Sup. Not sure how long this is going to be. Kinda walking around with a hair trigger temper for reasons I will shortly impart and anytime I start to do anything I very soon get bored with it and stop so. Let's just see what we can do here.
Returned the laptop from Tescos which couldn't run League of Legends. Took the thing to a Tescos store, went to customer services, they asked for the receipt, couldn't find the receipt despite still wearing the same clothes I was when I picked it up [I hoard receipts, and the only one that went missing was the one I got for a £230 laptop...], had the code I used to pick it up but their genius online delivery service is designed so unless you have the receipt they don't have a clue about the order...alright, so I return home, search through all my pockets again, my laptop bag, my locker, and even the box the laptop came in...nothing. Eventually I settle for getting Sexy Receptionist to print off a copy of the order form from my email account, go back, and they accept it and issue me a refund that will take a few working days to get back into my account which I planned on buying another laptop with that had a little more juice. That was Friday.
Over the weekend I was looking around on eBay at laptops and found that there was this one dude auctioning off his old laptop - an i5 2.6GHz duelcore with 6gig RAM and 1tb HDD, which was ideal - for about £135 at the time. I dropped bids up to a max of £200 and got first place at £190. I asked to buy it outright for £200, seller said no, so with 6 hours left on the clock and last minuet bids I put in a max of £300 [a max means that if someone else bids £195 then my account auto-bids £200, up to, in this case, £300] and trotted off to the gym and then to Meltdown London to play some League of Legends on their uber powerful laptops. Got back around midnight after my muscles started to ache [and BOY did they start to...well searing agony doesn't quite cover it two days later; Saturday was one hell've an epic workout] and checked my email account. The stupid bastard seller had sent me 3 emails and eBay had sent me 2; the first email from eBay said "You've won your item at £245" which was great, the first, second and third email from the stupid bastard all demanded payment and were sent 5, 10 and 15 minuets after the auction closed, the last one being aggressive and angry, and the second from eBay said the sale was cancelled. Once I pointed out to said stupid bastard that it was Saturday, I went to the gym and a pub, and he should've waited till the following day he was very apologetic. He also said he had sold the item to someone else. Not having any of it I reported him to eBay and he's still asking me to cancel the sale in the eBay UI, which I'm not doing out of spite.
Turns out however it was a good thing that I didn't actually buy the new laptop because I got a letter on Monday from my last housing benefits office, a bill for £560 odd which they had overpaid me because I had moved out of the area. Thinking that can't be right, I moved my claim two months ago, jobseekers allowance and housing benefits both and have been receiving them fine since they must be confused. Turns out that the job center hadn't been paying my JSA and that the money I had been receiving was two sets of housing benefits payments. So where I thought I hadn't received my biweekly JSA payment after 2 days, turns out I hadn't received it for 2 months. Sorted out my JSA claim, which in turn notified my last HB office so the bill is legit. Goodbye new laptop money.
I can't place ALL of the blame on the benefits payments processing center because somehow I didn't notice for 2 months I was getting £160 instead of £120. It's not a small difference, £40 every two weeks, but I didn't realize it.
On the other hand, the job center has been signing me for 2 months now and didn't have clue one that I wasn't being paid. I mean, where the hell was the paperwork going? The requests for payment? The notifications that we've got someone coming in every two weeks who we're not paying. On top of that, why didn't my new Housing Benefits office notify the one old one that they were paying me now? Who knows...
But yeah, that happened. What's that? Fuck up no6 now? I think it's number 6. Every single damn time I try to follow protocol with these fucking morons this shit happens. It's just lucky I have the money to repay them this time because last time a HB office put in a bill for £1370 I think it was, and I'm still having a reduction of £6 per week off my JSA for that.
And by rights, and this is what is really pissing me off, I should've been in full time paid training with the London Met Police Service by now, only I've been kept waiting more than a fucking MONTH for a 4 page doctor signed medical form that's with my medical records everyone else received with a couple of days [fuck up no 4 that is, and the clock is still counting].
I am beyond angry right now. Mostly I'm just tired of all this. Every single time I try to accomplish anything, meant to, not meant to but something I'm doing to try to improve my life, the universe steps in and fucks it up. I just don't want to even try anymore. Not trying means nothing can go wrong. I can't win by doing nothing, but when have I ever won anything? I don't get rewarded for trying, I just get more grief. The idea was to get the medical form, put it in with the police, and have done, but even that simple little task has taken a dozen times longer than it should, and two neigh catastrophic events have occurred by following the rules and doing what I'm meant to.
The game is rigged.
Why bother even trying when you've lost before you make you're first move?
So, I've developed a base case of defeatism [constant defeat, defeatism syndrome, quite appropriate really], I have developed some new strength from the gym though with my current anger issues three people have nearly died through being terminally stupid, and I'm still wondering about sexy receptionist but she really isn't right for me [besides, relationships aren't for cursed lepers].
My life. One big happy fun, fun, fun circus of dreams and laughter. With murderous robo clowns and an asshole with a whip driving me forward.
31/12/2014
26/12/2014
I Hate Christmas
So in my usual display of utter brilliance I found some extra money this holiday season and decided to get myself a new laptop in order to play League of Legends.
As per usual I can't remember if I mentioned that I want to try to play LoL at pro-gamer levels, and I'm not going to check if I did, but I do and seeing as my medical form is going to take 6-12 months [because, let's face it, if something worked for me like it does for the average fucker on earth then reality would come apart at the seams] I need something to do, and trying to score 10/0/10 with Fiora in a Challenger ranked match seems like fun.
Two issues there of course.
The first is that I tried to find out how you become a pro-gamer of League of Legends, and found that you need to rise to Challenger in the ranked mode of the client, which of course I cannot do because of a system fault Riot pretends doesn't exist called 'ELO Hell'.
For those reading this who don't know and can't be asked to look up what that is; ELO Hell is where the matchmaking system pairs you with a team of 4 other players in a team of 5 total who are well below the skill level of the opposition. This results in you losing regardless of your personal skill level, and being kept in the lower Leagues [Bronze, Silver, Gold, etc.] despite whatever your skill level may actually be. For me for example, I regularly score, outside of the ranked mode, much higher than my allies with few very deaths and reasonable to a lot of kills, however if I then play the ranked mode I tend to get paired with allies who feed, hand power to the enemy, and force me to lose the match.
