Feels like it's been a fairly
busy three or four days, but it hasn't really, it's just been a lot of
traveling interspersed by periods of heavy thinking.
…Damn…looking over my last
post I was about two steps from going totally bananas. I’m doing a lot better
now. It’s fine.
After I got my claim
transferred to my local job centre I was removed from the full time
employability skills course. This is to say that my last advisor hasn’t
contacted me about not attending it and my current advisor signed me on
Wednesday so providing my money is in my account on Monday then there shouldn’t
be any issue.
I’ve also handed in all the
evidence required to my local housing benefits office to get my claim
transferred from the previous housing office to this new one. I’m not entirely
happy about this as they said it would take two weeks to process and that’s
more time than I have until I need the money to pay my rent at this hostel, but
it’s one of those cross checks. Every time they go to pay your housing benefit
they check your address with the job centre’s records, and if the two don’t
match it isn’t paid.
So yeah, everyone is updated
with all the evidence they need and the new job centre isn’t trying to put me
on any type of employability skills program here so I have all the time I need
to get my revision done for my exam on the 08/11/14.
On the other hand it’s a 50/50
bet if I’ll get my JSA on Monday and my HB on the following Monday. All I can
do is get up early and check first my bank and then the offices to find out if
there are any issues and if I can get the money that day because the hostel I’m
staying in won’t take ‘I’ll have it in a few days’ for payment. ‘No credit’ is literally
splattered across the walls of the reception area so…we’ll see what happens
come Monday.
For now I’ve gotten plenty of
rest, rebuilt my sanity from something like sand to, if not rock, then at least
gravel, so I’m not longer giggling like a crazy thing and my left eye hasn’t twitched
since I was at the housing office on Tuesday.
Still haven’t sent the bloody
medical forms to the MPS. Sorting out the JSA and HB cost me too much in bus
fare so there was not enough left to get to my doctors AND pay for the forms.
On the upside, this means that
I’ve got plenty of cash to buy food and that with, not that I need it after a
super cheap veggie run at a local Morrisons [seriously, those guys are selling
veggies at ½ the cost of Sainsburys and Tescos, it’s amazing].
On the downside, I’ve told
them I’ll send it to them every Monday for the past three weeks and failed
every time because of costs of moving acom, and then that fucking employability
skills course being three hours down the road. Next Monday I’ve got bank fees
which takes away the money I need, followed the week after by the fees for my
resit exam. So two weeks Monday [assuming everything remains stable] is when I’ll
be able to actually fucking pay for and send them.
The fact that the forms are
basically nothing more than a guy’s signature that confirms I’m in perfect
health [not that the Doctor even fucking CHECKED to make sure I was] just
pisses me off even more.
Anyway, point is that here and
now and until Monday morning I don’t really have any issues [about four days],
apart from waking up this morning feeling horrible.
I think the heat in the dorm I’m
staying in messed with my thyroid or something because I spent a couple of
hours radiating heat from my skin like a patio heater. Didn’t feel too bad
after I went out and got a can of Monster caffeine, but you could’ve cooked a
side of bacon on my bald head.
Then spent way too long playing
Hearthstone after I worked out a somewhat epic build for the Hunter class and
was able to get from lv20 [entry] up to lv16. Currently at lv17 because it’s
more or less the luck of the fucking draw if you get a good hand or not and I
tend to lose about 45% of my matches through bad hands and opponent lucky ones.
Today was the first bit of
real morning relaxation I’ve had in a couple of weeks though so I earned it I
think.
Just writing this and then
going to grab some lunch next. After that I’m gonna add a bit more to my book
on computer games design before either doing some revision, or going to have a
shower and then doing revision, one of those.
I’m really liking the work I’m
doing in my computer games design book actually.
I’ve structured the content in
just the right way so as to explain the basic skeletal structure of computer
games and then explain in detail the flesh which can be selected to hang from
it for the gameplay.
It’s still in the very early
stages but what I’ve done so far isn’t just correct but also right, in some
fundamental way.
Still need to rewrite the
introduction and things though so it’s less ‘raving madman who’s one step from
committing his first homicide’ and more ‘professional erudite scholar of
computer games design’.
The content still has an edge
to it that implies that if you don’t understand what I’ve written then you have
no fucking business designing a computer game, but hey, that’s what makes it
good.
I’m no elitist, I don’t care
who studied what and where, but I don’t tolerate fools and the industry is full
of them.
I’ll write it. I’ll call the
readers idiots on every other page. And then when said idiots take offence, I’ll
enjoy [in my sick and perverted way of thriving on ‘The Fight’] laughing at their
ire. I’m a fucking genius morons, and you are not. I am right, and you are
wrong. Just because that’s a fact doesn’t mean you get to be angry about it.
No, it’s not the right fucking
professional way to go about doing business with a lot of people, but it is the
way someone abused and ignored for three decades takes his small revenge on the
masses; being a passive aggressive dick whilst also being uncontestably right
about everything everyone else gets wrong.
Fuck everyone. The last couple
of weeks have taught me one simple fact; if I want to get anywhere in life then
someone else is going to have to pay for it. In time, energy, money or simple
fury, someone else is going to have to cough up if I want to rise because
otherwise people will just keep shitting on me. And enough is ENOUGH.
Clawing out my insides with
hunger right now so wrapping this up. Still listening to Papa Roach. Still
enjoying it immensely, especially Alive [N Out of Control]. Wanna go get some
exercise today but probably tomorrow because my vision just went funny
[seriously fucked up morning]. Watching ‘How to Get Away with Murder’ which is surprisingly
interesting for its pacing and content flashing backwards and forwards like it
does.
OH: Stopped talking to that
lady friend of mine. One day last week she started telling me about a friend of
hers that just released a computer game into the market, and then about it’s
bad reviews.
So you’re telling me, whilst I’m
currently more angry than I’ve been in my entire life, about someone with the
money to do the thing I’m best at in the world who released a whole actual game
who fucked it up.
Yeah, we’re not friends
anymore. I mean, I don’t need people, I really don’t, and at a time when I’m
hating them more than usual this person stabs me in the heart without even
realizing.
Plus her medical issues have
gotten worse and don’t appear to be getting better any time soon. Plus after I
stopped making efforts to contact her she didn’t make any effort to contact me.
I want sex. I want someone
around, actually around, not just online, who can provide me real help and
interaction who doesn’t piss me off. Who isn’t a fucking moron.
I don’t need it though. Hell,
I don’t think right now is even the right time for that kind of thing given the
work I need to get done. It’s just a distraction that messes with my head and
emotions. But it’s also a base desire of being a human.
I want sex. And having someone
around might be handy and make me feel good, and I can help them and care for
them too.
The issue is that anything the
same shape as myself causes me nothing but headaches and raised blood pressure.
Humans are the enemy. There isn’t one in existence who would be a partner to
me, only a trusted enemy who I would have to fucking babysit most of the time
to curb their stupidity. A drag. A weight. Another problem.
It’s just the way it is.
Better off alone...but I want sex.
Fucking humans man. Fuck being
one too.
Anyway, getting edibles…
30/10/2014
25/10/2014
It Just Keeps Getting Worse...
...fuck me.
My last post was more than a week ago. This is because, as I said in my last post, that this week I would be revising for my resit exam for my certificate in basic policing course and under taking a employability skills course at the behest of the Job Center. This was after I moved hostels on the Monday.
On Monday I did manage to move hostels just fine by using the buses to ferry my things from one hostel near Hyde Park over to another in a London borough called Islington.
This was a smart move on my part because unlike where I was staying this new hostel has better showers, is quieter, has a fridge and residents who don't steal food*, and best of all, in house wifi which permits access to torrents and a large common room with tables where I can sit and type and isn't ever cold.
*At least this week I've kept food in the fridge and, apart from a misunderstanding about labeling which resulted in my bag being placed in the staff fridge until I asked where it went, no one has stolen so much as the butter I've been eating all week.
I mean, seriously, the people here don't make noise, are really polite and it's a very nice place to stay, which is damn odd considering that I was staying in a hostel just off Hyde Park in central London with the next best thing to a collection of animate slime molds. Move two miles out of the city center to a hostel in an obviously poor borough and pay less rent, and suddenly everyone from the staff to the guests and the accommodation goes from harsh thieving thuggish scum to friendly warm easy and nice human beings. Go figure.
That however is where this week stopped being positive.
Tuesday I attended the first session of the employability skills course my job adviser at the job center put me on in spite of my certificate in basic policing course and my application to the Metropolitan Police Service, which I considered at the time to be a stupid act because I needed to revise the materials for the start of my police constable training and anything beyond that would be simply be a pointless waste of time.
He, my adviser, and the company who runs the course however told me that they would review my skills and abilities and then put me in direct contact with appropriate employers who would then hire me in the next couple of weeks. It's the sort of thing I always imagined the job center would do - take unemployed people, fine an employer and match them up - before having contact with the job center who see people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than as human beings.
Each of the sessions for this course were to take place 3 hours travel from where I would be staying - the new hostel I'm currently sitting in - but I only had 1 exam left and thought I could attend the course, revise in the evenings and take the resit at the end of the week. Once I pass this final resit I would then get my certificate, hand that MPS and get my full time paid training start date, job done, or started as it might be.
Thing was that the course lasted 6 hours per day, from 10am till 4pm. I had to get up at 6am to dress and travel, 4 hours total, to where the course would take place. Then it would take 3 hours to get back and another 1 for dinner. So in total that's 14 hours, less 8 hours sleep means I had 0 hours for revising, so I got about 4 hours sleep a night trying to get revision in.
Additionally the bus costs about 3-4 pounds back and forth in travel credit, even with an Oyster Card.
By the end of the week I had burned through all the money I had buying lunch whilst out and travel credit. I had also gotten so tired I started making bad choices and not watching the time and failing to revise.
Tuesday was the induction to the course.
For some reason I thought this would take place in something like a college class room setting with computers and desks and things in an office style environment.
The class took place in a community center of a bough located deep in a residential area, and looked like a wartorn pile of brick that would look at home in the live-action movie of the Fallout nuclear apocalypse roleplaying and combat game series.
Wednesday morning the course started in earnest.
I woke up to find my debit card missing. I had been using it to pay for my travel costs on the bus [contactless payment method] so I had to walk to Elephant and Castle and then take the train for free to a nearby station. For some reason they never installed security gates in Elephant and Castle shopping center or at my intended destination so it wasn't an issue to use them seeing as I would've paid if I could but couldn't. Point is that I still had to walk for several hours to get there on time and back again.
When I got to the class was where I started to become enraged with my situation because we spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips in groups.
...
Just let me type this a few more times to really let it sink in.
We spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips.
I attended a job skills recruitment program to hang around with people who can barely read written English under the orders of the job center who are responsible for keeping me alive and getting me as quickly as possible back into full time paid employment instead of being permitted to revise for my final exam which once passed would get me full time paid employment with a public service, and I spent literal hours making a bridge out of paper and paper clips.
I SPENT HOURS OF LIFE MAKING A BRIDGE OUT OF PAPER AND FUCKING PAPER CLIPS BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING ME INTO PAID EMPLOYMENT TOLD ME THAT MY CERTIFICATE IN BASE POLICING COURSE AND MY APPLICATION TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE SERVICE OF LONDON, ENGLAND, WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING.
...
Thursday. On Thursday I was so tired and so angry about Wednesday that mostly I sat in the class and thought about killing my job adviser, especially after the tutor of the course said 'I'm here to help you get into work'.
I'm a patient guy, honest, harmless really, unless someone actively tries to hurt or kill me anyway whereupon I disable the attacker with stupid ease and maximum ferocity. I want to be a policeman because I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can be swift and deadly and dangerous, but I'm only a threat to those who harm others.
However in the course of my application the following happened which made it harder for me to get the work done. Things that others didn't have to deal with:
It was all fantasy. I haven't and won't lay a finger on him. There is a vast difference between wishing someone dead and killing them. I wish him to suffer for what he did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cause it.
I left there at the end of the session, even more angry after I requested Friday off to spend the day catching up on my rest and revising for the exam and being denied. I told my college tutor about this circumstances and he told me to do half this week and half next week, which sounded like a good idea. But they refused to give me Friday off, citing that the job center had to sign off on it. I admit I didn't ask my job adviser for the day off. He didn't know the course content of the employability skills course, he's never seen evidence of my knowledge and abilities, he never asked for confirmation I was enrolled at college or the letters I've received for the police regarding my application. He put me on the employability skills course and prevented me from completing my college course in total ignorance. I was angry. I wasn't going to go ask him for the day off. He would say no. Then he would die after I tore out his throat with my teeth.
So I went home. Whereupon I took the train. Went through the security gates without worrying about paying because I was too tired and angry to really notice the world around me at that point. And of course the train company and police was checking for tickets at the gate. With no debit card I had to provide them with my name and address and national insurance number and will receive a letter shortly ordering me to pay a £20.00 fine. Because of my job adviser. All because I did what I had to because of one man's ignorance and stupidity.
Friday, I gave up.
I got up and got half way to the employability skills course location, stopped for a drink of water, and...broke.
You don't disobey or argue with the job center. Because if you do they issue sanctions. Sanctions mean your housing benefit stops [you get evicted onto the street] and your job seekers allowance is cut in half [so you can eat, just, but you're sleeping outside].
There aren't really words for my physical condition by mid Friday morning at 9am.
I had run out of travel credit and couldn't afford to buy more [the buses are no-cash based, and the amount of credit you can buy at minimum costs more than I had, so eat I could, travel I could not]. I had to walk for 3 hours to get home. I had been getting 4 hours sleep a night for several days. I hadn't been eating properly. I hadn't showered as I needed sleep more than cleaning. I was a walking wreck of a human being, mentally, physically, emotionally.
I dragged myself home, slowly because my limbs simply didn't have the energy in them that they needed to function. Got in, ate, slept for 4 hours, ate some more, and then started arranging a solution to this mess.
The solution I've found is that I needed to update my address with the job center, which I never did because it's tied to my housing benefits and my address hasn't stayed stable and the cost of rent has been anywhere from 80-120 pounds a week over the last few months. However, by doing so this will remove me from the employability skills course and it will take them a couple of weeks to get me onto a new course, giving me just enough time to take my resit and get that to the MPS.
The downside is that this may result in not being paid my housing benefits for a couple of weeks and not being able to pay my rent. So it's not a perfect solution by any means, but it's better than getting sanctions for not attending the employability skills course.
