Halo thar. Been busy doing nothing very much. In all accuracy.
Since my last post I played way more Hearthstone than I should, sorted out my JSA claim to this area, sorted out my HB claim to this hostel, and booked this hostel for the time being consecutively so my accommodation is all but stable.
No real issues. I provided the right information to each relevent agency and party and, apart from a 9am phone call for some putz at the housing benefits office asking me to confirm what was fucking outlined on the fucking receipts I printed out and checked in, everything was swapped over without anything being dropped, especially not a payment, so I didn't have to chase it.
Well, my JSA was slow to come through and I did have to chase that, but I got it sorted out in hours on the day of so no worries. Going to sign on tomorrow and I don't see any issues.
Took a resit exam for my Certificate in Basic Policing Course. Apparently I don't need to do all 17 outstanding questions in one sitting but I do need to do a paper in one sitting. So what I did was 3 questions total, of two different papers, and passed them both, found out today, last Saturday.
I didn't just do all 17 because I spent, and yes I know I'm a damn fool, about two weeks writing games design and playing Hearthstone, then worked up the morale to actually do revision of the material about a day or so before hand.
Stayed awake for 25 hours to get to the exam, ran out of cash so didn't eat for 12 hours, and didn't have the monies for transport so I had to walk for 4 hours to get there.
The four hour walk back...no words to describe how much that fucking hurt. Got into the hostel and just collapsed onto a bench and fell asleep. Took it's now Tuesday and I feel somewhat normal for the first time since.
Essentially the world has stopped being an unfair place that likes to torture me, so I'm now, like a fucking sadist, doing it to myself.
I take full responsibility for it. I should've revised. I should've kept money back. I should've gotten a good nights sleep, arrived, done all 17, and now be smug I passed. And I paid for it. Saturday hurt more than I have in YEARS, no exercise, no trauma, nothing has hurt that much. Yeesh.
Tutor said he could do Thursday so I'm going in to do some more of the papers. 14 questions remaining and 1.5 days to revise.
And I'm not doing it.
Why?
Morale issues basically. I know I should do it, I know things will be better once it's done, and I want to be a policeman, but...meh...
Can't remember if I posted it before but all the crap I've been through up till now just piled on me and that last issue with the job center, the insult, the patronization, the fucking stupidity of it...that's what I'm fighting.
I'm fighting 'Fuck This'. I'm trying to make myself give a damn when it matters, when I've got time, to do the work and finish. To end it. To get my prize at last...
I did it at the end of last week. I'm sure I'll pull my shit together tomorrow.
I know I want to be a policemen though because I love it. I love sitting in this hostel, seeing someone break a pool que and try to hide it, reporting it to the hostel staff and being thanked for it. I love the authority. I love the creeping stealthy predator nature of it. I want to be a policeman and hunt criminals. It's just this part which is killing me...
About the only other thing currently happening right now is, once again, sexual bullshit.
Receptionist in the hostel I'm staying. Cute and slinky lil bint, very nice ass, who get's flustered when I talk to her, checks me out, and is trying to get me to talk to her. Issue? She smokes, and I have a policy.
Third girl I've ever been interested in who smoked. Two were way back when I lived in Oxfordshire and worked in a pub, and this would be the third. One said she loved me, went on date with the second but nothing happened, and this one is lovely but I don't date smokers and thats the end of it.
Like I said last time, I don't have time or headspace for this bullshit but I still want sex. The fact that she smokes makes it 2 to 1 in the negative, but that 1 is about 5 times bigger than the other two combined.
Fucking humanity man. Fucking smoking too.
Downloading League of Legends on this toy laptop I'm using. The recommended specs are way above this 1.5GHz piece of shit, but I can run Hearthstone and want to see if at minimum settings it can manage to run it anyway. Likewise with Visual Studio and Photoshop, which I need for testing and adding graphics to my games design documentation.
That's coming along well too. Written about 10,000 words so far and barely gotten started. Get these exams out of the way and, apart from some general revision of the material I should probably do before getting into training, I should be able to up that by a few 10's of thousands with a Bestiary and racial definitions.
On series five of Boardwalk Empire. It's a period drama of 1920's prohibition in Atlanta, USA. Just my sort of show too. Intrigue plus lots of violence and a central protagonist who is bad ass because of his wit and intellect. An old time Raymond 'Red' Reddington [The Blacklist]. Speaking of, I'm loving The Blacklist at the moment as well. Just coming to the end of the whole Berlin plotline. G fucking G ending.
Kinda built a sexual thing for Megan Boone who plays agent Keen too. Downloaded, late, The Fappening via torrents some time ago, and checked for her name in there after they showed her in her panties during a scene. Fucking excellent bootie on that women, and there's nudes of her on a bed in one of the volumes of The Fap.
Emily Bett Rickards [more like Emily BUTT Rickards], who played Felicity Smoak in Arrow is fucking gorgeous too. Showed her in PJs in last weeks episode and there couldn't have been a person who's attracted to women watching that who wouldn't have liked her to lose them.
