It Just Keeps Getting Worse...

...fuck me.

My last post was more than a week ago. This is because, as I said in my last post, that this week I would be revising for my resit exam for my certificate in basic policing course and under taking a employability skills course at the behest of the Job Center. This was after I moved hostels on the Monday.

On Monday I did manage to move hostels just fine by using the buses to ferry my things from one hostel near Hyde Park over to another in a London borough called Islington.

This was a smart move on my part because unlike where I was staying this new hostel has better showers, is quieter, has a fridge and residents who don't steal food*, and best of all, in house wifi which permits access to torrents and a large common room with tables where I can sit and type and isn't ever cold.

*At least this week I've kept food in the fridge and, apart from a misunderstanding about labeling which resulted in my bag being placed in the staff fridge until I asked where it went, no one has stolen so much as the butter I've been eating all week.

I mean, seriously, the people here don't make noise, are really polite and it's a very nice place to stay, which is damn odd considering that I was staying in a hostel just off Hyde Park in central London with the next best thing to a collection of animate slime molds. Move two miles out of the city center to a hostel in an obviously poor borough and pay less rent, and suddenly everyone from the staff to the guests and the accommodation goes from harsh thieving thuggish scum to friendly warm easy and nice human beings. Go figure.

That however is where this week stopped being positive.

Tuesday I attended the first session of the employability skills course my job adviser at the job center put me on in spite of my certificate in basic policing course and my application to the Metropolitan Police Service, which I considered at the time to be a stupid act because I needed to revise the materials for the start of my police constable training and anything beyond that would be simply be a pointless waste of time.

He, my adviser, and the company who runs the course however told me that they would review my skills and abilities and then put me in direct contact with appropriate employers who would then hire me in the next couple of weeks. It's the sort of thing I always imagined the job center would do - take unemployed people, fine an employer and match them up - before having contact with the job center who see people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than as human beings.

Each of the sessions for this course were to take place 3 hours travel from where I would be staying - the new hostel I'm currently sitting in - but I only had 1 exam left and thought I could attend the course, revise in the evenings and take the resit at the end of the week. Once I pass this final resit I would then get my certificate, hand that MPS and get my full time paid training start date, job done, or started as it might be.

Thing was that the course lasted 6 hours per day, from 10am till 4pm. I had to get up at 6am to dress and travel, 4 hours total, to where the course would take place. Then it would take 3 hours to get back and another 1 for dinner. So in total that's 14 hours, less 8 hours sleep means I had 0 hours for revising, so I got about 4 hours sleep a night trying to get revision in.

Additionally the bus costs about 3-4 pounds back and forth in travel credit, even with an Oyster Card.

By the end of the week I had burned through all the money I had buying lunch whilst out and travel credit. I had also gotten so tired I started making bad choices and not watching the time and failing to revise.

Tuesday was the induction to the course.

For some reason I thought this would take place in something like a college class room setting with computers and desks and things in an office style environment.

The class took place in a community center of a bough located deep in a residential area, and looked like a wartorn pile of brick that would look at home in the live-action movie of the Fallout nuclear apocalypse roleplaying and combat game series.

Wednesday morning the course started in earnest.

I woke up to find my debit card missing. I had been using it to pay for my travel costs on the bus [contactless payment method] so I had to walk to Elephant and Castle and then take the train for free to a nearby station. For some reason they never installed security gates in Elephant and Castle shopping center or at my intended destination so it wasn't an issue to use them seeing as I would've paid if I could but couldn't. Point is that I still had to walk for several hours to get there on time and back again.

When I got to the class was where I started to become enraged with my situation because we spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips in groups.

...

Just let me type this a few more times to really let it sink in.

We spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips.

I attended a job skills recruitment program to hang around with people who can barely read written English under the orders of the job center who are responsible for keeping me alive and getting me as quickly as possible back into full time paid employment instead of being permitted to revise for my final exam which once passed would get me full time paid employment with a public service, and I spent literal hours making a bridge out of paper and paper clips.

I SPENT HOURS OF LIFE MAKING A BRIDGE OUT OF PAPER AND FUCKING PAPER CLIPS BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING ME INTO PAID EMPLOYMENT TOLD ME THAT MY CERTIFICATE IN BASE POLICING COURSE AND MY APPLICATION TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE SERVICE OF LONDON, ENGLAND, WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING.

...

Thursday. On Thursday I was so tired and so angry about Wednesday that mostly I sat in the class and thought about killing my job adviser, especially after the tutor of the course said 'I'm here to help you get into work'.

I'm a patient guy, honest, harmless really, unless someone actively tries to hurt or kill me anyway whereupon I disable the attacker with stupid ease and maximum ferocity. I want to be a policeman because I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can be swift and deadly and dangerous, but I'm only a threat to those who harm others.

However in the course of my application the following happened which made it harder for me to get the work done. Things that others didn't have to deal with:

• I got a chest infection, my first illness in 10 years and my last since, a week before I took a fitness test with the MPS, which I still passed despite not sleeping for 24 hours due to revising for a Certificate in Basic Policing Exam, and not eating for 16 hours due to lack of coin. Plus the fucking fitness examiner bulled me during the mother fucking test! If I ever see that bitch again I'm going to make her fucking pay.
• When I went to do the coursework for my certification course, my PC broke, and the college was closed for the summer and refused me entry to use their computers, I was forced to use my 8 year old iPhone to get 75% of the coursework done.
• And then at the end of the course, 5 minuets from victory, my first full time job in about a decade of being ignored by employers, the job center, the people who are supposed to exist to get me full time paid employment, or at least stay out of the way and let me look or get educated so I can get employed, called my attempts pointless and essentially disabled my ability to finish them off after I had done 99% of the course.

At I sat in that class, tired, hungry, and ever so angry, I wanted to hurt this fucking animal that was ruining my life. I wanted him to bleed. To feel pain. To know what he was doing and to suffer thereby...

It was all fantasy. I haven't and won't lay a finger on him. There is a vast difference between wishing someone dead and killing them. I wish him to suffer for what he did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cause it.

I left there at the end of the session, even more angry after I requested Friday off to spend the day catching up on my rest and revising for the exam and being denied. I told my college tutor about this circumstances and he told me to do half this week and half next week, which sounded like a good idea. But they refused to give me Friday off, citing that the job center had to sign off on it. I admit I didn't ask my job adviser for the day off. He didn't know the course content of the employability skills course, he's never seen evidence of my knowledge and abilities, he never asked for confirmation I was enrolled at college or the letters I've received for the police regarding my application. He put me on the employability skills course and prevented me from completing my college course in total ignorance. I was angry. I wasn't going to go ask him for the day off. He would say no. Then he would die after I tore out his throat with my teeth.

So I went home. Whereupon I took the train. Went through the security gates without worrying about paying because I was too tired and angry to really notice the world around me at that point. And of course the train company and police was checking for tickets at the gate. With no debit card I had to provide them with my name and address and national insurance number and will receive a letter shortly ordering me to pay a £20.00 fine. Because of my job adviser. All because I did what I had to because of one man's ignorance and stupidity.

Friday, I gave up.

I got up and got half way to the employability skills course location, stopped for a drink of water, and...broke.

You don't disobey or argue with the job center. Because if you do they issue sanctions. Sanctions mean your housing benefit stops [you get evicted onto the street] and your job seekers allowance is cut in half [so you can eat, just, but you're sleeping outside].

There aren't really words for my physical condition by mid Friday morning at 9am.

I had run out of travel credit and couldn't afford to buy more [the buses are no-cash based, and the amount of credit you can buy at minimum costs more than I had, so eat I could, travel I could not]. I had to walk for 3 hours to get home. I had been getting 4 hours sleep a night for several days. I hadn't been eating properly. I hadn't showered as I needed sleep more than cleaning. I was a walking wreck of a human being, mentally, physically, emotionally.