This is in process and on Monday I'll be going to the job center to finalize the transfer of my claim over to the local offices. Hopefully my housing benefit for that week will still come through so I can send my medical forms to the MPS.
It's now Saturday and I feel a hell've a lot better.
Got 10 hours sleep last night, got up and showered and shaved, then went and spend the last handful of coin I had left for this week on ham, bread, coleslaw and milk so with the apples I have a bit of everything to aid recovery until after this weekend.
Seriously though, I'm a hard guy, a bad ass, with scars in places you don't want to get scars, and I work out, and I know pain, but this morning and occasionally this afternoon I was feeling so much better by comparison to yesterday that I was laughing like a mad man. I mean, cackling laughter which cracked around the edges with the sound of a brain's sanity sloughing away.
All I know right now is that I've eaten well today, I've slept well last night and will get some more shortly, the TV is good, I'm not cold, and it doesn't hurt anymore. And I've got a chance to finish my course and get into training.
And I hate humans.
The next time someone issues me an order I don't want to do, regardless of the consequences, I won't do it. If the local job center to here orders me onto a new course, I'm not going to attend. If they sanction me, I'm going to report the adviser who does it. If that doesn't fix it, I'm going to sue. If I can't, I'm going to post the above in more detail [it's worse than I summarized] on Change.org and start a petition for change.
Fuck you human. Fuck you and your entire fucked up fucking species who keep trying to cripple and damage me. No. More. I've hit my limit. Next round, I'd rather be DEAD than take any more of this.
I mentioned a while back about gears and how I stripped one and went ape shit at my college course tutor. Well, I haven't stripped one gear. Most of the gears have broken and shattered over the last week. Now it's time for the world to change.
Going to install MS Office on my laptop, organize the 3 books I'm writing, and then go get some snooze. Tomorrow I want to organize my exam revision. 08/11/14 is when the resit is. 2 weeks later is when I'll get the results. Anyone tries to stop me from being prepared to pass the exam, I'm going to ignore them and inform them that they can burn in hell.
My final word for today is that Papa Roach is pretty damn good. The slightly older stuff is better than the newer stuff. Not that the newer stuff is crap, but it's not quite as good in my view. Getting Away With Murder, 2004, was excellent. The Paramour Sessions though, not so much.
DONE.
My last post was more than a week ago. This is because, as I said in my last post, that this week I would be revising for my resit exam for my certificate in basic policing course and under taking a employability skills course at the behest of the Job Center. This was after I moved hostels on the Monday.
On Monday I did manage to move hostels just fine by using the buses to ferry my things from one hostel near Hyde Park over to another in a London borough called Islington.
This was a smart move on my part because unlike where I was staying this new hostel has better showers, is quieter, has a fridge and residents who don't steal food*, and best of all, in house wifi which permits access to torrents and a large common room with tables where I can sit and type and isn't ever cold.
*At least this week I've kept food in the fridge and, apart from a misunderstanding about labeling which resulted in my bag being placed in the staff fridge until I asked where it went, no one has stolen so much as the butter I've been eating all week.
I mean, seriously, the people here don't make noise, are really polite and it's a very nice place to stay, which is damn odd considering that I was staying in a hostel just off Hyde Park in central London with the next best thing to a collection of animate slime molds. Move two miles out of the city center to a hostel in an obviously poor borough and pay less rent, and suddenly everyone from the staff to the guests and the accommodation goes from harsh thieving thuggish scum to friendly warm easy and nice human beings. Go figure.
That however is where this week stopped being positive.
Tuesday I attended the first session of the employability skills course my job adviser at the job center put me on in spite of my certificate in basic policing course and my application to the Metropolitan Police Service, which I considered at the time to be a stupid act because I needed to revise the materials for the start of my police constable training and anything beyond that would be simply be a pointless waste of time.
He, my adviser, and the company who runs the course however told me that they would review my skills and abilities and then put me in direct contact with appropriate employers who would then hire me in the next couple of weeks. It's the sort of thing I always imagined the job center would do - take unemployed people, fine an employer and match them up - before having contact with the job center who see people as numbers on a spreadsheet, rather than as human beings.
Each of the sessions for this course were to take place 3 hours travel from where I would be staying - the new hostel I'm currently sitting in - but I only had 1 exam left and thought I could attend the course, revise in the evenings and take the resit at the end of the week. Once I pass this final resit I would then get my certificate, hand that MPS and get my full time paid training start date, job done, or started as it might be.
Thing was that the course lasted 6 hours per day, from 10am till 4pm. I had to get up at 6am to dress and travel, 4 hours total, to where the course would take place. Then it would take 3 hours to get back and another 1 for dinner. So in total that's 14 hours, less 8 hours sleep means I had 0 hours for revising, so I got about 4 hours sleep a night trying to get revision in.
Additionally the bus costs about 3-4 pounds back and forth in travel credit, even with an Oyster Card.
By the end of the week I had burned through all the money I had buying lunch whilst out and travel credit. I had also gotten so tired I started making bad choices and not watching the time and failing to revise.
Tuesday was the induction to the course.
For some reason I thought this would take place in something like a college class room setting with computers and desks and things in an office style environment.
The class took place in a community center of a bough located deep in a residential area, and looked like a wartorn pile of brick that would look at home in the live-action movie of the Fallout nuclear apocalypse roleplaying and combat game series.
Wednesday morning the course started in earnest.
I woke up to find my debit card missing. I had been using it to pay for my travel costs on the bus [contactless payment method] so I had to walk to Elephant and Castle and then take the train for free to a nearby station. For some reason they never installed security gates in Elephant and Castle shopping center or at my intended destination so it wasn't an issue to use them seeing as I would've paid if I could but couldn't. Point is that I still had to walk for several hours to get there on time and back again.
When I got to the class was where I started to become enraged with my situation because we spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips in groups.
...
Just let me type this a few more times to really let it sink in.
We spent the morning building 1m long bridges out of folded paper and paper clips.
I attended a job skills recruitment program to hang around with people who can barely read written English under the orders of the job center who are responsible for keeping me alive and getting me as quickly as possible back into full time paid employment instead of being permitted to revise for my final exam which once passed would get me full time paid employment with a public service, and I spent literal hours making a bridge out of paper and paper clips.
I SPENT HOURS OF LIFE MAKING A BRIDGE OUT OF PAPER AND FUCKING PAPER CLIPS BECAUSE A HUMAN BEING RESPONSIBLE FOR GETTING ME INTO PAID EMPLOYMENT TOLD ME THAT MY CERTIFICATE IN BASE POLICING COURSE AND MY APPLICATION TO THE METROPOLITAN POLICE SERVICE OF LONDON, ENGLAND, WASN'T WORTH ANYTHING.
...
Thursday. On Thursday I was so tired and so angry about Wednesday that mostly I sat in the class and thought about killing my job adviser, especially after the tutor of the course said 'I'm here to help you get into work'.
I'm a patient guy, honest, harmless really, unless someone actively tries to hurt or kill me anyway whereupon I disable the attacker with stupid ease and maximum ferocity. I want to be a policeman because I want to protect those who cannot protect themselves. I can be swift and deadly and dangerous, but I'm only a threat to those who harm others.
However in the course of my application the following happened which made it harder for me to get the work done. Things that others didn't have to deal with:
- I got a chest infection, my first illness in 10 years and my last since, a week before I took a fitness test with the MPS, which I still passed despite not sleeping for 24 hours due to revising for a Certificate in Basic Policing Exam, and not eating for 16 hours due to lack of coin. Plus the fucking fitness examiner bulled me during the mother fucking test! If I ever see that bitch again I'm going to make her fucking pay.
- When I went to do the coursework for my certification course, my PC broke, and the college was closed for the summer and refused me entry to use their computers, I was forced to use my 8 year old iPhone to get 75% of the coursework done.
- And then at the end of the course, 5 minuets from victory, my first full time job in about a decade of being ignored by employers, the job center, the people who are supposed to exist to get me full time paid employment, or at least stay out of the way and let me look or get educated so I can get employed, called my attempts pointless and essentially disabled my ability to finish them off after I had done 99% of the course.
It was all fantasy. I haven't and won't lay a finger on him. There is a vast difference between wishing someone dead and killing them. I wish him to suffer for what he did, but that doesn't mean I'm going to cause it.
I left there at the end of the session, even more angry after I requested Friday off to spend the day catching up on my rest and revising for the exam and being denied. I told my college tutor about this circumstances and he told me to do half this week and half next week, which sounded like a good idea. But they refused to give me Friday off, citing that the job center had to sign off on it. I admit I didn't ask my job adviser for the day off. He didn't know the course content of the employability skills course, he's never seen evidence of my knowledge and abilities, he never asked for confirmation I was enrolled at college or the letters I've received for the police regarding my application. He put me on the employability skills course and prevented me from completing my college course in total ignorance. I was angry. I wasn't going to go ask him for the day off. He would say no. Then he would die after I tore out his throat with my teeth.
So I went home. Whereupon I took the train. Went through the security gates without worrying about paying because I was too tired and angry to really notice the world around me at that point. And of course the train company and police was checking for tickets at the gate. With no debit card I had to provide them with my name and address and national insurance number and will receive a letter shortly ordering me to pay a £20.00 fine. Because of my job adviser. All because I did what I had to because of one man's ignorance and stupidity.
Friday, I gave up.
I got up and got half way to the employability skills course location, stopped for a drink of water, and...broke.
You don't disobey or argue with the job center. Because if you do they issue sanctions. Sanctions mean your housing benefit stops [you get evicted onto the street] and your job seekers allowance is cut in half [so you can eat, just, but you're sleeping outside].
There aren't really words for my physical condition by mid Friday morning at 9am.
I had run out of travel credit and couldn't afford to buy more [the buses are no-cash based, and the amount of credit you can buy at minimum costs more than I had, so eat I could, travel I could not]. I had to walk for 3 hours to get home. I had been getting 4 hours sleep a night for several days. I hadn't been eating properly. I hadn't showered as I needed sleep more than cleaning. I was a walking wreck of a human being, mentally, physically, emotionally.
I dragged myself home, slowly because my limbs simply didn't have the energy in them that they needed to function. Got in, ate, slept for 4 hours, ate some more, and then started arranging a solution to this mess.
The solution I've found is that I needed to update my address with the job center, which I never did because it's tied to my housing benefits and my address hasn't stayed stable and the cost of rent has been anywhere from 80-120 pounds a week over the last few months. However, by doing so this will remove me from the employability skills course and it will take them a couple of weeks to get me onto a new course, giving me just enough time to take my resit and get that to the MPS.
The downside is that this may result in not being paid my housing benefits for a couple of weeks and not being able to pay my rent. So it's not a perfect solution by any means, but it's better than getting sanctions for not attending the employability skills course.
This is in process and on Monday I'll be going to the job center to finalize the transfer of my claim over to the local offices. Hopefully my housing benefit for that week will still come through so I can send my medical forms to the MPS.
It's now Saturday and I feel a hell've a lot better.
Got 10 hours sleep last night, got up and showered and shaved, then went and spend the last handful of coin I had left for this week on ham, bread, coleslaw and milk so with the apples I have a bit of everything to aid recovery until after this weekend.
Seriously though, I'm a hard guy, a bad ass, with scars in places you don't want to get scars, and I work out, and I know pain, but this morning and occasionally this afternoon I was feeling so much better by comparison to yesterday that I was laughing like a mad man. I mean, cackling laughter which cracked around the edges with the sound of a brain's sanity sloughing away.
All I know right now is that I've eaten well today, I've slept well last night and will get some more shortly, the TV is good, I'm not cold, and it doesn't hurt anymore. And I've got a chance to finish my course and get into training.
And I hate humans.
The next time someone issues me an order I don't want to do, regardless of the consequences, I won't do it. If the local job center to here orders me onto a new course, I'm not going to attend. If they sanction me, I'm going to report the adviser who does it. If that doesn't fix it, I'm going to sue. If I can't, I'm going to post the above in more detail [it's worse than I summarized] on Change.org and start a petition for change.
Fuck you human. Fuck you and your entire fucked up fucking species who keep trying to cripple and damage me. No. More. I've hit my limit. Next round, I'd rather be DEAD than take any more of this.
I mentioned a while back about gears and how I stripped one and went ape shit at my college course tutor. Well, I haven't stripped one gear. Most of the gears have broken and shattered over the last week. Now it's time for the world to change.
Going to install MS Office on my laptop, organize the 3 books I'm writing, and then go get some snooze. Tomorrow I want to organize my exam revision. 08/11/14 is when the resit is. 2 weeks later is when I'll get the results. Anyone tries to stop me from being prepared to pass the exam, I'm going to ignore them and inform them that they can burn in hell.
My final word for today is that Papa Roach is pretty damn good. The slightly older stuff is better than the newer stuff. Not that the newer stuff is crap, but it's not quite as good in my view. Getting Away With Murder, 2004, was excellent. The Paramour Sessions though, not so much.
DONE.
17/10/2014
There's not a whole hell've a lot going on in here...
Friday.
Woke up around 10am this morning feeling like Kentucky Fried Shit Burgers. Half an hour later I realized why I allow the idiots to go on breathing, for if it were not for a few that aren't terminally stupid then I wouldn't have the blackcurrant and apple squish, the caffeine, the clothes that smell like autumnal mulch, the dark smelling deodorant, and the Listerine mouthwash which turns me from grunting angry beast to almost human again.
Granted I would still have possession of the third fucking tube of expensive toothpaste I've bought in two weeks which has, once again, gone missing from my toiletries bag, this time stolen I think because by the second tube I was paying a great deal of attention every time I interacted with the bag. Besides, I haven't lost any toothpaste ever, so to lose not one or two, but three of the fucking things in two weeks means it's not accidental, it's people are stealing my shit...AGAIN.
Got breakfast and came to McDonalds so I could play some Hearthstone before writing revision mats but been too disgruntled to even write this blog post for the first four hours.
Haven't heard from my lady friend all day but she's currently quite ill and I'm currently quite angry so...
Kinda counter productive really, not doing any work because you're too pissed off because eventually you realize you've run out of time in which to work and done nothing that day and you're then angry at yourself and your circumstances.
