat.

I mean, the man is an experienced copper right? Empathy, consideration, concern for others, these are key traits of policemen aren't they? Helping someone in strife and ensuring their prosperity and security?

Hell, he stands there and explains to use a week or two back about this social pyramid thing with stuff like housing and food on the bottom and education and work on the top and explains to us that in the social hierarchy people seek the basic human needs before trying to achieve greater personal development. Which made sense; 'only those with their feet on rock can build castles in their' so Terry Pratchett said.

And here's this asshole shrugging and saying 'How you manage your time is your own responsibility'.

Bastard.

I remember every time someone does this to me. I find that the world has decided to throw everything at me all at once, and when I ask for help to give me time to take care of shit that can't wait before others which could possibly at the behest of another, and they don't just say no sorry and act almost disdainful and smug, like you should be trying harder to get this work done even though you've got no time and several others saying the same thing, I remember it.

Then when someone asks me why I hate people, why I'm mildly hostile towards them all the time and don't like to be around them, I tell them something like this and ask them why on earth they like them.

My best chance to be employed in several years and I've got a choice; either keep up with their testing or have somewhere nice to put my head down. Keep the tiny amount of money I've got coming in, or take short term reductions to it for more in the long term.

And there's never any help. Never someone in power who says 'well, I understand you've got so much to do, let's push that a week so you've got more time, it's not like it'll cost us anything personally'.

...FINE...WHATEVER...I already hate this fucking world anyway, dealing with bullies and bastards every day. I'll do whatever I can and pick up the pieces of whatever I can't. I just don't see why it always has to be like this every dam time I try to do anything.

Just once I'd like it to be fair.