Eliza Taylor in The 100 as well. FUCK.
Series 2 of The 100, the show picked up in quality and they finally explained how the Skypeople and the Grounders survive both the radiation on the ground and the trip from living in space to living on the ground without suffering from all sorts of illnesses. People who're raised their entire lives in bubbles, like space stations, should not have ability to live on Earth in a tropical rainforest. That really did annoy me when watching S01. And at the start of S02 they did nothing but explain how that happened in an acceptable way. And generally the story telling is several times better than it was.
Eliza Taylor though. That women has gotten all kinds of fucking gorgeous in S02. Character aside, who thinks something like me which is way attractive, she's the same age as me but seems to have hit the gym or something because it's so hard not to imagine her totally butt naked when watching that show. YEESH.
Anyway, new ep of The Blacklist has finished downloading so I'm gonna go watch it and eat dinner. Revise after. That's what I should be doing.
Tomorrow, sign on, revise, and get to the college on Thursday in good order...yeah...that's what's going to happen...sure... O_O
...have a good one.
Showing posts with label Games Design. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Games Design. Show all posts
11/11/2014
16/10/2014
Tempus Fugit...
Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
11/10/2014
Ouchies from Running, and A Journal of Computer Games RnD
Good afternoon people, I hurts in places I didn't even know I had places.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_design
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
28/06/2014
On Saterday...
And so it comes to this.
I woke up this morning not in the mood for being alive.
You ever have mornings like that? Where you just wake up and all of 'You' screams in burning agony that reality exists and you're in it? The unfair part is that I don't drink or take drugs of any kind. I just have a genius brain that goes PING occasionally.
Watched some Californication, which I'm really enjoying now it's got to S06 and the crazy nonsense have turned into mad gold. Then crawled to the hypermarket and bought salad and things. Did food shopping for the next week today basically because I ran out of bread and most of my protein type items. Then came home and ate tortillas and chicken, bacon, sweetcorn mayo on seeded bread until I was full.
Wish I had bought more caffeine than a single tin, but low on funds until Monday so. Some coke would've been a good idea though, and I'm in fact sitting here wondering if going for another walk might be a good idea. Probably not though cus the short walk to the hypermarket and back resulted in my lungs trying to evac from my chest.
Fuck I need a doctor to check these things out before I stop breathing. Fortunately I've got an appointment on Wednesday so.
---
Played a couple of League of Legends matches after foods, and that reminded me why I stopped playing that dam shit.
That's why. I've won that game. Won it and should be worshiped as it's presiding god. But see there? Says 'DEFEAT' in big fucking caps at the top of the screen cus my allies are a bunch of mother fucking idiots who don't defend the fucking towers.
---
Hearthstone too, might be single fucking player but fully half of that shit is pure fucking luck, whilst the other half is how much gods dam coin you've spent on buying 'Cards' made of 1's and 0's.
That sort of bullshit annoys the crap out of me. It's one thing to play a physical game and fork over cash for individual bits as each bit needs designing and manufacturing, but art is dirt fucking cheap and digital distribution of software is becoming prevalent over hard copy cus that shit is stupid cheap, so where the fuck you do you get off charging me 1.99 per 6 pack of cards mother fucker?
---
I did just gain closed beta access to Kixeye's new MOBA called 'TOME: Immortal Arena', as I do sometimes because despite appearances I do keep up with new game releases and sign up for beta's like other people scratch.
Haven't played it yet for about three reasons.
The first is my PC is ageing and needs replacing [ah, the wonders of being terminally unemployable] so I'm not sure if it'd even run that well.
The second is that I tried mother fucking Dawngate and found that Waystone are a bunch of idiots who describe their game as a 'Fast Paced MOBA' when their shit is possibly the most convoluted and lacking in focus game I've ever played. And I don't really feel like going through that shit again.
And the third is I should be doing my college work or at least writing games design on Codex Mundus but given my existential crisis [though it was less questioning my value than questioning this universes] I don't feel much like doing anything.
On TOME though, and Dawngate for that matter, these new MOBAs, especially in the case of Dawngate, are pissing me off quite a bit because their developers are effectively ripping off League of Legends, which currently trumps any MOBA out there in terms of gameplay efficiency in the same way World of Warcraft made everyone it's bitch for a good decade.
---
The issue is that their designers have missed a few fundamental points in the design which are essential not only in League of Legends but in MOBA design in general.
They're a bit nebulous, but if I was going to put a name to a few of them I'd say the following:
In character design they've missed one of the key points of fictional mirroring.
Riot Games have done the same thing with League of Legends; taking that which exists in the geek and nerd zeitgeist and creating an icon of it to resonate with the gaming playerbase.
These new MOBA's haven't grasped that this concept is the best way to design a 'Legend' character roster.
Riot Game's take meme's and turn them into champions and/or skins, like the Bear Cavalry meme and one of Sejuani's skins.
And then they got vampires, ninjas, pirates, a Lich, a Skaven, an armored bear, a Golem, a Naga, and even a Trent. Those bitches got style mother fucker.