Two things of note happened today, the above was one and the other is a women who found my profile on LinkedIn contacted me via email. She's a recruiter for some games industry recruitment company and wanted to know if I was interested in the positions she had on file. I said there wasn't much point of that because I lack experience, qualifications and evidence of my actual abilities. She asked for my CV anyway, and I sent it to her today with a short technical spiel on what I can do. It took all of one or two minuets and serves to prove my point that no one gives a flying fuck about ability, only experience and qualifications.
If she wants to waste her time with it, she can be my guest.
Remembering why I hate playing Hearthstone now as well. The game is so fucking rigged so those who spend a lot of money on the rare cards and set up win. The basic play might be free, but you'll get your ass kicked repetitively and often by those with fat wallets, even if they've got thin brains.
Finished all the coursework for my certificate in basic policing course last night.
63 damn quizzes, all with 80-100% score, which is at minimum 10% more than the pass mark. Just a couple of exams left to do now in a week tomorrow which I need to write revision materials for. It's not very hard to do. 16 questions total, look up answers, memorize them and write them down in a two hour long exam. And I've finished the course. And can hand the certificate off the Met Police and they tell me where to show up for training.
Easy.
...If I can find the motivation to actually do the work that is...
And that's fairly much everything. Hating humans and wanting to be alone [seriously, if a hot desirable women touched me right now I'll be more angry than aroused]. Motivation currently in the toilet despite making progress. Going running tonight which might make some difference to my mood. One way or the other, tomorrow I need to hit the library and have these revision materials written because Monday-Friday next week I'll be dealing with moving hostels and this recruitment company bullshit.
Fucking world.
Woke up around 10am this morning feeling like Kentucky Fried Shit Burgers. Half an hour later I realized why I allow the idiots to go on breathing, for if it were not for a few that aren't terminally stupid then I wouldn't have the blackcurrant and apple squish, the caffeine, the clothes that smell like autumnal mulch, the dark smelling deodorant, and the Listerine mouthwash which turns me from grunting angry beast to almost human again.
Granted I would still have possession of the third fucking tube of expensive toothpaste I've bought in two weeks which has, once again, gone missing from my toiletries bag, this time stolen I think because by the second tube I was paying a great deal of attention every time I interacted with the bag. Besides, I haven't lost any toothpaste ever, so to lose not one or two, but three of the fucking things in two weeks means it's not accidental, it's people are stealing my shit...AGAIN.
Got breakfast and came to McDonalds so I could play some Hearthstone before writing revision mats but been too disgruntled to even write this blog post for the first four hours.
Haven't heard from my lady friend all day but she's currently quite ill and I'm currently quite angry so...
Kinda counter productive really, not doing any work because you're too pissed off because eventually you realize you've run out of time in which to work and done nothing that day and you're then angry at yourself and your circumstances.
Two things of note happened today, the above was one and the other is a women who found my profile on LinkedIn contacted me via email. She's a recruiter for some games industry recruitment company and wanted to know if I was interested in the positions she had on file. I said there wasn't much point of that because I lack experience, qualifications and evidence of my actual abilities. She asked for my CV anyway, and I sent it to her today with a short technical spiel on what I can do. It took all of one or two minuets and serves to prove my point that no one gives a flying fuck about ability, only experience and qualifications.
If she wants to waste her time with it, she can be my guest.
Remembering why I hate playing Hearthstone now as well. The game is so fucking rigged so those who spend a lot of money on the rare cards and set up win. The basic play might be free, but you'll get your ass kicked repetitively and often by those with fat wallets, even if they've got thin brains.
Finished all the coursework for my certificate in basic policing course last night.
63 damn quizzes, all with 80-100% score, which is at minimum 10% more than the pass mark. Just a couple of exams left to do now in a week tomorrow which I need to write revision materials for. It's not very hard to do. 16 questions total, look up answers, memorize them and write them down in a two hour long exam. And I've finished the course. And can hand the certificate off the Met Police and they tell me where to show up for training.
Easy.
...If I can find the motivation to actually do the work that is...
And that's fairly much everything. Hating humans and wanting to be alone [seriously, if a hot desirable women touched me right now I'll be more angry than aroused]. Motivation currently in the toilet despite making progress. Going running tonight which might make some difference to my mood. One way or the other, tomorrow I need to hit the library and have these revision materials written because Monday-Friday next week I'll be dealing with moving hostels and this recruitment company bullshit.
Fucking world.
16/10/2014
Tempus Fugit...
Sup. Thursday. Few things happened, although little that's a big deal.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
Paid rent and things [things being laundry and buying bulk food items] on Monday. Have to relocate hostels again, again, this coming Monday after everywhere else in central London got mysteriously booked solid in it's cheaper beds.
The whether sours, the summer is over, and suddenly where I had no issues of accommodation over the summer, where it cost me about 60 a week for the crappy 'it's somewhere to sleep indoors' accommodation I'm currently staying in, everywhere is now charging 100-130 per week. Mother fucking assholes.
So I'm now moving out of central London into North East and staying in somewhere which is still costing me 10 more than where I was, about 80. Its going to be a pain in the ass to move, but there's no choice, I need the money.
I especially need the money because on Tuesday, got an email from the police recruitment office reminding me that I never handed in some medical documentation to them. Said medical documentation is simply a form which I filled out and my doctor, who I haven't seen, apart from that fucking chest infection, in ten fucking years, signed and is now charging me £30.00 to buy from him, like it was some sort of effort for the bastard to sign off. No discounts for the unemployed either. Bastards. There was a hint though that unless I get my recruitment with the MPS finished soon then they'll cancel my application, so I have to hand it in and this Monday.
So of course, after that I get a phone call from the recruitment office the job center referred me to asking [See: telling] me to come in for my marching orders the following day at 11am. And like I predicted they told me that 4 days a week, 6 hours a day, I need to be doing some sort of ill-defined job skills training course for 8 weeks, and the other day, Monday, I need to check in with their offices.
So in this hand we have the Metropolitan Police Service telling me to hurry the fuck up with my application.
And in this hand we have the Job Center telling me they're here to get me into work whilst taking the time away I need to finish off my certification course and be prepared for training with a job skills training course which is designed for people who have 1/10th my intelligence if that.
Like usual, my life is organizing itself so what should be a fairly easy task - a few quizzes and a 2 hour exam - is neigh impossible because humanity is trying to help me...and people wonder why I hate humans.
The one bright spot is that this doesn't seem all that hard really.
The college work, after a bit of organization, appears to be no more than 1-2 days hard work. 2/3rds of the remaining coursework quizzes were 0-10 questions long, and I did them. The remaining 3 are 25ish each. Then I just need to answer about a dozen questions in the exams, which shouldn't be too hard once I look up the answers and drum them into my abused skull.
I have time for that little work...I think...though that still leaves me behind in the revision of the materials so I know what I'm about on the first day of training.
I'm not at all confident about this job skills training course thingy though. I've done such things before and what they amount to is a lot of busy work without any real guidance.
What's currently got me at a loss though is that I've told the job center, the job recruitment company, and will tell the people teaching this course they're forcing me to do, about my neigh finished certification course and impending training into the police...and no one seems to care or even noticed...
I feel like a man with a doctorate in some complicated subject who has been told that the start date of his new positing is forthcoming but not yet defined and being told by the job center that by government regulation he needs to take GCSE Maths and English, of the grade they teach illiterate immigrants.
5 minuets from victory the people keeping me alive have decided to cause the maximum damage they're able to snatch it away from me...
Normally I would consider it grossly imprudent and unwise, but when I have the start date and it's all settled and paid for until I actually enter training, I'm going to tell that asshole at the job center who calls himself my 'Job Coach' that he's a fucking bastard for trying to screw me over at the finish.
I mentioned previously that I had stripped a gear and gone apeshit at my college course tutor. I did a stupid, stupid thing and replaced that fucking gear. I need to tare it out and go a bit more apeshit, first on this job skills recruitment company and then at the job center.
The thing is that they haven't crossed that line yet. I can still win this if I get the work done. If it looks like I'm going to fail though because of them, I will let them have it. I have to. I won't lose this, not after everything.
...
Lady friend is OK. Sorta.
A week or two back she had a wire inserted into her guts through a thing called a stoma for some syndrome thingy. The wire went too far in and was hurting her so she got permission to pull it out a bit. This made it come out entirely and she got sick again. Got it put back in this week and it's apparently hurting like hell and she's got a fever and her doctor is making a house call today.
She sent me a pic this morning of herself, deathly pale except for flushed cheeks. The picture was cute and her personality is cuddly. I think I'm being toyed with by the universe again.
Last girl I showed real interest in turned out to be a transsexual [though I'm bi, so thats a non-issue] and insane - she is still cyberstalking me and posting messages addressed to me on the Los Angeles division of Craigslist's Missed Connections boards.
Her name is Brooke Lawson, also known as Brooke Leigh, from Press Heart to Continue. That boyfriend of her's is a cover because she's insane. Either she is dating him and...well, I would say fucking with me, but sane people who are fucking with someone else don't post for 4-5 years now I think, messages on an online message board to someone else, or she is lying about dating him and using him as a cover to maintain plausible deniability about any statement I may make [such as this one].
I don't care really. I hate the fact that I can't have my Twitter unlocked and simply be me anymore without that fucking creeper seeing whatever I post and posting on CL about it though. I did care about her and tried to have some sort of friendship and so on with her, but she's too mad to do anything of the sort with me.
So I have a new lady friend...who is ill and will continue to be ill indefinitely because her condition is genetic...like I said, the universe enjoys fucking with me because the only two girls who have shown interest in me as a person rather than as an ambulatory penis were/are ill, in the head and in the body.
I liked them both, but my newer lady friend at least appears to eventually be able to get better and at least talks directly to me instead of by proxy, so it's a step up I guess. Such is my retarded existence.
...
I am now hungry so I think I'm gonna go eat something and then do college work.
Tomorrow I'm going to cover the ongoing development of my thesis come industry journal on games design.
The long and short of that is that I posted on Reddit a link to view the file and some details about my intent and purpose in writing it, and the denizens in the Games Design subreddit reminded me why I don't interact with me so called peers, and hate forums; if you don't run into trolls, you still can't avoid the idiots.
Details to follow.
Good after to you all.
12/10/2014
The Best Ones Always Show Up The Day After Tomorrow...
Howdy. I guess the nerves hadn't woken up yesterday because most of my muscles are currently complaining about their ill treatment. -.-
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
... *spends some time staring out of the window in McDonalds* ...
Lady friend has apparently caused more damage to herself. Torn something which sounds like an integral part of her organs and infection has returned or something. Last week the thing that's meant to be healing her or something was dislodged and she opted not to go back to the hospital, mostly, I think, because her friend was visiting this weekend. This is probably going to result in major surgery next week because some holes will have healed up.
I'm too tired to care very much really. Not a very cleaver thing to do, ignoring your doctors and gaining even more hospital time and yet more down time healing.
So there's that.
Why is it that the only mentally compatible individual I've met this one that seems intent on hurting herself...
I'm once again parked in McDonalds. Just for today, and then tomorrow I'm going to the library once I've paid rent, done laundry and shaved my head. Not storing anything more in that damn hostel fridge. Four different thefts occurred this week; two of butter, an entire loaf of bread and four large potatoes.
Started rewriting my computer games thesis in Google Drive along the lines of a technical manual. Think I said yesterday...or I just tweeted it...could be, but anyway, I've organized it into 3 sections - front/body/back matter - in accordance with some of the principles of the Wikipedia article on Book Design. The front and back sections mirror each other with contents/index and so forth. The body section is the big one.
I was just going to write the books content into ad hoc articles and then publish it at the end of the year, which is essentially what I plan on doing still, only modified, and then add to that for the 2015 edition, Doing it this way will build it into a compendium on games design which grows like a fungus and stays current with modern theories and methods for implementation. This is especially handy if I write anything platform or kit specific which is highly transitory and only temporarily relevant to how the industry does it.
I say my method of construction is modified because yesterday I realized how I had set up the thesis and decided to use the same methodology again.
The basic tenant of how to design games in my literal book is that you start with analysis of what already exists. This is to say that you need some way of categorizing computer games which exist right now so your contribution to the industry has a defined type and you can then check out other titles of the same type for general structure, what worked and what didn't, and then implement the best subsystems into your game.
So the way I've laid the book out is so the first section is Analysis [Categorization] which firstly serves to outline the virtual shell of all computer games [there really is an almost (note almost as there are, of course, exceptions) uniform structure to all games as you essentially require the same functionality in the same general format regardless of your game], then secondly follows that up with a redefinition of genre identification [which includes only 5 genre's with subgenres for categorizing anything more specific, and definitively does not include the fucking Action or Adventure genres, which are blatant misnomers carried over from the TV and Movie industry where they are in fact apt].
The next five sections then serve to identify and categorize the various systems and information which are iconic to any given genre. The Strategy [Information] section for example serves to identify the base quantified attributes of anything and everything within a virtual interactive environment - what, why, when, where, who, and how essentially. Then the Roleplaying [Setting] section serves to identify the representation of those attributes in a presented form - the last section quantifies the figures, whilst this one presents it graphically. Platforming [Environs], Racing [Interface], and Combat [Interactions] build upon these principles until you have a fully functional virtual interactive system. To change the game you just need to define or not define where the goal posts are in terms of need and objective.
I'm still kind of unpacking information from the back of my personal library - think of it like unlocking layered zip files...seriously, I write one layer down in Google Docs and then a few more zip files decompress and dump a fuck ton of information back into the forefront of my consciousness. Apparently that's how my brain does business. It stores absolutely everything but so as not to drive me bugfuck insane it compresses a fuckton [which are proper units of measurement don't cha know] of it and puts it in storage until I try to recall it and then it spools back out into active memory. Yesterday when I started the process of recall and documentation it felt like someone was frying my forebrain with electrodes and I went to bed with a headache.
The human brain is an amazing place, and either mine's a special one or other people just don't try to think about the world around them. :P
Gonna go widdle, have a drink, play a few matches of Hearthstone and then focus on getting the last of my coursework done. I'm probably just tired and not especially in high spirits due to the crappy food and caffeine I've been getting lately [if healthy veggies and a fuckton of pasta can be considered crappy anyway].
Get some proper fruit, cheese, bread and stuff tomorrow, some Monster Assault, and start revising for my exam resit. That's the ticket. And focus on getting into the police force. My lady friend's activities are her own concern for now. I've always thought it was too soon to be so focused on one person, but she's the only one around who seems to give a shit about me at the moment so.