What angers me most about ELO Hell, asides from the fact that Riot themselves are solid in their convictions that their matchmaking system is entirely fair and unbiased in it's operation, is that the general playerbase of the game are equally sure not only that ELO Hell doesn't exist that also if you suggest that it exists you clearly cannot play the game and belong in Bronze league.
I mean, if you ask why you're allies feed heavily, why you're losing matches because your allies can't hold their lanes, why your personal score is much higher than your allies on a regular basis, then the end result of that enquiry, regardless of the facts of the situation or knowledge of you're ability to play the game, will be that it is your fault you can't rank up.
The possibility that ELO Hell could, not does but mere COULD, exist is instantly and automatically negated. If you ask or suggest or say it exists you are declared to be an inept player by default, like you cannot be a good player and believe that Riot are fallible and could create, through design or accident, a flawed system.
Some of the best comments I've ever had about it include the fact that if you yourself are any good then you alone should be able to carry your team, as though 1 good player with 4 others who hand power to the 4-5 reasonable/good players on the other team can be fought when even the worst player who's been fed is powerful statistically.
Common sense says that if you've got two teams of 5, 90% of team 1 is useless and 90% of team 2 is good, then it doesn't matter if the other 10% of team 1 is the best player on the planet, they cannot hope to win against the other team who will make it their business to focus and slaughter that one good player and then finish off the others whilst that guy is cursing his allies and looking at a death screen.
I have tried three times to rank up to Challenger mode, back when I was playing a dozen or two matches per day a year or so ago, and each time I ran into the same issue; I would play matches, rank up to maybe the top of silver on a steady rising column, and then my allies would be terminally useless and my personal score would sink like an anchor and drop me back down to bronze. The worst is when you get to promotion matches [series of matches in best out of 3 or 5 which bring you up a division or league] where you're allies maybe reasonable for one or two matches and then be shockingly useless so you lose the promotion 75-90% of the time.
A lot of players have said they encounter this from the ranked matchmaking system but they always receive the same responses as I've described; people don't have reasonable arguments against what is obvious to someone on the receiving end of it, they just knee jerk declare that the speaker is obviously useless at playing and start using bad reasoning about game theory and even physiological. I can't remember those right now but there's this list somewhere online about how people blame others and shirk responsibility for their own mistakes, so it's not their allies in LoL it's actually them. A lot of bullshit anyway.
So the point is that I could, given the hardware, sit here for a year and play the game and never get beyond silver because the ranked system, for whatever reason, has a bias against my account to ensure that I can't rank up.
I ran a test once where I used non-ranked matches in all the modes to see if I could rank up outside of the ranked mode, recording match results in MS Excel spreadsheets. I got to Diamond before I stopped measuring it. If those modes also match you with allies and enemies of similar power [because why wouldn't they?] then the bias definitely exists. If they don't, then I still have my ranked scores where my allies have folded their lanes and there was no way I could fight well fed organised enemies.
That's the first issue.
The second issue with trying to become a pro-gamer of LoL is that I don't have the hardware anymore.
Like I've mentioned in previous posts I've been trying to join the Metropolitan Police in London for the past 6+ months. I'm still not in full time paid training with them because of a medical form which other people have been able to collect in a few days but because my doctors unregistered me, and sent my medical records to the health authority holding bank, in London as it happens, my new doctors can't sign a new medical questionare confirming my good health, and the old questionare that IS signed is with my medical records, which have been requested from the health authority and not mailed, emailed or faxed to them in the last month.
As mentioned, I've been through hell trying to pass the college course and the interviews and keep the job centre from fucking me over, and now I'm sitting here, developing some really awesome anger issues about the last 6+ months, out of work, out of money, and feeling like my entire like is afflicted with ELO Hell [I just can't win because of other people].
My PC which could run League at better than Medium graphic settings is broken. I need a new PC to run it which isn't sitting in Meltdown London, the eSports bar, so I can practise and play the ranked mode [I wouldn't care if it was on the lowest graphics setting, it's just got to run and be responsive and playable].
So even though I don't think ELO Hell will allow me to rank up [and no one gives a damn about that] I managed to get some funds together and dropped a couple of hundred quid on a new laptop. The minimum specs of LoL are 2ghz with 2 gig RAM. I got a 2.1ghz with 4 gig of RAM, except it ISNT that because it was advertised as a 2.1ghz duel core and windows is saying is 1.88ghz duel core, so that could be why, even on the lowest graphics setting I'm getting 500ms lag, or it could be because I'm staying in a hostel with crappy wifi [though I've seen others play LoL here fine, and Hearthstone and uTorrent work great, though Christmas + Riot's crappy EUW server may be enough to fuck my game, I just don't know].
Then, just to add insult to injury, when I looked up the specs on the Tesco website [online they sell computer hardware], which is where I double checked that it was being advertised at 2.1ghz, I then found out they had dropped the price by 50 fucking quid three days after I bought it, and one day after I started using it.
So if I had waited 3 days I could've saved 50 quid. If I had been told the actual power of it, I never would've bought it to begin with. And now I have to clean my files off it, return it, shout at them a little, and then go to Gumtree and buy a second hand laptop from someone, though if I'm careful I should be able to get a 3ghz with 6-8 gig RAM, so it's very annoying but maybe it's all for the best. One way or the other this thing is going back because I want that 50 fucking quid anyway.
So, yeah, I hate Christmas.
Worked my ass off for 6 months, dealt with some shit, tried to just get myself into ranked LoL play over the holidays with a new laptop and failed, boxing day sales fucked me, I can't even go to the gym to work off my current anger issues because the gym is shut for the holidays, and I'm surrounded by happy fuckers during a time which in usual circumstances pisses me off anyway because of the hypocrisy and my utter failure to understand how to act like a human being.
Bad year, punctuated by an aggravating holiday season with the new year looming over me and no end in sight to my misery because I cannot believe that after the holidays I'll get my medical form, the MPS will still have my application active, I'll get into paid work within a month or two, or even the ranked system of LoL will allow me to rank up.
And more work up next; return this laptop tomorrow, buy a new one and hope it wasn't the wifi, check with doctors for my medical form which won't be there, a hard gym session because I haven't gone for more than a week now [recovery + Christmas closure], and then New Fucking Years which is like today only with a lot more drunken bastards.
Joy.