The Dawngate and TOME don't have style. DG has a walking tombstone and an anthropomorphic kitters and TOME have a Satyr, but that's about it.
Even the older MOBA's like HoN and DotA 2 don't usually hit the mark in good champion design, choosing, like the newer ones, to pull something out of their ass and miss the mark entirely.
I'm not saying that originality is a bad thing, but if you want to win this lil game you need to strike a cord, make a 'Legend', populate your roster with both fun to play champions [and they'll always be champions, not shapers or guardians or some stupid shit] but also those which stand out.
Surprisingly, but not surprisingly as it's fucking Blizzard, Heroes of the Storm by Blizzard is getting it right with their roster which made of every icon from their uber long running RPG and RTS franchises Warcraft and Starcraft.
That's how you fucking design a MOBA cast, though I admit they had a distinct advantage given that they're drawing on the popularity of their own IP's. All they had to do was identify the most popular characters and go to town.
---
I hear though that they cocked up the storyline in HotS by explaining how the champions work together and why they're fighting in the game's universe as 'It's all magic, trolololol'.
League of Legends ain't perfect, but at least they gave it the ole college try, and I would've expected more from Blizzard. Other MOBA's either phone in their backstory [give it a half-hearted go or try to make it unique and special and producing something totally ignorable] or do what I heard Blizzard did and simply provide an excuse.
Stories in MOBA's are tricky things. The idea behind the game is to produce a strategic combat simulator. But the origins of the MOBA genera are RTS games [Defense of the Ancients, the original MOBA, being a mod for Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos] which are a blending of topdown combat and a campaign story.
MOBA's need a campaign story which supports both the reasons these champions exist, and why they keep fighting on the same field of battle, and why death doesn't mean the champion is dead.
In League of Legends this is because the champions are avatar's for political powers, and on the fields of justice they're merely copies from the physical template of the individual that are under the command of a Summoner.
Makes sense and there's a certain story there that the player can look into which is never really developed or included in the actual client.
Fine, that's sufficient, but if you go beyond that then you're getting into realms of the RPG and it's not really required for your game. You need some sort of setting, but it only needs to cover the system, not be a standalone component of the design.
---
I said above that The Dawngate was slow, and it is, but it's ethos on 'Breaking the Meta' is also responsible for it's massively snow bally matches and lack of gameplay focus. Plus the clarity of the maps is almost non-existent.
Play a match of DG and, after you've chosen a non-iconic champion, you'll enter into a match whereby there is no flow to the gameplay.
League of Legends [as I said, the thing is epically designed so it is my first port of call for a reference, the only real issue is that Riot Games are mismanaging the fuck out of it] you do your pre-match and then you play a match and review it in post-match. Or you choose a champion you want to play in a given role, you play a match in that role, and you're prep and skill determine the outcome.
This process isn't well defined in DG. When I played it I couldn't find the Summoners Rift process of Blue > Wight > Wolves, Red > Wraiths > Golems. There're just monsters all over the place, a big bad in the center of the map, and then alters to consider, and towers, and everyone moves really slowly and BLAAAH...there's no flow to the gameplay.
Towers, alters AND jungling on one map makes each DG match almost as long as as an LoL match for each component, so like 3 times as long easily, but then they made the towers regenerate, the alters recoverable, and added in twice as many monsters on either side of the map as they're are in all of Summoners Rift, the biggest LoL map.
Someone took a good look at LoL and thought, 'that all works really well, so we'll take some of that shit and add in more of it for even more fun'. That's like saying, hey football is a well loved sport on this planet, so let's take it, add in two more goals on the top and bottom of the pitch, and make it so every player has a ball and there're 2 goalies for each goal...oh, and each match goes on until one side is 50 goals above the other side, so if they're evenly matched the game goes on for days, like a game of fucking Quidditch.
Fucking long dull chaos man...or at least it would be as the matches I played usually ended when one side simply snow balled and walked over the opposition.
That sometimes happens in League of Legends, but at least you can see why cus someone cocked up and fed or allowed the other side to feed. It doesn't happen as a matter of bloody course.
I stopped trying to play Dawngate however after I got sick of the lack of map clarity. League of Legends recently announced a redesign of their premier map for clarity in graphical presentation, and the preview screen shots look all kinds of fucking epic. You need to be able to tell whats what and where you're going and what you're doing. It needs to be quick, it's needs to be snappy, and it needs to be efficient.
Dawngate isn't. DotA 2 isn't. I'm not fucking touching HoN. Haven't played HotS yet, but want to. And I might install TOME but I don't think it's going to run properly for me.
And I think I'm about done here. Tired of writing [see inverted existential crisis]. Going to...in fact the name of my games thesis is current League of Legends Redux cus I never got around to changing it before making these blogs, but anyway, I'm going to base my game thesis MOBA on League of Legends cus it's just that fucking good.
---
Right now I'm gonna watch some more Californication and then do some college work at last. Write more nonsense tomorrow and maybe even do some programming plus college work.
