On Trying...

Evening.

---

Writing this inside Google's Chrome browser instead of FireFox cus I was curious to see which ran better [security isn't really an issue for me, it's getting people to NOTICE me that's the bloody trick] and it did, especially TOME: Immortal Arena, the current MOBA game I'm playing, so I decided to swap to this for now.

Easy enough seeing as Google were smart enough to import all my bookmarks and things from FireFox and included the bookmark tab bar which I use all the time. Missing the drag to scroll extension I have in FireFox sometimes, but this thing works better so, suits me.

---

• http://www.reallifecomics.com/

I'm a goat and just blew up a gas station with an axe...stuck...to...my...tongue... ._. ...*commits suicide*

That's it, he says from beyond the grave, there is no hope left for humanity.

Some people aspire to make whole virtual worlds as computer games where people can almost live inside mystical lands of pure joy and imagination...and then some people make buggy trippy goat simulators and find out that what people really want in a game is to be a goat who wrecks human society with an dexterous mouth appendage.

This is why we can't have nice things. >.<

• http://tapiture.com/tap/335573164/santa-problemz

You know you've seen waaay too much Californication when you find this funny. xD

• http://www.owlboy.com/wowwiki/mMurlocAggroB.mp3 - :O

Found today that I have matching holes in my trainers, and you could say that it's solidarity between those under the heel of the oppressor. :P #suchanerd

---

In darker news; I'm in another fucked up situation [these things are weekly events in my universe].

Got £140 in job seeker benefits this morning and I'm getting another £160 on Monday, leaving me a little less than £300 to cover my new acom costs. I owe my landlady, as of Monday next, £200. I need between £210 and £240 to pay for the deposit and a weeks rent on new accommodation. So either I can pay all the rent I owe here and have nothing to pay for my new living conditions. Or I can pay nothing here and rip my landlady off and have somewhere to sleep next Monday.

Gotta love life eh?

I could probably pay most of what I owe and stay in a hostel, but that's a living death and I'd rather piss her off than go doing that again.

So she's buggered as I need to pay for somewhere to sleep, but asides from not wanting to do it to her, I also might not get away with it because she might at least try to kick me out in the next seven days. It would still be a dam stupid thing to do as she'd miss out on any chance of getting £200 in rent, but she could do it and leave me up shit creek.

I wonder if coppers need to be good liars because I've had more than a little practise. Fortunately it's not hard to sell the lie really as I've waited a week or two before paying my rent in full before so saying that and 'I'll settle up when I go' isn't that odd for me.

I just don't have a better option right now, so this is the way it's going to be. Regret and sorrow are for those who don't get shit on by humans on a weekly basis, however. I don't feel much of anything about the situation [thank the fucking hell for that], I'm just doing whatever I can to keep afloat until I finish my college course and get hired by the police [assuming that fitness instructor didn't blow that shit up with her complaint, but I should be able to appeal it if she does...for crying out fucking loud humanity].

---

Sent the seventh or eighth letter to the student loans company about section 4 of my 24+ Student Loan application, giving them the same information those assholes have already been given by me AND confirmed on their own system.

I'm allowed the fucking loan, but they needed a copy of the form with the boxes checked, and sent me a letter with the request and my details on it and everything. So I went to the library, printed off the relevant page, three fucking times mark you, filled out each and sent it back to em with a message saying 'Process it in 2 weeks or it's time for the lawyers'.

I don't see why this shit was so fucking hard to get done, I really don't.

---

Dropped about half a dozen pairs of jeans off at a heart health charity shop as I couldn't sell them and am in no mood to try. Got thanked much for the donation [it was just jeans people, wow] and ran away. I just didn't know what the fuck else to do with em. *shrug*

Never buying wholesale shit again and trying to sell it. I'm a magus, not a merchant. I couldn't sell a glass of water to a desert dweller, though I could probably tell him where he is and what type of sand he's standing on after a while.

---

Downloaded The Iron Druid Chronicles by Kevin Hearne, which is meant to be in the same genre as one of my favourite audiobook series called The Dresden Files by Jim Butcher.

I get the impression that it's a bit mediocre as these things go, but I saw it years ago when the first one came out and, as I apparently don't ever forget things I don't forget on purpose which will later come back to bite me in the ass, I'm curious about it now.

Going to finish off the last few of The Watch novels, a sub-series in The Discworld Chronicles by Terry Pratchett, to round up my umpteenth listen of all 40 odd Discworld novels, and then give it a go.

---

I've got this picture of this A-List celebrity called Maggie Grace on my desktop, who's this goddess blond chick who played the love interest in S06 of Californication, and the teenage sister in Lost.

Beautiful women, but usually I ignore celebrities because they tend to be the modern equivalent of aristocrats; elite social society who're totally out of touch with the common troll in the street due to their wealth, fame, and socialist life style.

Occasionally though I get interested in the buggers because sometimes they turn out to be real human beings who're just incidentally uber famous and have actually have some genuine talent.

James Spader for example. I've seen a shit ton of media in my time and the way he acts and the parts he plays makes him something special in the field. Don't know about him in her personal life, bar what's on Wikipedia, but the guy can fucking act man. Peter Dinklage too. That guys a fucking legend for his work in Game of Thrones.

Anyway, my point here was that Maggie Grace's Twitter stream is filled with quotes and things...fuck, actually here and now they seem like pretentious nonsense, like most quotes really.

People take the statements of the professionally witty, remove them from their context and use them to make some abstract point no one except for them really understand. Or they end up sounding like a motivational poster, and I hate that shit. Those are the modern equivalent of 'Hang In There Baby' cat posts, and just as empty and meaningless.

SHE'S FUCKING HOT, that's my point. She's hot and for a moment I thought she might be intelligent but it's more likely that she's just a pretender, like the rest of her actor ilk.

---

I keep checking out Craigslist Los Angeles missed connections for these posts being made by this closet-transsexual girl called Dodger who is a vlogger from YouTube [most of them are being posted by her, and you'll see it after a while of reading them that they all share a similar theme and structure] who I'm beyond in love with [the type of love that the sight of them makes your melt into a puddle, where they can do no wrong, and you'd eat your own arms to touch them with a toe] and is, in case you haven't gathered, a mad as a spoon.

She posts on there due to crippling social-anxiety which prevents her from having normal relationships, or maybe she's just trying to fuck with me, I've never quite clarified that really.

Point is that I'm never going to email her ever again, but I do check it from time to time. Not entirely sure why really. Probably out of 'love', but that shit is toxic and so's she so I'm staying far away from her for my own benefit. It's not a healthy situation, and she's not mentally healthy. Doesn't stop me feeling how I do, but just because the poison tastes nice doesn't mean you should drink it.

I want someone to love and be with, but I'm too damaged, too much of a freak, too intelligent in the wrong way to ever achieve that. It's just nice to think that someone out there desires my company and is on my side sometimes, even if they should be institutionalized for being terminally batshit.

[This is one of those things that you shouldn't try to contact me about...if I put contact details anywhere on this site anyway...because I know what the truth is, and that's all that matters. I have nothing to prove here.]

---

SOHYEH: swapped to Chrome over FireFox, teehee, ripping off my landlady so I have somewhere to sleep, student loan companies are fucking annoying [if I owed them money they'd be on my ass like fireants], selling shit is hard, listening to the Iron Druid Chronicles after The Discworld, Maggie Grace is hawt, and I'm still playing TOME. Also gotten used to the new Linkin Park album, The Hunting Party, and quite enjoying it now.

Going to get some sammitches and eat some fruit and then do college work for five hours.

I've sent out a bunch of emails to various leasers but they probably won't reply to them. Gotta put some credit on my phone tomorrow and start calling people.

When I went out today I didn't cough as much as I thought I would, but I do think it's a bad case of strep because when I exerted myself [which is pretty dam easy because I've not gotten any exercise in weeks] I started coughing my guts up, so I expect anti-bios will be able to take care of it.