I dragged myself home, slowly because my limbs simply didn't have the energy in them that they needed to function. Got in, ate, slept for 4 hours, ate some more, and then started arranging a solution to this mess.

The solution I've found is that I needed to update my address with the job center, which I never did because it's tied to my housing benefits and my address hasn't stayed stable and the cost of rent has been anywhere from 80-120 pounds a week over the last few months. However, by doing so this will remove me from the employability skills course and it will take them a couple of weeks to get me onto a new course, giving me just enough time to take my resit and get that to the MPS.

The downside is that this may result in not being paid my housing benefits for a couple of weeks and not being able to pay my rent. So it's not a perfect solution by any means, but it's better than getting sanctions for not attending the employability skills course.

This is in process and on Monday I'll be going to the job center to finalize the transfer of my claim over to the local offices. Hopefully my housing benefit for that week will still come through so I can send my medical forms to the MPS.

It's now Saturday and I feel a hell've a lot better.

Got 10 hours sleep last night, got up and showered and shaved, then went and spend the last handful of coin I had left for this week on ham, bread, coleslaw and milk so with the apples I have a bit of everything to aid recovery until after this weekend.

Seriously though, I'm a hard guy, a bad ass, with scars in places you don't want to get scars, and I work out, and I know pain, but this morning and occasionally this afternoon I was feeling so much better by comparison to yesterday that I was laughing like a mad man. I mean, cackling laughter which cracked around the edges with the sound of a brain's sanity sloughing away.

All I know right now is that I've eaten well today, I've slept well last night and will get some more shortly, the TV is good, I'm not cold, and it doesn't hurt anymore. And I've got a chance to finish my course and get into training.

And I hate humans.

The next time someone issues me an order I don't want to do, regardless of the consequences, I won't do it. If the local job center to here orders me onto a new course, I'm not going to attend. If they sanction me, I'm going to report the adviser who does it. If that doesn't fix it, I'm going to sue. If I can't, I'm going to post the above in more detail [it's worse than I summarized] on Change.org and start a petition for change.

Fuck you human. Fuck you and your entire fucked up fucking species who keep trying to cripple and damage me. No. More. I've hit my limit. Next round, I'd rather be DEAD than take any more of this.

I mentioned a while back about gears and how I stripped one and went ape shit at my college course tutor. Well, I haven't stripped one gear. Most of the gears have broken and shattered over the last week. Now it's time for the world to change.

Going to install MS Office on my laptop, organize the 3 books I'm writing, and then go get some snooze. Tomorrow I want to organize my exam revision. 08/11/14 is when the resit is. 2 weeks later is when I'll get the results. Anyone tries to stop me from being prepared to pass the exam, I'm going to ignore them and inform them that they can burn in hell.

My final word for today is that Papa Roach is pretty damn good. The slightly older stuff is better than the newer stuff. Not that the newer stuff is crap, but it's not quite as good in my view. Getting Away With Murder, 2004, was excellent. The Paramour Sessions though, not so much.

DONE.

Tempus Fugit...

Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.

Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.

The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.

So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.

I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.

So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.

So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.

And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.

Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.

The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.

The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.

I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.

I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.

What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...

I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.

5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...

Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.

I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.

The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.

...

Lady friend is OK. Sorta.

A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.

She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.

Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.

Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].

I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.

So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.

I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.

...

I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.

Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.

The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.

Details to follow.

Good after to you all.

Going Apeshit, not Just for the Apes...

In the blur of stress, hunger and tiredness at the end of last week I totally lost it when replying to my course tutor for the Certificate in Basic Policing Course. I mean, I just let him have it, swearing included. Fuuuck, lol.

He mailed me this morning about not liking my tone and attitude so, now that I've got my shit together, I sent him one back, still angry as ever loving fuck but this time precise and explanatory. Long story short he eventually accepted that I have no control over what the job center orders me to do and gave me time to get my college work done.

I mean, like I've been posting, someone turns around and tells you in detail about the crap he's being put through, it's hard to argue with him.

Point is that I think I've got the college off my back and can get my coursework done now. Don't have to see the job center until Wednesday so we'll see how that goes. And haven't been called by the recruitment company yet. Had sleep. Had food. Even had entertainment as I've downloaded some of the new Doctor Who and watched that whilst eating. I'm fine, for the moment. So long as nothing else goes wrong.

This also means I've not got a lot to write about, except maybe Doctor Who...so why not...

First though, check out a musician called Kraddy on YouTube. He did a RMX for a band I like called The Used, on a track called Put Me Out. Fucking epic tune.

I checked out some of his other work, and though some of it is a wee bit too far into the Drum and Base genre than I'd like, some of it is rather well suited between melodic rage RAWR music and heart beat thumping exercise music.The best music is that which makes me want to tear apart a thick sheet of steel, and practically gives me the power to do it. That's what you need around mile 10 during a 20 mile sprint.

Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park did epically with his RMX of one of their own songs called Victimized. Same thing; thumping based, speed, power, but with grace that makes you wanna summon fire and lay waste to quick deadly shadows like a flame throwing ninja mage. YEH.

Right Doctor Who. New Doctor. Old Doctor. I said before, either here or on Twitter, I can't remember which, that I really enjoyed S08E01, and I did. It's well written, well filmed, well presented and the older doctor makes sense given the over arching theme that he's effectively dying for the last time and this serves as his epitaph. When he said 'Oooh, I'm Scottish' that was all kinds of awesome and I laughed heartily.

S08E02 on the other hand was slightly less awesome, but it made it's point. A reflection of the doctors own mind, though the point is a tad bit tired now. We know he's a destroyer of worlds, we've been over this, and shining light on it again, even if it fits in with the tone and theme of the season, is a bit repetitive.

The women, can't remember her name, who seems to run Heaven, whatever that actually is, is very interesting, and as usual, I'm tearing out chest hair [I'm bald :P ] trying to work out who the hell she is and what's happening to those people.

The other question, which will probably be the S08 cliffhanger, naturally, is of course how they're going to continue the Doctor Who franchise after this season. Either they'll give him a new set of regenerations [though it's a bit obvious], pull the Doctor from an old time frame into the new and sort of reboot the series, or actually kill 'The Doctor' [or let him die anyway] and then introduce an entirely new [and possibly female] Timelord [he had a daughter at some point who is out in the universe somewhere so].

Those are my guesses at where they could go, but they'll probably think of something.

Point is that I take back what I said about the older actor and approve of this new Doctor, but I'm only two episodes in and if they fail to deliver as the episodes go on then I may change my mind. GG so far.

It's fucking epic to finally have access to uTorrents though. I restored The Dresden Files onto my MP3 player and can now listen to any of those on the move again. Still need to download better copies of a couple of The Iron Druid Chronicles, all of Harry Potter and The Discworld, but that's not impossible, just time consuming. Easiest to simply download the next few books of the series I'm listening to [currently on book 10 of Dresden, and have 11 and 12 on the device waiting] and then grab new ones when I near the end of the last book. Eventually I'll have my library fully restored again that way without spending hours and hours doing nothing but downloading audiobooks. :)

[SIDE NOTE: I swear Cowl is Justin Du Mourne and Kumori is Elaine Mallory. It makes so much damn sense with the attack on Arc Angel, Elaine being near the mad fae Queen, Nemesis having a hand in both the death of Harry's mother (by way of Lord Wraith) and the imprisoning of Harry's God Mother for the events of Grave Peril, and how Elaine showed up during Wight Night to report on events to Cowl as his agent caused the destruction of two thirds of the White Court, etc. etc.]