Monday I start the search for new accommodation, moving out a week tomorrow. A week today I have 2 exams on my police course so I really must hit the books soonest. Wednesday I go to the fucking doctor for my throat, and hopefully haven't died of whatever it is by then.
Yup.
I woke up this morning not in the mood for being alive.
You ever have mornings like that? Where you just wake up and all of 'You' screams in burning agony that reality exists and you're in it? The unfair part is that I don't drink or take drugs of any kind. I just have a genius brain that goes PING occasionally.
Watched some Californication, which I'm really enjoying now it's got to S06 and the crazy nonsense have turned into mad gold. Then crawled to the hypermarket and bought salad and things. Did food shopping for the next week today basically because I ran out of bread and most of my protein type items. Then came home and ate tortillas and chicken, bacon, sweetcorn mayo on seeded bread until I was full.
Wish I had bought more caffeine than a single tin, but low on funds until Monday so. Some coke would've been a good idea though, and I'm in fact sitting here wondering if going for another walk might be a good idea. Probably not though cus the short walk to the hypermarket and back resulted in my lungs trying to evac from my chest.
Fuck I need a doctor to check these things out before I stop breathing. Fortunately I've got an appointment on Wednesday so.
---
Played a couple of League of Legends matches after foods, and that reminded me why I stopped playing that dam shit.
That's why. I've won that game. Won it and should be worshiped as it's presiding god. But see there? Says 'DEFEAT' in big fucking caps at the top of the screen cus my allies are a bunch of mother fucking idiots who don't defend the fucking towers.
---
Hearthstone too, might be single fucking player but fully half of that shit is pure fucking luck, whilst the other half is how much gods dam coin you've spent on buying 'Cards' made of 1's and 0's.
That sort of bullshit annoys the crap out of me. It's one thing to play a physical game and fork over cash for individual bits as each bit needs designing and manufacturing, but art is dirt fucking cheap and digital distribution of software is becoming prevalent over hard copy cus that shit is stupid cheap, so where the fuck you do you get off charging me 1.99 per 6 pack of cards mother fucker?
---
I did just gain closed beta access to Kixeye's new MOBA called 'TOME: Immortal Arena', as I do sometimes because despite appearances I do keep up with new game releases and sign up for beta's like other people scratch.
Haven't played it yet for about three reasons.
The first is my PC is ageing and needs replacing [ah, the wonders of being terminally unemployable] so I'm not sure if it'd even run that well.
The second is that I tried mother fucking Dawngate and found that Waystone are a bunch of idiots who describe their game as a 'Fast Paced MOBA' when their shit is possibly the most convoluted and lacking in focus game I've ever played. And I don't really feel like going through that shit again.
And the third is I should be doing my college work or at least writing games design on Codex Mundus but given my existential crisis [though it was less questioning my value than questioning this universes] I don't feel much like doing anything.
On TOME though, and Dawngate for that matter, these new MOBAs, especially in the case of Dawngate, are pissing me off quite a bit because their developers are effectively ripping off League of Legends, which currently trumps any MOBA out there in terms of gameplay efficiency in the same way World of Warcraft made everyone it's bitch for a good decade.
---
The issue is that their designers have missed a few fundamental points in the design which are essential not only in League of Legends but in MOBA design in general.
They're a bit nebulous, but if I was going to put a name to a few of them I'd say the following:
In character design they've missed one of the key points of fictional mirroring.
Terry Pratchett's Discworld series [where I live half the time in my head] was so successful because he used the narrative design trick of mirroring the real world in fiction. The Last Continent for example was effectively about Australia, but he called it XXXX [a type of beer], and the content of the story was a reflection of what the idea of Australia is in the zeitgeist, the minds of readers.
Riot Games have done the same thing with League of Legends; taking that which exists in the geek and nerd zeitgeist and creating an icon of it to resonate with the gaming playerbase.
These new MOBA's haven't grasped that this concept is the best way to design a 'Legend' character roster.
Riot Game's take meme's and turn them into champions and/or skins, like the Bear Cavalry meme and one of Sejuani's skins.
And then they got vampires, ninjas, pirates, a Lich, a Skaven, an armored bear, a Golem, a Naga, and even a Trent. Those bitches got style mother fucker.
The Dawngate and TOME don't have style. DG has a walking tombstone and an anthropomorphic kitters and TOME have a Satyr, but that's about it.
Even the older MOBA's like HoN and DotA 2 don't usually hit the mark in good champion design, choosing, like the newer ones, to pull something out of their ass and miss the mark entirely.
I'm not saying that originality is a bad thing, but if you want to win this lil game you need to strike a cord, make a 'Legend', populate your roster with both fun to play champions [and they'll always be champions, not shapers or guardians or some stupid shit] but also those which stand out.
Surprisingly, but not surprisingly as it's fucking Blizzard, Heroes of the Storm by Blizzard is getting it right with their roster which made of every icon from their uber long running RPG and RTS franchises Warcraft and Starcraft.
That's how you fucking design a MOBA cast, though I admit they had a distinct advantage given that they're drawing on the popularity of their own IP's. All they had to do was identify the most popular characters and go to town.