Doctors. Wednesday. GG.

And that's it; college work, searching for acom. Day 1

Post again tomorrow.

Good evening.

On Sunday...

Woke up. Played TOME: Immortal Arena. Ate chicken, bacon, sweetcorn mayo sammitches, now eating cereal and watching Californication. It's a a life. One step above a death anyway.

---

I hate eating Cheerios. You fill a bowl with them. Pour in the milk. And then half of them pour off the side of the bowl and onto the floor. I mean, what idiot invented a food which, when you add the essential ingredient to make it more than eating cardboard, results in said food evacuating the fucking container 99% of it's consumers use to contain the food whilst eating it.

... o-o ...

I normally eat muesli which soaks up the milk...fuck me, why am I writing about mass produced breakfast food?

...Could be because I've not done anything apart from play games, watch TV and sleep in the last few days and I've not gotten to working on anything yet. Might be an idea to leave this alone until tonight.

---

To be frank...ah, that's how I got a dent in my shin flesh; I've been pressing it up against the desk. That's kind of disturbing. Anyway...and now he's forgotten what the hell he was going to say...

...OH: To be frank, I'm wishing tomorrow wouldn't come. I don't want to move out of where I'm currently living. It's nice, it's quite, it's got everything I need on a daily basis and I'm not disturbed.

And instead, in a week tomorrow I'll be shipping all my shit to a new place, which I will be exceptionally lucky isn't a hostel environment, isn't a hostile environment [see what I did there], and at the very least lets me to get to the end of my police certification course.

Can't ignore the world, I just don't want to deal with this right now. Anyway, going to finish eating and then get on with something productive.

--- // ---

Played some more TOME: Immortal Arena. Tried buying things instead of just clicking auto-buy all the time, and scored highly with their archer champion.

The game is a long way off being perfect. The client, as I said yesterday, is buggy, the statistics are imbalanced up the wazoo, the champion roster isn't iconic, and the UI needs to be redone to account for UI design principles [chat box to the left people].

Most of this will probably be addressed during the closed beta though, except for the UI cus I don't see em changing that.

With that said, the gameplay is very arcade and fast paced, and to play it you need only worry about positioning and attacking, not last hitting and meta-tactics.

It's not the traditional Defense of the Ancients MOBA, but it is somewhere between a twin-stick topdown shooter and a MOBA, and I find everything from the gameplay focus to the shorter match length refreshing after the 60 minuet noob fest that Summoners Rift can turn into sometimes.

GG Kixeye, GG.

---

Getting a shower and then going to write something on games design or do some college work. Haven't yet decided.

--- // ---

Wrote something on avatars in computer games and finally got rid of this mental fog I've been swimming in this weekend.

http://codexmundusgamesthesis.blogspot.co.uk/p/primer.html

Check out that on Avatars [when I've posted it from this word document I have here anyway].

Posting this now because I'm going to be writing and that for the rest of the day properly.

Bai.

On Saterday...

And so it comes to this.

I woke up this morning not in the mood for being alive.

You ever have mornings like that? Where you just wake up and all of 'You' screams in burning agony that reality exists and you're in it? The unfair part is that I don't drink or take drugs of any kind. I just have a genius brain that goes PING occasionally.

Watched some Californication, which I'm really enjoying now it's got to S06 and the crazy nonsense have turned into mad gold. Then crawled to the hypermarket and bought salad and things. Did food shopping for the next week today basically because I ran out of bread and most of my protein type items. Then came home and ate tortillas and chicken, bacon, sweetcorn mayo on seeded bread until I was full.

Wish I had bought more caffeine than a single tin, but low on funds until Monday so. Some coke would've been a good idea though, and I'm in fact sitting here wondering if going for another walk might be a good idea. Probably not though cus the short walk to the hypermarket and back resulted in my lungs trying to evac from my chest.

Fuck I need a doctor to check these things out before I stop breathing. Fortunately I've got an appointment on Wednesday so.

---

Played a couple of League of Legends matches after foods, and that reminded me why I stopped playing that dam shit.

That's why. I've won that game. Won it and should be worshiped as it's presiding god. But see there? Says 'DEFEAT' in big fucking caps at the top of the screen cus my allies are a bunch of mother fucking idiots who don't defend the fucking towers.

---

Hearthstone too, might be single fucking player but fully half of that shit is pure fucking luck, whilst the other half is how much gods dam coin you've spent on buying 'Cards' made of 1's and 0's.

That sort of bullshit annoys the crap out of me. It's one thing to play a physical game and fork over cash for individual bits as each bit needs designing and manufacturing, but art is dirt fucking cheap and digital distribution of software is becoming prevalent over hard copy cus that shit is stupid cheap, so where the fuck you do you get off charging me 1.99 per 6 pack of cards mother fucker?

---

I did just gain closed beta access to Kixeye's new MOBA called 'TOME: Immortal Arena', as I do sometimes because despite appearances I do keep up with new game releases and sign up for beta's like other people scratch.

Haven't played it yet for about three reasons.

The first is my PC is ageing and needs replacing [ah, the wonders of being terminally unemployable] so I'm not sure if it'd even run that well.

The second is that I tried mother fucking Dawngate and found that Waystone are a bunch of idiots who describe their game as a 'Fast Paced MOBA' when their shit is possibly the most convoluted and lacking in focus game I've ever played. And I don't really feel like going through that shit again.

And the third is I should be doing my college work or at least writing games design on Codex Mundus but given my existential crisis [though it was less questioning my value than questioning this universes] I don't feel much like doing anything.

On TOME though, and Dawngate for that matter, these new MOBAs, especially in the case of Dawngate, are pissing me off quite a bit because their developers are effectively ripping off League of Legends, which currently trumps any MOBA out there in terms of gameplay efficiency in the same way World of Warcraft made everyone it's bitch for a good decade.

---

The issue is that their designers have missed a few fundamental points in the design which are essential not only in League of Legends but in MOBA design in general.

They're a bit nebulous, but if I was going to put a name to a few of them I'd say the following:

In character design they've missed one of the key points of fictional mirroring.

Terry Pratchett's Discworld series [where I live half the time in my head] was so successful because he used the narrative design trick of mirroring the real world in fiction. The Last Continent for example was effectively about Australia, but he called it XXXX [a type of beer], and the content of the story was a reflection of what the idea of Australia is in the zeitgeist, the minds of readers.

Riot Games have done the same thing with League of Legends; taking that which exists in the geek and nerd zeitgeist and creating an icon of it to resonate with the gaming playerbase.

These new MOBA's haven't grasped that this concept is the best way to design a 'Legend' character roster.

Riot Game's take meme's and turn them into champions and/or skins, like the Bear Cavalry meme and one of Sejuani's skins.

And then they got vampires, ninjas, pirates, a Lich, a Skaven, an armored bear, a Golem, a Naga, and even a Trent. Those bitches got style mother fucker.

The Dawngate and TOME don't have style. DG has a walking tombstone and an anthropomorphic kitters and TOME have a Satyr, but that's about it.

Even the older MOBA's like HoN and DotA 2 don't usually hit the mark in good champion design, choosing, like the newer ones, to pull something out of their ass and miss the mark entirely.

I'm not saying that originality is a bad thing, but if you want to win this lil game you need to strike a cord, make a 'Legend', populate your roster with both fun to play champions [and they'll always be champions, not shapers or guardians or some stupid shit] but also those which stand out.

Surprisingly, but not surprisingly as it's fucking Blizzard, Heroes of the Storm by Blizzard is getting it right with their roster which made of every icon from their uber long running RPG and RTS franchises Warcraft and Starcraft.

That's how you fucking design a MOBA cast, though I admit they had a distinct advantage given that they're drawing on the popularity of their own IP's. All they had to do was identify the most popular characters and go to town.

---

I hear though that they cocked up the storyline in HotS by explaining how the champions work together and why they're fighting in the game's universe as 'It's all magic, trolololol'.