About time I went and did some college work if I want to go running tonight, when I hope it's not bloody raining. Got plenty of salad and things to eat, rent's paid, laundry is done, and so long as I keep up with my job center meetings and do my college work I should be OK in a few weeks.

If I do the work.

If I do the work because I keep procrastinating.

Goin...

Well, that was a most unpleasent little interlude...

Hai. I'm back online. Got a crappy little toy laptop with a duel core 1.2Ghz processor and 2 gigs of RAM this morning for about £50.00.

It runs Windows 7 so if I can find a fucking wifi connection that will let me access uTorrent and a few other things I can at least update my fucking devices with new audiobooks, and use Google Drive and Firefox to finish off my college work. Those two factors alone are worth 50 fucking quid because a] I am SO DONE doing my gods damn college work on my fucking phone, and b] if I have to listen to the first 3 audiobooks of the fucking Dresden Files and Iron Druid Chronicles [the only audiobooks I had on the devices when my tower PC broke] one more time I'm going to EAT the gods damn Sansa I'm using out of spite.

It's several steps below having a real PC [an entire flight of them maybe], but it's one step above having fuck all, so it'll do for about a month until I get into police training and can upgrade to something which, incidentally, can run fucking League of Legends [gods how I miss playing that fucking game] and TOME: Immortal Arena, which this one cannot [2.0Ghz minimum].

Between when I last posted regularly and now, what happened?

Well, the PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of my police coursework in the local library using my phone. Got about 95% done, but my morale took a pasting after, due to shit happening, I missed the resit date for my exams and my course tutor told me that the examining body wouldn't take them again for 6 weeks. Took me a while to get over that.

Then I decided to investigate on what I've been missing out on in terms of human to human interaction. For some reason [maybe it's all the running or something] but I appear to be catnip to the opposite sex [and the same sex who happen to be gay or bi, which is good because I'm bi too]. In the last few weeks I've had a women start touching herself in a hostel dorm bed opposite me to try to get me to fuck her, several people have tried to flirt with me in and around hostels, and just yesterday when I was soaked from running a blond lass AND a red head stud tried to flirt with me.

Naturally I showed them both no mind, and instead hit on a girl who was 10 years younger than me [19 to my 29], already dating someone else for 6 months, and a total brain dead idiot who didn't even know what the hell VOIP is...well, I said 'hit on', where what I actually did was try to make friends with her when she said she was seeing someone, which worked right up until Friday when my heart went nuts when thinking of talking to talk to her, and then Sunday when she sat down to say hello and talk to me, I froze up and got all embarrassed and had to admit [somehow I convinced myself I could just be her friend] that I was really attracted to her. She hasn't spoken to me since, person or email, and I don't blame her one little bit.

Asides from that I really got into browsing Reddit's forums. It's an excellent website, for both social interaction and things like No Sleep where people post creepy stories. It's got some really stupid ass rules at times, like in No Sleep you have to pretend like the stories are totally legit and you're talking to someone who has actually experienced the events in the narrative, which itself is told from the first person perspective [I went to the window, that kind of thing]. Also in Ask Reddit, some guy showed up and decided to try to flamebait me - insult me for the purposes of making me angry and insult him - and when I told the mods [gods how I hate mods] they took a look at his insults, my rational replies, and banned us both for 2 days for 'Slap Fighting'...yeah, because I was totally the bad guy here, and in 2 days I'm not going to be back writing calm rational replies like I just fucking did, DICKS. But overall it's an interesting waste of time and something to do when you've only got an old iPhone and unlimited 3G wifi to entertain yourself.

The reason I mention Reddit right after flirting and being flirted with is because I met this lass in the UK who I've got this daily email communication flow with. Not entirely sure how that happened but she posted in Need a Friend I think as her mates had abandoned her when she went into hospital with complications from a kidney syndrome thingy. I'm not sure what precisely her issues are as she tends to be purposely vague about stuff due to abusive past relationships [notably her ex who, and I don't say this with my usual hyperbole, I actually mean this sincerely, needs to be stabbed a lot and thrown to rats, preferably whilst he's still alive enough to know he's being eaten].

Shes about my age, beautiful [though currently a bit cubby due to the doctor telling her to put on weight for ICU style surgery, but I've seen older pictures and she is hot], interesting eyes, a little shy maybe [she has issues arguing back] but a cuddly personality. She also worked/works [got fired on medical grounds, but probably going to get rehired] for a high court up north, and seeing as I'm going to be a policemen, we're basically studying the same rulebook, only I hunt and capture whilst she locks em up. I like her. And she apparently likes me, even with my crazy which I've exposed her to more than once or twice.

And we have this weird sexual thing going on. She sent me tit pics [even overweight her chest puppies are just amazing], I uploaded a bunch of images off my phone into a drop box and gave her a link [I'm not one to judge my own body, but there are apparently images in there plenty of others want to see from me wearing thin tees and jeans, so can't be too bad and she's asked for more but I've been too busy].

Point is that she knows I'm a virgin, we're the same age, we're both attractive people, we both work in similar areas, we've talked about sexual kinks [she's into a form of BDSM called forced orgasms, and I'm into dominant sex where I've got control and possession of another, so we're compatible], she's not into geeky stuff like me, but...I don't know, we talk and it works somehow, and we share a history of mental abuse so we understand and make allowances for crazy...

...I'm just going to say it, I'm fairly sure that...I don't know. I can't define our relationship even to myself and sometimes she seems sexual and it's a shared thing and sometimes she seems like just a good friend, and she talks to other guys, one of whom is coming to visit her next month, stay in a hotel and hang out for a couple of days, she says they're just good friends, like the mirror image of each others personality, but she shares sexual stuff with me, but won't seem to commit to anything [which is understandable given her exs] and I'm not sure if I want her to...

To say our relationship is muddled is an understatement, but the fact is that I can't act on it on right due to joining the police, and she's currently on disability allowance from the government due to her illness which I'm not entirely sure if she's going to get over and be healthy like normal again.

If she were fit and healthy, and I wasn't still a train wreck, I wouldn't say no to a hotel room, some take out [we both love KFC], some rope, and some epically kinky sex with a person even I, the misenthropic bastard that I am, would have to call a friend.

But the qualifiers to that event aren't there, and I don't really know how she feels. Given the attention I've been getting I also feel I would be [even more] of a fool than I have been lately with regards to other people not to take up some of these other offers I keep getting, but the issue, at least from my perspective, is that I want my first time, with my personality and at this age, to be with someone I trust and like. Someone I can explore with and who'll be patient because she or he cares about me.

In the typical fashion of my stupid fucking existence, what I've got in this regard is someone who would probably give me what I want and probably need, but can't, and offers from those who see a pretty man and want but would get what they don't expect and wouldn't want to handle [OK, so that's cynical but I see no reason not to think the worst here].

So I'm putting a moratorium on the whole damn business and setting back down to get on with my college work. No reason not to chat and get to know people, from the hostel I'm in or online, because someone else may come along who is even better suited to me than the above women, but wait until I've got my own place, restored my wardrobe and devices to reasonable levels, and have settled into being a copper, and then I'll see about adding relationship drama into that. By then, if my lady friend is healthy and we still want in each others undies, then I'll press my intentions, if not, I don't see any reason I can't boink someone else I meet in mean time or after. It's the smart way to go.

Fucking starving right now, but only got about 5 hours sleep last night and cant be asked to move from this library chair. -.-

Anyway, met a few bastards, made a few friends, discovered I'm crack to the opposite sex, wasted some time, living in a cheap hostel so should be able to upgrade some of my shirt shortly, nearly done with college, OH, and getting some temp work after I've finished off the last 5-10% of my course to give me bonus monies which I really does needs

And got a crappy PC which is about an infinity times better than my aging fucking iPhone.