---
I hear though that they cocked up the storyline in HotS by explaining how the champions work together and why they're fighting in the game's universe as 'It's all magic, trolololol'.
League of Legends ain't perfect, but at least they gave it the ole college try, and I would've expected more from Blizzard. Other MOBA's either phone in their backstory [give it a half-hearted go or try to make it unique and special and producing something totally ignorable] or do what I heard Blizzard did and simply provide an excuse.
Stories in MOBA's are tricky things. The idea behind the game is to produce a strategic combat simulator. But the origins of the MOBA genera are RTS games [Defense of the Ancients, the original MOBA, being a mod for Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos] which are a blending of topdown combat and a campaign story.
MOBA's need a campaign story which supports both the reasons these champions exist, and why they keep fighting on the same field of battle, and why death doesn't mean the champion is dead.
In League of Legends this is because the champions are avatar's for political powers, and on the fields of justice they're merely copies from the physical template of the individual that are under the command of a Summoner.
Makes sense and there's a certain story there that the player can look into which is never really developed or included in the actual client.
Fine, that's sufficient, but if you go beyond that then you're getting into realms of the RPG and it's not really required for your game. You need some sort of setting, but it only needs to cover the system, not be a standalone component of the design.
---
I said above that The Dawngate was slow, and it is, but it's ethos on 'Breaking the Meta' is also responsible for it's massively snow bally matches and lack of gameplay focus. Plus the clarity of the maps is almost non-existent.
Play a match of DG and, after you've chosen a non-iconic champion, you'll enter into a match whereby there is no flow to the gameplay.
League of Legends [as I said, the thing is epically designed so it is my first port of call for a reference, the only real issue is that Riot Games are mismanaging the fuck out of it] you do your pre-match and then you play a match and review it in post-match. Or you choose a champion you want to play in a given role, you play a match in that role, and you're prep and skill determine the outcome.
This process isn't well defined in DG. When I played it I couldn't find the Summoners Rift process of Blue > Wight > Wolves, Red > Wraiths > Golems. There're just monsters all over the place, a big bad in the center of the map, and then alters to consider, and towers, and everyone moves really slowly and BLAAAH...there's no flow to the gameplay.
Towers, alters AND jungling on one map makes each DG match almost as long as as an LoL match for each component, so like 3 times as long easily, but then they made the towers regenerate, the alters recoverable, and added in twice as many monsters on either side of the map as they're are in all of Summoners Rift, the biggest LoL map.
Someone took a good look at LoL and thought, 'that all works really well, so we'll take some of that shit and add in more of it for even more fun'. That's like saying, hey football is a well loved sport on this planet, so let's take it, add in two more goals on the top and bottom of the pitch, and make it so every player has a ball and there're 2 goalies for each goal...oh, and each match goes on until one side is 50 goals above the other side, so if they're evenly matched the game goes on for days, like a game of fucking Quidditch.
Fucking long dull chaos man...or at least it would be as the matches I played usually ended when one side simply snow balled and walked over the opposition.
That sometimes happens in League of Legends, but at least you can see why cus someone cocked up and fed or allowed the other side to feed. It doesn't happen as a matter of bloody course.
I stopped trying to play Dawngate however after I got sick of the lack of map clarity. League of Legends recently announced a redesign of their premier map for clarity in graphical presentation, and the preview screen shots look all kinds of fucking epic. You need to be able to tell whats what and where you're going and what you're doing. It needs to be quick, it's needs to be snappy, and it needs to be efficient.
Dawngate isn't. DotA 2 isn't. I'm not fucking touching HoN. Haven't played HotS yet, but want to. And I might install TOME but I don't think it's going to run properly for me.
UPDATE: I tried playing TOME: Immortal Arena after I wrote this. Turns out it's a browser title, quite snappy, no BS, closed beta so a couple of bugs. And I prefer stand alone clients rather than a system built on a system on a system, game > java probably > FireFox, but it was playable and I enjoyed it, so GG.
Few flaws in the UI design, no champion grid, odd rune/mastery champion customization system. On the other hand the auto-buy was nice, the lack of last hitting was actually pretty good even if it makes the gameplay too easy [just cus it's typically annoying, doesn't make it bad games design; some things are difficult, annoying AND fun by way of challenging], plus the stand-out-of-combat-for-HP regen made the gameplay much more efficient.
That's the thing with new MOBA's; everyone wants theirs to be quick and dynamic, but if you make it quicker you make it less complicated. League of Legends has this balance between speed and depth which doesn't diminish either. That's my view anyway.
League of Legends is teh shit. It badly needs some customization of champions and maps. And the ranked system needs seriously fucking rebooting for rewarding individual play rather than team effort cus I'm fucking beyond sick of being demoted cus of ELO Hell and all the fucking noobs. And Riot Games can rot in the hell for being more about the money these days than the craft. But it's the best MOBA out there pro tem.
And I think I'm about done here. Tired of writing [see inverted existential crisis]. Going to...in fact the name of my games thesis is current League of Legends Redux cus I never got around to changing it before making these blogs, but anyway, I'm going to base my game thesis MOBA on League of Legends cus it's just that fucking good.