League of Legends ain't perfect, but at least they gave it the ole college try, and I would've expected more from Blizzard. Other MOBA's either phone in their backstory [give it a half-hearted go or try to make it unique and special and producing something totally ignorable] or do what I heard Blizzard did and simply provide an excuse.

Stories in MOBA's are tricky things. The idea behind the game is to produce a strategic combat simulator. But the origins of the MOBA genera are RTS games [Defense of the Ancients, the original MOBA, being a mod for Warcraft III: Reign of Chaos] which are a blending of topdown combat and a campaign story.

MOBA's need a campaign story which supports both the reasons these champions exist, and why they keep fighting on the same field of battle, and why death doesn't mean the champion is dead.

In League of Legends this is because the champions are avatar's for political powers, and on the fields of justice they're merely copies from the physical template of the individual that are under the command of a Summoner.

Makes sense and there's a certain story there that the player can look into which is never really developed or included in the actual client.

Fine, that's sufficient, but if you go beyond that then you're getting into realms of the RPG and it's not really required for your game. You need some sort of setting, but it only needs to cover the system, not be a standalone component of the design.

---

I said above that The Dawngate was slow, and it is, but it's ethos on 'Breaking the Meta' is also responsible for it's massively snow bally matches and lack of gameplay focus. Plus the clarity of the maps is almost non-existent.

Play a match of DG and, after you've chosen a non-iconic champion, you'll enter into a match whereby there is no flow to the gameplay.

League of Legends [as I said, the thing is epically designed so it is my first port of call for a reference, the only real issue is that Riot Games are mismanaging the fuck out of it] you do your pre-match and then you play a match and review it in post-match. Or you choose a champion you want to play in a given role, you play a match in that role, and you're prep and skill determine the outcome.

This process isn't well defined in DG. When I played it I couldn't find the Summoners Rift process of Blue > Wight > Wolves, Red > Wraiths > Golems. There're just monsters all over the place, a big bad in the center of the map, and then alters to consider, and towers, and everyone moves really slowly and BLAAAH...there's no flow to the gameplay.

Towers, alters AND jungling on one map makes each DG match almost as long as as an LoL match for each component, so like 3 times as long easily, but then they made the towers regenerate, the alters recoverable, and added in twice as many monsters on either side of the map as they're are in all of Summoners Rift, the biggest LoL map.

Someone took a good look at LoL and thought, 'that all works really well, so we'll take some of that shit and add in more of it for even more fun'. That's like saying, hey football is a well loved sport on this planet, so let's take it, add in two more goals on the top and bottom of the pitch, and make it so every player has a ball and there're 2 goalies for each goal...oh, and each match goes on until one side is 50 goals above the other side, so if they're evenly matched the game goes on for days, like a game of fucking Quidditch.

Fucking long dull chaos man...or at least it would be as the matches I played usually ended when one side simply snow balled and walked over the opposition.

That sometimes happens in League of Legends, but at least you can see why cus someone cocked up and fed or allowed the other side to feed. It doesn't happen as a matter of bloody course.

I stopped trying to play Dawngate however after I got sick of the lack of map clarity. League of Legends recently announced a redesign of their premier map for clarity in graphical presentation, and the preview screen shots look all kinds of fucking epic. You need to be able to tell whats what and where you're going and what you're doing. It needs to be quick, it's needs to be snappy, and it needs to be efficient.

Dawngate isn't. DotA 2 isn't. I'm not fucking touching HoN. Haven't played HotS yet, but want to. And I might install TOME but I don't think it's going to run properly for me.

UPDATE: I tried playing TOME: Immortal Arena after I wrote this. Turns out it's a browser title, quite snappy, no BS, closed beta so a couple of bugs. And I prefer stand alone clients rather than a system built on a system on a system, game > java probably > FireFox, but it was playable and I enjoyed it, so GG.

Few flaws in the UI design, no champion grid, odd rune/mastery champion customization system. On the other hand the auto-buy was nice, the lack of last hitting was actually pretty good even if it makes the gameplay too easy [just cus it's typically annoying, doesn't make it bad games design; some things are difficult, annoying AND fun by way of challenging], plus the stand-out-of-combat-for-HP regen made the gameplay much more efficient.

That's the thing with new MOBA's; everyone wants theirs to be quick and dynamic, but if you make it quicker you make it less complicated. League of Legends has this balance between speed and depth which doesn't diminish either. That's my view anyway.

League of Legends is teh shit. It badly needs some customization of champions and maps. And the ranked system needs seriously fucking rebooting for rewarding individual play rather than team effort cus I'm fucking beyond sick of being demoted cus of ELO Hell and all the fucking noobs. And Riot Games can rot in the hell for being more about the money these days than the craft. But it's the best MOBA out there pro tem.

And I think I'm about done here. Tired of writing [see inverted existential crisis]. Going to...in fact the name of my games thesis is current League of Legends Redux cus I never got around to changing it before making these blogs, but anyway, I'm going to base my game thesis MOBA on League of Legends cus it's just that fucking good.

---

Right now I'm gonna watch some more Californication and then do some college work at last. Write more nonsense tomorrow and maybe even do some programming plus college work.

Monday I start the search for new accommodation, moving out a week tomorrow. A week today I have 2 exams on my police course so I really must hit the books soonest. Wednesday I go to the fucking doctor for my throat, and hopefully haven't died of whatever it is by then.

Yup.

On Friday...

Starting this post early with good news.

--- // ---

Around 10am right now, just woke up, checked my email from the manager of my certificate in basic policing course, and he told me I aced [scored 100%] on my Week 5 exam. xD

That's amazing. I had the flu, had been awake since 1am, tail end of the weekend from hell, and yet I was still able to roll up in that class and word vomit out all the answers to a freaking exam.

On the one hand, I wanted to die and left the class early and barely made it home to bed before passing out. And on the other hand, I aced an exam in the middle of it when I nearly fell asleep on the desk three or four times that day.

There are distinct advantages to being an abused genius, not least that my brain is GENIUS BRAIN and still operates rather well despite being the universe's favorite chew toy. xD

Not bad.

I am going to get to college this weekend on a full nights sleep, solid revision and well fed before my next two exams. Highly confident [he says this now and JINXES it] that the next two will be no problem.

Good morning. ^-^

 ---

...Good grief, some people need a grow a sense of the dramatic. xD

Said to my course tutor, 'I can't believe I passed that with 100%, that weekend was a nightmare' in an email, and he replied back with 'I have double checked the results [totally deadpan] and it is 100%'...awesome...thanks...didn't mean you to do that you piece of bloody cardboard, THANKS THOUGH. xD

Taking enjoyment in your work, being casual, playing along, to me it's what makes doing anything worth doing it, but with some people they just can't see the rub.

--- // ---

Now around 12:30, just got dressed and about to clean my abode some before a photographer comes by after 4 tonight to take pictures for the estate agents.

Bit unsure what they're going to make of the fact that I've covered the vent in my room with duck tape after it grew these tendrils of dust or something and I didn't want to be breathing whatever it was spewing into my room. On the other hand though it's the landlady's issue and not mine. By law it's her responsibility to look after those types of things. I've not directly damaged the walls, the mold got there by itself by the properties design, so I've got nothing to worry about in terms of repairs.

 ---

In passing I emailed my college to see if my 24+ Student Loan has gone through to pay for my Certificate in Basic Policing course.

It hasn't.

Applied for it more than twelve weeks ago, missed section 4.1.1 and 4.1.2 [why yes, I have memorized the fucking numbers thank you so very much], and ever since they've refused to process it.