YUP.

Still adding links to Firefox, downloading a few programs, going to go hit Audible for my Discworld audiobooks shortly, and find a way to download torrents so I can get the remainder of the Iron Druid Chronicles onto my Sansa and some TV on my HDD to watch this evening. Come back to library tomorrow after a good nights sleep and revise for resit exams, check in with the job center on Wednesday, and on with college work for the rest of the week.

Try and post about something else tomorrow, like I did before. Did also have ideas about getting an entirely new online ID [the other one which is the main one I use, that I don't use here]. Just think it's time. This wouldn't change as it's not linked to me personally except by access, but my other ID would be wiped and I'd start over with a new project database. A new slate, as it were...

For now though, I'm off to get something to eat before I start eating library patrons. Bai.

On Doing it Right...

HAAAI. :O

Had a good day so far.

---

It's about 14:00, I'm sitting in class listening to Mr. Vacuum drone on about traffic offences, and writing this because my phone's net won't connect so I can't get on with the quizzes so Im taking care of this now rather than later.

Woke up around 5am after 8 hours snooze. More or less anyway cus around 10 last night after I'd been asleep for an hour or so, a load of drunken putzes moved into my dorm room and make a fuck ton of noise. This morning the place was a freaking pile too, but I got some of my own back getting ready for college.

Then got musli for breakfast, 5:45, showered by 6:15, out by 6:30, and then got to college an hour too early at 8am after getting caffeine.

Slept, fed, clean, and caffeinated, on time and even prepped for my exam today too. Not bad that.

Think I might have fucked up the end of it but Ive already gotten a couple of questions wrong anyway last exam so anything I get wrong now will just be added to those two and I'll redo it on the 20th of September.

They charge £35 for the resit, but they compile all resit questions into one paper. 

So on the one hand, given that all students need to score 100% on all exams, one failed question costs you £35.00, on the other hand, if you have 10 failed questions by the end you just sit those 10 in the resit for £35.00 so.

Including one free resit in the fucking course costs would be the most advisable thing, but this is what I've got here and now.

We'll see what happens.

I'm well behind on my coursework quizzes, mostly because I lost my PC and can't work through them efficiently but I did have a word with the admin tutor for my course and we might have worked out a way which will let me work on the college's PCs.

Basically he's emailed reception, so next Wednesday when I pass by the college on route to check in with the job centre Ill pop into the campus and try to log on to the PCs.

If no one says anything, no worries, and if they do I'll tell them that my tutor has given me authorisation and see what they say.

Pass it off to he himself like and act like its a non-issue, which it is.

---

Mr. Vacuum just said that I can't pay attention to him and my phone.

I laughed slightly and said 'yes, I can', and I did so cus the guy just drones on about the course slides. I don't need to listen to pay my entire attention to that.

He hasn't pressed the point, and that's fine with me.

---

I wrote something amusing on 'Art' on Twitter but I can't access Twitter at the moment due to lack of wifi.

Basically I was walking to college this morning and passed a building which had to my eyes a pile of rubbish on a balcony.

I puzzled slightly over this for a moment until I looked up slightly and saw the sign which stated 'The Royal College of Art'.

So the large pile of rubbish on the balcony wasn't a large pile of rubbish on a balcony, it was art.

I'm of the opinion though that a large pile of rubbish on a balcony is still a large pile of rubbish even if the balcony is part of the Royal College of Art.

Upon tweeting this someone tried to rib me over it but I can't post that cus I can't access das Tweeter.

---

Next up is snooze cus Im feeling the 5am right now, and then running and/or reading if I can find a Waterstones that has a copy of Trapped in stock.

Yup.

BAAAI. :O

On Being Busy...

Sup.

Been a bit busy over the last few days trying to get my college work done around extreme (extreme for London anyway) temperatures.

Plus I think I over did the running some cus I slept from around 8pm last night till gone 9am this morning, more than 13 hours.

Things are going OK at the moment.

The lack of my own PC is a constant thorn in my side (never have I understood what its like to be wandless in Rowling's Wizarding World long term as I do now) but I'm so busy with college work I hardly  notice it.

I think the bug bites (which actually number in the low 30's, I only said 20 because firstly I didn't notice a tight patch around the backside of my wrist to my face and secondly miscounted because of the swelling) are finally healing (AFTER NEARLY A WEEK).

I'm getting my college work done, slowly. Finally answered every question in 63 fucking question quiz today after writing up my revision materials yesterday.

I'm more or less preped for the exam tomorrow and should be able to get a good nights rest for the first time in three lecturers (the last time I went sleepless due to being evicted, the time before that I had a bloody chest infection), so that's OK.

And Ive got plenty of nom left, at least enough to last until Monday when I get more monies.

Was going to spend Sunday reading Trapped, book 5 of The Iron Druid Chronicles, but the online store I ordered from only dispatched it today I think so I doubt it'll get here in time.

Going to go running instead. I should be recharged by my inactivity today and walking to college tomorrow.

And that's about it really. I've made some tweets I would elaborate on but its a pain in the ass to keep switching between Twitter and Blogger on my phone.

Yup; eating well, sleeping well, bites are clearing up, Iron Druid is awesome, getting my college work done, if slowly, exam tomorrow, running Sunday.

And its too fucking hot to breath. I'm a hot blooded animal and feel like Im cooking from the inside out in this heat.

Nothing to be done about that though, so I bid thee adue and good morrow.

May harmony find you, as my new favourite Druid would say.

PS: I think I need to be nurtured. There's just way too much nubile sexy lady flesh being paraded around this hot hostel and Im about two steps away from humping legs. xD

On Humanity...

Mornink.

 

Woke up early this morning and got on with packing my stuff up to check out of the hostel for the weekend.

Cost me eight fucking quid (4 bags, 1 pound per day, 8 pounds) to store my shit in the hostel storage for two days. I can afford that, thank fuck, but it was a total rip off all the same.

Got some food and caffeine, then came into the library where I am now to do college work until 5pm.

After Im going to Waterstones, a book store, to read for a few hours and then go find somewhere in the park to kip until morning. More reading tomorrow and then more sleep.

Monday morning check back into the hostel (assuming my benefit money is there), clean up and then head off to college to do more work.

Monday through Friday do the same stuff, and then take the lecture and exam on Saturday.

Take Sunday off and then back to work on Monday. Just get through the work ASAP.

So long as I don't spend more than 30 a week on food, book acom two weeks in advance, do some job searching to qualify for my benefits, and get my college work done it should be smooth sailing until the end of the course in two months.

Hopefully that's how it works out anyway because there are risks that everything might go tits up. Small risks, but problematic ones if they happen.

---

Spent last night chatting to the American student again. Shouldn't have for two reasons though.

Firstly it was a waste of time I should've spent doing college work.

And secondly its caused something of a feedback loop between my lower and higher brain. The former is howling to bed her and the latter is at odds with her world view.

I covered this on Twitter already and I hate writing the same thing twice, but essentially it comes down to my inhuman personality when I am biologically a human being.

She explained what she finds valuable in existence and I explained how I don't understand the value in these things.

She liked the Coliseum in Rome for example for it's history and age.

I find it to be a pile of rock that serves no functional purpose.

She and her friends went to a club that night which involves drinking, dancing and socialisation.

I on the other hand abhor drinking for it damages the mind, consider dancing to be frivolous (dexterity and agility through gymnastics is anything but frivolous, but gyrating to music is not survivalist in functionality), and believe that social interaction is best done in a documented form for efficient information exchange.

I understand that these things she enjoys have their uses, but there are far more efficient ways to go about achieving those goals.

There is much to be learned from history, but documentation is better than visiting a pile of mouldering rock for example.