---
Right now I'm gonna watch some more Californication and then do some college work at last. Write more nonsense tomorrow and maybe even do some programming plus college work.
Monday I start the search for new accommodation, moving out a week tomorrow. A week today I have 2 exams on my police course so I really must hit the books soonest. Wednesday I go to the fucking doctor for my throat, and hopefully haven't died of whatever it is by then.
Yup.
26/06/2014
On Thursday...
...WAT... :O
Currently somewhere between food coma and oxygen deprivation.
Went to the hypermarket, bought a french stick, a tin of soup, and some crisps, with some premix chicken, bacon n sweetcorn mayo. Then ate quite a lot of all of it between coughing my lungs up cus for some reason the cold air made my lungs fill with fluid.
Can't fucking wait for the doctors on Wednesday when hopefully they'll be able to give me something so I stop coughing when I move about a very short walk.
Used to run 20 miles as a matter of course. Now I wheeze and cough up fluid when I take a short stroll to the hypermarket. Fucking life man, it sucks.
*takes caffeine pills* Leets do dis...
---
Listening to Linkin Park's newest album called The Hunting Party, which I had no idea had come out 2 weeks ago. I don't listen to music that often and remember to check to see if the few bands I like have released anything new lately about once every six months, if that. Takes me a few gos to decide if I like it or not, and am usually not impressed by the first play through, and currently I'm thinking this is drivil, but I always think that. I know me...Guilty All The Same sounds pretty cool though...
Need to restore iTunes is what cus without a music equalizer for Rock music just don't sound right.
---
Still watching Californication despite what I said, which isn't surprising. What I said was that it was hollow nonsense for stoners, but it grows on ya, and the creators have found their feet now and actually inserting some drama into it around S03-4 where Hank has a lot of relationships and then it comes out he boned a 16 year old and he hits rock bottom.
Wouldn't say it's inspired poetry or anything but it's better than the only other thing I have on my plate at the moment called 'Perception', which is a generic cop show with a twist of neuroscience. *shrug*
---
Shaved my face, head and naughty regions this morning.
Face cus I have uber stiff wire beard and it's like termites are trying to eat me if it grows beyond a few millimeters, so beards are out of the question.
Head because otherwise you can see this halo around my head where the tops thinning out and it looks really stupid, and because no hair is best for exercise, although that's a non-issue until I get my lungs sorted out. And
And naughty bits because I hate public hair. It's uncomfortable, it's heating, and chafes. Plus sexual activity is just easier without it in the way. The only issue with this is shaving every 5-6 days results in a sandpaper effect everywhere you shaved. This is cool on the face and scalp, but not so much on your nads. Worth it though in my view.
Each to their own, but I roll with my lawn mowed.
The irony of course is that I'm an ape everywhere else, and have a mane on my upper back which is kinda neat. Excess testosterone is probably why I'm going bald, but also why I'm strong and usually healthy, and I've never liked having hair on my head, so it's all for the best probably.
---
What else...
---
From my todo list I'm taking some me time today to update my blogs. This post, art assets, URL cleanup, and some programming, which incidentally I'm now blogging about in the Codex Mundus [Book of the World].
---
I'm basically rebuilding my games engine and adding in some of the new concepts I've been thinking about for a while, such as base program structure of primary/secondary UI's aaand spherical voxel based environments which can be customized by the user. I'll add those in as soon as I've disemboweled my quaternion based camera perspectives demo which showcases every possible perspective of 2D projected computer games.
Essentially what I'm making here is something between League of Legends and Landmark/Everquest Next which is an evolution of Minecraft.
Notch was a bloody pillock who knew and probably still knows all about programming but didn't and doesn't know games design, Sony are making all the same mistakes he did plus a bunch of new ones as they know graphics but not games design, and Riot Games can suck my cock for their mismanagement of an admittedly great MOBA.
I know more than they do because I'm smarter than they are. They are just luckier than I am which is why they have the money to build this shit.
---
What I fucking want more than anything right now is for someone to pay me money to build games so I could build a working prototype of my games thesis and then call these AAA studios and cultural icons a bunch of useless fuckers.
Among the philosophical issues with this notion is this; building the best game of all time, the most efficient, the most fun, the most well crafted doesn't actually mean shit because if and when I do it I'm going to be so pissed that I had to and did it under these circumstances that I'll insult anyone willing to produce it to the point of rejection.
I day dream of being given an award for building the best game of the year or some shit and then smashing it to bits with a hammer or something on stage and calling these people who've never thought about what they're doing properly idiots who have no right to pat me on the back for proving their lack of insight.
A craftsmen, an artisan, a genius doesn't care for the opinions of no-less-men. He only cares about the work. But the fact is:
That's just it really; these assholes don't know what they're doing, but they're in the position to do it, whereas I know what I'm doing, but no one wants to be shown that their hard work and effort is effectively an elephant's painting compared to a Picasso.