That's the point really. For all the women and a few men who've shown sexual interest at me over the last few weeks, only one has shown real concern and offered to buy me food, rather than what I could give them. She might be a bit silly, not traditionally the type of girl I'm interested in physically, and not nearly on my level mentally, but she puts up with my batshit crazy and actually gives a flying fuck about my well being.
At the end of the day, what matters more?
See you on and on...
11/10/2014
Ouchies from Running, and A Journal of Computer Games RnD
Good afternoon people, I hurts in places I didn't even know I had places.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
Apparently when you do a fuckton of fast walking, take a few days off, catch up on your sleep, and eat a lot pasta, you heal up and get a LOT stronger. I surmise this on the basis that I went running last night, took flight on the first length, then my lungs tried to implode before the second because my muscles can outpace my ability to take in oxygen and expel carbon dioxide, and then I made the full length of the run at a pace higher than normal without really thinking about it.
The effect of this is to leave me in quite a bit of pain today because I basically pushed muscle and bone weighing 90 kilos 20 miles at speeds most people ride bicycles at. xD
It was a fucking good run, I now just feel like a ton of zombie bits held together with caffeine.
Just parked in McDonalds instead of the library today so I can download some stuff the library blocks and stay here most of the day instead of going home at 17:00.
Listening to some Muse, the 2nd Law, which I've never heard before. Their older stuff, like Hysteria, was better than their newer stuff where they went more majestically epic instead of developing their harsher rage and screamo stuff but I'm always willing to give a band a second chance. That said the last and final My Chemical Romance album was dreadful apart from two songs and they decided to shut down the band before they totally crashed and burned in my view.
Anyway, plan on getting several hours of college work done today as soon as I'm done writing this and constructing the formatting for my new Computer Games Design journal in Google Drive.
I keep meaning to write my thesis and publish it as a technical manual on the basics of proper and correct computer games design, but asides from lacking the time to put my effort into it I keep losing it to computer's breaking down and running out of money to pay for the website where it's hosted or whatever.
Google Drive is a cloud service though and it's tied to a 'professional' email address I've held with Google for several years, and this time I'm not trying to write a formalized publication.
Given the ongoing persistence I've displayed with this blog [apart from when I lacked a PC or PC like object and this became a pain in the ass to update on a regular basis] this time I'm going for an A5 and design formatted [see Wikipedia link below] document in Google Drive which I update daily with articles on various games design topics. Then on a yearly basis I can publish or disassemble that document and reassemble the content into an organized industry journal on the subject.
- http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_design
Meanwhile I regularly produce volumes of research for the industry to make use of, gain a continual stream of revenue from their publications, and construct a portfolio of work from their writing.
If I ever wish to actually work in the industry, even as a consultant as I dislike working on singular projects as they're usually too narrow to hold my interest, few heads of few studios would turn me away if I slapped down on their desk half a dozen thick volumes covered in quotes by industry vets saying things like 'this man literally wrote the book on games design'...alright, that might be blowing my own brass horn on the subject but I do know what I talk about when I talk about games design.
So there's that.
My lady friend is currently shacked up in a hotel room with her man friend.
One of her sentences included the line "He has nipped out to get some lunch so I'm sprawling out on the bed" and that she was sore, which my paranoia presented me with an image of her laying languidly satisfied after athletic sex and awaiting nourishment. Probably not that, like, at all, but that's paranoia for you.
I like my paranoia. Given the universe I occupy, and the planet I'm on, and the species I belong to, it's a wise and friendly adviser. But in this case I have little choice but to accept what she says as the truth because it's not like I can find out otherwise. *shrug*
...yeesh, I am totally running out of gas and I've only been here 2 hours. More caffeine I think but I'm done here.
Switched back to Kraddy about 2-3 songs into that Muse album because it was bland drivel and Kraddy's baselines sync with my soul. :P
Couple of matches of Hearthstone, polish off the formatting of my games design journal and then do college coursework till around 11 tonight. More of the same tomorrow.
Bai peeps.
10/10/2014
New Levels of Paranoia and How To Get Goods for Online Stores...
Friday.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday, Friday...I didn't write that for funzies, I actually thought that, in varying tones of suspicion, because who doesn't suspect something everyone else claims is just awesomesauce?
Not much happened since last I posted.
Had a very large dinner after buying some more potatoes and bread, which I'm keeping in a metal draw built into the framework of the 3 layer bunk bed in my room in the hostel to prevent thieves from taking it.
Settled a concern with my lady friend over an incident with her ex where he's now harassing her, and she's reported him to the police, and I advised her, and checked my advice with my certificate in basic policing tutor, and he told me that my advice was good, and GG basically.
Told my lady friend I was jealous of her [which I am because he's like a better version of myself, or luckier anyway] and she made an effort to get closer to me and I gave her my phone number and that, and another bond got formed basically. Right now I'm just organizing nudes and things from her in places so I'm horny as hell besides. Either I need more pics/vids or I need her naked on my lap, one of the two.
Would do more about that, but she's still mid way through hospitalization and recovery and I'm still fighting my way through ridiculous bullshit to get into the police, so it has to wait. I'm thinking though that if I can sort things out by new years then maybe we can ring in the new year with a BANG, so to speak, hehe.
Then I downloaded S08E04-8 and watched them last night and this morning. Pretty good. More or less. Like the new Doctor. Got a few laughs out of the last episode, which is noteworthy because I laugh maybe once a month because I'm a cynical bastard and too intelligent to find all that much humorous.
Then I got the library and am updating this before doing quizzes and then going running tonight. My freaking right hip/thigh muscle hurts, and think I damaged something over the last week or so. The pain will probably vanish once I get going tonight, I've had enough food, so if it is debilitating I'll simply not run until next Wednesday or something, skip Monday, and see if that helps. It's probably nothing though.
Onto today's topic then; selling merch bought at auction houses on eBay.
A while back, when I was staying in the last hostel I was in, before I had a laptop to download TV, I watched broadcast TV whilst I was eating breakfast and given that it was daytime and I'm a fully fledged adult now, I enjoyed watching shows about airport staff and security operations, like luggage inspection.
A part of one of these shows, I forget which, included a segment on lost luggage and abandoned airplane cargo, which they were selling in publicly accessible auctions.
A Google search later and I found out that auction houses in London represent airports - Hearthrow and Gatwick being the local two - in selling their lost and abandoned swag to the public.
I always wondered how people on eBay and Amazon were able to sell their products so cheaply and where the hell they acquired the goods seeing as the wholesalers and actual manufacturers charged a litteral fuckton of coin to acquire anything, and always sell in bulk quantities.
Turns out, this is probably how. They simply find an auction house which sells this lost and abandoned but perfectly brand new and box sealed product that no owner claimed and no owner is traceable, then buy it for a fraction of it's value [the free SPACE on their property is worth more to the airports than the product is I think, which they were paid to move and keep safe to begin with in any case] and then the new owner sells it online for a 90% mark up.
They can't choose what, they can't choose how much, and they sometimes don't even know if it works.
The goods are sold on sight valuation, that is, someone glances at them, identifies what's sitting there to make sure it's not drugs or weapons or whatever, and then sells it without knowledge of operational status.
However it's a fair bet that inside the box is what's printed outside, you can sometimes get single items, sometimes incomplete items [laptops sans hard drives for example] and sometimes a stack of mint condition product.
It's a fucking epic deal for all concerned - the airports get rid of it at a profit, the buyer sells the product for a huge profit, and everybody wins...well, except the idiot or unforunate chap who lost it in the transportation network anyway, but we don't know who the hell that is.
So, that's what I plan on doing, and if anyone wants in on the game, go Google search auction houses which sell lost and/or abandoned goods from airports in your local big city.
I still don't know how much money it takes to enter play, but by the looks of it just a hundred or so is enough to pick up something cheap but valuable enough to make a few hundred back.
It's something I've always wanted to do; sell stuff online and then buy shop space somewhere. Be one of the links in the chain of provisioning people with products. Be a merchant, basically. But I've never had the money or sources of product to do it. I'm a thinker, not a trader unfortunately.
Nothing says I can't do it as a hobby though. The game designer's form of gambling perhaps. It's one of those things, like making an anthology novels using other peoples work, that I'd like to invest some time and energy in when I have the ability to do so.
And this means I need to gain the resources from elsewhere, such as police work.
Which incidentally, I should be doing right now.
When the time comes I'll post more on this because win or lose it should at least be interesting.
The future holds for me college quiz work, then running, dinner, more college quizzes tomorrow and Sunday, then Monday rent, organize acom for next week, laundry, and revising for the resits that I organized yesterday with my certificate in basic policing course tutor [a different guy to the admin tutor I had a go at last week].
YUP.
OH: Also going to try and arrange some internet time for voice or video with my lady friend. She wanted to cyber sex last weekend but I don't have the ICT resources. I mean, seriously, get to know some people because I've found a highly sexual babe who enjoys being tied up and orgasm tortured and has a really cuddly personality. Fun times are ahead, but you need to meet some peeps to get this stuff, even if you ordinarily hate humanity.
Bai bai.
09/10/2014
Hate and Love, Rage and Passion
SUP. :O
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
Lots to discuss today. Writing this to the sound of a Drum n Bass artist called Kraddy, with such epic tunes as this:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fkWlNSxa4zk&index=19&list=RD8ojHf5rdYwE
Want to discuss the mercantile opportunities offered by the acquisition of other people's lost luggage and shipments via auction houses, but first the personal crap. :P
http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=2808
https://twitter.com/jephjacques
I really do enjoy reading this webcomic. It's called Questionable Content by a chap known as Jeph Jacques, and deals with the life and times of Martin something-or-other [I can't remember the guys last name and can't be asked to look it up]. Essentially Martin and he mates live and work and the comics deal with their social interactions. Latterly these have included Martin's courting of a transsexual women he works with in his library.
Being bisexual I obviously support non-heterosexuality [not in a 'I'm a feminist' type of way, just 'its totally normal for people to be like this' type of way] and it's great to see an webcomic artist taking a serious and logical stance on the subject.
Alright, so the only transsexual person I've ever met [my current cyberstalker btw] is 9 types of batshit insane, but overall I hold the educated man's view on sexuality - that if it feels right, do it, and everyone has a right to do whatever they want so long as it hurts no one else, and they're are plenty of orphans and that in the world and they could do much worse than a loving gay couple as parents - so anything which promotes those views and handles them in a totally reasonable way is GG in my book.
Don't know if I mentioned this last blog post but some of my food - a loaf of bread - got stolen from my sealed and named bags in the hostel fridge I'm currently staying in. Like someone would've had to first tear them open knowing they don't own them to get the goods out of them.
I thought my food was safe as I'm currently on a veggies and pasta kick to assist in recovering after a lot of physical stress and ongoing mental trials. People staying in hostels aren't anywhere near that healthy. Pizza, microwaved meals, and cans are generally their thing, not fresh fruit and veggies.
And I was right, my veggies are entirely safe, but not, as it turns out, the butter [two spoonfuls of butter were taken on Monday], a loaf of bread [which totally vanished yesterday] and, as I found out this morning four large potatoes which I was going to eat for dinner last night [this morning].
In total I've lost all of £2.50 in food to thieves, and there's no way to track them. Trap them though, I could. All I'd need to do buy 2 loaves of bread, some rat poison, open the bags and ensure I don't use enough to mar the taste and wait for the ambulance to arrive. When you have vermin getting into your food stores, that's how you deal with them, even if said vermin are larger than the usual verity.
Can't do that though. Get the dose wrong, or if they eats too much and I kill someone [not that I'm against killing humans you understand] and it get's traced back to me [I made too much noise about it to the useless idiot hostel staff when I found out about the bread] then I can kiss my policing career goodbye over £2.50.
Can't be helped, lesson learned, keep bread, eggs and anything people actually like to eat upstairs and out of their reach. Still...I'd love to catch one of them in the act. Bruises fade, although it might take a while after I get through kicking them. It's just that given I don't have even £2.50 to replace my stolen property I find this an especially vehement fuck you.
I'm not starving though. I've got a £3.00 giant bag of pasta, and they're not touching the veggies, so I won't go hungry before Monday, and that's the main thing, even if I'm angry enough to hospitalize them if I catch them at it.
Point is that I'm misanthropic already. This shit is only confirming my world view. Finish my police course. Get my badge and cuffs. Take it out on every thief that takes away something someone else NEEDS. And don't get suspended for GBH. Tricky that...
I just HATE thieves.
Currently also angry at my gods damn phone service provider. I went into one of their stores a few weeks ago and asked for their best PAYG data package because all ever do on my phone is email and check the net for info. The prepubescent gay teen adviser was apparently too busy trying to flirt with me to know what he was actually selling because he told me the £15.00 PAYG top-up was unlimited data for a month. Just checked my phone's text's and I topped up on the 22nd of September so it took two and a half weeks to burn through 15 quid's worth of data because it's NOT unlimited. Stupid bastard.
I really need to sign up for a contract thing or something and ensure that it's unlimited. I'll do that as soon as I've got more money coming in but I can't guarantee payment month to month at the moment so that's not an option.
Currently sitting in a McDonalds freezing my ass off. Would be in the library but I need to download some more Dresden Files audiobooks [would download some TV but with my phone's data having expired I can't access Kick Ass Torrents for the magnet links on it].
Like I said a few posts back, there's no issue with using torrents in my playbook. In this instance specifically I have no issue downloading my entire audiobook library because I paid for the entire lot more than five years ago. I'm now just trying to rebuild the library that's sitting in stasis on my tower PC with the broken power adapter that uneconomical to repair and which I can't afford to be replace.
They say piracy is illegal. I say that once you buy media you shouldn't be limited to the seller's own branded device, and shouldn't have to rebuy the media just because the device you were using to use and store it on or the online store you bought it from has since closed down it's servers.
I paid for this stuff once. I'm not paying twice because you have unethical business practices designed to charge people multiple times for the single product.
Read Reddit, where I'm currently enjoying a thread about 'If you were suddenly found to be living in the last game universe you were playing, what would happen' and taunting anyone who posts about ruling the fields of justice in the League of Legends universe. :P
Wrote this blog post, obviously.