...A chap on Twitter is trying to fathom my world view and seems to have missed an essential point of mine which runs along the lines of the difference between the rational and irrational.

I don't see the value in these social systems the American lady does because said social systems are based on irrational emotive human needs.

My world view is based on logical thought and not emotion, so I fail to see the value of social bonding rituals, such as is the function of clubs and bars.

To be frank, I know what I mean and I know what I like and how the world should work. It's trying to explain the difference in my world view to normal people that gives me trouble.

The issue is when I try to interact with humans because its like members of two different species trying to come to an accord.

They get angry or leave because I haven't acted how they need me to, whilst I stand there confused because they're joyous over something which I either see as an inefficiency or just information which is neither good nor bad.

---

I suppose the conclusion of this little episode, asides from lingering considerations of how to adequately explain my world view to an outsider and if I should perhaps reconsider some of it, is that I still want what I wanted last night.

I want my ascetically clean office with powerful computers, high doses of caffeine, and time to process information with the occasional bout of exercise.

Humanity be damned as I have always damned it, I can live without a mate even if my humanity keeps demanding it.

The lady goes home on Sunday, I return to the hostel Monday, and I dropped her my email on paper on her bed. She probably won't use and I hope she doesn't. I don't want or need this bother.

---

Getting on with my college work.

The library is closed tomorrow so I won't be posting, but I will on Monday either from my phone or using the college's PCs depending on how things land.

I'm dealing with things as they come, apart from where minor foresight is required to make them go more smoothly, like booking the hostel two weeks in advance.

At the moment I have college work to do. Tomorrow I have reading to do. And Monday I have Monday's problems, one way or the other.

Good afternoon.

On Kakky...

...*long sigh*...

Currently Im up to my nostrils in deep, thick, brown kak.

Can't remember what I posted last about 3 days ago, and Im not going to go check cus its annoying to do so on an iPhone, but this is where I am now:

I've arranged accommodation in a hostel. And except for a slight issue with this weekend I've been able to book it so I can stay here for the whole week concurrently so long as I book a week in advance. I would've booked this with the management, but the assholes who run this reasonably priced place said that they're always fully booked and only do bookings online. Hail the age of automation, where no one can think for themselves and no one cares so long as the money keeps coming in. Trading your humanity for efficiency and the precious, precious coin.

The price of acom changes from week to week, next week being 97 and the following week being 101 for example, and its more than I was paying, and my diet is suffering accordingly, but Ive got enough money to not be hungry.

That's a bed to sleep in and food to eat, the basics anyone needs from day to day.

Now for the shit storm...

My PC broke after I updated my media on my mobile devices on Monday, so I've got only the first 3 Iron Druid Chronicles audiobooks and first 3 Dresden Files until...well some point in the future when I can get a new PC.

I've seen cheap laptops running Windows XP on Gumtree and that would do to let me download my audiobooks and that from places like Audible, I just need to find 50-75 quid from somewhere to make everything a lot more bearable. 

Asides from this, I obviously can't do any college work in the hostel, only at the college itself. I should be there right now but I exhausted myself running across central London yesterday to check in with the job centre and don't feel like moving, much less running for an hour south to the college campus.

(My music player ran out of battery shortly before I went out the door, so Im writing this and charging it.)

And due to one of those stupid protocol before sense situations, again, again, I could find that the money I'm using to sleep indoors and eat with could vanish, and the first I would hear about it would be the same day I need to spend it. It just depends on how much attention people are paying to me.

This is fucking hilarious because the only time people ever pay me any attention is to fuck my shit up. When I really need help they ignore me, but when I need them to ignore me to help me they might as well be The Demon with 10,000 eyes.

If I'm ignored for 8-10 weeks, and I do my college work, then at best I'll be hired by the police, job done. And the training pay, which is greater than full time, will allow me to get proper accommodation and a life.

If not then I may, at worst, end up homeless and unable to finish my certification and therefore unemployed and on the street.

The phrase 'Dangerous Game' comes to mind. The one bright spot is that there's only a slim chance that the shit will hit the fan, but given that this is my life I'm expecting it to go to shit in about 3 and a half days.

I'm doing nothing illegal you understand, its just the nature of the government aid that at one and the same time is propping up my pathetic excuse for an existence and may snuff it out in passing if I'm not careful.

My aim currently is to get my college work done and maintain my acom, and that's it.

8-10 weeks of learning policing, being bored out of my skull, and worrying about my position collapsing and then Ill be employed with the money to take care of everything.

Just have to make it that far. The finish line. The boss battle. The last mile. It's a bitch. But at least it'll be the end, one way or the other.

Because if this shit falls apart I'm walking into fucking traffic the day after.

On Operations...

Hai! :O

Just realized what time it is, 10pm, and that I've not made a blog post yet. Also got a doctors appointment tomorrow afternoon which I can't forget about too [hint, hint to self], especially seeing as I'm wiping spit off my bloody monitor from explosive coughing right now.

Let's make this quick cus I'm vadeing college work at the moment to write this and I need to get the hell on with that...

---


SHEL - When The Sky Fell (Official Music Video)

---

Watched 24 S09E10 this morning, which is all kinds of epic. Really enjoying that at the moment and wish there was 12 more episodes [24 with only 12 episodes is just weird] but what they've done is quite cool.

It was weird seeing her from The Red Wedding playing the bad guy, but it's so very, very epic seeing Jack in 'That was me being polite, I'll do whatever the hell I want when I want and we both know you can't stop me doing it' mode. In all the other seasons he was working under authority, and now he's still doing good but authority of any kind can kiss his ass, it's awesome.

That's the kind of freedom I want out of the world; I know best and will do what I think is right and not only should you not stop me doing it but trying to stop me once I set my mind to it is impossible.

Some day.

In other TV news: been trying to remember for several days now where I've seen the actor who plays the protagonist in Perception before, and then remembered it was Will and Grace, a US sitcom where he played this gay guy as a lawyer I think.

Gay guy lawyer in sitcom to FBI consultant paranoid schizophrenic brain specialist. GG. And he's hot too [no homo...well, half homo cus I'm bi, but I'd hit that].

It annoys me though that this thing is on it's third season now and Lie to Me got cancelled after two. Granted it went off the rails at the start of season two, but I'd rather have a continuation of season one than this. But Perception isn't a bad watch, though it does seem like every other show is a...what do they call them? Police procedural isn't it? But I've not seen a show about a paranoid schizophrenic before, and the self-reflective episodes appeal to me because half the time I think I'm several ants short of a picnic.

There was a show in 2013 called Dracula. It was a supernatural period piece featuring a rework of the traditional Dracula story. And I thought it was fucking excellent. The story was good, the action was awesome, his struggle to hide his nature was epic, the whole wireless electricity idea was very steam punk, and the black Igor was inspire. And then it got shit canned by ABC after one season. I fucking hate it when that happens. And it didn't deserve it.

Revolution got cancelled after two seasons, which was understandable because it went right off the rails after the first season, but there was nothing wrong with Dracula. Someone should pick that shit up as a novel concept and go to town, they'd make millions for the rework of the classic.

---

I mean, it's a comparative analysis. You walk around not thinking like other people, you see what they don't, they tell you that you should feel this with this stimulus and you start to wonder what's broken inside your head when disassociated people tell you the same thing.

If sanity is measured by the consensus, and I don't think like everyone else, who is the madman here; me or the rest of the world? Personally I believe I'm functionally dysfunctional; I might not be like everyone else, but I'm not unhappy about that and I do get my work done [when I have any to do anyway], so what's the harm?

Well the harm is that sometimes I run into annoying lil troublemakers who decide that the big freak is too freakish to be allowed and his entire existence must be questioned and ostracised. There's a price you pay for originality, and that is rejection by your peers. Doesn't matter if it's in terms of social behaviour or professional conceptualization, if you don't measure up to someone else's standard of normal sometimes people give you a lot of grief over it in the belief that unless you're like the rest of the apples you must be poisonous rot, rather than a banana.