Going to watch some Banshee, eat something maybe, and try to get to bed before 5am so I can get to the gym tomorrow after I've returned the laptop.
Probably post again soon once the bullshit running up to New Years hits...
As per usual I can't remember if I mentioned that I want to try to play LoL at pro-gamer levels, and I'm not going to check if I did, but I do and seeing as my medical form is going to take 6-12 months [because, let's face it, if something worked for me like it does for the average fucker on earth then reality would come apart at the seams] I need something to do, and trying to score 10/0/10 with Fiora in a Challenger ranked match seems like fun.
Two issues there of course.
The first is that I tried to find out how you become a pro-gamer of League of Legends, and found that you need to rise to Challenger in the ranked mode of the client, which of course I cannot do because of a system fault Riot pretends doesn't exist called 'ELO Hell'.
For those reading this who don't know and can't be asked to look up what that is; ELO Hell is where the matchmaking system pairs you with a team of 4 other players in a team of 5 total who are well below the skill level of the opposition. This results in you losing regardless of your personal skill level, and being kept in the lower Leagues [Bronze, Silver, Gold, etc.] despite whatever your skill level may actually be. For me for example, I regularly score, outside of the ranked mode, much higher than my allies with few very deaths and reasonable to a lot of kills, however if I then play the ranked mode I tend to get paired with allies who feed, hand power to the enemy, and force me to lose the match.
What angers me most about ELO Hell, asides from the fact that Riot themselves are solid in their convictions that their matchmaking system is entirely fair and unbiased in it's operation, is that the general playerbase of the game are equally sure not only that ELO Hell doesn't exist that also if you suggest that it exists you clearly cannot play the game and belong in Bronze league.
I mean, if you ask why you're allies feed heavily, why you're losing matches because your allies can't hold their lanes, why your personal score is much higher than your allies on a regular basis, then the end result of that enquiry, regardless of the facts of the situation or knowledge of you're ability to play the game, will be that it is your fault you can't rank up.
The possibility that ELO Hell could, not does but mere COULD, exist is instantly and automatically negated. If you ask or suggest or say it exists you are declared to be an inept player by default, like you cannot be a good player and believe that Riot are fallible and could create, through design or accident, a flawed system.
Some of the best comments I've ever had about it include the fact that if you yourself are any good then you alone should be able to carry your team, as though 1 good player with 4 others who hand power to the 4-5 reasonable/good players on the other team can be fought when even the worst player who's been fed is powerful statistically.
Common sense says that if you've got two teams of 5, 90% of team 1 is useless and 90% of team 2 is good, then it doesn't matter if the other 10% of team 1 is the best player on the planet, they cannot hope to win against the other team who will make it their business to focus and slaughter that one good player and then finish off the others whilst that guy is cursing his allies and looking at a death screen.
I have tried three times to rank up to Challenger mode, back when I was playing a dozen or two matches per day a year or so ago, and each time I ran into the same issue; I would play matches, rank up to maybe the top of silver on a steady rising column, and then my allies would be terminally useless and my personal score would sink like an anchor and drop me back down to bronze. The worst is when you get to promotion matches [series of matches in best out of 3 or 5 which bring you up a division or league] where you're allies maybe reasonable for one or two matches and then be shockingly useless so you lose the promotion 75-90% of the time.
A lot of players have said they encounter this from the ranked matchmaking system but they always receive the same responses as I've described; people don't have reasonable arguments against what is obvious to someone on the receiving end of it, they just knee jerk declare that the speaker is obviously useless at playing and start using bad reasoning about game theory and even physiological. I can't remember those right now but there's this list somewhere online about how people blame others and shirk responsibility for their own mistakes, so it's not their allies in LoL it's actually them. A lot of bullshit anyway.
So the point is that I could, given the hardware, sit here for a year and play the game and never get beyond silver because the ranked system, for whatever reason, has a bias against my account to ensure that I can't rank up.
I ran a test once where I used non-ranked matches in all the modes to see if I could rank up outside of the ranked mode, recording match results in MS Excel spreadsheets. I got to Diamond before I stopped measuring it. If those modes also match you with allies and enemies of similar power [because why wouldn't they?] then the bias definitely exists. If they don't, then I still have my ranked scores where my allies have folded their lanes and there was no way I could fight well fed organised enemies.
That's the first issue.
The second issue with trying to become a pro-gamer of LoL is that I don't have the hardware anymore.
Like I've mentioned in previous posts I've been trying to join the Metropolitan Police in London for the past 6+ months. I'm still not in full time paid training with them because of a medical form which other people have been able to collect in a few days but because my doctors unregistered me, and sent my medical records to the health authority holding bank, in London as it happens, my new doctors can't sign a new medical questionare confirming my good health, and the old questionare that IS signed is with my medical records, which have been requested from the health authority and not mailed, emailed or faxed to them in the last month.
As mentioned, I've been through hell trying to pass the college course and the interviews and keep the job centre from fucking me over, and now I'm sitting here, developing some really awesome anger issues about the last 6+ months, out of work, out of money, and feeling like my entire like is afflicted with ELO Hell [I just can't win because of other people].
My PC which could run League at better than Medium graphic settings is broken. I need a new PC to run it which isn't sitting in Meltdown London, the eSports bar, so I can practise and play the ranked mode [I wouldn't care if it was on the lowest graphics setting, it's just got to run and be responsive and playable].
So even though I don't think ELO Hell will allow me to rank up [and no one gives a damn about that] I managed to get some funds together and dropped a couple of hundred quid on a new laptop. The minimum specs of LoL are 2ghz with 2 gig RAM. I got a 2.1ghz with 4 gig of RAM, except it ISNT that because it was advertised as a 2.1ghz duel core and windows is saying is 1.88ghz duel core, so that could be why, even on the lowest graphics setting I'm getting 500ms lag, or it could be because I'm staying in a hostel with crappy wifi [though I've seen others play LoL here fine, and Hearthstone and uTorrent work great, though Christmas + Riot's crappy EUW server may be enough to fuck my game, I just don't know].
Then, just to add insult to injury, when I looked up the specs on the Tesco website [online they sell computer hardware], which is where I double checked that it was being advertised at 2.1ghz, I then found out they had dropped the price by 50 fucking quid three days after I bought it, and one day after I started using it.