Checked my emails, where I've got a really long one from my lady friend. Still not 100% sure that's a good idea. It's recently become very apparent that asides from lacking my physical faculties due to a genetic disease she isn't strong mentally either. She is very nice though and doesn't seem to get tired of my crazy genius bullshit or the fact that I'm a fucking train wreck personally.
The question is what do I need from a girlfriend? The answer is someone caring and patient who gives a fuck about my existence, isn't a direct challenge to my predator brain who sees anyone near my equal as a threat, and is physically attractive and fuckable. She fills that criteria. I mean, I could explore a lot more people and it's not like I don't have options given that I'm hot apparently, and sane. But for starters this one seems to match up with what I'm looking for.
Current issue is that she has a guy friend, who she says is entirely platonic, coming to see her for a few days from today. He's just like her apparently, only rich [family business], intelligent [speaks half a dozen languages], and as nice as she is [just like her]. Whereas I at some point raided a Mummy's Tomb and caught a curse which is making my life a living hell.
She says they're just friends, and I can't see a point in being jealous.
I mean, she's sent me videos of her touching her admittedly really fine looking tits and pussy [she's uber sensitive, a squirter, and loud, and submissive, which is all a turn on as far as I'm concerned] and I've sent her videos and pics of me which she liked, and she lives in the UK and few hours north. It's a good setup.
I don't think she's playing me, but you never can tell can you? As far as I know she's not just sending those to just me and this trip for him isn't just visiting a sick friend.
But on the other hand what does mistrust gain me? Nothing good. Extending trust until proven otherwise is the best course because if she is telling the truth then I get, at minimum, a lot of sex. *shrug*
The point, the key point, is that I can't act on it yet anyway. I need to get into training and things first. After that and I'm stabilized then either I can meet her and if we're attracted in person then...well, x-rated shit will go down. If not then throw a rock seeing as when I try I get all the attention anyone could want. And more after I put on some muscle from a gym, which is what I intend to go grab sometime soon.
The job center backed off by the way. Went to see my adviser yesterday and, well, it essentially appears that he lost his shit last Wednesday, had me come in for four check-ins to no real purpose, and sign up to some recruitment program. Since I complied with that though he's now backed off till next Wednesday so I can get on with my coursework [fucking dripping ass monkey], which I should, with any luck, have bagged up and handed in by the end of the month. They say I've passed in writing and I should be able to give that to the Met Police and get a training start date. It's just a matter of getting the world done now basically.
OK, this has run a bit longer than I thought it would so I'm calling it here. Not much should happen between now and tomorrow so I'll cover buying stuff from London auction houses and selling it on eBay tomorrow.
Going to go see if I can't play a match or two of Hearthstone, which is about the only game I can play on this toy laptop, and then get on with some college work...as soon as I reply to that email from my lady friend. xD
Have a good one.
07/10/2014
You Know It's Going To Be A Good Day...
...when upon waking up you find a 10 quid note someone dropped and no one claims. :D
Got a Subway for breakfast, had some coke flavored caffeine called Monster Assault, tasty stuff, bought some caffeine pills, listened to some Dresden Files: Wight Night [that's what it should be called so unless you write it down it sounds like 'White Knight' or good hero instead of 'Wight Night' or soul vampire night], had a shower, got to the library and now just procrastinating before doing some college work.
Didn't go running last night because last weekend really did a number on me, I left it too late, and today I feel great, so go do an epic run tomorrow and it'll be far more productive.
Kinda annoyed at the skin on my hands at the moment because they got freeze dried by the cold autumnal air and the epidermis is dry and tight. Freaking annoying, though minor relief comes from licking them. Need some moisturizer or something but I hate how oily that shit makes my hands for hours. I once tried to power through that shit though and my knuckles are badly scarred from where the skin dried out and cracked and bled so.
Currently trying to listen to My Chemical Romance's final album called 'Conventional Weapons' which I've only found one or two good songs on - Boy Division and Kiss the Ring. The rest are just awful bland things which only serve to evidence that some bands should bow out before their fire burns out.
There is some pop music out currently which is sticking in my head, but I've no clue what the songs are called, only heard them when moving between shops which play the stuff, and have no desire to wade through the utter crap in the top 40 to find maybe two or three songs total which appeal to me.
Lady friend is kinda annoying me at the moment because sometimes she seems hot and sometimes she seems cold and I'm not sure where I stand, and I hate not knowing where I stand. Of course this laptop is slowly reducing my care of anything which isn't pure information.
The way my brain works is semi-psychopathic; I see the world as an assemblage of information. I don't usually feel emotion, not because I can't, but because there's so much momentum behind my thoughts that I get into specific head spaces of mental thought, and analysis and deduction of incoming and outgoing information is one of my favorite head spaces. I could be emotional, or I could be creative, or I could be rational, or whatever depending on what I focus on. To get work done, to interact with computers, to play games, I don't feel emotion or use imagination, I just see, think and do. And that's where my head's at right now.
For relationships of any sort this is problematic as my lady friend talks to me and I try to rationalize and solve what she is saying instead of caring. And when she's not talking to me and off doing other stuff I don't really care about her existence. I probably should care really, but I don't because I'm occupying a head space that makes me hyperational and want to be there instead of worrying about relationship bull shit.
I'd do very well to find someone who understands this sort of thing, has as much intelligence [roughly defined as memory, deductive ability, etc.], and can run in the same sort of mode and doesn't expect me to be all warm and caring and isn't all warm and caring when on the job.
The issue of course is that I'm so weird that my sort of weirdness isn't prolific enough to make finding someone like me likely. I have to try to make do with what is available in the human population.
My lady friend isn't an ideal mate, but I don't know anyone else that's better at the moment. That's the basis of most human relationships really. Imperfect but what you've got to work with.
No call back from the recruitment company the job center referred me to last week. Going to go see them tomorrow morning before checking in with the job center.
Watching S08E03 of Doctor Who. The Promised Land is starting to reveal itself, which is interesting, and the bickering between The Doctor and Robin Hood was funny. The issue is that I've seen multiple versions of the Robin Hood tale, including the Kevin Costner full motion picture, and found it a bit lackluster so. It's still not quite matching up to the first episode of the series though. Started on a high note, and the last few episodes will probably be excellent, but the center seems a bit underwhelming.
A while back when I had nothing to use but my iPhone I got into using an online forum called Reddit.
Normally I am loath to use forums because the people who use them have the mental functions of pet rocks and the moderators are a breed of Nazi that believes that if they can get away with it then who the fuck cares about rationality or reason when they can abuse their power and ban you for breathing.
However, since I started using it, apart from the occasional troll, being banned once for 'Slap Fighting' from Ask Reddit because a flamebaiter kept harassing me*, and once being accused of stealing porno pictures and reposting them on Tumblr and infringing on copyright theft** I've enjoyed using the site overall.
* Yeah, I got banned because someone went through my post history posting insulting and nasty replies when all I said to him was that I was not going to engage him and asked him why he was doing it. Like I said, mods are universally assholes who don't care about contextual circumstances. It's in their job description to not give a fuck.
** I do repost porn pictures from a subreddit called Gone Wild on Tumblr under another name, but only ever 1 image from any one person, I link to where I found it, and the people who post them don't give a flying fuck about who downloads and reposts them elsewhere anyway.
One of the subreddits is called No Sleep, and it's where people post scary and creepy stories from a first person perspective. OK, so it's rules [each subreddit has it's own ruleset] are retarded because you can't say...
"Good story, but insert critique of your narrative and compliment on structure here."
...without it being removed by the mods. You have to go use NoSleepOOC for that. No, in the subreddit itself you have to act like all the stories are totally legit and the posters are talking about real events as a form of ongoing roleplay. It's stupid, retarded, and ill conducive to proper feedback on creative work, but, like with Wikipedia, I have no control to make idiots grow the fuck up and see reason, so I live with it.
The reason I mention it is because what I thought would be a good idea some time ago is to turn the stories in No Sleep into anthology collections, books which could be constructed with artwork and sold in shops and online as eBooks, via Kindle and that maybe.
Some of them really are quite worth the read, and the entire process isn't that complicated for someone already trained in the design of computer games and their concomitant artistic assets.
You simply built the necessary artwork in photoshop, collect and edit together a whole bunch of stories once you have the authorization of their authors, and then publish the book via Lulu or any one of the self-publishing websites who take your money and publication dat and hand you a printed book in bulks of a thousand or so.
When I posted this I naturally started at the above base principles and got in return from other users a whole bunch of utter tripe way beyond a base concept about contracts and royalties and how it's a far better thing for a single author to seek self-publication [a hellish task which I understand requires 10,000 pitches and ten times that many rewrites or more before someone says yes, we'll take this] rather than contribute to a collected anthology, as though a novice writer doesn't need nor want to appear beside other works which encourage people to buy the volume because they know one writer and get recognition and cred.
I mean, I even got told by some stupid bastard that any author with brains wouldn't use a publisher or contribute to an anthology because the professional job role of publishers is to make money off the work of creative people.
Which is entirely true, if you take away a publisher's entire functioning workload of finding halfway decent authors, collating and editing their work, ensuring they deliver on time, making sure their work is advertised and distributed properly, etc. etc. Ya know, the entire role of administration of a creative work doesn't need to be paid for, and every author is naturally skilled in the task without any outside aid whatsoever.
I am a games designer and I design games. When you have publishers or anyone else, including programmers or artists, trying to do my job, they cock it up royally because they are not skilled in the task like I am. Likewise I don't really care about the majority of their job/s, constructing a creative artifact from a verity of sources not withstanding.
It's one thing to be a creative genius, but it's another to understand administration of creative artifacts, and someone has to pay for that service, and it's going to have to come from the revenue generated by the proliferation of the creative artifact, either to the author for doing a half assed job of it or to someone else for professional execution.
Anyway someone directed me to an eBook put together by, I think, the mods of the subreddit itself.
- http://nosleepebook.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/2014-ebook-issue-2/
I would download this and give my professional opinion on it's design, but the library I'm in doesn't allow for downloads from Mediafire [fucking idiot should not have used that when Lulu is free and available to anyone once they've made an account] but from what I remember when I checked it out on my phone a professional media designer like myself could do a lot better than this.
The point is that like most things I have an idea for making something and a lot of people show up to tell me it can't be done for a lot of bullshit reasons, think they're helping, and instead are just confirming my conviction that most of humanity needs to be fucking nurtured.
The issue I have with executing this idea here and now [apart from the obvious limitations on my time at present] is that this toy PC here can't handle running photoshop so I can't make the art assets. I can however run around No Sleep and pull together a whole bunch of stories and make a prototype then post that as a proof of concept idea on the forums.
If the authors have one iota of sense they will see my work and get on board. If they don't, and let's face it that I'm expecting that they won't, they'll go apeshit and tell me not to publish their work on the assumption that I'm trying to profit from it, because people are irrational morons.
NOTE: I'm making this note here as a preemptive I told you so [HAI DUDE FROM PAST SELF!] because from past experience I have the abilities of a prophet so I want to make it very clear that I saw this bullshit coming and have no intention of profiting from other peoples work, I'm just trying to create something here.
I'll still form the book, because if nothing else it'll look good in my portfolio as 'I made an anthology book, isn't it uber cool' even if the morons who wrote the content won't allow me to publish it so we can both profit from it's distribution out into the world.
Like I've always said, I can but try, and also like I've always said, the universe usually sneers at anything I try and tries to kill it with prejudice. Doesn't stop me from trying though, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still breathing.
Right, I need a widdle and maybe a drink and I really need to get some college work done, so I think I've rambled on enough for one day.
The above eBook and a few other projects [including buying merchandise from airport lost and abandoned luggage sales from auctions held in London, UK, and selling it on eBay] will have to wait until I have more time and money to invest in doing it.
Hope anyone reading this is having a nice day like me. :)
Got a Subway for breakfast, had some coke flavored caffeine called Monster Assault, tasty stuff, bought some caffeine pills, listened to some Dresden Files: Wight Night [that's what it should be called so unless you write it down it sounds like 'White Knight' or good hero instead of 'Wight Night' or soul vampire night], had a shower, got to the library and now just procrastinating before doing some college work.
Didn't go running last night because last weekend really did a number on me, I left it too late, and today I feel great, so go do an epic run tomorrow and it'll be far more productive.
Kinda annoyed at the skin on my hands at the moment because they got freeze dried by the cold autumnal air and the epidermis is dry and tight. Freaking annoying, though minor relief comes from licking them. Need some moisturizer or something but I hate how oily that shit makes my hands for hours. I once tried to power through that shit though and my knuckles are badly scarred from where the skin dried out and cracked and bled so.
Currently trying to listen to My Chemical Romance's final album called 'Conventional Weapons' which I've only found one or two good songs on - Boy Division and Kiss the Ring. The rest are just awful bland things which only serve to evidence that some bands should bow out before their fire burns out.
There is some pop music out currently which is sticking in my head, but I've no clue what the songs are called, only heard them when moving between shops which play the stuff, and have no desire to wade through the utter crap in the top 40 to find maybe two or three songs total which appeal to me.
Lady friend is kinda annoying me at the moment because sometimes she seems hot and sometimes she seems cold and I'm not sure where I stand, and I hate not knowing where I stand. Of course this laptop is slowly reducing my care of anything which isn't pure information.
The way my brain works is semi-psychopathic; I see the world as an assemblage of information. I don't usually feel emotion, not because I can't, but because there's so much momentum behind my thoughts that I get into specific head spaces of mental thought, and analysis and deduction of incoming and outgoing information is one of my favorite head spaces. I could be emotional, or I could be creative, or I could be rational, or whatever depending on what I focus on. To get work done, to interact with computers, to play games, I don't feel emotion or use imagination, I just see, think and do. And that's where my head's at right now.
For relationships of any sort this is problematic as my lady friend talks to me and I try to rationalize and solve what she is saying instead of caring. And when she's not talking to me and off doing other stuff I don't really care about her existence. I probably should care really, but I don't because I'm occupying a head space that makes me hyperational and want to be there instead of worrying about relationship bull shit.
I'd do very well to find someone who understands this sort of thing, has as much intelligence [roughly defined as memory, deductive ability, etc.], and can run in the same sort of mode and doesn't expect me to be all warm and caring and isn't all warm and caring when on the job.
The issue of course is that I'm so weird that my sort of weirdness isn't prolific enough to make finding someone like me likely. I have to try to make do with what is available in the human population.
My lady friend isn't an ideal mate, but I don't know anyone else that's better at the moment. That's the basis of most human relationships really. Imperfect but what you've got to work with.