That's humans, and people wonder why I'm misanthropic and oh so cynical.

---

With my adoption of Google 'Chrome' as my browser of choice at the moment after years of using Firefox I decided to go check out the rest of Google's product range.

This was after I restored the drag scroll functionality I have in Firefox to Chrome anyway with the 'Scrollbar Anywhere' extension. This should be included by default in all browsers as it's the best way to precisely control scrolling when you're reading for example and want a slow slide down the page.

• http://www.google.co.uk/intl/en/about/products/

I've adopted 'Docs', 'Sites' and 'Drive' from this list.

Docs is basically MS Word online and saves the files to Drive, online cloud storage. Sites can be set up to be like an editable PDF document, so you write a chapter introduction, and then write each sequential part under it. Automatic headings you could say and a great way to categorize content of a book or something. I think it might be useful for writing my computer games development thesis rather than Codex Mundus maybe.

I can see why the meme about Google becoming our new overlords was made after looking at this list cus let's face it, if you go around making a lot of high quality free online software which works neigh perfectly you're going to go a long, long way.

If they made Google 'Games', a computer games studio with their own console I'm sure they could corner the fucking games market easily.

Strangely though you never really hear about their products. Everyone knows about the search engine, the translator, and maybe even the blogger, and Google+ pops up every now and again, but a lot of this stuff isn't well known I don't think. I've not seen it in the places where I hear about associated online services like them anyway.

---

After thinking about this for a while I did realize how virtual computing could work though.

I mean, if you had a device with great graphical processing capacity and display plus a powerful on-board router which could access over the internet something like Google 'Docs' and 'Drive', then you wouldn't need a PC with it's own hard disk drive and processor, you'd just access Google 'PC' for example and they'd do the operations and send the results to your screen.

Alright, so that comes with a whole bag of complications ranging from a spectrum of privacy issues, both in regards to your host searching your files for information combined with inception of files on route between the host server and your work station, and operational issues, including what programs you run, what files you access, and your personal activity history.

A centralized mass database of not just user details but user PC's would be the holy grail of hacks, and nothing online could ever be considered unhackable.

Then you need to consider acts-of-god. One accident and 10,000 PC's and people's virtual lives are destroyed at worst in made in accessible at best for an indefinite amount of time.

You could do it and it'd probably be awesome to be able to access from anywhere and run super high powered programs that would take a £10,000 PC to run yourself for a low monthly fee or something, like internet access. But you would lose quite a lot freedom and run quite a lot of risk in so doing.

Centralization makes things much more efficient, but decentralization makes them much safer.

As with most things, a lil of a both are probably a good idea; keep the PC but some things, like games for example, could be turned into virtual services where the processing is done somewhere else and you just get the gameplay. If you can make the wifi efficient enough anyway, but that's improving all the time.

It's an interesting concept anyway.

---

Opened Gumtree sometime this afternoon and put some credit onto my phone. Sent out about six texts to various ads asking for viewings. Got two replies and a bunch of places I need to visit to consult with them about available properties to rent in London. Going to look into it and make phone calls tomorrow and doing college work today.

And by doing college work I mean looking like this a lot of the time whilst reading and making a copy of the course materials into a 600 page [so far] word document.

It's so stupid. They have this online website called Moodle. All the college course materials for my certificate in basic policing course are on there, plus several dozen online quizzes which I need to complete in order to pass the course. The rest of the marking criteria consists of exams done from week 5 through to week 10. I aced, by my own surprise due to sleeplessness and flu, the week 5 exam. Got two on Saturday for the week 6 exam.

And basically what I've been doing is opening each annotated presentation, handout, and eWorkbook, as they call them, on Moodle and copying them into a giant word document, which means copy, paste into notepad to shred the website formatting, paste into word and adjust for double returns and bullet points, etc..

After that the online quizzes are simply a matter of reading the question list and using the search function to find the answer in the word document, writing it down and then selecting the right answer from the multiple choice quiz. Easy.

The issue is that copy, paste, adjust for formatting task takes fucking ages and is dull shit.

Granted to get through week 1-4 I basically watched all of 24 whilst copying and pasting, except for those bits where I needed to do the quizzes and revise for the exams, which was fun, but it stills boring as hell.

This course should be taught as activities. Or given to each person in a giant lump that they can search through and read as required to answer questions. This 'do a lot of reading' approach is laborious nonsense.

And the tutor just tells us information that's in the presentations during the 8 hour fucking tutorials as well. Badly presented nonsense I could do without. Exams, OK, but I'd rather spend 8 hours reading the course materials, which I hate doing, than sit there being told what's in the course materials verbally.

Le sigh. Gotta do it if I want to pass the course and get hired though, so only 10 more weeks to go and then I'll be free to review the material as needed for whatever the actual police training will require me to know. Doing it in practise will be a hell've a lot easier for my practical minded brain to absorb than reading it I can tell you that.

I just wish whomsoever wrote my course materials understood the concept of the paragraph because no case study should be a half A4 page of solid text, ye gods.

---

I am having a slight issue with the concept of dispute management.

It doesn't seem like you're allowed to express anger even when it's a justifiable emotion. Someone does you wrong and any normal human being should be angry and express it as a signal of behaviour on the part of someone else which isn't acceptable.

But as a policeman it seems the most you can do is state deadpan your point of view to maintain calm in the situation. Logically I can see why, and I'm rarely angry about anything, even in the face of blatant rudeness. I treat events as information and not as emotional generators by default, it's just who I am.

On the other hand, anger serves a purpose in conversation the same way words do; to imply meaning through emotion is as essential as stating information.

I have full right to be angry at the fitness instructor who totally lacked empathy for my situation during my Day 2. But I doubt I would get away with expressing that with my reasoned point of view, especially given that she reprimanded me on the basis that my attitude was off. Her behaviour was unacceptable, and that point should be made, but deadpan delivery doesn't express my point of view, it simply states the facts. She offended me deeply for what she did given the circumstances and anger is the appropriate response. I'm not seeking resolution to the circumstances, I just want to convey that she acted like a right stone cold bitch without actually saying it. I don't care about apologies either. I just need to make sure she hasn't disabled my application, and appeal if she has.

All in all, it's not my methodology I'm questioning here you understand, it's the perspective of those who will be evaluating and training me in law enforcement. I have methods and those methods will probably work, but will they match the marking criteria written by a lesser mind who believes protocol supersedes context?

Will I be failed based on someone's perception, regardless of the effectiveness of my actions? It's happened before, but given the amount of work I'm putting in here I don't want it to happen again.

---

In a lighter note: when I become a copper I'll be a constable, or police constable, or PC. I'll be PC Miles. I'll evolve into a computer, lol. They said I could become anything, so I because a personal computer.

And yes, I am such a freaking nerd. xD

---

And that's about it.

Got a customer survey from the guys behind TOME: Immortal Arena, and replied with my professional opinion about some aspects of the game. Already wrote about them here and been writing this for an hour and half now so I don't wanna rehash.

I did realize though that the male voice [which is unusual for games which normally go in for female voice actresses] they use during play to announce towers being attacked and things is actually Bruce Campbell, the fucking bas ass mother fucker who played Ash in the Evil Dead franchise.

It's quite possible I'll never forget the line 'Your top tower thingy fell down'. xD

---

OH: and I also looked into maybe doing some freelance writing and things.

A helpful human, @JoeThreepwood on Twitter, gave me some tips in that area, like don't work for free, cover games editors don't already know about, like indie titles, and write pitches to send to editors, not whole articles.