So if I had waited 3 days I could've saved 50 quid. If I had been told the actual power of it, I never would've bought it to begin with. And now I have to clean my files off it, return it, shout at them a little, and then go to Gumtree and buy a second hand laptop from someone, though if I'm careful I should be able to get a 3ghz with 6-8 gig RAM, so it's very annoying but maybe it's all for the best. One way or the other this thing is going back because I want that 50 fucking quid anyway.
So, yeah, I hate Christmas.
Worked my ass off for 6 months, dealt with some shit, tried to just get myself into ranked LoL play over the holidays with a new laptop and failed, boxing day sales fucked me, I can't even go to the gym to work off my current anger issues because the gym is shut for the holidays, and I'm surrounded by happy fuckers during a time which in usual circumstances pisses me off anyway because of the hypocrisy and my utter failure to understand how to act like a human being.
Bad year, punctuated by an aggravating holiday season with the new year looming over me and no end in sight to my misery because I cannot believe that after the holidays I'll get my medical form, the MPS will still have my application active, I'll get into paid work within a month or two, or even the ranked system of LoL will allow me to rank up.
And more work up next; return this laptop tomorrow, buy a new one and hope it wasn't the wifi, check with doctors for my medical form which won't be there, a hard gym session because I haven't gone for more than a week now [recovery + Christmas closure], and then New Fucking Years which is like today only with a lot more drunken bastards.
Joy.
Going to watch some Banshee, eat something maybe, and try to get to bed before 5am so I can get to the gym tomorrow after I've returned the laptop.
Probably post again soon once the bullshit running up to New Years hits...
20/12/2014
Meltdown London
An eSports bar run by publicans rather than a bar run by eSports fanatics, and you want the theme of anything to come before the guys running the game.
I got it into my head to go to Meltdown London, an eSports bar located in North London close to where I live and the only [or so I hear] eSports bar in the UK.
Unfortunately the bar lived up to my expectations, and for those who don't know me you should know my expectations of anything are never very high.
Ordinary pubs are filled with tables before a bar that runs down one wall of each floor, with maybe a stage on the other wall or in a corner for bands and similar.
eSports requires computers and consoles, which require desks and chairs, and generally speaking gaming houses, internet cafes, etc. look something like offices.
Meltdown London fails in both categories because it doesn't have enough seats and tables to qualify as a pub, though there's enough space for dancing, and it has only a handful of PC's and a few consoles, so take out the bar and that's most of my peer geek's and nerd's personal equipment setup.
I gave it it's chance though because I wanted to see some eSports, play some League of Legends [I still haven't gotten a new PC or Laptop yet due to my delayed application to the police service], and maybe even meet some geeky nerdy women who would like my well exercised bod and cute face.
I arrived, in pain due to overdoing the gym yesterday, didn't buy any drinks on the basis that I was there to see not to drink, played a couple of League of Legends matches [a 3/0 Fiora and a 7/3 Rammus if it matters, which isn't bad for my first matches in > 6 months], and waited for a League of Legends tournament to start about an hour or two after I arrived.
The tournament was bullshit. I worked that out after the rules were explained. Guy took a deck of cards, shuffled them, and drew one. Depending on the type - Spades, Hearts, whatever - a ruleset would then be imposed on the 2 person team and their opponents. The rule sets included playing with an upside down monitor and playing with one player holding the mouse and the other the keyboard. I was expecting actual skillful play, even drunk playing but still actual gameplay, not the day the special needs kids got let loose in the internet cafe.
I left when it became apparent that there was a ratio of 3 girls to about 25 guys, and they were taken, the tournament was bullshit, and the only other thing that a misanthrope geek could get out of being in the "eSports" pub when the free PC's were occupied with bullshit tournament was watching League of Legends on the live feed screens, except I had no clue what was going on because the resolution was too low to make out the minimaps and there was no sound so no commentary.
I left, my muscles screaming in agony, bought some pain killers, crisps and kidney bean chilli, got in, ate all three on bread, and watched some Banshee.
Then I spent some time wondering how to become a professional eSports player of League of Legends and a few other games you just don't win when playing against me.
Turns out there is no information anywhere online about the actual process. There's lots of vague advice for...well...HUMANS, along the lines of "You need to be determined and really want it and say goodbye to your social life, blah, blah, blah" which isn't an issue for a creature like me who barely qualifies as a human being.
In short it's 00:45 on a Saturday morning, I've spent several hours realizing I'm surrounded by morons, wishing I had about 1/5th my intelligence so I could fit in with the rest of the idiots who dominate the world, and trying to workout what the fuck I can do with my life other than end it via suicide seeing as no one gives a shit that I exist.
I don't care about very much. When I do care I run into events like the five major fuckups I've had in the past five months. I can't relate to anyone else, even when I go into places which are meant to be designed for people who love the same shit I do. And although I could be a major asset to a great many enterprises no one believes it or will look twice at me.
I'm stuck. I need to work. I want to be productive. But the world doesn't give a shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to post something on Indiegogo, a crowdsourced project for trying to become a pro-gamer. I could play League of Legends 24/7 and beat all comers, but I need about 15 grand UK to do it. It won't work but I need to do something to pass the time and it may be interesting.
Right now, the rest of this Banshee episode, some sleep, and then think on when I'm not so damn tired...
I got it into my head to go to Meltdown London, an eSports bar located in North London close to where I live and the only [or so I hear] eSports bar in the UK.
Unfortunately the bar lived up to my expectations, and for those who don't know me you should know my expectations of anything are never very high.
Ordinary pubs are filled with tables before a bar that runs down one wall of each floor, with maybe a stage on the other wall or in a corner for bands and similar.
eSports requires computers and consoles, which require desks and chairs, and generally speaking gaming houses, internet cafes, etc. look something like offices.
Meltdown London fails in both categories because it doesn't have enough seats and tables to qualify as a pub, though there's enough space for dancing, and it has only a handful of PC's and a few consoles, so take out the bar and that's most of my peer geek's and nerd's personal equipment setup.
I gave it it's chance though because I wanted to see some eSports, play some League of Legends [I still haven't gotten a new PC or Laptop yet due to my delayed application to the police service], and maybe even meet some geeky nerdy women who would like my well exercised bod and cute face.
I arrived, in pain due to overdoing the gym yesterday, didn't buy any drinks on the basis that I was there to see not to drink, played a couple of League of Legends matches [a 3/0 Fiora and a 7/3 Rammus if it matters, which isn't bad for my first matches in > 6 months], and waited for a League of Legends tournament to start about an hour or two after I arrived.