No call back from the recruitment company the job center referred me to last week. Going to go see them tomorrow morning before checking in with the job center.
Watching S08E03 of Doctor Who. The Promised Land is starting to reveal itself, which is interesting, and the bickering between The Doctor and Robin Hood was funny. The issue is that I've seen multiple versions of the Robin Hood tale, including the Kevin Costner full motion picture, and found it a bit lackluster so. It's still not quite matching up to the first episode of the series though. Started on a high note, and the last few episodes will probably be excellent, but the center seems a bit underwhelming.
A while back when I had nothing to use but my iPhone I got into using an online forum called Reddit.
Normally I am loath to use forums because the people who use them have the mental functions of pet rocks and the moderators are a breed of Nazi that believes that if they can get away with it then who the fuck cares about rationality or reason when they can abuse their power and ban you for breathing.
However, since I started using it, apart from the occasional troll, being banned once for 'Slap Fighting' from Ask Reddit because a flamebaiter kept harassing me*, and once being accused of stealing porno pictures and reposting them on Tumblr and infringing on copyright theft** I've enjoyed using the site overall.
* Yeah, I got banned because someone went through my post history posting insulting and nasty replies when all I said to him was that I was not going to engage him and asked him why he was doing it. Like I said, mods are universally assholes who don't care about contextual circumstances. It's in their job description to not give a fuck.
** I do repost porn pictures from a subreddit called Gone Wild on Tumblr under another name, but only ever 1 image from any one person, I link to where I found it, and the people who post them don't give a flying fuck about who downloads and reposts them elsewhere anyway.
One of the subreddits is called No Sleep, and it's where people post scary and creepy stories from a first person perspective. OK, so it's rules [each subreddit has it's own ruleset] are retarded because you can't say...
"Good story, but insert critique of your narrative and compliment on structure here."
...without it being removed by the mods. You have to go use NoSleepOOC for that. No, in the subreddit itself you have to act like all the stories are totally legit and the posters are talking about real events as a form of ongoing roleplay. It's stupid, retarded, and ill conducive to proper feedback on creative work, but, like with Wikipedia, I have no control to make idiots grow the fuck up and see reason, so I live with it.
The reason I mention it is because what I thought would be a good idea some time ago is to turn the stories in No Sleep into anthology collections, books which could be constructed with artwork and sold in shops and online as eBooks, via Kindle and that maybe.
Some of them really are quite worth the read, and the entire process isn't that complicated for someone already trained in the design of computer games and their concomitant artistic assets.
You simply built the necessary artwork in photoshop, collect and edit together a whole bunch of stories once you have the authorization of their authors, and then publish the book via Lulu or any one of the self-publishing websites who take your money and publication dat and hand you a printed book in bulks of a thousand or so.
When I posted this I naturally started at the above base principles and got in return from other users a whole bunch of utter tripe way beyond a base concept about contracts and royalties and how it's a far better thing for a single author to seek self-publication [a hellish task which I understand requires 10,000 pitches and ten times that many rewrites or more before someone says yes, we'll take this] rather than contribute to a collected anthology, as though a novice writer doesn't need nor want to appear beside other works which encourage people to buy the volume because they know one writer and get recognition and cred.
I mean, I even got told by some stupid bastard that any author with brains wouldn't use a publisher or contribute to an anthology because the professional job role of publishers is to make money off the work of creative people.
Which is entirely true, if you take away a publisher's entire functioning workload of finding halfway decent authors, collating and editing their work, ensuring they deliver on time, making sure their work is advertised and distributed properly, etc. etc. Ya know, the entire role of administration of a creative work doesn't need to be paid for, and every author is naturally skilled in the task without any outside aid whatsoever.
I am a games designer and I design games. When you have publishers or anyone else, including programmers or artists, trying to do my job, they cock it up royally because they are not skilled in the task like I am. Likewise I don't really care about the majority of their job/s, constructing a creative artifact from a verity of sources not withstanding.
It's one thing to be a creative genius, but it's another to understand administration of creative artifacts, and someone has to pay for that service, and it's going to have to come from the revenue generated by the proliferation of the creative artifact, either to the author for doing a half assed job of it or to someone else for professional execution.
Anyway someone directed me to an eBook put together by, I think, the mods of the subreddit itself.
- http://nosleepebook.wordpress.com/2014/07/13/2014-ebook-issue-2/
I would download this and give my professional opinion on it's design, but the library I'm in doesn't allow for downloads from Mediafire [fucking idiot should not have used that when Lulu is free and available to anyone once they've made an account] but from what I remember when I checked it out on my phone a professional media designer like myself could do a lot better than this.
The point is that like most things I have an idea for making something and a lot of people show up to tell me it can't be done for a lot of bullshit reasons, think they're helping, and instead are just confirming my conviction that most of humanity needs to be fucking nurtured.
The issue I have with executing this idea here and now [apart from the obvious limitations on my time at present] is that this toy PC here can't handle running photoshop so I can't make the art assets. I can however run around No Sleep and pull together a whole bunch of stories and make a prototype then post that as a proof of concept idea on the forums.
If the authors have one iota of sense they will see my work and get on board. If they don't, and let's face it that I'm expecting that they won't, they'll go apeshit and tell me not to publish their work on the assumption that I'm trying to profit from it, because people are irrational morons.
NOTE: I'm making this note here as a preemptive I told you so [HAI DUDE FROM PAST SELF!] because from past experience I have the abilities of a prophet so I want to make it very clear that I saw this bullshit coming and have no intention of profiting from other peoples work, I'm just trying to create something here.
I'll still form the book, because if nothing else it'll look good in my portfolio as 'I made an anthology book, isn't it uber cool' even if the morons who wrote the content won't allow me to publish it so we can both profit from it's distribution out into the world.
Like I've always said, I can but try, and also like I've always said, the universe usually sneers at anything I try and tries to kill it with prejudice. Doesn't stop me from trying though, as evidenced by the fact that I'm still breathing.
Right, I need a widdle and maybe a drink and I really need to get some college work done, so I think I've rambled on enough for one day.
The above eBook and a few other projects [including buying merchandise from airport lost and abandoned luggage sales from auctions held in London, UK, and selling it on eBay] will have to wait until I have more time and money to invest in doing it.
Hope anyone reading this is having a nice day like me. :)
06/10/2014
Going Apeshit, not Just for the Apes...
In the blur of stress, hunger and tiredness at the end of last week I totally lost it when replying to my course tutor for the Certificate in Basic Policing Course. I mean, I just let him have it, swearing included. Fuuuck, lol.
He mailed me this morning about not liking my tone and attitude so, now that I've got my shit together, I sent him one back, still angry as ever loving fuck but this time precise and explanatory. Long story short he eventually accepted that I have no control over what the job center orders me to do and gave me time to get my college work done.
I mean, like I've been posting, someone turns around and tells you in detail about the crap he's being put through, it's hard to argue with him.
Point is that I think I've got the college off my back and can get my coursework done now. Don't have to see the job center until Wednesday so we'll see how that goes. And haven't been called by the recruitment company yet. Had sleep. Had food. Even had entertainment as I've downloaded some of the new Doctor Who and watched that whilst eating. I'm fine, for the moment. So long as nothing else goes wrong.
This also means I've not got a lot to write about, except maybe Doctor Who...so why not...
First though, check out a musician called Kraddy on YouTube. He did a RMX for a band I like called The Used, on a track called Put Me Out. Fucking epic tune.
I checked out some of his other work, and though some of it is a wee bit too far into the Drum and Base genre than I'd like, some of it is rather well suited between melodic rage RAWR music and heart beat thumping exercise music.The best music is that which makes me want to tear apart a thick sheet of steel, and practically gives me the power to do it. That's what you need around mile 10 during a 20 mile sprint.
Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park did epically with his RMX of one of their own songs called Victimized. Same thing; thumping based, speed, power, but with grace that makes you wanna summon fire and lay waste to quick deadly shadows like a flame throwing ninja mage. YEH.
Right Doctor Who. New Doctor. Old Doctor. I said before, either here or on Twitter, I can't remember which, that I really enjoyed S08E01, and I did. It's well written, well filmed, well presented and the older doctor makes sense given the over arching theme that he's effectively dying for the last time and this serves as his epitaph. When he said 'Oooh, I'm Scottish' that was all kinds of awesome and I laughed heartily.
S08E02 on the other hand was slightly less awesome, but it made it's point. A reflection of the doctors own mind, though the point is a tad bit tired now. We know he's a destroyer of worlds, we've been over this, and shining light on it again, even if it fits in with the tone and theme of the season, is a bit repetitive.
The women, can't remember her name, who seems to run Heaven, whatever that actually is, is very interesting, and as usual, I'm tearing out chest hair [I'm bald :P ] trying to work out who the hell she is and what's happening to those people.
The other question, which will probably be the S08 cliffhanger, naturally, is of course how they're going to continue the Doctor Who franchise after this season. Either they'll give him a new set of regenerations [though it's a bit obvious], pull the Doctor from an old time frame into the new and sort of reboot the series, or actually kill 'The Doctor' [or let him die anyway] and then introduce an entirely new [and possibly female] Timelord [he had a daughter at some point who is out in the universe somewhere so].
Those are my guesses at where they could go, but they'll probably think of something.
Point is that I take back what I said about the older actor and approve of this new Doctor, but I'm only two episodes in and if they fail to deliver as the episodes go on then I may change my mind. GG so far.
It's fucking epic to finally have access to uTorrents though. I restored The Dresden Files onto my MP3 player and can now listen to any of those on the move again. Still need to download better copies of a couple of The Iron Druid Chronicles, all of Harry Potter and The Discworld, but that's not impossible, just time consuming. Easiest to simply download the next few books of the series I'm listening to [currently on book 10 of Dresden, and have 11 and 12 on the device waiting] and then grab new ones when I near the end of the last book. Eventually I'll have my library fully restored again that way without spending hours and hours doing nothing but downloading audiobooks. :)
[SIDE NOTE: I swear Cowl is Justin Du Mourne and Kumori is Elaine Mallory. It makes so much damn sense with the attack on Arc Angel, Elaine being near the mad fae Queen, Nemesis having a hand in both the death of Harry's mother (by way of Lord Wraith) and the imprisoning of Harry's God Mother for the events of Grave Peril, and how Elaine showed up during Wight Night to report on events to Cowl as his agent caused the destruction of two thirds of the White Court, etc. etc.]
About time I went and did some college work if I want to go running tonight, when I hope it's not bloody raining. Got plenty of salad and things to eat, rent's paid, laundry is done, and so long as I keep up with my job center meetings and do my college work I should be OK in a few weeks.
If I do the work.
If I do the work because I keep procrastinating.
Goin...
He mailed me this morning about not liking my tone and attitude so, now that I've got my shit together, I sent him one back, still angry as ever loving fuck but this time precise and explanatory. Long story short he eventually accepted that I have no control over what the job center orders me to do and gave me time to get my college work done.
I mean, like I've been posting, someone turns around and tells you in detail about the crap he's being put through, it's hard to argue with him.
Point is that I think I've got the college off my back and can get my coursework done now. Don't have to see the job center until Wednesday so we'll see how that goes. And haven't been called by the recruitment company yet. Had sleep. Had food. Even had entertainment as I've downloaded some of the new Doctor Who and watched that whilst eating. I'm fine, for the moment. So long as nothing else goes wrong.
This also means I've not got a lot to write about, except maybe Doctor Who...so why not...
First though, check out a musician called Kraddy on YouTube. He did a RMX for a band I like called The Used, on a track called Put Me Out. Fucking epic tune.
I checked out some of his other work, and though some of it is a wee bit too far into the Drum and Base genre than I'd like, some of it is rather well suited between melodic rage RAWR music and heart beat thumping exercise music.The best music is that which makes me want to tear apart a thick sheet of steel, and practically gives me the power to do it. That's what you need around mile 10 during a 20 mile sprint.
Mike Shinoda of Linkin Park did epically with his RMX of one of their own songs called Victimized. Same thing; thumping based, speed, power, but with grace that makes you wanna summon fire and lay waste to quick deadly shadows like a flame throwing ninja mage. YEH.
Right Doctor Who. New Doctor. Old Doctor. I said before, either here or on Twitter, I can't remember which, that I really enjoyed S08E01, and I did. It's well written, well filmed, well presented and the older doctor makes sense given the over arching theme that he's effectively dying for the last time and this serves as his epitaph. When he said 'Oooh, I'm Scottish' that was all kinds of awesome and I laughed heartily.
S08E02 on the other hand was slightly less awesome, but it made it's point. A reflection of the doctors own mind, though the point is a tad bit tired now. We know he's a destroyer of worlds, we've been over this, and shining light on it again, even if it fits in with the tone and theme of the season, is a bit repetitive.
The women, can't remember her name, who seems to run Heaven, whatever that actually is, is very interesting, and as usual, I'm tearing out chest hair [I'm bald :P ] trying to work out who the hell she is and what's happening to those people.
The other question, which will probably be the S08 cliffhanger, naturally, is of course how they're going to continue the Doctor Who franchise after this season. Either they'll give him a new set of regenerations [though it's a bit obvious], pull the Doctor from an old time frame into the new and sort of reboot the series, or actually kill 'The Doctor' [or let him die anyway] and then introduce an entirely new [and possibly female] Timelord [he had a daughter at some point who is out in the universe somewhere so].
Those are my guesses at where they could go, but they'll probably think of something.
Point is that I take back what I said about the older actor and approve of this new Doctor, but I'm only two episodes in and if they fail to deliver as the episodes go on then I may change my mind. GG so far.
It's fucking epic to finally have access to uTorrents though. I restored The Dresden Files onto my MP3 player and can now listen to any of those on the move again. Still need to download better copies of a couple of The Iron Druid Chronicles, all of Harry Potter and The Discworld, but that's not impossible, just time consuming. Easiest to simply download the next few books of the series I'm listening to [currently on book 10 of Dresden, and have 11 and 12 on the device waiting] and then grab new ones when I near the end of the last book. Eventually I'll have my library fully restored again that way without spending hours and hours doing nothing but downloading audiobooks. :)
[SIDE NOTE: I swear Cowl is Justin Du Mourne and Kumori is Elaine Mallory. It makes so much damn sense with the attack on Arc Angel, Elaine being near the mad fae Queen, Nemesis having a hand in both the death of Harry's mother (by way of Lord Wraith) and the imprisoning of Harry's God Mother for the events of Grave Peril, and how Elaine showed up during Wight Night to report on events to Cowl as his agent caused the destruction of two thirds of the White Court, etc. etc.]