I've phoned them, Student Finance England, and had them confirm my identity and ask them why it hasn't been processed. Then when they said it was because they hadn't confirmed if I was in arrears with my full time student loan [section 4, two boxes] I said I didn't think so and asked them to check their systems. They did and confirmed that I wasn't, but said they needed it in writing. So I sent them a letter with the information in it with my signature. I filed a complaint when they still failed to process it via email and the complaints department at SFE checked with the 24+ Student Loan department and they confirmed I was allowed it, but they needed the actual form. So I sent them the actual form. Just after I sent it, a letter arrived titled 'We Need More Information From You'. I had just sent them the actual form so I decided to let that stand for my reply. More than two weeks later, now, I check and they still haven't fucking processed it. So tomorrow I need to fill out this fucking letter form and try again.

Just asked them to pass my complaint to the independent assessors, which is stage 2 of their complaints procedure [customer service, complaints department, independent assessors] to see if they will process it.

After that, we're onto the lawyers.

God dam it, I swear no one else has to go through this ridiculous shit but me.

---

I still can't fucking believe I passed that exam. xD

I was just so fucked up that weekend, what with the flu and the sleeplessness and everything.

Epic.

--- // ---

Cleaned up. Did washing up. Had foods. Very full. More cleaning. College work.

--- // ---

I've taken about 9 caffeine pills in the last 3 hours, and still feel tired. And each one is worth about 2 large cans of Red Bull...I think I have a fucking epic level of immunity to my favourite stimulant.

--- // ---

North Korea threatens war on US over Kim Jong-un Movie
- http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-asia-28014069

The biggest joke of a nation on Earth, North Korea, decided that a movie about assassinating their tyrant made by the biggest sartorial nation on earth [in the sense of having the sense of humor of five year old boys], the US, is an act of terrorism.

Do these human beings know that the rest of the world thinks their government is hair-on-fire crazy?

I mean, it's one thing to hate the US and Americans in general and it's one thing to find something offensive and say so, but when you can barely feed your own population and can't invade the South end of Korea when you're the North, it's not a show of good form to threaten a world super-power with war.

Jus sayin.

Mad.

---

Cleaned the dust up, tried to extract as much mottled dust from the interior of my PC as possible, and now watching Californication and cleaning my bedside table.

Still really tired for some reason, but doing college work after this.

--- // ---

Got tired of not being able to use iTunes which has all my music on it when I wanted to listen to my Linkin Park albums with an equalizer applied for rock [everything from music to audiobooks sounds better with it enabled] so finally checked into why the program was crashing a few seconds after launch.

First I thought it was a plug-in from Last.FM called Scrobbler, which is designed to categorize what you listen to and then make recommendations on new music. But after running it in safe-mode which disables all plug-ins, it took a few more seconds than usual but it still crashed.

So I went hunting for answers again and found out that iTunes 11 or something is set to try to connect to this Apple cloud service, and if it can't then the program crashes.

...that's just genius Apple, total genius. Let's install a cloud service component across all platforms of one of our flagship pieces of software, and then have it break the program a few seconds after start up if it doesn't find anything to connect to.

GENIUS.

Disabled it and it's been running now for longer than 4 minuets so I think we're good.

Fucking genius though. xD

---

Chap came from the estate agents to take some photos of the flat, but it seems he took only a few; the kitchen, bathroom, main bedroom and the living room, none of which I occupy.

Not that my room didn't need cleaning, but that photographic event had nothing to do with me.

Whatever.

---

Not feeling quite as tired as I was and getting on with some writing. Changing gears to college work shortly.

--- // ---

Updated Codex Mundus, my games design thesis blog, with sections for the primer, part 1 and part 2.

I like it so far. Pure information. Just got to do some programming now to update the blog side, but I got police college work to take care of and I'm hungry now [19:40] so I'm gonna go get some foods.

---

Feel like I've been on edge for several days now. Ever since last weekend. It was a rough weekend. Big panic and now ease of life. That's what I think it is.

Well, I say ease. Just spent several minuets wondering if my moving out is going to go smoothly. Despite not paying my rent in a timely fashion I'm wondering if I'm going to have enough to get new acom and eat reasonably over the next two weeks.

The answer is to keep going until I hit a wall, and then try to plow through it.

Getting food and then, taking a nap maybe or something cus I'm really damn tired.

--- // ---

Yeah, that's about it for today I think. Going to bed early at 10pm.

Didn't do any college work today [whoops]. Must get on with it tomorrow.

On Thursday...

...WAT... :O

Currently somewhere between food coma and oxygen deprivation.

Went to the hypermarket, bought a french stick, a tin of soup, and some crisps, with some premix chicken, bacon n sweetcorn mayo. Then ate quite a lot of all of it between coughing my lungs up cus for some reason the cold air made my lungs fill with fluid.

Can't fucking wait for the doctors on Wednesday when hopefully they'll be able to give me something so I stop coughing when I move about a very short walk.

Used to run 20 miles as a matter of course. Now I wheeze and cough up fluid when I take a short stroll to the hypermarket. Fucking life man, it sucks.

*takes caffeine pills* Leets do dis...

---

Listening to Linkin Park's newest album called The Hunting Party, which I had no idea had come out 2 weeks ago. I don't listen to music that often and remember to check to see if the few bands I like have released anything new lately about once every six months, if that. Takes me a few gos to decide if I like it or not, and am usually not impressed by the first play through, and currently I'm thinking this is drivil, but I always think that. I know me...Guilty All The Same sounds pretty cool though...

Need to restore iTunes is what cus without a music equalizer for Rock music just don't sound right.

---

Still watching Californication despite what I said, which isn't surprising. What I said was that it was hollow nonsense for stoners, but it grows on ya, and the creators have found their feet now and actually inserting some drama into it around S03-4 where Hank has a lot of relationships and then it comes out he boned a 16 year old and he hits rock bottom.

Wouldn't say it's inspired poetry or anything but it's better than the only other thing I have on my plate at the moment called 'Perception', which is a generic cop show with a twist of neuroscience. *shrug*

---

Shaved my face, head and naughty regions this morning.

Face cus I have uber stiff wire beard and it's like termites are trying to eat me if it grows beyond a few millimeters, so beards are out of the question.

Head because otherwise you can see this halo around my head where the tops thinning out and it looks really stupid, and because no hair is best for exercise, although that's a non-issue until I get my lungs sorted out. And

And naughty bits because I hate public hair. It's uncomfortable, it's heating, and chafes. Plus sexual activity is just easier without it in the way. The only issue with this is shaving every 5-6 days results in a sandpaper effect everywhere you shaved. This is cool on the face and scalp, but not so much on your nads. Worth it though in my view.

Each to their own, but I roll with my lawn mowed.

The irony of course is that I'm an ape everywhere else, and have a mane on my upper back which is kinda neat. Excess testosterone is probably why I'm going bald, but also why I'm strong and usually healthy, and I've never liked having hair on my head, so it's all for the best probably.

---

What else...

---

From my todo list I'm taking some me time today to update my blogs. This post, art assets, URL cleanup, and some programming, which incidentally I'm now blogging about in the Codex Mundus [Book of the World].

---

I'm basically rebuilding my games engine and adding in some of the new concepts I've been thinking about for a while, such as base program structure of primary/secondary UI's aaand spherical voxel based environments which can be customized by the user. I'll add those in as soon as I've disemboweled my quaternion based camera perspectives demo which showcases every possible perspective of 2D projected computer games.

Essentially what I'm making here is something between League of Legends and Landmark/Everquest Next which is an evolution of Minecraft.

Notch was a bloody pillock who knew and probably still knows all about programming but didn't and doesn't know games design, Sony are making all the same mistakes he did plus a bunch of new ones as they know graphics but not games design, and Riot Games can suck my cock for their mismanagement of an admittedly great MOBA.

I know more than they do because I'm smarter than they are. They are just luckier than I am which is why they have the money to build this shit.

---

What I fucking want more than anything right now is for someone to pay me money to build games so I could build a working prototype of my games thesis and then call these AAA studios and cultural icons a bunch of useless fuckers.