The tournament was bullshit. I worked that out after the rules were explained. Guy took a deck of cards, shuffled them, and drew one. Depending on the type - Spades, Hearts, whatever - a ruleset would then be imposed on the 2 person team and their opponents. The rule sets included playing with an upside down monitor and playing with one player holding the mouse and the other the keyboard. I was expecting actual skillful play, even drunk playing but still actual gameplay, not the day the special needs kids got let loose in the internet cafe.
I left when it became apparent that there was a ratio of 3 girls to about 25 guys, and they were taken, the tournament was bullshit, and the only other thing that a misanthrope geek could get out of being in the "eSports" pub when the free PC's were occupied with bullshit tournament was watching League of Legends on the live feed screens, except I had no clue what was going on because the resolution was too low to make out the minimaps and there was no sound so no commentary.
I left, my muscles screaming in agony, bought some pain killers, crisps and kidney bean chilli, got in, ate all three on bread, and watched some Banshee.
Then I spent some time wondering how to become a professional eSports player of League of Legends and a few other games you just don't win when playing against me.
Turns out there is no information anywhere online about the actual process. There's lots of vague advice for...well...HUMANS, along the lines of "You need to be determined and really want it and say goodbye to your social life, blah, blah, blah" which isn't an issue for a creature like me who barely qualifies as a human being.
In short it's 00:45 on a Saturday morning, I've spent several hours realizing I'm surrounded by morons, wishing I had about 1/5th my intelligence so I could fit in with the rest of the idiots who dominate the world, and trying to workout what the fuck I can do with my life other than end it via suicide seeing as no one gives a shit that I exist.
I don't care about very much. When I do care I run into events like the five major fuckups I've had in the past five months. I can't relate to anyone else, even when I go into places which are meant to be designed for people who love the same shit I do. And although I could be a major asset to a great many enterprises no one believes it or will look twice at me.
I'm stuck. I need to work. I want to be productive. But the world doesn't give a shit.
Tomorrow I'm going to post something on Indiegogo, a crowdsourced project for trying to become a pro-gamer. I could play League of Legends 24/7 and beat all comers, but I need about 15 grand UK to do it. It won't work but I need to do something to pass the time and it may be interesting.
Right now, the rest of this Banshee episode, some sleep, and then think on when I'm not so damn tired...
16/12/2014
And That's Five...
Tuesday morning, 00:11am, haven't eaten a good meal in three days, the Job Center haven't processed my claim for job seekers allowance this week and I didn't get the £120.00 I should receive every two weeks on Monday, incidentally on the same week my debit transactions are delayed, my account is over-overdrawn and my bank are stacking charges for every day I don't receive my JSA.
I should get £140.00 by the way but a borough where I used to live is taking £20.00 of it in repayment for Housing Benefit I received, spent on rent like you're supposed to, but couldn't prove that's what I did it with it.
I hate my life. Just hate it. Everything always goes wrong, but not just wrong, but wrong in a way I can't fix that interacts with other bullshit situations to make it even worse.
I should get £140.00 every two weeks, and don't because even though I told the truth they called me a liar.
But I don't.
I should have gotten £120.00 yesterday morning, like I've been getting for months, been able to pay my rent, go food shopping, and see to my Doctors Medical forms to finalize my job application/offer with the London Metropolitan Police service.
But I didn't.
I should have been told how much money I had when I checked my account last week so firstly I wouldn't have overspent and could've afforded food, and secondly wouldn't have run over my overdraft limit and end up paying twice my monthly bank fees next month.
But I didn't.
I should have gotten my medical forms like everyone else has theirs and gotten into full time paid police training by now and not be worrying about being able to feed myself.
But I didn't.
How the bloody fuck can I play this game of life when the dealer keeps cheating and taking everything I have?
I knew this would happen when I transferred my claim from where I was living to here you know. I knew there would be an issue which would result in my claim not going through and I wouldn't receive my money. I just didn't see it happening when I was over-overdrawn and starving, and for it to occur two months after my claim was transferred.
Fuckup number 5: my Job Seekers Allowance doesn't get paid. I called them four times today, from 10:00, to firstly find out why it hadn't been paid, and secondly what I could do to sort it out so I would receive it before midnight tonight. The forth time, thirty minuets before the job center closed, they told me that it would be in my account before midnight. It's 00:24 now, and it isn't. So tomorrow morning at 09:00 I go back to the Job Center and ask them to find out, and they won't be able to tell me and I spend another day asking and being told to wait whilst they find out.
I'm just trying to get into full time paid work. Why does the world keep fucking me over like this? What the hell did I do to deserve this kind of punishment? Always hungry, or bored, or waiting on someone else for weeks to do something they'd do for anyone else in a day or two.
Why am I always fucked?
I should get £140.00 by the way but a borough where I used to live is taking £20.00 of it in repayment for Housing Benefit I received, spent on rent like you're supposed to, but couldn't prove that's what I did it with it.
I hate my life. Just hate it. Everything always goes wrong, but not just wrong, but wrong in a way I can't fix that interacts with other bullshit situations to make it even worse.
I should get £140.00 every two weeks, and don't because even though I told the truth they called me a liar.
But I don't.
I should have gotten £120.00 yesterday morning, like I've been getting for months, been able to pay my rent, go food shopping, and see to my Doctors Medical forms to finalize my job application/offer with the London Metropolitan Police service.
But I didn't.
I should have been told how much money I had when I checked my account last week so firstly I wouldn't have overspent and could've afforded food, and secondly wouldn't have run over my overdraft limit and end up paying twice my monthly bank fees next month.
But I didn't.
I should have gotten my medical forms like everyone else has theirs and gotten into full time paid police training by now and not be worrying about being able to feed myself.
But I didn't.
How the bloody fuck can I play this game of life when the dealer keeps cheating and taking everything I have?
I knew this would happen when I transferred my claim from where I was living to here you know. I knew there would be an issue which would result in my claim not going through and I wouldn't receive my money. I just didn't see it happening when I was over-overdrawn and starving, and for it to occur two months after my claim was transferred.