Might be an interesting writing sideline to working for the police seeing as I write a hell've a lot anyway [I mean, look at these blog posts], but I don't have time right now seeing as I need somewhere new to live on Monday and have not one but two exams on Saturday.

Right now though I'm starving hungry and want to get a couple more hours of college work done before snooze and going to the doctors tomorrow where they'll hopefully tell me what the blood hell this throat issue is and how to cure it. I need some fucking exercise for crying out loud.

Have a good one.

On Friday...

Starting this post early with good news.

--- // ---

Around 10am right now, just woke up, checked my email from the manager of my certificate in basic policing course, and he told me I aced [scored 100%] on my Week 5 exam. xD

That's amazing. I had the flu, had been awake since 1am, tail end of the weekend from hell, and yet I was still able to roll up in that class and word vomit out all the answers to a freaking exam.

On the one hand, I wanted to die and left the class early and barely made it home to bed before passing out. And on the other hand, I aced an exam in the middle of it when I nearly fell asleep on the desk three or four times that day.

There are distinct advantages to being an abused genius, not least that my brain is GENIUS BRAIN and still operates rather well despite being the universe's favorite chew toy. xD

Not bad.

I am going to get to college this weekend on a full nights sleep, solid revision and well fed before my next two exams. Highly confident [he says this now and JINXES it] that the next two will be no problem.

Good morning. ^-^

 ---

...Good grief, some people need a grow a sense of the dramatic. xD

Said to my course tutor, 'I can't believe I passed that with 100%, that weekend was a nightmare' in an email, and he replied back with 'I have double checked the results [totally deadpan] and it is 100%'...awesome...thanks...didn't mean you to do that you piece of bloody cardboard, THANKS THOUGH. xD

Taking enjoyment in your work, being casual, playing along, to me it's what makes doing anything worth doing it, but with some people they just can't see the rub.

--- // ---

Now around 12:30, just got dressed and about to clean my abode some before a photographer comes by after 4 tonight to take pictures for the estate agents.

Bit unsure what they're going to make of the fact that I've covered the vent in my room with duck tape after it grew these tendrils of dust or something and I didn't want to be breathing whatever it was spewing into my room. On the other hand though it's the landlady's issue and not mine. By law it's her responsibility to look after those types of things. I've not directly damaged the walls, the mold got there by itself by the properties design, so I've got nothing to worry about in terms of repairs.

 ---

In passing I emailed my college to see if my 24+ Student Loan has gone through to pay for my Certificate in Basic Policing course.

It hasn't.

Applied for it more than twelve weeks ago, missed section 4.1.1 and 4.1.2 [why yes, I have memorized the fucking numbers thank you so very much], and ever since they've refused to process it.

I've phoned them, Student Finance England, and had them confirm my identity and ask them why it hasn't been processed. Then when they said it was because they hadn't confirmed if I was in arrears with my full time student loan [section 4, two boxes] I said I didn't think so and asked them to check their systems. They did and confirmed that I wasn't, but said they needed it in writing. So I sent them a letter with the information in it with my signature. I filed a complaint when they still failed to process it via email and the complaints department at SFE checked with the 24+ Student Loan department and they confirmed I was allowed it, but they needed the actual form. So I sent them the actual form. Just after I sent it, a letter arrived titled 'We Need More Information From You'. I had just sent them the actual form so I decided to let that stand for my reply. More than two weeks later, now, I check and they still haven't fucking processed it. So tomorrow I need to fill out this fucking letter form and try again.

Just asked them to pass my complaint to the independent assessors, which is stage 2 of their complaints procedure [customer service, complaints department, independent assessors] to see if they will process it.

After that, we're onto the lawyers.

God dam it, I swear no one else has to go through this ridiculous shit but me.

---

I still can't fucking believe I passed that exam. xD

I was just so fucked up that weekend, what with the flu and the sleeplessness and everything.

Epic.

--- // ---

Cleaned up. Did washing up. Had foods. Very full. More cleaning. College work.

--- // ---

I've taken about 9 caffeine pills in the last 3 hours, and still feel tired. And each one is worth about 2 large cans of Red Bull...I think I have a fucking epic level of immunity to my favourite stimulant.

--- // ---

North Korea threatens war on US over Kim Jong-un Movie
- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-28014069

The biggest joke of a nation on Earth, North Korea, decided that a movie about assassinating their tyrant made by the biggest sartorial nation on earth [in the sense of having the sense of humor of five year old boys], the US, is an act of terrorism.

Do these human beings know that the rest of the world thinks their government is hair-on-fire crazy?

I mean, it's one thing to hate the US and Americans in general and it's one thing to find something offensive and say so, but when you can barely feed your own population and can't invade the South end of Korea when you're the North, it's not a show of good form to threaten a world super-power with war.

Jus sayin.

Mad.

---

Cleaned the dust up, tried to extract as much mottled dust from the interior of my PC as possible, and now watching Californication and cleaning my bedside table.

Still really tired for some reason, but doing college work after this.

--- // ---

Got tired of not being able to use iTunes which has all my music on it when I wanted to listen to my Linkin Park albums with an equalizer applied for rock [everything from music to audiobooks sounds better with it enabled] so finally checked into why the program was crashing a few seconds after launch.

First I thought it was a plug-in from Last.FM called Scrobbler, which is designed to categorize what you listen to and then make recommendations on new music. But after running it in safe-mode which disables all plug-ins, it took a few more seconds than usual but it still crashed.

So I went hunting for answers again and found out that iTunes 11 or something is set to try to connect to this Apple cloud service, and if it can't then the program crashes.

...that's just genius Apple, total genius. Let's install a cloud service component across all platforms of one of our flagship pieces of software, and then have it break the program a few seconds after start up if it doesn't find anything to connect to.

GENIUS.

Disabled it and it's been running now for longer than 4 minuets so I think we're good.

Fucking genius though. xD

---

Chap came from the estate agents to take some photos of the flat, but it seems he took only a few; the kitchen, bathroom, main bedroom and the living room, none of which I occupy.

Not that my room didn't need cleaning, but that photographic event had nothing to do with me.

Whatever.

---

Not feeling quite as tired as I was and getting on with some writing. Changing gears to college work shortly.

--- // ---

Updated Codex Mundus, my games design thesis blog, with sections for the primer, part 1 and part 2.

I like it so far. Pure information. Just got to do some programming now to update the blog side, but I got police college work to take care of and I'm hungry now [19:40] so I'm gonna go get some foods.

---

Feel like I've been on edge for several days now. Ever since last weekend. It was a rough weekend. Big panic and now ease of life. That's what I think it is.

Well, I say ease. Just spent several minuets wondering if my moving out is going to go smoothly. Despite not paying my rent in a timely fashion I'm wondering if I'm going to have enough to get new acom and eat reasonably over the next two weeks.

The answer is to keep going until I hit a wall, and then try to plow through it.

Getting food and then, taking a nap maybe or something cus I'm really damn tired.

--- // ---

Yeah, that's about it for today I think. Going to bed early at 10pm.

Didn't do any college work today [whoops]. Must get on with it tomorrow.

On Summer...

There're plenty of redeeming points about summer and they wear very little but have great tits and legs and are slightly wet in the heat. :>

*sigh* I really want to find some pretty young thing I actually can stand to be around for longer than a few minuets and vice versa and fuck like a bunny... [now that's honest]

Among the bad points are the fact that I'm one big wet tired hot pile of ICK.

---

TODAY: Woke up after not enough sleep.

---

Went to job center to check in with them whereupon they told me to make sure I was filling out my activity reports on their website [which no one checks] because, even though I can prove I've been doing interviews during this time before I start paid police training, my benefits and only means of support can be cancelled if I don't.