Among the philosophical issues with this notion is this; building the best game of all time, the most efficient, the most fun, the most well crafted doesn't actually mean shit because if and when I do it I'm going to be so pissed that I had to and did it under these circumstances that I'll insult anyone willing to produce it to the point of rejection.

I day dream of being given an award for building the best game of the year or some shit and then smashing it to bits with a hammer or something on stage and calling these people who've never thought about what they're doing properly idiots who have no right to pat me on the back for proving their lack of insight.

A craftsmen, an artisan, a genius doesn't care for the opinions of no-less-men. He only cares about the work. But the fact is:

• Notch is an idiot and produced shit for kids. But those kids love Minecraft.
• Sony are a bunch of amateurs and are congratulating each other for their fine work. And people join in because they're the only game in town.
• Riot are so far up their own ass they're looking out through their own nostrils. And people worship them as despite being assholes their MOBA is the best MOBA available.

That's just it really; these assholes don't know what they're doing, but they're in the position to do it, whereas I know what I'm doing, but no one wants to be shown that their hard work and effort is effectively an elephant's painting compared to a Picasso.

I just hate humanity, and in that special way that only those who actually know how fucking wrong everything is can hate it.

Whatever.

---

Tomorrow I need to get on with college work and then look for new acom at the start of next week before doing 2 exams for my certification in policing course on the weekend, and moving into new acom at the start of the following week.

---

Skipped the Tribunal today.

I know I made a big fuss over going anyway but I needed a shave, I needed to clean my shit up, I needed some me time, I didn't need to go to a tribunal and try to explain myself to a bunch of assholes who weren't going to believe me in any case.

The whole reason I wanted to cancel the tribunal was to get on with my own nonsense which once taken care of will get me employed with the police.

Taking time out from that in any respect is simply a waste of time. Chillax today, college work tomorrow, not waste time today, chillax tomorrow, and then college work on the weekend.

---

Some idiot contacted me about buying my vinyl weights set. Offered me a good price for them and then realized that they were vinyl and said that his mate's set cracked during 80kg deadlift and he got injured. Personally I find this utter nonsense. Had these things three years, used them for all kinds of exercise and never had an issue. Pillock.

---

...Thank fuck for that, the caffeine is finally kicking in.

And that's it really.

Cleaning my room and catching up on my laundry, updating my blogs with art and info, looking forward to doctors on Wednesday, college work tomorrow, no specific drama at the moment so long as I can focus and get the job done. Have a look at Codex Mundus for my programming work, please do.

GG.

Have a good one.

---

PS: Been trying to work out why I keep swearing and I think it's because I'm subconsciously quite angry over the tribunal fiasco. I'm right, they're wrong, and there's no way I can resolve it in my favor because no one gives a shit.

The thing with me is that my thoughts are logical and walled off from my emotions, so if I'm cogitating substantially I don't feel very much on the surface. My diction however belies that.

When injured I swear sulphurously, not because I mean the words but because the words are tied into my emotions. The logical part of my brain is processing the injury and trying to work out what to do about it, to mitigate and control the pain, etc. Reason and consciousness is latched to the information of my senses. The emotional part of my brain however is feeling pain, and as my diction is latched to my emotions I swear without feeling. My mouth runs but my consciousness isn't associated with what's being said.

Maybe it's because I'm a genius but I've always found that when I'm in one area of my brain - programming, for example, requires logical processing - I'm disassociated with other areas - I hardly ever laugh or feel pleasure because I spend most of my time employing reason for example.

Compartmentalization. Being in the zone. The warrior and the scholar.

I wouldn't say this role mechanism is unique to me, but it is something I'm better at then most people.

Anyway, I was just wondering what the fuck I was pissed off about. Probably the tribunal. Shit happens. Shit passes. It's cool.

Fin.

On Wednesday...

...zzz...zzz...zzz...*wakes up, gets bowl of cereal at 17:15, and takes caffeine pills*...

...long...few days, really.

---

Woke up at 10am, went to job centre to check in for my benefits and was kept waiting for more than half an hour cus my adviser is terminally bloody disorganized.

---

Got out of there without issue and went down the road to the hospital, and after walking the length of the dam facility, one way to the toilet and the other way to the department I actually needed, I had some blood drawn for a test for Hep B.

I've not actually got it, but apparently, and I can't remember if I mentioned this previously, coppers are at risk for it, so you need to get immunized. Blood test to see if I'm immune naturally [hardly anything ever makes it through my alien system; I like to think my biological systems are guarded by adamant lil jerks just like the thing they're protecting] and then get £75 worth of injections over a couple of months in £25 quid shots which the police will pay for once I'm employed with them so what the hell?

I was going to make this joke about being attacked by a vampire and being surprised that they don't bite you, they just stick you with a needle, and they don't crumble to dust when stabbed in the heart, they just scream and bleed a lot, but I escaped before it could catch me.  :P

But I forgot about it. xD

---

Dropped off the jeans I was going to sell online as the local heart health charity store.

I've tried a couple of times to buy goods and sell them online, but no one will buy anything I spend money on buying wholesale so I'm never trying it again. Waste of freaking time.

Going to take the garden forks to a DIY store and see if they'll take them off my lands for like a fiver each or something. Like with the weights, I'm not shipping them to my new acom so if they'll give me tuppence for em that's fine.

---

Tottered back home and got my ass handed to me in Hearthstone about 5 times in a row. For some reason my uber priest build got me from lv20 to lv15 in ranked and then stopped working, although to be fair playing against a guy with nothing but 4 attack cards and have all 4 of my 'if under 3 or over 5 attack, kill instantly' cards is the client making me lose, not my lack of skill.

---

After that I spent a few minuets trying to find something worth watching on TV cus Californication just isn't for me. After S01 the guy stops being an abject misanthropic asshole and, well, I'm sure the show is enthralling to stoners but not to scholars.

Also I can't work out why the fuck I downloaded The Great Gatsby, although I think I was under the impression it's protagonist was played by Leonardo DiCaprio [mother fucking Wolf of Wall Street] and not Toby fucking Maguire [ya know, the bad Spiderman]. And as for something called...

...dam, forgot to download the new episode of Longmire. D: #HOW

ANYWAY: And as for something called Sleeping Beauty who seemed to be a B movie about witches and zombies in medieval times I think, I don't think I did my usual vetting there of the quality of what I was downloading.

---

Listening to The Used: Vulnerable as I write this too via teh YouTubes. Love that shit, especially the lateral part of the album around Kiss it Goodbye and Hurt No More.

For some reason I've been hit with the iTunes bug which is causing it to crash about a minuet or so after loading. I don't own an iPod anymore so I only use it for playing music, and I don't do that often so I've not invested the time in researching why the fuck the programs crashing. I did have a brief look about when it started, and it's a common issue apparently, but I didn't have time or something to see what the resolution was. *shrug* I just uninstalled it for now.

---

Posted my weights set on Gumtree.

Did this yesterday with a total absence of brain and posted the price as 'best offer' without defining what weights were actually in it [as I said, I don't function well in the heat]. Before Gumtree took it down for lacking a defined price I got about 20 contacts consisting of emails, phone calls and texts asking if I was serious about practically giving it away and what weights there were precisely.

Best offer really means whomsoever comes to me with a reasonable price, maybe one quarter to one half retail. A best offer for goods which don't degrade with wear seeing as they're heavy and durable weights you could store in a basement for a century or two and still use.


I reposted the ad with what weights and a price of about 2/3rd retail. Fine.

Got an email about 20 minuets after doing that from this bloody pillock who read enough of the ad to understand that I would take offers for the individual weights but not enough, apparently, to understand the part where I categorically stated that the buyer must be willing to collect. As an aside he also asked if the weights were cast iron when I included a stock picture of vinyl weights in the ad.

The police are drumming into recruits like me that understanding and tolerance are the first principles of community policing.

I've got no practical issues with this, but I feel it's a disservice not to call people like this moron an idiot as a learning exercise.