Fuckup number 5: my Job Seekers Allowance doesn't get paid. I called them four times today, from 10:00, to firstly find out why it hadn't been paid, and secondly what I could do to sort it out so I would receive it before midnight tonight. The forth time, thirty minuets before the job center closed, they told me that it would be in my account before midnight. It's 00:24 now, and it isn't. So tomorrow morning at 09:00 I go back to the Job Center and ask them to find out, and they won't be able to tell me and I spend another day asking and being told to wait whilst they find out.
I'm just trying to get into full time paid work. Why does the world keep fucking me over like this? What the hell did I do to deserve this kind of punishment? Always hungry, or bored, or waiting on someone else for weeks to do something they'd do for anyone else in a day or two.
Why am I always fucked?
10/12/2014
The Forth Time...
So apparently I'm now blogging monthly. If I had left this until tomorrow it would've been to the day too.
Today is Wednesday, I feel slightly fried from the gym and my stomach isn't precisely thrilled to belong to me at the moment, which is either the caffeine or the wholegrain cheese n salad baguette I ate last night and pooped all of this morning.
Currently sitting in a hostel's common room I've been staying in for several weeks now listening to some Papa Roach and trying to find something to do with myself for the next four weeks whilst waiting on a medical form to finalize my application to the Met Police in London.
The title of this post is because you can add to the list of fuckups in my application to the police:
It's a four page fucking document, and apparently there isn't someone who can go to fucking filing, pluck out the forms, and send them to my fucking doctors.
Since it's started averaging 5 degrees here in London I joined Puregym for around 23 quid a month and started hitting the weights so I can regain some of my old muscle strength [used to be able to lift around 80kgs on a single arm] and not go running in freezing cold air and damage my lungs.
I've started to gain weight now after a couple of weeks in screaming pain, when I wasn't hopped up on pain killers, from the muscle taring [long time unexercised muscle tissue hurts like fuck when you when you first hit the gym] and my recovery time has dropped from more than a week down to a few days.
The downside of this, as I knew would happen, is that the constant lack of energy and presence of pain is making me more aggressive, and whereas last time I alternated between working out and playing League of Legends and had an outlet for major angeries, what I've got this time is alternating between working out and being fucking pissed at the last six months of world class fuckups.
I've sorted out the issues with the job center [my current adviser, a new lady in a different borough, leaves me to get on with it and just has me sign on, which is nice] so all I've got to do is record a few jobs per day and keep checking for the medical form.
I wake up, I set up my crappy toy PC, I play some Hearthstone over breakfast, I hit the gym if able, and watch TV. Been at that for about two weeks now, and as it's December I won't be starting with the police until the new year even if I handed the form in today.
Anywhere between a month to two months with nothing but gym and watching TV, at the end of which I should have my medical forms and a paid training start date with the coppers and can finally shitcan by benefits claim.
Woo-fucking-hoo. This is assuming I don't get so bored I walk into traffic, or even more fun, the MPS have shitcanned my application because it's taken more than six months to get my certification and medical forms sorted [at which point I will be explaining, very politely, where they can shove it and just how far it can go, and I'm not even kidding because the shit I've gone through here is...it reads like a fucking joke really, a bad joke].
...I'm fine. Sitting around bored off my ass with no money but with TV and a PC able run MS Word and Firefox with a fully stocked pantry and a gym subscription...well...it could be worst, gods know it could be worse...
What else?
Well, women I guess. Last week, in the span of 2-3 days I had four women make a run at me.
The most notable of these is the receptionist of the hostel I'm staying in. She has the total hots for me for some reason and has made a point to hint that a] she's interested and b] very single. She's as sexy as fuck, this 5.7 brunet from California with a unique voice who slinks around the hostel like a cat. The issue, as there always is one, is however that she smokes, is technophobic [uses a Mac, ewww], and has no self-confidence.
First she said she couldn't concentrate when serving me, then went mute in a nervous way, and then spent some time staring at me and hanging around me whilst I used my PC in the common room, and then had a loud conversation with a friend about how she was single and lonely.
Why can't girls just come and actually introduce themselves and talk to me like I'm a real human being for crying out loud?
Anyway, I don't think it ever occurred to her that the issue is that she smokes. I mean, her personally is totally wrong for me too really, but I don't need to look further than the smoking.
Out of the other three, two were smokers, one dressed sexy and hung around and may have been a coincidence, and the other stared at me after she caught me staring at the other one's ass [black body stocking man, it was hard not to] but I knew she smoked so, NOPE.
The forth didn't even try to be subtle, she just saw me brushing my teeth on the top floor bathrooms of the hostel, stripped naked and went to the toilets, then asked me the time whilst giving me the full frontal view. Not subtle, highly arousing, major ego boost, but like most gentlemen this approach doesn't work with me. I'm not losing my virginity to a women I don't know the name of in a hostel toilet.
At this point I'm wondering precisely how sexy women must rate me to keep trying this stuff on. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder where you rate on the scale of physical appeal when so many women keep throwing themselves at you hoping to stick?
Shame none of them are my breed really. I'm a geek, a nerd, and an introvert, and an intellectual, whilst the exercise is just a coincidence. Give me one of my kind who doesn't smoke and I'd be all over that like butter on bread. Even even if she wasn't exceptionally minded, even if she wasn't as mad for exercise, hell, even if she was a music nerd instead of into games, I wouldn't mind someone like that, but these girls...meh. I refuse to date a bloody smoker, and beyond sex these girls couldn't offer me anything on a mental level much less understand me.
Fucking sucks.
I think I've probably mentioned this is previous posts, that I was using Reddit, an online forum, for fun. That's over and finished now, because of the same old issues I've got with forums; users and moderators.
Some time ago I picked up an online stalker who was following my account around the subreddits, posting vicious and hate filled comments after my posts, who then moved onto quoting my posts out of context on subreddits like 'I Am Very Smart' and declaring that the joke or sarcasm I posted was serious in order to taunt me.
Eventually I got his accounts deleted by the administration of the website after I made new accounts to try to lose him, he found those, and then made more than a dozen alternatives to continue stalking me, a few of which were banned from subreddits [you get all your accounts removed if you try to make new accounts to dodge subreddit bans].
What caused me to delete my own accounts and leave the site is that I was getting bored with all the 'I'm so in love' and 'How is your day' posts on Casual Conversation [one of the few subreddits I found enjoyable to read daily], then someone posts 'I'm 22 and think I'll be forever alone'. Being epically tired from the gym, it 2am, and the guy being a moron I called him an idiot.