I just hate humanity, and in that special way that only those who actually know how fucking wrong everything is can hate it.
Whatever.
---
Tomorrow I need to get on with college work and then look for new acom at the start of next week before doing 2 exams for my certification in policing course on the weekend, and moving into new acom at the start of the following week.
---
Skipped the Tribunal today.
I know I made a big fuss over going anyway but I needed a shave, I needed to clean my shit up, I needed some me time, I didn't need to go to a tribunal and try to explain myself to a bunch of assholes who weren't going to believe me in any case.
The whole reason I wanted to cancel the tribunal was to get on with my own nonsense which once taken care of will get me employed with the police.
Taking time out from that in any respect is simply a waste of time. Chillax today, college work tomorrow, not waste time today, chillax tomorrow, and then college work on the weekend.
---
Some idiot contacted me about buying my vinyl weights set. Offered me a good price for them and then realized that they were vinyl and said that his mate's set cracked during 80kg deadlift and he got injured. Personally I find this utter nonsense. Had these things three years, used them for all kinds of exercise and never had an issue. Pillock.
---
...Thank fuck for that, the caffeine is finally kicking in.
And that's it really.
Cleaning my room and catching up on my laundry, updating my blogs with art and info, looking forward to doctors on Wednesday, college work tomorrow, no specific drama at the moment so long as I can focus and get the job done. Have a look at Codex Mundus for my programming work, please do.
GG.
Have a good one.
---
PS: Been trying to work out why I keep swearing and I think it's because I'm subconsciously quite angry over the tribunal fiasco. I'm right, they're wrong, and there's no way I can resolve it in my favor because no one gives a shit.
The thing with me is that my thoughts are logical and walled off from my emotions, so if I'm cogitating substantially I don't feel very much on the surface. My diction however belies that.
When injured I swear sulphurously, not because I mean the words but because the words are tied into my emotions. The logical part of my brain is processing the injury and trying to work out what to do about it, to mitigate and control the pain, etc. Reason and consciousness is latched to the information of my senses. The emotional part of my brain however is feeling pain, and as my diction is latched to my emotions I swear without feeling. My mouth runs but my consciousness isn't associated with what's being said.
Maybe it's because I'm a genius but I've always found that when I'm in one area of my brain - programming, for example, requires logical processing - I'm disassociated with other areas - I hardly ever laugh or feel pleasure because I spend most of my time employing reason for example.
Compartmentalization. Being in the zone. The warrior and the scholar.
I wouldn't say this role mechanism is unique to me, but it is something I'm better at then most people.
Anyway, I was just wondering what the fuck I was pissed off about. Probably the tribunal. Shit happens. Shit passes. It's cool.
Fin.
Currently somewhere between food coma and oxygen deprivation.
Went to the hypermarket, bought a french stick, a tin of soup, and some crisps, with some premix chicken, bacon n sweetcorn mayo. Then ate quite a lot of all of it between coughing my lungs up cus for some reason the cold air made my lungs fill with fluid.
Can't fucking wait for the doctors on Wednesday when hopefully they'll be able to give me something so I stop coughing when I move about a very short walk.
Used to run 20 miles as a matter of course. Now I wheeze and cough up fluid when I take a short stroll to the hypermarket. Fucking life man, it sucks.
*takes caffeine pills* Leets do dis...
---
Listening to Linkin Park's newest album called The Hunting Party, which I had no idea had come out 2 weeks ago. I don't listen to music that often and remember to check to see if the few bands I like have released anything new lately about once every six months, if that. Takes me a few gos to decide if I like it or not, and am usually not impressed by the first play through, and currently I'm thinking this is drivil, but I always think that. I know me...Guilty All The Same sounds pretty cool though...
Need to restore iTunes is what cus without a music equalizer for Rock music just don't sound right.
---
Still watching Californication despite what I said, which isn't surprising. What I said was that it was hollow nonsense for stoners, but it grows on ya, and the creators have found their feet now and actually inserting some drama into it around S03-4 where Hank has a lot of relationships and then it comes out he boned a 16 year old and he hits rock bottom.
Wouldn't say it's inspired poetry or anything but it's better than the only other thing I have on my plate at the moment called 'Perception', which is a generic cop show with a twist of neuroscience. *shrug*
---
Shaved my face, head and naughty regions this morning.
Face cus I have uber stiff wire beard and it's like termites are trying to eat me if it grows beyond a few millimeters, so beards are out of the question.
Head because otherwise you can see this halo around my head where the tops thinning out and it looks really stupid, and because no hair is best for exercise, although that's a non-issue until I get my lungs sorted out. And
And naughty bits because I hate public hair. It's uncomfortable, it's heating, and chafes. Plus sexual activity is just easier without it in the way. The only issue with this is shaving every 5-6 days results in a sandpaper effect everywhere you shaved. This is cool on the face and scalp, but not so much on your nads. Worth it though in my view.
Each to their own, but I roll with my lawn mowed.
The irony of course is that I'm an ape everywhere else, and have a mane on my upper back which is kinda neat. Excess testosterone is probably why I'm going bald, but also why I'm strong and usually healthy, and I've never liked having hair on my head, so it's all for the best probably.