Fuck.

---

OH: On my way into the job centre to check in right, I had shit tons of papers and things in my pocket, and my appointment card, which you have to show the security guards before being allowed access to the building, was in amongst them.

I pluck the thing out and hold it out to the guard. He looked at it and asked me what it was for.

...I just looked at him, and in total sincerity he told me that I should ask him to check the card...

Why the fuck would I be handing the fucking card to you to check in the lobby of the building when you know damn well why I would be doing so seeing as you stepped in front me as I sauntered through the door?

I don't need to ask, because you know why I'm holding it out to you, fucking putz.

---

Doctor's receptionists are rude, security guards are morons, and people buying shit don't think.

I'm putting it down to the heat personally because I don't want to live in a world where idiots like this get employed easily and get to live their lives happily when I need to join the police before anyone will pay me for honest work.

---

Going to watch Longmire, cut this badger off my fucking head, and then do some police college work for a while.

Tomorrow I've got to go to the doctors for the medical history signature form, and then go to this housing benefits tribunal which is going to consist of 2 actions; asking them why they don't believe what I've told them about where I was and what I spent the money on, and then telling them I'll just repay the money as I prefer to invest my time and energy in joining the police rather than disproving this.

As I've said, I've got a severe lack of confidence in their so-called justice. Easier to just repay what I was entitled to rather than try to win a rigged game at this point. Invest my time in a worthwhile pursuit.

And that's it till next week when I'm going to the doctors for my persistent wheezy cough issue.

Sleep somewhere might be nice too. Don't know if it was the blood drawing or my activity over the last few days or something else but I've been awake for 8 hours and feel really tired. -.-

Post again tomorrow when I get back from this freaking tribunal.

On Tuesday...

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On Monday...

YEEE GAWDS, I feel like a roast pig without the spit pole. -_-

Woke up at 8 this morning, coughed up a lung [I have a doctors appointment on the cards, I'm getting it checked, shut up], got dressed and went out. Bought breakfast, got on a train, went two stops, and started walking the length and breadth of the borough.

10am till 6pm, walking in the hot sun, stopping every once in a while to either a] buy a drink, or b] perform an errand. Must have been 20 bloody miles in total.

---

Got an appointment with the opticians [cus it's been more than 2 years since I got my balls checked, teehee] and doctors [cus if I don't I might die in my sleep when I stop breathing].

Didn't get my doctors form signed though cus when I went to go print it off cus I had forgotten to bring my other copy with me, the buggers in the library said they wanted 2 quid for a replacement library card and wouldn't give me my account number again.

Just so you understand, they couldn't give me an 8 digit number even though I only ever use the library for print outs and dropped like 10 quid in there to print off my police forms, but would be happy to charge me 2 quid for a replacement card cus I forgot to pick the thing up twice in a row now when trying to give them money.

Bastards. And I don't normally do this, but Peckham Library, 4th floor, staffed by mammonite assholes.

Plum forgot about cancelling the dam Tribunal hearing for that housing benefit issue right up until I was an hour down the road and didn't want to walk back. That's on the 26th so I'm doing it tomorrow before it comes and goes [whoops].

Booked a sign-on time on Wednesday with my job adviser to check in and be paid my job seekers and housing benefits. Took all of 2 seconds.

Then tried to book a bed in this inn I mentioned the other day which costs £55 per week. Trouble is that it's summer and fully booked, which wasn't a complete surprise really. Lady said there weren't many people leaving so don't expect a bed [though my instincts said she was lying, although either way I wasn't getting a bed there], so now I've got to find somewhere else to stay in 2 weeks.

This resulted in some thought in another library down the road and some calculation.

Paid what was owed for last week to my landlady, in full and more than she was technically entitled to, £165 instead of £135, which is £100 per week for the last 4 weeks now, but I've not paid for this week or my last week which will be next week, so I'm hoping paying what she wanted for last will keep her quite for now.

Besides, it's sheer sense that she's not going to evict me sooner than 2 weeks from now. She wants the 200 for the next two weeks, and I don't bother her, and chances are that I will pay it eventually. No point in chucking me out now for the stress and the 200 she would then have to pay.

...granted, she's not getting it as I need to cover the costs of new acom, one way or another, but she doesn't know that. *shrug* I'm still considering it asshole tax for the stupid lie about being hard-up. People who don't have money don't drop 15 quid on charcoal when their pay as you go hot-water gas boiler runs out of credit.

Fact is that I can either keep everyone satisfied and nobody happy or I can make a few people happy and few people angry, and I'm opting for the former.

I'm not ruining my one-every-six-months application to the coppers cus my landlady doesn't want to use her savings to cover the last fortnight's rent on her flat.

I've paid something, and the rest will be [only it won't be] forthcoming so she'll just have to deal with it.

It's student season around now so I shouldn't have any issue finding a new place to stay. There's lots of rooms for rent online for around £60-80 per week, so I should find somewhere easily enough, and if shit does hit the fan I'll just stay at a hostel for week or two. I really don't want to be doing that last one, but I might not have an option.

I did look into putting my stuff into storage, but Big Yellow wants about 90 quid a month to do it up front. Do that and there goes my deposit for a new room so that's a non-starter.

Asides from all that I also did my food shopping. Not a lot really except salad seeing as firstly I'm moving soon and don't want to take it with me and secondly don't have time or energy to make anything more complicated. Must get some tuna at some point as well.

---

Tomorrow I'm going back to the doctors for that form, the housing office for the tribunal, and a few places which might be willing to buy my weights, some garden forks and some jeans off me, none of which I want to take into my new acom due to weight and all of which would've gone into storage.

Right now though I'm playing today's quests in Hearthstone, then getting egg and bacon salad, and doing some college work as soon as I've made notes on my todo list for tomorrow.

OH: I also need to go have a shower cus I smell and my shirt is covered in salt stains from where I leaked all over it today. Also I need a shave cus the ring around my head from where my headline is receding is visible. I wish all my hair would just fall out and stay like it so I don't need to shave anymore.

---

Also, I've said it in the past but I'll say it again, the one good point about summer is the women.

Wandering around so much today, everyone going at the same leisurely pace, I spent about 20 minuets basically mesmerised by a really fine black bootie.

I don't normally like black chicks, there's just something slightly off about their appearance, my preferences being amazonian white women, like the atypical Texan blond [sans the fake boobs and bleached hair of course].

The apex example of my tastes is Dianna Dahlgren who's so dam cute and built out of spring steel which could only be better if she was a transsexual as I'm bi and prefer dick to pussy, although her torso is awesome.

Harry Treadaway, if I was naming attractive guys, would be a good example of my tastes there. Checked Google and he looks like a hipster in most of his pics and as for the hair...but he's cute in Penny Dreadful though.

Point is that black chicks have a certain elegance of form and feature, and their skin makes me think of lush chocolate. I have a new appreciation of them from today's ambulations.

---

OK, woke up, got cooked, did things, did my best, do more tomorrow. Yup.

---

OHOH: Started watching Californication...and I just got why it's called that cus of CaliFORNICATION.

Bit stupid to start with but it got better eventually when it turned out the guy was sleeping around cus he's a hyper cynical, misanthropic writer who uses sex and drugs to dull the pain of existing with better perceptions than other people.

Just like me really except I exist by trying to ignore the world instead of bathing myself in distractions...except for maybe writing excessively long blog posts and playing games, but that's better than booze, drugs and pussy...I think...although I wouldn't mind trying the last with a side order of dick too... *shrug*

---

Whatever.

Game time.

On Renting...

Sup.

Still Sunday [two in a day, but I missed Saturday due to flagellation...look that shit up bitches] and sometime around mid-afternoon I found enough of me to shower and go to the hypermarket for foods, of which I've not yet eaten cus my flatmates are camping in the kitchen, as usual.

In the meantime I've been looking over the next few days, which are probably going to annoy the ever loving shit out of me.