So a mod then issues me with a warning, and instead of saying 'Whoops, so sorry old boy, won't happen again', I asked him to define what one of the two subreddit rules 'Respect Others' means. After 3-4 back and forth pms between myself and the mods, their replies being something like 'Shut up or go away' they banned me for refusing to following subreddit rules, which I wasn't, it's just 'Respect others' is very badly defined and I was asking why I can't call idiots stupid.
Anyway, I reported this to the website's admin and said so, and then a few of the mods [they had recruited some new ones] got together, searched my post history and IP, found some comments like 'Your dog sucks' and the alt accounts I had, and then said that I was violating rules and that I would get an IP ban from the site for evading subreddit bans [this was after they banned me from Casual Conversation].
The comments were actually replies to someone bitching about their own pet and my agreement with their sentiment [they didn't bother to read the entire conversation and were witch hunting] and my alt accounts were made weeks/months ago to dodge my cyberstalker [they didn't/couldn't check the account creation dates]. It was at this point I thought What the fuck am I doing here? and closed the browser and went to bed. When I woke up this morning I realized that I'm arguing with witchhunting authority complex syndrome online forum moderators because I called someone who was bitching about being forever alone at 22 years old a fucking moron...I might be insane but I'm not that stupid, then I deleted the accounts without reading any replies.
If you have any kind of intelligence just don't use online communication forums. Either you end up arguing with pond scum or you end up on the receiving end of people who find it easier to suspend and ban accounts than discuss subjects like human beings.
Now, I'm becoming a police officer, a moderator for the real world, and if I see shit like the above I swear to whatever god or gods there might be that I will arrest my own colleges before letting that shit go down. FUCK.
So whats next seeing as I've got all this free time and just blew up my best timesink?
I was thinking of doing some computer games design. I've got a thesis document on the subject in production which I can add to, and I've dug out my old camera demo and can rework that on a data processing level [no graphics because this toy laptop can't process that much] for proof of theory.
It's a way to pass the time until I get the medical forms. Plus I seriously considering finding some temp work to do over Christmas. You never know, someone might give me something and I can use the money to get a laptop able to run League of Legends and spend Christmas and New Years playing the upgraded Summoners Rift. It's a dream, lol. I'd give pretty much anything to be playing that right now...
Asides from that, sit on top of my personal heater and write or watch TV, go to the gym when able, and keep checking for the forms until they arrive, and then see if my application is still valid.
I might look into what other policing qualifications and I can get whilst I'm sitting around, like first aid or maybe a Certificate in Policing [the one I have is Basic Policing see] which should give me more cred when I get into uniform. We'll see what's what.
As I say, feeling kinda sick and kinda hungry so first thing is some House M.D. and cheese n tuna salad I think...I've no clue, really zero idea how, but I really would like to get laid before the end of the year. Just got to find a non-smoking attractive geeky nerd in the vicinity who doesn't mind a guy with no money and anger issues, lol, easy.
Final thought: Papa Roach fucking kicks ass.
Today is Wednesday, I feel slightly fried from the gym and my stomach isn't precisely thrilled to belong to me at the moment, which is either the caffeine or the wholegrain cheese n salad baguette I ate last night and pooped all of this morning.
Currently sitting in a hostel's common room I've been staying in for several weeks now listening to some Papa Roach and trying to find something to do with myself for the next four weeks whilst waiting on a medical form to finalize my application to the Met Police in London.
The title of this post is because you can add to the list of fuckups in my application to the police:
- Medical forms, which should take all of a few days of wait time if you drop off a medical questionnaire with a doctor, taking more than a month to be returned to me because firstly I had to register with a new doctors [after trying to college the forms from my old doctors and being told I had been registered so there was nothing they could do for me] and secondly order new forms and getting told that either a] I could wait for my medical records to come through from their information warehouse and submit the form [3 day turn around] or b] request that the medical form [4 pages] is faxed/emailed to my doctors from my medical records. I opted for B because the form is already signed and they said it'd be quicker, but a month later I'm still waiting for it.
- Chest infection plus awake for more than 24 hours plus no food plus bitch of a fitness examiner during my fitness test who bullied me in front of everyone else, probably because she assumed I had been out drinking instead of ill and studying for a policing exam.
- Broken PC and an idiot college which wouldn't allow me to use their ICT resources to do their entirely online college course which resulted in me having to use my eight year old iPhone [which has since been fucking stolen btw].
- The Job Center putting me on an 'Employability Skills Course' which in combination with living on the other side of London resulted in two individual failures to finish the resit exams, themselves generated by fuckup number two.
It's a four page fucking document, and apparently there isn't someone who can go to fucking filing, pluck out the forms, and send them to my fucking doctors.
Since it's started averaging 5 degrees here in London I joined Puregym for around 23 quid a month and started hitting the weights so I can regain some of my old muscle strength [used to be able to lift around 80kgs on a single arm] and not go running in freezing cold air and damage my lungs.
I've started to gain weight now after a couple of weeks in screaming pain, when I wasn't hopped up on pain killers, from the muscle taring [long time unexercised muscle tissue hurts like fuck when you when you first hit the gym] and my recovery time has dropped from more than a week down to a few days.
The downside of this, as I knew would happen, is that the constant lack of energy and presence of pain is making me more aggressive, and whereas last time I alternated between working out and playing League of Legends and had an outlet for major angeries, what I've got this time is alternating between working out and being fucking pissed at the last six months of world class fuckups.
I've sorted out the issues with the job center [my current adviser, a new lady in a different borough, leaves me to get on with it and just has me sign on, which is nice] so all I've got to do is record a few jobs per day and keep checking for the medical form.
I wake up, I set up my crappy toy PC, I play some Hearthstone over breakfast, I hit the gym if able, and watch TV. Been at that for about two weeks now, and as it's December I won't be starting with the police until the new year even if I handed the form in today.
Anywhere between a month to two months with nothing but gym and watching TV, at the end of which I should have my medical forms and a paid training start date with the coppers and can finally shitcan by benefits claim.
Woo-fucking-hoo. This is assuming I don't get so bored I walk into traffic, or even more fun, the MPS have shitcanned my application because it's taken more than six months to get my certification and medical forms sorted [at which point I will be explaining, very politely, where they can shove it and just how far it can go, and I'm not even kidding because the shit I've gone through here is...it reads like a fucking joke really, a bad joke].