---

Left there and got all my Day 2 forms printed off.

Nearest Library's printer was, as if it could be any other way, offline, so I had to go through the burning desert of midday to the other library in this bough.

The print outs cost me about 4 quid, then went back to the job centre to get them to sign it to say I've been signing on for the entire time period they plan on checking. However, due to the data protection act that isn't any good as he can't tell them dick about me.

Also because of new security protocols [I'm really stating to hate that word] unless you have a document signed by your adviser there's no getting through security or getting them to ask your adviser, who may be on the other side of a room, if it's OK for you to see them.

They can't make a 30 second internal phone call to a man who very clearly has already signed your papers before and knows precisely who you are and ask them if they care to see you and/or arrange an appointment with you. That is just all kinds of genius logical reasoned procedure right there. Especially if the adviser fucks up and gives you the wrong time or you need to inform them that you can't do the time they gave you and you can't get to a phone.

Even better is when they haven't given you a new time to see them, like my adviser hasn't, in two weeks...I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow when I go to get a new appointment but given that they kept me waiting for a 10 second signature today for 30 minuets because my appointment card is their new god apparently, I can imagine speaking to their complaints department around 11 tomorrow...

...Fucking assholes, why does everything need to be so damn difficult...and what the hell happened to common sense?

---

ANYWAY: I need to phone a number [I don't have access to a phone without putting way more credit than I need on my mobile to make one single solitary phone call as I never use the thing to phone anyone anyway] and request a letter which states I've been unemployed and signing with them for benefits for more than the last three years [although I'll get this in 48 hours tops so I can order it Monday for next Friday no problem].

This I'm hoping will suffice for 3 years professional reference for my police application, though it isn't specified if it is because apparently no one ever considered that the long term unemployed would ever apply for Police Constable.

But that's indicative of my experience with the police recruitment service thus far; think so much but then stop and forget to finish off the more obvious but extraneous bits.

---

Then went to the bank and paid 1.5 weeks rent.

I know I said I was ripping them off for deposit money on a new place but a] my new acom is instant, no-deposit and cheap, and b] I'm not moving in for a month yet so as my landlady made a thing about me running off and not paying what I owe [caution without proof, I think, but she's not as silly as I thought she was, which was surprising], I decided to keep paying for now to keep her quite.

Makes life easier for me given my college work backlog, exam, and my Day 2 next week, not having to worry about moving out until the 3-10th of next month, at any rate.

---

Went running again last night, and done 2 short runs to what I call checkpoint 1 of 3 of a 2 hour run of 3 checkpoints run from 0 to 3 and then back 3 through 0. Took the last of my meds yesterday morning.

More or less OK. I just start coughing when I breath heavily, although it took longer on my second run before I nearly couldn't breath again so hopefully it'll hold out longer again tonight and eventually fade out entirely.

---

Tomorrow I'm back out again to the job center for a new appointment, then onto former housing benefits office to cancel tribunal and arrange repayment of housing benefits I was entitled to but am being forced to repay because of protocol stupidity once again.

Plus going to the doctors to arrange an appointment to get my lungs checked out. Fairly sure it's strep and mild pneumonia, and I'm disposing of it internally, but let's get a professional opinion and maybe some free-health care antibios anyway.

As my acom issues are on hold until next month, it's just college work and exam revision until Day 2 Friday and Exam Saturday, with a side order of Tribunal Cancellation/Doctors Thursday, and Day 2 forms and phone calls Monday.

YUP.

Now for some Hearthstone and 24 [that's a TV series I'm rewatching from series 1-8 because S09 is on at the moment and I've not seen E01 yet but have seen 1-8 previously] until I feel better, then egg salad for dinner.

---

NOTE: Do have a look at the other pages I've been adding to the top of my journal and the rest of the Librum, especially the Epic Folio.

I was going with just humor there, but I changed it to epic images because I couldn't find a lot of funny but I do have a lot of epic in my personal image folder and DeviantART subs so it made more practical sense to expand the content and differentiate myself from US Humor.

I'll add more to those when I have a moment.

---

Have a nice day. :)

On Events...

Mornink.

Just woke up from half a nights sleep, which might also might be called a nap I suppose. More or less going to be back to normal now. Sleep tonight, at night, and wake up early for college and I should be OK from now on.

---

The writing of this blog is helping me tons for some reason. Getting my head straightened out so I don't feel so apathetic. Passing my Day 1 helps too. If I had failed that I probably wouldn't give a shit right now, especially with this bloody tribunal with the council coming up.

However, if I get hired as a policeman then they pay during training and I can start putting a dent in my debt backlog. Thirty less a week to cover paying back housing benefit isn't too bad really seeing as I'll be earning twice or more than what I receive on benefits, with pay rises to follow, whilst doing something I expect I'll enjoy. The Day 1 was a lot more fun than I expected, especially the roleplaying whereby we interviewed people about behavioral issues.

Anyway, going to go cancel the tribunal and just arrange them to dock my job seekers allowance pro tem and pay it all off when I'm hired with the police.

I mean, yes, I was entitled to it, and used it for the intended purpose, but a] I don't have time to run around collecting evidence and formulating a speech and blah blah blah, and b] if it goes badly wrong for some unknown reason they can cause even more damage with fines and records and all sorts of nonsense.

Better to invest my time in trying to get hired as a copper, take this dent to my ongoing finances now, and then cherish being employed later on.

I want to post on it in the future [On Goverments...] but for now I'm putting it in abeyance.

---

Doing my college work today. Probably won't get through all of it, but I should be able to get the spade work done and be caught up by the middle of next week, no problem.

---

Taken all but one dose of the mucus cough meds I bought and I can still taste something when I cough so it's doctor time on Monday I think cus this isn't just a cold or something.

The pharmacist in Sainsburys said that if you taste nasty when you cough then it's probably an infection.

Doesn't hurt, like in my throat, and I've never coughed up bloody or even odd colored mucus, so it can't be that bad, but it is bloody persistent as hell and I need it gone in the next two weeks.

---

Before next Wednesday I need to start organizing the forms I need to hand in during the Day 2.

Nothing too serious really. The nasty stuff was prior to the Day 1 with the aptitude, intelligence and personality testing. Day 2 is all about medical and employment details plus posting preference.

Posting preference sounds awesome to me because I've lived in three areas of London since I've been here and like each of them quite a bit. I know the areas like. Obviously I'll try to move around and check out different boroughs of London for experience and so forth because if I'm gonna be a copper then I'll try to be the best one I can be. But I know these areas so it's good I can start out here.

I need to see to the forms before Wednesday because as I've been unemployed so long I need to get a reference from the job center for the Day 2, and I check in with them on next Wednesday so I can get what I need from them then.

Around all this, before 20/06/14, I need to do some serious exercise for the medical testing too. Already mentioned it previously but I haven't been running due to the bronchitis and this lingering cough, the medical includes a fitness test so.

---

After that I just need to find somewhere new to live by the 23rd of June.

Start hunting down a new place on the 16th, a week before hand, because most properties available for people on housing benefits are privately rented and available soonest and taken quickly. Look for a place on the 16th and I could be moving in on the 17th style of thing.

Shouldn't be too hard if I can place a large deposit down, though I'm going to be careful to find somewhere I like. Can't be having housing issues and arguments with the flatmates whilst trying to finish off my college course and get into police training.

---

Finding new accommodation is a ways off though. At the moment I'm thinking in the short term.

• College Work Catchup
• Cancel the Tribunal
• Find a Doctor
• Take care of Day 2 Forms
• Get some Exercise

Then find somewhere new to live.

GG.

PS: I swear I'm going to visually upgrade my blog at some point and make another for computer games and fantasy lore and books and art and things. Just, as should be plain by now, busy as a fuck.