---

My landlady is expecting £165 tomorrow plus £90 for the next week, or £255.

What I owe is actually £30 less than that as she's charging me £10 more than I care to pay for the room at a rate of £100 a week, when it's worth only £80 according to the council, and I'm paying £90 out of choice because I like living here. It's a cheek anyway because she was charging me £70 when I moved in and we increased it by mutual consent until I dropped it to £90 from £100 once I learned what it was actually worth.

I will only have about £210 available so she's not getting £255. Plus I need to eat this week so £180 is more accurate a figure of what she's getting. Although frankly I'm entertaining thoughts of paying £0.00 and moving everything into storage and paying for a hostel bed until I can move into this £55 a week place [assuming they're fully booked as of now].

---

On the one hand, she's been better than any other landlady or lord I've ever had so I don't want to do that. On the other hand, over charging me for one and half years means she owes me more than that. I'm honest and fair, and if you're not then I make you pay for it.

That's how I deal with people who mess me about. My parents never cared about me, so I stopped caring about them; I just disowned them and left them confused as to why I vanished.

It's so much easier and cleaner to be passive-aggressive than outright aggressive, especially as it's much harder to counter effectively once performed. Sneaky sneaky is always a winner.

---

Besides anything else though my landlady can't do anything to me by law in the time remaining except complain.

To evict me she'd need a court order, which she'd have to pay for and acquire which would take more than 2 weeks. If she blocks my access to the property then I could have her and anyone who assists arrested for theft [taking of my property unlawfully] or assault and battery [prevention of lawful access and physical force to prevent access to the property].

She might not know her rights, evidenced by believing that she's responsible for repairing the kitchen window for example because that is actually the property owner's responsibility, but I know mine.

I don't want to go through all this you understand, but I'm trying to ensure my application to the police goes through, and I need money to do it, and that means my rent is late.

My life sucks ass and in trying to make it suck less, and in so doing someone has to suffer to pay for it. I'm trying to spread that suffering around a bit so no one get's too much. It's just how life works.

---

That said, she gave me this big speech on being hard-done-by, oh we've got a baby, oh we've got bills to pay, my husband has to cover it all cus I'm on holiday [ye gods, what's one of them?], oh our rent is going to be unpaid and we won't have a good reference, WAAA, well...

Is that a wide screen TV I see in your living room? The kid has waaay more toys than I did as a child, even though this was 25 years ago. He has £10 dolls, £50 plastic rideable cars, and a £100 playhouse in the garden. I had trees. You have a fish tank too. I don't have more than 2 sets of shoes. BBQ tonight is it? That's nice. How nice for you that is. I'll be lucky to eat egg for protein this week. That mobile you're using to send me bitchy texts, that a newest model iPhone is it? FUCK.

I hate it when people try to lie to me.

I can tell when people are lying based on the tone of their fucking voice for crying out loud. I'm a fucking epic liar and know all about 'just enough truth to rot the claim to the core whilst keeping it believable' method of lying, and you stand there and give me the hard-up spiel!?

...Good grief...I've learned, oh hells bells have I ever learned. I've learned about assholes and how to play the game of bugger the other bloke, and although she's smarter than I gave her credit for she's got no cards in her hand.

UPDATE: 00:33, 23/06/14: Ya know, I thought about it some and realized that they probably have savings. I mean, how stupid would you need to be to go around buying things like widescreen TV's and not keep a few hundred aside for emergencies.

I don't cus I live week to week, but these guys have their own apartment so surely they've got enough to cover it. And she gives me the hard-up speech? Pff.

Tomorrow when I go to the bank I'm just going to pay a reasonable amount, probably 2 weeks at £90, and use the rest to arrange the new acom and that.

If she asks me why I've not paid in full, start with 'Because I didn't get it all back from the buggers who took it out last week', then onto 'It's in your own interests to wait for the rest next week' and finally 'Look, according to UK law you can't evict me without a court order, and you won't get one in 7 days, and if you try it's technical theft and you can be arrested'.

Precise run down of the situation from my perspective; either she buys my extended technically true lie, the fact that if she evicts me she'll get nothing more, or the abject fact that she literally can't evict me without being arrested for trying.

---

I've not paid my rent on time in the last few weeks because I'm damn used to landlords and landladies trying their best to fuck me over on my way out the door.

She's not got a deposit from me, she's got rent owed from me, and she's got no legal recourse against me to stop me going or claim the money. This keeps her honest. She doesn't dare try to throw me out because she'll get nothing if she does. She doesn't piss me off either in case I go and don't pay up. If I paid her that would let her do whatever she wants. I'm using debt as a power, weakness for control.

No. All she's got is my honesty. Now, that will get her the money for the time I spent here, eventually, but I'm not going to starve or be homeless to do it. Granted for that piece of bull about being hard-up I'm tempted to screw her over as poetic justice, but there's no real need to as she can't boot me out using force by the law so.

Human empathy. Consideration. Care.

It's amazing how these qualities are so lacking in so many so called people, and how the effect bounces around. The property owner doesn't care so my flatmates pay for it, who then bitch at and annoy me but find resistance, who then annoy the property owner by not paying, and around and around we go.

Besides that, it's amazing how people rent property and then lose all interest in it. It's just money. Don't worry who is living there and why, don't worry about building maintenance, don't worry about circumstances or show human consideration to the people living there, it's just money. If it's coming in, gravy, if not, evict em and find someone else who'll pay consistently.

That's landlords in my experience, and I expect most people would say the same. I wouldn't think like that if I had property. I've been on the ass end of that attitude for way too long.

---

What I wanted was to leave her cleanly, all debts settled, all my things in a taxi and moved to my new like-for-like accommodation.

What I have instead is almost the opposite of that.

If I don't kill myself trying to get into the police [this weekend being a near-miss] then maybe my next acom will be like that. I get training pay, I can do the work, I just need this lung issue resolved and about 3 months...and maybe remain calm at my Day 2 appeal because of that bloody fitness instructor's complaint. FUCKING ASSHOLES MAN, that gods dam fitness instructor.

---

Going to go make noodles and pizza and do some cleaning and maybe do a little college work before getting a good nights sleep.

Tomorrow doctors, pay some rent, cancel tribunal, book room at the inn [£55 a week place], maybe move stuff into storage that I don't need ready access to, and write up revision materials for Week 6 exams.

Two exams, writing up the revision materials ASAP so I can spend an hour a day drumming them into my skull for 2 weeks. Then just spend the remainder of the time doing the coursework. My major catch up last week whilst ill got me through most of the work itself but not the quizzes, but those are comparatively short, it's the reading and that which takes up most of the time.

But that's it; move and course/work revise...WELL, except for a couple of bits of information that I was lacking from the Day 2, like the doctors sign health sigh-off signature but that's just errand work.

Once I've been to the doctors and gotten some anti-bios or something for this persistent lung issue I can do college work and exercise no worries. And the extra money from lower rent costs can be used to buy new clothes and things.

---

Was considering if the vent that I've sealed up with duck tape caused my persistent cough. My flatmates have told me about mold in their room and things which has given their kid health issues, so I wonder if the same has impacted my lungs and will only clear up once I've left.

If that's true, and I can find a law which stages that vents are the property owners responsibility than I could sue her for making me sick in a civil suit.

Bit tenuous though that. I'd need to prove that whatever is in my lungs got there from exposure to whatever is living in the flat. This would probably cost more to check than I could get from winning, and might not even have been what is causing it.

I think it's strep personally. Cold air running fed lactic acid to strep bacteria and that's why it flares up when I exert myself and makes it hard to breath due to pneumonia. I need anti-bios to kill it which is why it's not gone and why I got flu recently by trying to power through it.

Probably not the mold here that caused it, even if it's not helping in getting rid of it. I just suspect it since it got bad about 2-3 months ago when the whether changed from winter to summer.

Move and doctors for anti-bios and I should be OK. It was just a bugger with the fitness test, but I got through it anyway.