...I'm fine. Sitting around bored off my ass with no money but with TV and a PC able run MS Word and Firefox with a fully stocked pantry and a gym subscription...well...it could be worst, gods know it could be worse...
What else?
Well, women I guess. Last week, in the span of 2-3 days I had four women make a run at me.
The most notable of these is the receptionist of the hostel I'm staying in. She has the total hots for me for some reason and has made a point to hint that a] she's interested and b] very single. She's as sexy as fuck, this 5.7 brunet from California with a unique voice who slinks around the hostel like a cat. The issue, as there always is one, is however that she smokes, is technophobic [uses a Mac, ewww], and has no self-confidence.
First she said she couldn't concentrate when serving me, then went mute in a nervous way, and then spent some time staring at me and hanging around me whilst I used my PC in the common room, and then had a loud conversation with a friend about how she was single and lonely.
Why can't girls just come and actually introduce themselves and talk to me like I'm a real human being for crying out loud?
Anyway, I don't think it ever occurred to her that the issue is that she smokes. I mean, her personally is totally wrong for me too really, but I don't need to look further than the smoking.
Out of the other three, two were smokers, one dressed sexy and hung around and may have been a coincidence, and the other stared at me after she caught me staring at the other one's ass [black body stocking man, it was hard not to] but I knew she smoked so, NOPE.
The forth didn't even try to be subtle, she just saw me brushing my teeth on the top floor bathrooms of the hostel, stripped naked and went to the toilets, then asked me the time whilst giving me the full frontal view. Not subtle, highly arousing, major ego boost, but like most gentlemen this approach doesn't work with me. I'm not losing my virginity to a women I don't know the name of in a hostel toilet.
At this point I'm wondering precisely how sexy women must rate me to keep trying this stuff on. I mean, wouldn't you start to wonder where you rate on the scale of physical appeal when so many women keep throwing themselves at you hoping to stick?
Shame none of them are my breed really. I'm a geek, a nerd, and an introvert, and an intellectual, whilst the exercise is just a coincidence. Give me one of my kind who doesn't smoke and I'd be all over that like butter on bread. Even even if she wasn't exceptionally minded, even if she wasn't as mad for exercise, hell, even if she was a music nerd instead of into games, I wouldn't mind someone like that, but these girls...meh. I refuse to date a bloody smoker, and beyond sex these girls couldn't offer me anything on a mental level much less understand me.
Fucking sucks.
I think I've probably mentioned this is previous posts, that I was using Reddit, an online forum, for fun. That's over and finished now, because of the same old issues I've got with forums; users and moderators.
Some time ago I picked up an online stalker who was following my account around the subreddits, posting vicious and hate filled comments after my posts, who then moved onto quoting my posts out of context on subreddits like 'I Am Very Smart' and declaring that the joke or sarcasm I posted was serious in order to taunt me.
Eventually I got his accounts deleted by the administration of the website after I made new accounts to try to lose him, he found those, and then made more than a dozen alternatives to continue stalking me, a few of which were banned from subreddits [you get all your accounts removed if you try to make new accounts to dodge subreddit bans].
What caused me to delete my own accounts and leave the site is that I was getting bored with all the 'I'm so in love' and 'How is your day' posts on Casual Conversation [one of the few subreddits I found enjoyable to read daily], then someone posts 'I'm 22 and think I'll be forever alone'. Being epically tired from the gym, it 2am, and the guy being a moron I called him an idiot.
So a mod then issues me with a warning, and instead of saying 'Whoops, so sorry old boy, won't happen again', I asked him to define what one of the two subreddit rules 'Respect Others' means. After 3-4 back and forth pms between myself and the mods, their replies being something like 'Shut up or go away' they banned me for refusing to following subreddit rules, which I wasn't, it's just 'Respect others' is very badly defined and I was asking why I can't call idiots stupid.
Anyway, I reported this to the website's admin and said so, and then a few of the mods [they had recruited some new ones] got together, searched my post history and IP, found some comments like 'Your dog sucks' and the alt accounts I had, and then said that I was violating rules and that I would get an IP ban from the site for evading subreddit bans [this was after they banned me from Casual Conversation].
The comments were actually replies to someone bitching about their own pet and my agreement with their sentiment [they didn't bother to read the entire conversation and were witch hunting] and my alt accounts were made weeks/months ago to dodge my cyberstalker [they didn't/couldn't check the account creation dates]. It was at this point I thought What the fuck am I doing here? and closed the browser and went to bed. When I woke up this morning I realized that I'm arguing with witchhunting authority complex syndrome online forum moderators because I called someone who was bitching about being forever alone at 22 years old a fucking moron...I might be insane but I'm not that stupid, then I deleted the accounts without reading any replies.
If you have any kind of intelligence just don't use online communication forums. Either you end up arguing with pond scum or you end up on the receiving end of people who find it easier to suspend and ban accounts than discuss subjects like human beings.
Now, I'm becoming a police officer, a moderator for the real world, and if I see shit like the above I swear to whatever god or gods there might be that I will arrest my own colleges before letting that shit go down. FUCK.
So whats next seeing as I've got all this free time and just blew up my best timesink?
I was thinking of doing some computer games design. I've got a thesis document on the subject in production which I can add to, and I've dug out my old camera demo and can rework that on a data processing level [no graphics because this toy laptop can't process that much] for proof of theory.
It's a way to pass the time until I get the medical forms. Plus I seriously considering finding some temp work to do over Christmas. You never know, someone might give me something and I can use the money to get a laptop able to run League of Legends and spend Christmas and New Years playing the upgraded Summoners Rift. It's a dream, lol. I'd give pretty much anything to be playing that right now...
Asides from that, sit on top of my personal heater and write or watch TV, go to the gym when able, and keep checking for the forms until they arrive, and then see if my application is still valid.
I might look into what other policing qualifications and I can get whilst I'm sitting around, like first aid or maybe a Certificate in Policing [the one I have is Basic Policing see] which should give me more cred when I get into uniform. We'll see what's what.
As I say, feeling kinda sick and kinda hungry so first thing is some House M.D. and cheese n tuna salad I think...I've no clue, really zero idea how, but I really would like to get laid before the end of the year. Just got to find a non-smoking attractive geeky nerd in the vicinity who doesn't mind a guy with no money and anger issues, lol, easy.
Final thought: Papa Roach fucking kicks ass.