About time I went and did some college work if I want to go running tonight, when I hope it's not bloody raining. Got plenty of salad and things to eat, rent's paid, laundry is done, and so long as I keep up with my job center meetings and do my college work I should be OK in a few weeks.
If I do the work.
If I do the work because I keep procrastinating.
Goin...
05/10/2014
And Here We Are...
Well, that's one way to do things I guess.
Got in on Friday, went straight to bed without eating anything and slept hard for 12:30 hours. Woke up, ate a fuck ton of bacon and tomato pasta, showered, half shaved, ate another fuck ton of tomato and bacon pasta, flirted some with crush who's just started to report her physically and mentally abusive ex to the police [...I'm a hot smart guy and the sanest nicest girl I've had an ongoing conversation and flirtation with in almost 30 years of existence is attractive, online, and has some sort of kidney syndrome and has been tortured by her exs... *pauses and reflects on life for a bit*...that sounds like my life alright...], crashed back into bed for another 12 hours and found my iPhone had been unplugged about five minuets after I passed out because someone else just OH SO NEEDED to use my fucking charger and didn't have the fucking manners to plug mine back in after they collected their device some 11 hours ago, so charged it and went to finish off my hygienic routine.
Now showered, shaved, brushed, dressed, looking forward to tomorrow when I'll have another handful of coin to buy food with, and sitting in McDonalds, slightly paranoid about the staff either a] freaking that I'm downloading audiobook torrents [I bought my library 2 PC's ago, and I refuse to pay for that shit again, even if I had the fucking money] or b] kicking me out for not ordering food because firstly I lack funds and secondly the library is shut today so I can't go there and use the wifi.
And yes, you can download torrents on public networks which block torrent websites and proxy websites. All you need is a phone with an internet browser that can access the torrent websites [they don't block them on phones as you can't download a torrent client like uTorrent so there's no point], then you copy the magnet link off the page and email it to yourself, access your email on your laptop, copy the magnet link, go into uTorrent, click on menu, insert torrent from magnet link, paste, enter, and then wait as you get 1mb per second speed per torrent on their network, hahaha. :P
Like I said, I've no issue with torrents. Mostly because I use them, as now, to rebuild my library of media that I paid for and downloaded years ago. But also because the fact is that people who subscribe to TV services [Sky, Netflix, whatever] and are stupid enough or morale enough to pay for copies of the media have already paid for the TV I download, AND the people who produce copies of the media itself overcharge for it in a rather greedy manner [go check out the prices of Star Trek episodes, long since paid off for production costs, and you'll see that they're priced like brand new modern TV shows].
I hate most computer games [despite being something of an expert in their design, or should I say BECAUSE I'm an expert in their design] so I don't rip those off, and the last music I bought was Linkin Park's newest, which I paid for, simply because I'm not a big music fan. And movies I see in a cinema for about £5.00 each, not including snax, and never watch them more than once.
That only leaves software, which, let's face it, is only actually cost effective if you're a business. MS Office should be included in Windows like Firefox and Windows Media Player [efficient effective software that gets the job done], Photoshop ain't fucking worth £1000.00, ditto for MS Visual Studio, and beyond those I don't usually use much else to write games thesis info [back when I had time to busy myself with such things] and keep my online ID portfolio reasonable [the ID which isn't connected to this blog].
In my book it isn't media piracy if you can't afford to pay for the product or those selling it over charge for it or, as is the case with TV, if you had a TV and a widely available HDD-TV-Rec device you could pay 30 a month and record several entire series onto the box for about £5.00 each or less.
Call it a crass rationalization if ya like, but I'm happy with it and no one complains to me about it, probably because a] I'm not a torrent website, and b] I'm not even a drop in the sea of people who do it.
Given my shitty existence, this is the least the world owes me in my opinion.
Anyway, back to reality; I feels a lot better than I did, I'm going to go do some college work next, more tomorrow and possibly some on Tuesday depending on when this recruitment company call me to meet an employer. Unlike the end of Friday I'm much better set up physically and mentally to deal with that shit now so that's OK. Just got to try to get my college work done ASAP and hope the Police still have some room to take me by the time I get the work done.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking livid, I still find this bullshit unfair, and if anyone asks me anything I let them know all about it because usually the person asking has fucking contributed to this shitstorm [looking at you Lambeth fucking College], but like I said over the last couple of days, no one gives a flying fuck, they just tell me to do things and I try to do em.
All I can do is try to make progress and hope my efforts go some ways to moving me out from under this flying crap.
Think I'm about done here, or at least I've run out of stuff to type. Going to go play a little Hearthstone, murder two black women who're laughing LOUDLY two seats over, and do college work till around 10 tonight, get up and pay rent, do laundry, and then go the library and do more college work until I get a phone call.
On and on and on...
Got in on Friday, went straight to bed without eating anything and slept hard for 12:30 hours. Woke up, ate a fuck ton of bacon and tomato pasta, showered, half shaved, ate another fuck ton of tomato and bacon pasta, flirted some with crush who's just started to report her physically and mentally abusive ex to the police [...I'm a hot smart guy and the sanest nicest girl I've had an ongoing conversation and flirtation with in almost 30 years of existence is attractive, online, and has some sort of kidney syndrome and has been tortured by her exs... *pauses and reflects on life for a bit*...that sounds like my life alright...], crashed back into bed for another 12 hours and found my iPhone had been unplugged about five minuets after I passed out because someone else just OH SO NEEDED to use my fucking charger and didn't have the fucking manners to plug mine back in after they collected their device some 11 hours ago, so charged it and went to finish off my hygienic routine.
Now showered, shaved, brushed, dressed, looking forward to tomorrow when I'll have another handful of coin to buy food with, and sitting in McDonalds, slightly paranoid about the staff either a] freaking that I'm downloading audiobook torrents [I bought my library 2 PC's ago, and I refuse to pay for that shit again, even if I had the fucking money] or b] kicking me out for not ordering food because firstly I lack funds and secondly the library is shut today so I can't go there and use the wifi.
And yes, you can download torrents on public networks which block torrent websites and proxy websites. All you need is a phone with an internet browser that can access the torrent websites [they don't block them on phones as you can't download a torrent client like uTorrent so there's no point], then you copy the magnet link off the page and email it to yourself, access your email on your laptop, copy the magnet link, go into uTorrent, click on menu, insert torrent from magnet link, paste, enter, and then wait as you get 1mb per second speed per torrent on their network, hahaha. :P
Like I said, I've no issue with torrents. Mostly because I use them, as now, to rebuild my library of media that I paid for and downloaded years ago. But also because the fact is that people who subscribe to TV services [Sky, Netflix, whatever] and are stupid enough or morale enough to pay for copies of the media have already paid for the TV I download, AND the people who produce copies of the media itself overcharge for it in a rather greedy manner [go check out the prices of Star Trek episodes, long since paid off for production costs, and you'll see that they're priced like brand new modern TV shows].
I hate most computer games [despite being something of an expert in their design, or should I say BECAUSE I'm an expert in their design] so I don't rip those off, and the last music I bought was Linkin Park's newest, which I paid for, simply because I'm not a big music fan. And movies I see in a cinema for about £5.00 each, not including snax, and never watch them more than once.
That only leaves software, which, let's face it, is only actually cost effective if you're a business. MS Office should be included in Windows like Firefox and Windows Media Player [efficient effective software that gets the job done], Photoshop ain't fucking worth £1000.00, ditto for MS Visual Studio, and beyond those I don't usually use much else to write games thesis info [back when I had time to busy myself with such things] and keep my online ID portfolio reasonable [the ID which isn't connected to this blog].
In my book it isn't media piracy if you can't afford to pay for the product or those selling it over charge for it or, as is the case with TV, if you had a TV and a widely available HDD-TV-Rec device you could pay 30 a month and record several entire series onto the box for about £5.00 each or less.
Call it a crass rationalization if ya like, but I'm happy with it and no one complains to me about it, probably because a] I'm not a torrent website, and b] I'm not even a drop in the sea of people who do it.
Given my shitty existence, this is the least the world owes me in my opinion.
Anyway, back to reality; I feels a lot better than I did, I'm going to go do some college work next, more tomorrow and possibly some on Tuesday depending on when this recruitment company call me to meet an employer. Unlike the end of Friday I'm much better set up physically and mentally to deal with that shit now so that's OK. Just got to try to get my college work done ASAP and hope the Police still have some room to take me by the time I get the work done.
Don't get me wrong, I'm still fucking livid, I still find this bullshit unfair, and if anyone asks me anything I let them know all about it because usually the person asking has fucking contributed to this shitstorm [looking at you Lambeth fucking College], but like I said over the last couple of days, no one gives a flying fuck, they just tell me to do things and I try to do em.
All I can do is try to make progress and hope my efforts go some ways to moving me out from under this flying crap.
Think I'm about done here, or at least I've run out of stuff to type. Going to go play a little Hearthstone, murder two black women who're laughing LOUDLY two seats over, and do college work till around 10 tonight, get up and pay rent, do laundry, and then go the library and do more college work until I get a phone call.
On and on and on...
04/10/2014
Lets See How This Shit Pans Out
Well, that was an even more unpleasant interlude...
...Good morning.
It is now Saturday morning. I'm sitting in the basement of the current hostel I'm living in and writing this in Notepad due to lack of hostel wifi.
Just slept for about twelve and a half hours, and the only thing I've been able to get hold of so far to undo the dehydration and hunger is a couple of litres of Summer Fruits squish.
I would have bacon pasta but this hostel provides guests with breakfast from 7-9 then closes the kitchen 9-10, and they've run over so I won't be able to make breakfast for about another hour as it's 9:30.
The girl I'm currently into sent me a pussy video to go with her tit pic I got a couple of weeks ago. It's a really nice pussy to go with her nice tits (and matching kinks) and I feel is worth the effort to try to get bits of me into, but hospitalization has meant she had to gain quite a bit of weight [Doctors don't like you to eat whilst they're working on you, and you're body burns fat whilst you're healing, so they told her to turn into a killer whale before her operation] so we'll be getting her to a gym when she's healthy before I lose my 30 year old virgin card.
It's more or less what I was looking for; she's a friend I can have sex with, who I can talk to, who understands and gives a crap about me, who has a body I'm attracted to.
She's a bit weird [what human isn't to me], oddly shy, can't argue and a bit too girly, and doesn't like to tell me some things because of her abusive ex who used that information against her, whereas to me it's just information, no matter how personal or intimate, it's just 1's and 0's.
We get along because she can tell me anything and I just analyze it and reply, and she doesn't get weirded out when my brain decides to overthink and expound upon some odd notion only a genius would find curious.
I wouldn't say we're a match made in heaven. I need and want someone way more stronger, personally and physically, for a long term relationship, then she is, but for my first sexual and personal relationship at my age, she fits.
That's the good news: sexy times on the horizon.
The bad news is that [I've no freaking clue what my last post was about right now and can't check as it's saved online] the job center have decided to refer me to this job recruitment company who I saw for the first time yesterday.
They gave me an inch thick stack of forms, I filled these out, and they said that early next week that they will phone me to come in and meet an employer for an interview.
On the one hand, if this pans out, and that's a big fucking IF because the job center's referrals are usually a waste of time, and I'd know because I've had them before, I'll be employed within a couple of weeks and earning some much needed monies to restore all of my broken and aging shit before finishing my application to the police and getting on with that.
On the other hand, what I'm expecting here is for a lot of my time to be wasted as they shove exercises in futility down my throat as I desperately try to get my college work done and my police application finished and finalized.
I'm still fucking livid that, at the finish, some new bullshit I can't do anything about is standing between me and victory, but a] I cannot indeed do anything about it but cooperate, and b] if it does pan out then it'll only slow me down whilst making shit easier.
It's annoying, tiring and probably futile, but...what can I do?
So, back to today...
Got 12:30 hours sleep, as soon as the cleaners are done in the kitchen I'm going to eat my weight in tastie pasta, and then go and shower and shave.
After that I go find some wifi, post this, and then do as much college work as I'm able.
Tomorrow, same thing more or less.
Monday and Tuesday, rent and laundry, do college work and then check in with the job center again on Wednesday and wait for a call from the recruitment company.
I've already spoken to my college course tutor and told him the situation - I basically said, I know what needs to be done, I don't have time to do it though, it's partly your fault so don't you dare complain about it, I'll get back to you - and yeah, it's just a matter of time until it's sorted, one way or the other.
Recover and keep trying. Usual crap.
It's 10am and I've run out of mental gas so I'm going to go see about something edible.
Till tomorrow, adue.
...Good morning.
It is now Saturday morning. I'm sitting in the basement of the current hostel I'm living in and writing this in Notepad due to lack of hostel wifi.
Just slept for about twelve and a half hours, and the only thing I've been able to get hold of so far to undo the dehydration and hunger is a couple of litres of Summer Fruits squish.
I would have bacon pasta but this hostel provides guests with breakfast from 7-9 then closes the kitchen 9-10, and they've run over so I won't be able to make breakfast for about another hour as it's 9:30.
The girl I'm currently into sent me a pussy video to go with her tit pic I got a couple of weeks ago. It's a really nice pussy to go with her nice tits (and matching kinks) and I feel is worth the effort to try to get bits of me into, but hospitalization has meant she had to gain quite a bit of weight [Doctors don't like you to eat whilst they're working on you, and you're body burns fat whilst you're healing, so they told her to turn into a killer whale before her operation] so we'll be getting her to a gym when she's healthy before I lose my 30 year old virgin card.
It's more or less what I was looking for; she's a friend I can have sex with, who I can talk to, who understands and gives a crap about me, who has a body I'm attracted to.
She's a bit weird [what human isn't to me], oddly shy, can't argue and a bit too girly, and doesn't like to tell me some things because of her abusive ex who used that information against her, whereas to me it's just information, no matter how personal or intimate, it's just 1's and 0's.
We get along because she can tell me anything and I just analyze it and reply, and she doesn't get weirded out when my brain decides to overthink and expound upon some odd notion only a genius would find curious.