Watevs...

---

Just give me three months and I should be in fine condition to start training as a copper.

Gonna try anyway.

FOOD. :O <<<

On Aftermath...

Got to college.

Just about made it and was just about ready for the exam. The tutor did two things of note:

Firstly after the exam he read over the papers we handed in. Told us that no one had really missed the point entirely but we could skip copying the question in our answer; give two examples of, two examples of, etc.

And secondly he said, and this is dam nonsense, that we all need 100% on the exam. ONE HUNDRED PERCENT, which means that every single one of us will be taking a retake of the questions we got wrong at the end of the course because no one aced it first try, and that's a fact.

Nearly fell asleep three times during the lecturing, and then got told we've got two more exams next week. Joy. On the other hand [each week is 2 weeks apart] I've got 2 weeks to prep, the flu is abating and all I've got to do is move out of my current acom and revise so it's not too bad really.

I say my flu is fading, but when I stopped yesterday for some reason my throat nearly closed with mucus forcing me to wheeze and then cough until it cleared. What the hell with that? Right now I'm coughing and tasting nasty. I'm going to the doctors on Monday for signatures for the police so I'll make an appointment with them and get checked out.

Asides from that, I got in...OK, god dam, I thought it was 6:42pm. xD

It's 6:42am, and I slept from around 6 last night right through till 6 this morning. I was wondering why the sun hadn't set yet and thought I had been asleep only an hour or two. Only just put it together that I've been out for 12 hours.

So, was awake from 12am till 5-6pm, 12-12+4 = a full waking day [8am-8pm, plus 4 hours is midnight, 8 hours sleep till 8am] which is like 1-2 in the morning. Slept for 11-12 hours and feel like I could use 11-12 more.

Resting today, cleaning this evening cus I can't see my bedroom floor, going to the doctors tomorrow for my throat and signatures, plus a few other places, including cancelling the housing benefits tribunal and Big Yellow Storage to arrange a hole to throw my crap into for the time being and my new residence to book to a bed.

I'm dehydrated, starving, my vision isn't happy, I wish it nighttime, and I'm still coughing and/or wheezing. My abuse corpus isn't happy about being put through the last three days.

As I said before; other people don't have to do this shit. Other people don't get flu right before a fitness exam, other people don't have exams the day after, other people don't need to half kill themselves to accomplish their goals.

The world doesn't hate other people like it hates me. It gives or it ignores, it doesn't give and then put them through hell in the getting.

Whatever, I'm going back to bed.

On Hell...

Well that was hellish.

Awake more than 24 hours, barely any food, flu, and I get through all the fitness tests for the police with a pass [although the medical was close given that no sleep fucks up you royal]. Then of course I get to the fitness test and this short black haired women in skin tight yoga pants and quite distracting pale blue eyes, actually, decides to reprimand me for unprofessional conduct and bad attitude.

I hate my life. Just hate it.

I go through hell to get through the Day 2 with somewhere close to reasonable chance to pass my exam and then probably fail it due to pissing off an examiner with bad attitude.

I don't honestly know what the fuck it was I did. Abruptness and lack of social skill or some such nonsense was her complaint. No one else complained. No one else said a thing. But no, to her my attitude was all wrong and needed correcting.

Explained to the staff processing documentation and the other applicants about my flu and things and they were sympathetic and understanding. They were all fine. But this one women didn't care about that. It only mattered how she perceived me.

FINE, fail me for it. I'm going to appeal if it comes to it or simply retake the entire day in six months with a request that she has nothing to do with my Day 2. At the moment, with an exam in seven hours with 2 hours travel time to boot, I just can't find any fucks to give.

My landlady is apparently upset about me not paying my rent until Monday. I mean, seriously worried upset about what her landlady is going to do. She is nice, and she just wanted me to talk to her to ensure that she understood that my rent was going to be late, and I don't really have any desire to piss her off either.

That said, what the hell do you want from me lady?

I couldn't have seen that Amazon was going to remove that money from my account like that because of an Amazon Prime subscription I didn't even know they were going to process for fucks sake. Hadn't logged into Amazon for over a month.

Her landlady might be pissed that their rent is a hundred or so short, but she isn't really going to storm in here and demand that you leave, don't be stupid.

Eating salad and then doing exam revision until dawn and then going to college.

What I want is more sleep, 3 pints of caffeine, and to not be wheezing and trying to breath for mucus.

That's not much to ask, but what I'm getting ya see is cheese salad, no caffeine, 5 hours exam revision, two hours travel, an hour exam and then being lectured at for 6 hours.

I hate my life. -_-

On Crazy/Stupid...

Sometimes I wonder if I'm crazy or stupid or crazy stupid or stupid crazy...probably best to go with all three, really.

23:20, I've got to be up and moving in 4 hours 40 minuets for a FITNESS TEST, and I'm blowing yellow goo out of my snout and listening to the popping noises from my nose.

At this point, I just said FUCK IT, SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK and decided to write up answers to the Week 5 Victims and Witnesses Certificate in Policing exam on Saturday.

Had to pause around Question 4 because I just realized that, beyond the nonsense about legislation and you can arrest a chap for this but only if this and if he crosses the room and stands on one leg whilst blowing his nose you cant arrest him for that but you can arrest him for this but if he drops the tissue on the ground this gets added to it BLAAAH, I actually kinda love the information analysis and management as much as games design.

They're equally as fascinating for their depth and complexity.

During the Day 1 mental interview I took at the same place I'm off to later on today they had us do scenario interviews with people and I enjoyed that too. Reading what had gone on, formulating questions, finding out information, it was very engaging.

It was odd just how much I enjoyed it really seeing as most of my life I've avoided people on principle, but I guess it's the difference between social engagement and social work.

I'm not here to be their mate, I'm here to find out what they know and make everyone's lives better and safer. It's system management, not interpersonal socialism, and I can do the former with a concussion.

Point is that I think I'm going to enjoy being a copper, which is awesome news because things I don't enjoy I tend to subconsciously fail.

Anyway, all I need do is roll up at MPS offices tomorrow, ask a few questions, do a few laps, explain about the raging flu and mucus [god dam you universe] and then come home and memorize this victims and witnesses lark for the follo...for to-mor-row...[god dam you universe].

Landlady might be pissed that I'm not paying a couple of hundred in rent I owe until Monday, but life can be hard sometimes, like being evicted mid first-job-in-five-years-six-month-employment-process [bitch].

My ability to see the other person's point of view, normally something that makes your average star look a lil tiny by comparison, has been severely diminished as of late.

Sometime around flu the week of a fitness test/exam was when it happened, I think.

Still got the utmost consideration for other people, that's built in, but those assholes who made my personal situation worse still have a target on their foreheads.

Breaks over, I think, back to it.

Day 2, sleep, revision, Wk5 Exam, SLEEP, then probably running around on Monday seeing to getting Day 2 form info I'm currently missing and doing week 5 of my college course, plus moving out.

Won't be so bad. Place I'm going to is about half as cheap as it is here so I'll have spare money from my benefits, I'm putting most of my stuff into storage before hand, and to be frank, having to go to the library or not having wifi in my room [last I checked it was either wifi on the first floor or a goods nights sleep on the second floor as the ground floor has live music at night] to do college work will probably do quite a bit for focusing my ability to concentrate.

My main goal and occupation in life is to pass the certificate in basic policing course, and thus far I'm blagging it. Doing tests because I've created a database of course content and searching it for the answers. I've not memorized most of the information from the first four weeks or done the optional reading or activities. I've not looked like an idiot thus far because my tutor is a pillock who reads presentation notes from the online database and most of the work is common sense, and I'm morale and smart so.

• https://www.gov.uk/government/collections/police-and-criminal-evidence-act-1984-pace-current-versions

Gotta memorize that nonsense too. PACE, very important. Describes my future powers and code of conduct and things.

Must get on with this...