---
What else...
---
From my todo list I'm taking some me time today to update my blogs. This post, art assets, URL cleanup, and some programming, which incidentally I'm now blogging about in the Codex Mundus [Book of the World].
---
I'm basically rebuilding my games engine and adding in some of the new concepts I've been thinking about for a while, such as base program structure of primary/secondary UI's aaand spherical voxel based environments which can be customized by the user. I'll add those in as soon as I've disemboweled my quaternion based camera perspectives demo which showcases every possible perspective of 2D projected computer games.
Essentially what I'm making here is something between League of Legends and Landmark/Everquest Next which is an evolution of Minecraft.
Notch was a bloody pillock who knew and probably still knows all about programming but didn't and doesn't know games design, Sony are making all the same mistakes he did plus a bunch of new ones as they know graphics but not games design, and Riot Games can suck my cock for their mismanagement of an admittedly great MOBA.
I know more than they do because I'm smarter than they are. They are just luckier than I am which is why they have the money to build this shit.
---
What I fucking want more than anything right now is for someone to pay me money to build games so I could build a working prototype of my games thesis and then call these AAA studios and cultural icons a bunch of useless fuckers.
Among the philosophical issues with this notion is this; building the best game of all time, the most efficient, the most fun, the most well crafted doesn't actually mean shit because if and when I do it I'm going to be so pissed that I had to and did it under these circumstances that I'll insult anyone willing to produce it to the point of rejection.
I day dream of being given an award for building the best game of the year or some shit and then smashing it to bits with a hammer or something on stage and calling these people who've never thought about what they're doing properly idiots who have no right to pat me on the back for proving their lack of insight.
A craftsmen, an artisan, a genius doesn't care for the opinions of no-less-men. He only cares about the work. But the fact is:
- Notch is an idiot and produced shit for kids. But those kids love Minecraft.
- Sony are a bunch of amateurs and are congratulating each other for their fine work. And people join in because they're the only game in town.
- Riot are so far up their own ass they're looking out through their own nostrils. And people worship them as despite being assholes their MOBA is the best MOBA available.
That's just it really; these assholes don't know what they're doing, but they're in the position to do it, whereas I know what I'm doing, but no one wants to be shown that their hard work and effort is effectively an elephant's painting compared to a Picasso.
I just hate humanity, and in that special way that only those who actually know how fucking wrong everything is can hate it.
Whatever.
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Tomorrow I need to get on with college work and then look for new acom at the start of next week before doing 2 exams for my certification in policing course on the weekend, and moving into new acom at the start of the following week.
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Skipped the Tribunal today.
I know I made a big fuss over going anyway but I needed a shave, I needed to clean my shit up, I needed some me time, I didn't need to go to a tribunal and try to explain myself to a bunch of assholes who weren't going to believe me in any case.
The whole reason I wanted to cancel the tribunal was to get on with my own nonsense which once taken care of will get me employed with the police.
Taking time out from that in any respect is simply a waste of time. Chillax today, college work tomorrow, not waste time today, chillax tomorrow, and then college work on the weekend.
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Some idiot contacted me about buying my vinyl weights set. Offered me a good price for them and then realized that they were vinyl and said that his mate's set cracked during 80kg deadlift and he got injured. Personally I find this utter nonsense. Had these things three years, used them for all kinds of exercise and never had an issue. Pillock.
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...Thank fuck for that, the caffeine is finally kicking in.
And that's it really.
Cleaning my room and catching up on my laundry, updating my blogs with art and info, looking forward to doctors on Wednesday, college work tomorrow, no specific drama at the moment so long as I can focus and get the job done. Have a look at Codex Mundus for my programming work, please do.
GG.
Have a good one.
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PS: Been trying to work out why I keep swearing and I think it's because I'm subconsciously quite angry over the tribunal fiasco. I'm right, they're wrong, and there's no way I can resolve it in my favor because no one gives a shit.
The thing with me is that my thoughts are logical and walled off from my emotions, so if I'm cogitating substantially I don't feel very much on the surface. My diction however belies that.
When injured I swear sulphurously, not because I mean the words but because the words are tied into my emotions. The logical part of my brain is processing the injury and trying to work out what to do about it, to mitigate and control the pain, etc. Reason and consciousness is latched to the information of my senses. The emotional part of my brain however is feeling pain, and as my diction is latched to my emotions I swear without feeling. My mouth runs but my consciousness isn't associated with what's being said.
Maybe it's because I'm a genius but I've always found that when I'm in one area of my brain - programming, for example, requires logical processing - I'm disassociated with other areas - I hardly ever laugh or feel pleasure because I spend most of my time employing reason for example.
Compartmentalization. Being in the zone. The warrior and the scholar.
I wouldn't say this role mechanism is unique to me, but it is something I'm better at then most people.
Anyway, I was just wondering what the fuck I was pissed off about. Probably the tribunal. Shit happens. Shit passes. It's cool.
Fin.