I wouldn't say we're a match made in heaven. I need and want someone way more stronger, personally and physically, for a long term relationship, then she is, but for my first sexual and personal relationship at my age, she fits.
That's the good news: sexy times on the horizon.
The bad news is that [I've no freaking clue what my last post was about right now and can't check as it's saved online] the job center have decided to refer me to this job recruitment company who I saw for the first time yesterday.
They gave me an inch thick stack of forms, I filled these out, and they said that early next week that they will phone me to come in and meet an employer for an interview.
On the one hand, if this pans out, and that's a big fucking IF because the job center's referrals are usually a waste of time, and I'd know because I've had them before, I'll be employed within a couple of weeks and earning some much needed monies to restore all of my broken and aging shit before finishing my application to the police and getting on with that.
On the other hand, what I'm expecting here is for a lot of my time to be wasted as they shove exercises in futility down my throat as I desperately try to get my college work done and my police application finished and finalized.
I'm still fucking livid that, at the finish, some new bullshit I can't do anything about is standing between me and victory, but a] I cannot indeed do anything about it but cooperate, and b] if it does pan out then it'll only slow me down whilst making shit easier.
It's annoying, tiring and probably futile, but...what can I do?
So, back to today...
Got 12:30 hours sleep, as soon as the cleaners are done in the kitchen I'm going to eat my weight in tastie pasta, and then go and shower and shave.
After that I go find some wifi, post this, and then do as much college work as I'm able.
Tomorrow, same thing more or less.
Monday and Tuesday, rent and laundry, do college work and then check in with the job center again on Wednesday and wait for a call from the recruitment company.
I've already spoken to my college course tutor and told him the situation - I basically said, I know what needs to be done, I don't have time to do it though, it's partly your fault so don't you dare complain about it, I'll get back to you - and yeah, it's just a matter of time until it's sorted, one way or the other.
Recover and keep trying. Usual crap.
It's 10am and I've run out of mental gas so I'm going to go see about something edible.
Till tomorrow, adue.
02/10/2014
*insert swearing*
...I would start off by typing swear words here, most of which would be quite inadequate to properly describe my feels, so let's go with, FUCK, and leave it at that and move onto why I feel the need for a long, long, LONG diatribe of vehement exclamation.
...
I am applying to the metropolitan police service in the city of London, England, UK.
I have passed all of their recruitment tests, done 95.86% of the certification course you need to pass in order to be accepted into police training, and done all but 16 of the questions for the closed book exams. Once I've done this last handful of task I will then be into paid training where I learn the equipment and admin side of the biz to go with my knowledge of legislation and morality instilled in me by a college in London.
I choose to join the police service because, since the economic crash, I can't get work with anyone else. I have no work history, no references, and my education, although formidable, is also uncertified self taught learning [I'm not eligible for any form of funding to get the certification anymore].
So, every two weeks I have to come into a job center in the UK, sign on and survive for another two weeks on job seekers allowance and housing benefits once I show them that I've applied for a set number of positions in the last couple of weeks [which I do because you never know your luck unless you press it]. Fine. In effective in actually finding me work [the job center staff are one step above processing computers because they never actually confirm anything I'm telling them to be true or provide me with practical advice] and I can't afford to replace any of my aging shit, but it keeps me alive.
I wake up on Wednesday and goes for epic run to check-in with job center, thinking that once done, I can get some college work done, the last 5% of the coursework, revise for my exams at the end of next week, and catch up with reviewing information in time for starting training.
That's when they hit me with an epic case of Fuck You, a technical term used here to describe the retardation of their own mandate.
You see, because my adviser...sorry, 'job coach', got it into his head that I would be quitting signing on this week [I never actually told him that] and I couldn't provide him with the precise start date of my paid training [I need to take the resit, which can't be sent to the examiners till the end of the month, they need to process my pass certificate, and then I need to give that to the police who then tell me to show up here and then for training] he now has me coming to the job center on a daily basis [according to a management command, though I think that's bullshit just so I can't blame he himself for annoying the shit out of me with daily check-ins] and is referring me to a company tomorrow who, he assures me will find me a position in a week or two [though that's bullshit, because they've already sent me to another called A4E who didn't do shit to actually help me].
So instead of getting the last of my course done using my toy PC, instead of my ancient phone, at a reasonable pace and getting the information I need to know into my head, this asshole has me seeing him daily for no actual purpose [he asks me if I've applied, I say yes, he then sends me to see a job seeker help company and that's all he does] so the best chance I've got to get into paid employment is now crippled.
I'm just gonna write this as large as I feel is reasonable to convey the stupidity here:
A COMPANY WHO'S ENTIRE GOVERNMENT MANDATE IS TO ASSIST ME INTO FINDING WORK IS TAKING AWAY/SLOWING DOWN MY BEST CHANCE TO GET INTO FULL TIME PAID TRAINING/EMPLOYMENT.
So...yeah...I got a fair bit to swear about right now.
I swear to whatever fucking gods might be reading this, when I went to do my fitness test with the police, I got ill with the first illness I had in 10 years, a fucking chest infection, and barely scraped through on no food and little sleep due to lack of money and exams the next day, right around the time I got evicted from my place of residence for more than a year.
After that I went to do the majority of the coursework for my Certificate in Basic Policing college course, and my PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of it on my phone and failed to answer a number of exam questions I'm now doing in the resit [which incidentally I have to pay for] due to a combination of not being able to work quickly enough and stress.
So I get a computer which will allow me to finish off the coursework and ace the final tests and maybe catch up a bit so when I start training I'm not so clueless as I am currently, and the fucking job center says 'ya know what, we don't believe this college course and your application to the police is worth shit, so we're going to cripple you, have you apply for jobs you won't get 5 days a week and scare the shit out of you because the only reason you're still breathing is because of us and we're now searching for an excuse to make you a starving homeless person'.
And there's no help.
There's never any help.
Chest infection, money and sleep, and eviction, well, perfect storm made up of back luck, asshole flatmates, and circumstances, OK, that was shit, but I got through it, even if the fucking fitness examiner bullied me right there and then during the test [not even kidding].
PC broken, well that could've been resolved by using the PC's at my college, but they were closed for the summer and complaining about this to my admin and course tutor had zero effect. I still have to lodge a formal complaint about that shit once I've got a bit of time to actually deal with it. I didn't know Gumtree had toy PC's for sale for £50. If I had, I would've got one months ago and go on with it, but I didn't know.
The job center is just one more event in a line of shitty events that enrages me when-during Week 10, the final official in class exam at the college, there this blond women there who was all smiles when she handed in her final test. I overheard her and the course tutor chatting and she said she had aced all the tests, done all the coursework, passed the recruitment interviews and that she'd have to tell her boss at her full time job that she was quitting next week.
I have an IQ of 175 points. My memory, my aptitude, my general mental functionality is somewhere in the genius zone. I'm creative, imaginative, witty and my advice normally borders on the prophecy from God scale as 'from his mouth to your ear'.
The trouble is, if there is just a thing as God, although I prefer to just consider existence as 'The Universe', whatever there may be behind it's design, it fucking hates me like a fine sexy promiscuous young women hates a flaming case of genital herpes.
Being brilliant matters not one fucking iota when the world does its best, at every turn, either to fuck you up or not explain why what you're doing does not work.
And there's no helping it. I can't complain to anyone, no one cares, no will change their mind. If I went into the job center tomorrow for my third appointment this week and spoke to my adviser and explained all this to him [probably several times because he's got the intellect of your PC mouse] he would shrug and say 'can't be helped' or 'it's the law' or 'I don't have any evidence of that', because he's already said, without prompting, all of those things to me this week.
No. What I've got is this: do everything he asks for. Put up with it. Try to develop the morale to get the last of my work done on the weekend and give a shit long enough to either find some temporary work [and get the adviser off my back] or finish my application with the police and give him a start date [which can't physically be done for another 23 days I believe.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't blink. I would just deal. But it doesn't stop. It doesn't end. It just keeps going. I solve one issue, I pass one test under stupid and unfair conditions with a side order of bullying or unfair treatment, and then, after the dust all hits the floor, I get hit again by something else.
Literally I said to myself 'there will be something at the end of the course which will cripple my ability to finish it, I don't know what, but it will happen' and lo, what happened?
[Library wifi cut out before I could post this so I've no idea, three days later, how I was going to end it, but I think the point is made, FML]
...
I am applying to the metropolitan police service in the city of London, England, UK.
I have passed all of their recruitment tests, done 95.86% of the certification course you need to pass in order to be accepted into police training, and done all but 16 of the questions for the closed book exams. Once I've done this last handful of task I will then be into paid training where I learn the equipment and admin side of the biz to go with my knowledge of legislation and morality instilled in me by a college in London.
I choose to join the police service because, since the economic crash, I can't get work with anyone else. I have no work history, no references, and my education, although formidable, is also uncertified self taught learning [I'm not eligible for any form of funding to get the certification anymore].
So, every two weeks I have to come into a job center in the UK, sign on and survive for another two weeks on job seekers allowance and housing benefits once I show them that I've applied for a set number of positions in the last couple of weeks [which I do because you never know your luck unless you press it]. Fine. In effective in actually finding me work [the job center staff are one step above processing computers because they never actually confirm anything I'm telling them to be true or provide me with practical advice] and I can't afford to replace any of my aging shit, but it keeps me alive.
I wake up on Wednesday and goes for epic run to check-in with job center, thinking that once done, I can get some college work done, the last 5% of the coursework, revise for my exams at the end of next week, and catch up with reviewing information in time for starting training.
That's when they hit me with an epic case of Fuck You, a technical term used here to describe the retardation of their own mandate.
You see, because my adviser...sorry, 'job coach', got it into his head that I would be quitting signing on this week [I never actually told him that] and I couldn't provide him with the precise start date of my paid training [I need to take the resit, which can't be sent to the examiners till the end of the month, they need to process my pass certificate, and then I need to give that to the police who then tell me to show up here and then for training] he now has me coming to the job center on a daily basis [according to a management command, though I think that's bullshit just so I can't blame he himself for annoying the shit out of me with daily check-ins] and is referring me to a company tomorrow who, he assures me will find me a position in a week or two [though that's bullshit, because they've already sent me to another called A4E who didn't do shit to actually help me].
So instead of getting the last of my course done using my toy PC, instead of my ancient phone, at a reasonable pace and getting the information I need to know into my head, this asshole has me seeing him daily for no actual purpose [he asks me if I've applied, I say yes, he then sends me to see a job seeker help company and that's all he does] so the best chance I've got to get into paid employment is now crippled.
I'm just gonna write this as large as I feel is reasonable to convey the stupidity here:
A COMPANY WHO'S ENTIRE GOVERNMENT MANDATE IS TO ASSIST ME INTO FINDING WORK IS TAKING AWAY/SLOWING DOWN MY BEST CHANCE TO GET INTO FULL TIME PAID TRAINING/EMPLOYMENT.
So...yeah...I got a fair bit to swear about right now.
I swear to whatever fucking gods might be reading this, when I went to do my fitness test with the police, I got ill with the first illness I had in 10 years, a fucking chest infection, and barely scraped through on no food and little sleep due to lack of money and exams the next day, right around the time I got evicted from my place of residence for more than a year.
After that I went to do the majority of the coursework for my Certificate in Basic Policing college course, and my PC broke so I ended up doing 75% of it on my phone and failed to answer a number of exam questions I'm now doing in the resit [which incidentally I have to pay for] due to a combination of not being able to work quickly enough and stress.
So I get a computer which will allow me to finish off the coursework and ace the final tests and maybe catch up a bit so when I start training I'm not so clueless as I am currently, and the fucking job center says 'ya know what, we don't believe this college course and your application to the police is worth shit, so we're going to cripple you, have you apply for jobs you won't get 5 days a week and scare the shit out of you because the only reason you're still breathing is because of us and we're now searching for an excuse to make you a starving homeless person'.
And there's no help.
There's never any help.
Chest infection, money and sleep, and eviction, well, perfect storm made up of back luck, asshole flatmates, and circumstances, OK, that was shit, but I got through it, even if the fucking fitness examiner bullied me right there and then during the test [not even kidding].
PC broken, well that could've been resolved by using the PC's at my college, but they were closed for the summer and complaining about this to my admin and course tutor had zero effect. I still have to lodge a formal complaint about that shit once I've got a bit of time to actually deal with it. I didn't know Gumtree had toy PC's for sale for £50. If I had, I would've got one months ago and go on with it, but I didn't know.
The job center is just one more event in a line of shitty events that enrages me when-during Week 10, the final official in class exam at the college, there this blond women there who was all smiles when she handed in her final test. I overheard her and the course tutor chatting and she said she had aced all the tests, done all the coursework, passed the recruitment interviews and that she'd have to tell her boss at her full time job that she was quitting next week.
I have an IQ of 175 points. My memory, my aptitude, my general mental functionality is somewhere in the genius zone. I'm creative, imaginative, witty and my advice normally borders on the prophecy from God scale as 'from his mouth to your ear'.
The trouble is, if there is just a thing as God, although I prefer to just consider existence as 'The Universe', whatever there may be behind it's design, it fucking hates me like a fine sexy promiscuous young women hates a flaming case of genital herpes.
Being brilliant matters not one fucking iota when the world does its best, at every turn, either to fuck you up or not explain why what you're doing does not work.
And there's no helping it. I can't complain to anyone, no one cares, no will change their mind. If I went into the job center tomorrow for my third appointment this week and spoke to my adviser and explained all this to him [probably several times because he's got the intellect of your PC mouse] he would shrug and say 'can't be helped' or 'it's the law' or 'I don't have any evidence of that', because he's already said, without prompting, all of those things to me this week.
No. What I've got is this: do everything he asks for. Put up with it. Try to develop the morale to get the last of my work done on the weekend and give a shit long enough to either find some temporary work [and get the adviser off my back] or finish my application with the police and give him a start date [which can't physically be done for another 23 days I believe.
Under normal conditions I wouldn't blink. I would just deal. But it doesn't stop. It doesn't end. It just keeps going. I solve one issue, I pass one test under stupid and unfair conditions with a side order of bullying or unfair treatment, and then, after the dust all hits the floor, I get hit again by something else.
Literally I said to myself 'there will be something at the end of the course which will cripple my ability to finish it, I don't know what, but it will happen' and lo, what happened?
[Library wifi cut out before I could post this so I've no idea, three days later, how I was going to end it, but I think the point is made, FML]